Anywhere But Here

by Remmy Duchene

  “The last few days have been my happiest,” John said.

  Chad turned from his book to look at John through his sunglasses.

  “They have. Thank you.”

  “For what?” Chad removed his glasses and turned his book over.

  “You have been doing all these things with me to take my mind off what is coming.” John kissed Chad’s nose then rested back onto to the mat. “I mean the attractions, this private beach—all of it.”

  “Is it working?”

  John smiled. “What do you think? I miss your guitar.”

  “Oh?”

  “You played to me while I was in my coma, right?”

  “Yes.” Chad sat up and faced John. “I played to you, sang to you, spoke to you. You know all my dark little secrets. You just don’t realize it.”

  “Dark little secrets?” John asked. “You have heads on spikes in your basement?”

  Chad laughed. “Nah. Nothing quite so gruesome.”

  “What did you talk to me about??”

  “Well.” Chad paused and glanced out over the water for a silent moment then returned his gaze to John. “My childhood, my father, my mother—how much I loved my sister.”

  “What about your father?”

  “He basically disowned my family.” Chad explained. “My mother decided after my sister was born that she wouldn’t move again. We’d spent all my life going from one country to the next for his business. I’m talking Ireland, Dubai, Amsterdam. She saw how much that affected me. So, when he wanted to move back to Canada, my mother said no. He left. Soon after that my mother started her own business to support us because my father wouldn’t. It was a great success, so we stayed. I guess my father forgot to change his will—after his passing everything he had was left for my sister and me.”

  “Wow. I am sorry.”

  “Me, too. He’s missed out on a lot. And it wasn’t fair to my mother to have to be mother and father, but she did it and it worked out.”

  “She did a marvelous job—I can tell.”

  “You’re kind.”

  “No.” John sat up before him and framed Chad’s face with his palms. “I am not just saying that. Look what you have done for me. No one else would have done all of this. You healed my body, Chad. You had no responsibility to heal my mind and my soul. Once the cuts and scrapes and broken bones were sufficiently back to normal, you could have just walked away. I am thankful for you, Chad—so thankful I do not think you will ever understand how much.”

  Chad sighed and kissed him. “I don’t know what it was about you, John. I’m not going to lie. I went into this blindly, and before I knew what was happening I was so deep in that I—I couldn’t have walked away even if I wanted to.”

  “I am glad for that. Because now I can touch you and feel you—I get to fall asleep in your arms at nights, and that is so important to me.”

  “Is that a fact? What if you find a younger, sexier man?”

  “I do not think that is possible. I get to see this body bare, and I have to say there is no other like it or better than it.”

  John dragged a hand down Chad’s body. He wanted so much to strip Chad naked right there and kiss every part of his ebony frame. But even though they were on a private beach, he wasn’t going to chance it. Accidents happen, and someone could wander by them at any time. He settled for a kiss before tapping Chad’s chest lightly. “Come into the water with me,” John said. “I know you just want to read, but I would like this with you.”

  Chad smirked. “You just want to feel me up under the water.”

  “That too.” John laughed while standing up. “Tell me you do not like that idea.”

  “I may be a lot of things, John, but a fool is not one of them.”

  John grinned and took off for the water. He could hear Chad’s footsteps charging after him, and that exhilarated him. As he stepped into the water, Chad caught him around the waist from behind and carried him straight into a large wave that covered them both. In that moment, John turned in Chad’s arms and found Chad’s cock with one hand.

  They surfaced, and Chad moaned. “Yes, I like this turn of events.”

  John grinned.

  Chapter Eighteen

  The second meeting with the Chandra family didn’t give Chad any less nerves. But, he stood back silently and watched the transactions happen. Abal chose to remain in the car, and Chad couldn’t say he blamed him. The only reason Chad even went was because John was there, and he’d be damned if he let those people alone with John. They’d show they couldn’t be trusted with John’s safety and them harming John again would make Chad burn Sri Lanka to the ground. No, he would never take that chance, ever.

  He knew John was upset. From the way John said very little, to the way he reacted to every movement his father made, Chad couldn’t wait to get John out of that environment. Once it was over, Chad exited the compound with John and Nimal flanking him. Back in the car, no one spoke. Chad took the first moment to cradle John’s face and search his eyes, before kissing him then pulling him into a hug. John exhaled long and hard like he’d been holding the breath for an eternity then sighed.

  “Thank you,” John said.

  “You’re welcome. Let’s go.”

  Nimal drove them to a diner a few minutes from the hotel and after procuring a private dining space, they all sat around the table with sweet tea and bibikkan—a form of coconut cake. It wasn’t Chad’s favorite, but that was the last thing on his mind.

  “Father gave me too much,” John said, pulling out a small bag and rummaging through it. When he found what he had been looking for, he handed it over to Chad.

  Unsure, Chad accepted the piece of paper and unfolded it. “Four hundred million rupees? What does that translate to in dollars?”

  “In American dollars, about two point five million,” Abal said.

  “Abal has always been good with numbers,” Nimal grinned. “So I will take his word for it.”

  “I read the newspaper every day,” Abal said. “I always wanted to travel, so I check the exchange rates like clockwork.”

  “That is a lot of money even for India,” John said. “I was thinking of maybe starting an English school.”

  “Really?” Nimal asked.

  “Yes.” John smiled. “I know a teacher who would be perfect at the job.”

  “Who?” Nimal asked.

  “You,” Abal said before John could.

  The group erupted in laughter.

  “Along with the money,” John said, reaching into the bag again. “I was given the house in Jaipur as a part of my inheritance. It belonged to my mother’s family. I can only guess it was her idea. If it was up to Father he would have given me something far away from Chad. Even though he is pretending to have washed his hands of my lifestyle he would much rather me not be with Chad. So, Nimal, you and Abal can have it—you can live there.”

  “Dilip.” Abal’s voice trembled. “I do not know if I can go with you. I will have nothing—no schooling, no job…”

  “Well, then, you go back to school,” Nimal said. “Father has not left me destitute. I can be your sponsor.”

  “I cannot ask you to do that,” Abal shook his head. “Especially after what my father helped yours to do to you. I feel like I…”

  “You are not asking,” John said. “We are offering. There is a difference. We wish to help. We are family. If we do not help each other who will?”

  “John’s right,” Chad said. “And count on my help too. My sister and I always wanted to start a scholarship for deserving students. You could be the first recipient.”

  A large smile spread Abal’s face. “You would do that? For me?”

  “You were good to John,” Chad said, leaning over to press a kiss to John’s head. “It’s the least I can do.”

  “I wish I could have done more,” Abal said, sadness filling his voice. “It just does not seem fair.”

  They sat silently for a moment, eating and sipping their tea. Chad
wasn’t surprised at how easy it was for Dilip’s and Nimal’s parents to toss them aside. He’d seen it happen far too many times. Gay wasn’t the only crime one could commit to be disowned by family and friends—marrying the wrong caste, speaking the wrong language, being the “wrong” Indian—all of it spelled doom for those around him.

  He sighed. “John, do you think you should contact the law firm you used to work for?”

  John shook his head. “No need. I just want to be done with this whole place.”

  “And what if your parents came to you one day and ask for forgiveness?” Chad asked.

  “They will not.” John sounded sad. “But, I will work on forgiving them for what they have done for my sake. One day I will be strong enough to say it is all water under the bridge.”

  Chad leaned in and kissed him. When he settled back in his seat, he glanced around at the others. “When do you wish to leave? Keep in mind I only have about four days left in my time off.”

  “I can leave any time,” Abal said. “I have nothing here.”

  That made Chad sad, but he nodded. “Nimal? John?”

  “I have to give in my resignation at the school,” Nimal said. “Couple of days and I will be ready.”

  “Good. John and I will use those days to take a little bit of a break. I’m more tired than when I came here.”

  “I am sorry. I suspect that is my fault,” John said.

  “No, my darling. It isn’t.”

  “Chad,” Abal said. “Do you mind if I talked to you for a little at some point?”

  “Sure.”

  Chad wasn’t sure what that conversation would be like, but if Abal wanted to talk he’d listen. With their meals enjoyed and plans set, Nimal dropped John, Abal, and Chad back at the hotel before heading off to make his final preparations in Sri Lanka. In the hotel room, Abal decided to hang with them. Though Chad wanted some alone time with John, he didn’t complain. Instead, he handed Abal the remote and headed into the bedroom and pulled John into his arms.

  “Are you happy, John?”

  John inhaled loudly and exhaled. “Yes,” he replied. “Though I would like my family in my life, they have made it painfully clear, they have no intentions of accepting what I am or even trying to. I cannot continue to live my life that way. I enjoy being in your arms, being loved by you, and I do not think I would survive letting you go.”

  “Spoken like a very smart man.” Chad nibbled against John’s neck. “If you weren’t happy, you’d say so?”

  “Yes.” John looked into his eyes. “Of course. I am about to embark on a new life with my brother and my cousin. I will create my family with people who truly love me. I cannot look back, Chad. Looking back will break me again, and this time you may not be there to put me back together again.”

  “Of course I will.” Chad said, holding John a little closer. “I’ll always be there. When I said I’m with you, I meant it. This is what I want—this, being here with you. You make me happy, you know?”

  “Even with my broken brain?”

  “You’ve made me come again and again and again…” He kissed John’s neck. “And again and again—nothing wrong with your brain, baby.”

  John laughed and smacked Chad’s arm. “You have a dirty mind.”

  “Are you complaining? If I didn’t have a dirty mind, you wouldn’t have nearly as much fun.”

  “Okay. But seriously.”

  Chad sighed. “Yeah. I know what you meant. But your brain isn’t broken—just injured, and from all the progress you’ve made since that first night, I’d say you’re on your way to it being whole again.”

  “Good. Now, is it too much to ask that you use that dirty mind of yours to come up with something freaky to do to me later tonight?”

  Chad stepped back and wiggled his brows. “Your wish is my command.”

  ****

  By the time John woke from his nap, the room had darkened. He reached over for Chad but his hand hit the empty side of the bed. Rolling over, he checked the room to find he was really alone. Taking a breath, he flopped to his back and smiled. He was finally happy after weeks of torment. Sure, he didn’t have his parents, but he had his brother and he had Abal and he had Chad—Chad, one of the sexiest men on the planet thinks John is pretty awesome. That thought spread John’s smile wider.

  The soft murmurs of a conversation drifted into the room, and John sat up. He climbed from the bed and was going to enter the living space but stopped to listen in on what was being said.

  “You must really love Dilip,” Abal was saying. “I never thought that was possible being gay. The norm around here is you grow up and you marry the woman your parents pick and life goes on. Then you have kids, and the vicious cycle continues.”

  “It shouldn’t be like that,” Chad said. “Love shouldn’t be something that you restrain.”

  “After a while I started questioning myself. I mean, how could I be gay? I was always a good kid.”

  “That’s not how it works.”

  “Then how? How did you know you were gay? And how were you sure?”

  “Well…” Chad paused for a moment. “I’ve always known. As I grew older I realized that I wasn’t attracted to women at all. When it came to men, I was all over it.”

  Abal laughed. “I am asking because I have yet to be with a man. But I have been with women, and it has done nothing for me. I supposed what I wanted to confirm from you was that I am truly gay.”

  “Oh Abal—I cannot do that. Only you can. Questioning what you are comes with the territory. Take John—Dilip—for instant. He basically had to come out twice. But he still wound up in my arms.”

  “Almost like he was meant to be there.”

  Chad laughed. “Yes. That’s right. When the time comes, you will get where you need to be. If it’s with a woman, we’ll be there, and if it’s with a man, we’ll be there. Whoever makes you happy is what I want, and I’m sure John feels the same.”

  “Good.” Abal’s voice was soft. “I am glad he found you. He needed a man to make him happy, and without you I do not think that would have been possible.”

  “What about Anu?”

  “Anu was a nice enough guy, I suppose. But he did not make Dilip smile the way you do.”

  John stopped listening then. He crawled back into bed and faced the wall. With bits and pieces of the conversation playing over in his head, he couldn’t help the happiness that ran through him. Chad did make him happy. John found himself having fun in Chad’s bed, laughing and playing, and that wasn’t something he was used to. With Anu, it was sex and then one of them had to go. There was no softness, no playfulness.

  Footsteps entered the room, and John rolled over. Chad sat on the side of the bed and gently caressed his hair from his face. With a smile, John pouted his lips and was rewarded with a kiss. In that moment, all he could do was laugh.

  “Did you have a nice sleep?” Chad asked.

  “Mmm. Where’s Abal?” John asked.

  “He went for a walk.” Chad climbed into the bed and pulled John into his body. “I secretly suspect it is to give us some time alone.”

  “That would make sense.”

  “He had some questions for me. I guess he is still struggling with his sexuality.”

  “I wish it was easier,” John said. “Easier to figure out what you are and easier for the people around you to not make such a big deal out of it. It is hard enough realizing you are not what society considers normal, but then to have those you love point spotlights at it—it is hard.”

  “I was lucky. My mother at first was stunned, but she went on a vacation and returned trying her best to understand.” Chad nibbled on John’s shoulder. “Slowly, she became okay with it, and now I can talk to her about anything in my love life.”

  “Do you think she will approve of me?”

  “Yes.”

  “Maybe you should take some time to think on that.”

  Chad chuckled. “She will approve of you because she has raised
me to know what I want and what I deserve. I have yet to bring a man home to her.”

  “Will you bring me?”

  “Yes.” Chad kissed the back of John’s head.

  “Again—think about it.”

  Chad chuckled, his body vibrating against John’s back. “I will bring you home to her, and she will realize that you are the man I’ve chosen. You are the man I love with my whole heart.”

  “Wait…” John rolled over. Perhaps he was hearing things. “Say that again.”

  “I love you, Dilip Chandra. I never want you to walk out those doors guessing about that. Life is short and anything is possible, and I need you to know how I feel.”

  John couldn’t imagine being any happier a few moments ago. But with Chad confessing his love, John realized he had been wrong. To say he was overjoyed would have been an understatement. He had the urge to dance, to jump up and down, to yell his excitement from the rooftops. “You love me,” John whispered, kissing Chad repeatedly. “You love me.”

  “I do.”

  “I love you, too, Chad Holstrom.” He searched Chad’s eyes for any lingering doubt or second thought. When he found none, he laughed out loud and wrapped his arms tightly around Chad’s neck. “I love you, Chad.” Once the words left his lips once, John couldn’t seem to stop them from tumbling from him over and over.

  Chapter Nineteen

  Being back in Jaipur was strange. It felt as if he was experiencing major culture shock. The streets were too noisy and crowded—it felt like too much of everything. He was aware of the sock of reentry especially since he’d been away for so long. As he sat in the back seat of the airport car and stared out, Chad felt like a fish out of water. John, Abal, and Nimal were out of the car and looking around excitedly, but Chad was overwhelmed. When John turned to look at him, Chad smiled, took a deep breath, and eased from the back seat. He accepted a side hug from John and then turned to watch the car disappear into the distance.