Anywhere But Here

by Remmy Duchene

  Nimal and Abal chattered excitedly about the size of Chad’s place. He led them in through the front door, and they immediately removed their shoes. He kissed the side of John’s head and stood back. “Carry them to the guest house,” he advised. “You can stay in here with me.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “Of course I’m sure.” Chad tilted his head. “I’ve spent the last few weeks waking up in your arms. I’m pretty sure it would be a little strange for me not to now.”

  John wiggled his brows playfully making Chad laugh. “Okay. I will be back as soon as they are settled.”

  With another kiss, John was off, and Chad turned to look at the pair of stilettos sitting beside his shoes. Those weren’t there before he left, and Eliza hadn’t been to his place in about a year. Slowly, he made his way through the house until he heard voices from the office. When he stepped up to the door, he found his sister fast asleep on the sofa.

  Chad grinned and walked over to hunch down beside her. Leaning in, he kissed her head, then her nose before leaning back. “Lizzie. Lizzie?”

  She groaned and rolled over.

  Chad shook her. “Lizzie.”

  “Chad?”

  “Yes?”

  For a moment she merely stared into his face. Then she lurched from the sofa, tangled her arms about his neck and clung tightly. The force caused him to fell to his ass as his back dug into the coffee table behind him. Grunting in pain, he returned her embraced and laughed. “It’s good to see you, too,” he told her in Marathi. “How’d you get in here?”

  “I picked the lock.”

  “Where’d you learn to do that?”

  “Hawaii 5-0.”

  Chad laughed. “Seriously. How’d you get in here?”

  “I have a key, remember?” Eliza released him to peer down into his eyes. “Now, where’s this sexy Tamil hottie who has been sexing you up?”

  “Right here.”

  Chad covered his face with a hand.

  Lord-ha-mercy.

  His cheeks heated, but Eliza didn’t seem to notice. She climbed over his legs to walk to John. Chad looked up and watched as John tried shaking her hand. Instead, Eliza hugged him.

  “It’s nice to meet you, Dilip,” she said. “Are you okay?”

  “I am—now,” John replied. “Chad’s been taking wonderful care of me.”

  “Good. He can be a bit of a doctor sometimes,” Eliza confided. “He doesn’t know how to turn it off.”

  “You noticed that, too?” John asked, sounding incredulous. “Wow.”

  “Hey! I’m sitting right here, people!” Chad called. “Right here.”

  “Oh, I like you,” Eliza said, wrapping an arm around John’s hips and turning him out the door. “Let’s talk.”

  “Oh boy.” Chad smirked as John looked over his shoulder. While Chad blew John a kiss, John stuck his tongue out. With a mental note to punish John when they were in bed later, Chad rose and rubbed his lower back. He stopped to send his mother an email and then to give Surinder a call. He got Surinder’s voicemail, and after leaving a message, he figured everyone might be hungry.

  Making his way back through the house, he didn’t see Eliza and John, but he did catch sight of them on the back porch with their feet in the pool. As he watched them while making some dinner, he wondered what they were talking about. Chad knew his sister, and she tended to take a liking to people right away. If she didn’t like someone within the first few seconds of meeting them, that person would fall on her hit list and stay there until they proved her wrong. Luckily, she liked John, for from time to time as he looked away from cooking, he could see they were both laughing. He wondered what they were saying to each other, and he probably should be nervous since Eliza knew all his embarrassing stories. That made Chad smile and shook his head. Eliza wouldn’t be shy to tell John all of them.

  “Is that your sister?”

  Chad glanced back to see Nimal there and nodded. “She’s taken a liking to your brother so I’m doomed.”

  Nimal laughed. “Yes. Yes, you are. Want some help?”

  “Well.” Chad looked around. “Sure, dice those onions for me?”

  “Sure. What’re you making?”

  “Pasta. Lizzie loves the stuff, and since she surprised me in coming home, I want to surprise her with something good.”

  “I hear that.” Nimal went quiet as he paused chopping and stared out the window.

  Chad watched him then rubbed his shoulder. “He’ll be fine,” Chad encouraged him. “What I’ve learned about John is that he has the soul of a warrior. Nothing beats that—trust me.”

  “You call him John still.” Nimal sighed and went back to cutting. “Why is that?”

  “He asked me to.” Chad replied.

  “He is still disappointed in the name our father gave him. I do not blame him.”

  “I really don’t think that’s the issue anymore,” Chad said. “When I fell in love with him he was John. Dilip wasn’t even a memory. John is a nickname he wishes to keep.”

  “You are way too open minded.”

  Chad chuckled. “I try. Would you like a beer?”

  “Sure.”

  After wringing the caps off two beers, Chad handed one to Nimal. They clinked their bottles together.

  “I still worry about him,” Nimal said. “He keeps telling me that I do not have to, that he knows what he is doing and that he has you. But after all that has happened in the last few months I cannot turn it off.”

  “You’re his brother. He’s been through hell, so it’s understandable. I know he worries about you, too—he thinks you’ll always have that fear of him going out and never coming back.”

  “Yeah. That is precisely what one of the major fears is. I have these nightmares where we are together and suddenly someone is dragging him off into the darkness. I have tried shutting them off. The only progress I made is that I do not have them while I am awake anymore. I feel so helpless when it happens, and I remember just how—when I thought he was dead, at first I was so angry at him. How dare he leave me alone with them? He was my only reason for living, for being a good man and then nothing—gone without an explanation.”

  Nimal shook his head.

  “Then my heart broke into so many pieces I never thought I’d be able to put it together again. I did not used to tell him how much I loved him. I showed it, you know? I could not seem to open my mouth to say the words, and when I thought he was dead, that was my biggest regret. That my brother did not know how I felt about him. I worry that he thought I was like my father and hated him for what he was. But now as I watch him laugh and see the way you take care of him—well, you guys are healing me. So thank you.”

  “Good. John loves you, Nimal. He doesn’t blame you for any of this. He and I both know you had no part in any of this. So give yourself some slack.”

  “How can he not? How come you do not? You have made love to him, so I am sure you see the scars. How can you not fault me? I do. I should have protected him—he is my brother!”

  “And if you ever say that to him, he will tell you the same thing he told me…”

  “What is that?”

  “That you can’t protect him from everything.” Chad saw a smile trace Nimal’s lips. “Trust me. I tried, and I want to take care of him and block all the bad things, but unless you have magical powers, you can’t. As much as I hate to admit it, I can’t either. He knows now how cruel the world can be. I hope, he is more prepared to deal. All we can do is be there when the world is being unfair to him. You with open arms and me with a kiss and my body.”

  “There is truth in there somewhere, I know. But I still want to try.”

  “Well, good luck with that, brother.”

  Nimal laughed softly. “You are right. Dilip will be okay.”

  “Of course I am.” Chad winked at Nimal, who chuckled.

  “Okay. Onions are finished. Want me to set the table?”

  “Yes, please.”

  ****


  Their evening together was magical. With good food and wonderful conversation, John finally felt as though he was in a real family. It was the most beautiful time in his life, and he prayed he could hold on to that for as long as he lived. He would reach under the table and brush Chad’s thigh with a finger or tangle his fingers with Chad’s. A few times, Chad had lifted John’s hand to kiss the fingers. In those moments, their eyes would lock and the soft light shone promise through Chad’s gaze.

  John accepted that silent promise and smiled as his heart became full of so much love he thought he’d explode with it. Still, Chad was tender, attentive even through embarrassing childhood stories. John soaked it all in, basking in the warmth of it all.

  “I’m so happy to be home,” Eliza said. “I mean, America is great and all, but nothing beats sitting around this table, with you lot and having my favorite dinner.”

  “We are happy to have you here,” John said, glancing over at Chad, who was nodding in agreement. “I am just sorry we have taken over your home.”

  “Oh please.” Eliza batted a wrist at him. “This is your home now. Don’t feel as if you’re not welcomed here.”

  “Thank you.”

  “It’s so beautiful here,” Abal said. “And peaceful.”

  The others agreed, and dinner continued. Desert was ice cream over carrot cake, and soon, Abal excused himself to set up the dishwasher with Nimal’s help. John prayed they wouldn’t try starting it because he doubted they knew how to operate one. Luckily, they didn’t break it, and as John excused himself and passed through the kitchen, the machine was humming along.

  He turned off the light in the main hall then climbed the stairs. John entered the bedroom and walked around it. Chad was still downstairs with his sister, and he figured after spending some time with Nimal and Abal, he’d take a shower and give his lover time with his baby sister. The silence of the bedroom was unreal. Suddenly it dawned on him that he was in love with a man who showed he could be trusted. He was head over heels for Chad Holstrom, who not only healed John’s body, but had healed John’s soul. The thought of actually finding someone like Chad weakened him.

  As far back as he could remember, he’d thought Anu was the one. Though he didn’t awake in John the same kind of primal longing Chad did, Anu had been enough. So, he settled into trying to build something with Anu in an impossible world. But with Chad—

  “Baby?”

  John smiled and turned to look to where Chad stood by the door. In the dim light, Chad was as beautiful as the first time John had opened his eyes and saw that angel sitting by his bed. For a brief moment, John was speechless and frozen. He stared at Chad, allowing his eyes to trace Chad’s face. “In all my life I never imagined I would ever find someone like you. You are absolutely amazing. You are so beautiful.”

  “Beautiful?” Chad bowed his head as he smirked. “I don’t know if I want to be beautiful.”

  “Pretty?”

  Chad laughed. “Nope. Definitely not that.”

  “How about sexy—handsome? Mine?”

  Chad moaned and sauntered in to sit beside John on the side of the bed. “I can work with sexy and handsome. And I definitely can work with being yours. Are you okay?”

  “Better than okay.” John cradled his face. “Can I ask a favor?”

  “Anything. You should know that by now.”

  John nodded and licked his lips. He leaned in for a chaste kiss before deepening it. “Make love to me,” John whispered. “Make me forget everything.”

  “Are you sure you want to forget?”

  “Just for a little while.” John caressed Chad’s cheeks, then his shoulders and his neck. “I do not wish to think of starting over, of my father, of the pain I feel when I think of all the things that have happened in the last little while. For now, I want to be lost in your arms, enjoying your touch—for this moment, I just want to be yours.”

  “You are mine.”

  “Then show me.”

  No more words passed between them. To his pleasure, Chad eased him back into the bed with their lips fused together. They kissed, tongues sliding against each other’s, and John’s fingers sliding up and down Chad’s back. This time it was different. Every touch, every breath, everything was like they were doing it all for the first time. Fire trailed John’s body each time Chad caressed him or dropped a kiss against a bit of bare skin.

  Chad undressed him slowly, carefully, and soon John was on his back looking up at his very own ebony Adonis. In that instant, his heart floated to the sky. Reaching up, he dragged his palms over Chad’s hard abs, allowing his fingers to ripple over them.

  “I love you,” John whispered. With those three words he saw something flash through Chad’s gaze. John knew what it was—he’d seen it the first time he said those words to John. The look was love and happiness, and it suited Chad Holstrom perfectly.

  “Baby,” Chad whispered.

  John opened himself to Chad, giving everything he could. Whether he was on top or bottom, he closed his eyes and lost himself in whatever Chad’s body offered. One blinding orgasm tore through him, and he shoved his face into Chad’s neck to quell the scream that built from deep inside. Soon, Chad was lifting him again, driving inside him from behind while nibbling at John’s neck.

  “I love you,” John whispered. A tear rolled down his chin, and he buried his face into the pillow to arch his back and give Chad more of him. That caused his lover to moan and drive harder into him.

  “Please.” John lifted his face to plead. “More.”

  His second climax rushed through him, sending shivers down his spine. This time, Chad came, too, his growl low and wild.

  Soon they were both lying on the bed, covered in sweat and tangled in each other’s arms. John closed his eyes, trying to remember a time when he’d felt that way about anyone—felt like the person’s body could do miraculous things for him. The answer was a resounding never, and he accepted that with a deep breath.

  “I love you, too,” Chad said.

  With a smile, John pushed to his elbow to look down into Chad’s eyes. The moonlight floating in through the window, mixed with the lamp sent sparks through Chad’s gaze. His lips were swollen from their kisses, but they were still so perfect. Unable to stop himself, John kissed Chad again. He then snuggled into Chad’s arms and closed his eyes.

  Chapter Twenty

  The first thing the next day, Chad was awake. He kissed John’s shoulder and climbed out of bed. After a quick shower, he made his way downstairs and set about making breakfast. For some reason, as he worked around the kitchen, he hummed to himself, singing a folksong he’d heard a long time ago in Ireland. Chad knew he was in love with John, but he hadn’t thought of the song for years, not since he was a teenager. Even though he was shocked he even remembered the words, he continued singing it softly to himself.

  “Good morning, big brother of mine,” Eliza greeted him. “If I had the night you had I’d be singing Irish folksongs today, too.”

  Chad’s cheeks heated. “You heard?”

  “Sweetie, the residents of Timbuktu heard,” Eliza said with a giggle. “I thought the two of you would never go to sleep.”

  “Shit, sorry, Lizzie.”

  “Listen, I am under no delusions about what the two of you do to each other.” She grabbed an apple from the fruit pile and bit into it. “I’m glad the two of you have such spark. Do you know how long I’ve been looking for a man to make me scream the way John was last night? I didn’t think it was possible, so thank you.”

  “Thank me? For what?”

  “For giving me hope.”

  “Don’t be an ass. Any man would be stupid not to want you.”

  Eliza grinned. “Well, this isn’t about me, is it? It’s about you and your happiness, and with John—I have to tell you. I’ve never seen you happier. Hell, I don’t even think you’ve sung that song in, what, fifteen years?”

  Chad nodded and set a plate of scrambled eggs with pancakes bef
ore her. He then passed her the butter and a bowl of blueberries. “Yeah. I’m not sure where it came from. It just kind of popped out my mouth.”

  “It’s all right.” Eliza bit her apple again and chewed. “As you know John and I had a talk. He feels bad because you’re taking care of him, paying for everything. He wants to contribute.”

  “He will. Once we figure out this school of his and things start working right.”

  “I think he’s a good guy, Chad. If he wants to do your laundry or cook for you, don’t complain. Don’t tell him he doesn’t have to. That’s his way of trying to give a little payback. That’s nothing for you to argue about.”

  Chad sighed before turning back to make a little more food. “I know. I just wish he wouldn’t feel so guilty. I did what I did because I love him. Not because I expected him to repay me. He’s given me more than I could ever give him.”

  “How’s that?”

  “You see how happy I am?” Chad asked. “That’s not by chance. It’s not me moving on, accepting love isn’t for me and just trying to live my life the best I can. This is what John has given me. A thirst for love and to be loved and it’s wonderful. He makes my heart beat again, and I know that sounds corny but I don’t care. I love him beyond reason, and I’m not going to fight it anymore.”

  “And no one expects you to.” Eliza smiled. “Build something with this man. Figure out the paths you want to take and do that holding his hand. I know I don’t say this much, but I am so proud of you.”

  “Why?”

  “First of all, you’re my brother. You’re smart and talented and ambitious—but that first moment you felt something for John you followed it.”

  “It hasn’t been easy. Watching the way those people hurt him I wanted to snap and beat his father to a bloody pulp, but…”

  “You’re a doctor first?”

  “No. I’m a lover first, and I had to take what John wanted into consideration. My anger had to come secondary.”

  Eliza pointed at Chad. “And that, dear brother, is the reason I’m super proud of you. You realized that even though you wanted to set the world ablaze for the man you love, that wouldn’t have made him happy. How many people out there can say their man did that for them?”