Losing It All

by Wilde, Kati

  Gunner doesn’t say a damn thing because there’s not a damn thing to say. Nothing that can ease the agony of knowing your woman put herself in harm’s way for you.

  But there’s a hell of a lot to say about pride. “She’s so fucking brave. And an angel. Has been since day one. Took care of me. And wasn’t the one who drugged me—she tried to get me the hell away from those fuckers, though they’d have killed her for it. Then she threw herself in front of me. So if I ever hear the brothers say a single goddamn word about her being bait, I’ll rip their throats out. You let them know before I get home.”

  “I will.” Then he shakes his head. “You really think I’m going home before you are? I’ll take down Papa with you. The whole damn club is gearing up to ride this way.”

  “Yeah, well…tell them to hold off,” I say and it feels like there’s a knife lodged in my chest. “Because I knew the brothers would come, but I needed protection for her faster than that.”

  He frowns at me. “What the hell does that mean?”

  It means I made a deal with the fucking devil.

  39

  Stone

  I’ve been carrying around Creek’s card since that night Maxine almost went into witness protection—and a good thing, too. Because when the cops showed up, asking who the fuck the three dead suits in the motel room were, a call to Creek smoothed shit over real fast. He’s the one who arranged for the fake announcement of her death, and who arranged for the guards watching her hospital room now…but it all came at a price.

  And that price is me. I’ll be a consultant or some shit, which means I’ll be the eyes and ears heading into places that his investigative team can’t legally go, gathering info that’ll help bring down all the owners of the stables. That end result is something I’d love to do anyway. Didn’t think I’d be doing it like this, but fuck it all. Whatever keeps Maxine safe.

  Maxine’s out of surgery and the doctors are real certain that she’ll pull through. But she’s not awake yet. Instead they intend to keep her under for a few days more. And she’s hooked up to a million goddamn machines. At least she’s breathing on her own, though, and that heart monitor is steadily beeping.

  My parents arrive not long after Anna and Gunner, and my mom and dad sit with Maxine when Creek texts me to meet.

  I figured he’d know better than to come to the hospital and try to collect payment before my wife even opened her eyes. So I’m fucking pissed when I see him waiting for me at a booth in the hospital’s cafe.

  “You got an ID on the three assholes I killed?” I ask, not bothering to sit. Because right now, the suits who hunted Maxine down and shot her are all I give a shit about. “Or you got the bastard who ran away?”

  “Not yet. But I’m not here for that.”

  “That’s all I’m here for,” I say and turn back the way I came.

  “We think we found Victor.”

  I take a seat. “Where?”

  “Got a hit on that missing Silverado. Looks like he’s been holed up in a squatter’s cabin in the middle of nowhere ever since the raid on the barns.”

  “But you haven’t gone in yet?”

  “The deal was you get a heads-up. I’m giving you the heads-up.”

  Fuck. I can’t go while Maxine’s still out. But I can send Gunner. “Where?”

  “You go in with my team, we get a feel for each other…you wouldn’t be gone more than a half day.”

  So this is some fucking bullshit. “I go in with your team, I can’t kill him.”

  “He’s got a self-righteous streak wider than Texas and he’s holed up in a cabin with fuck knows how many weapons,” Creek tells me. “There’s a real good chance that he’s not gonna let us take him alive. You want in or you don’t? But before you answer, let me tell you something else. We can’t find Faraday’s body out in the big grave behind the barns. Found everyone else and a whole lot of other shit, but not Faraday.”

  I go still. “What did the fucker do with him?”

  “You come, you can ask the fucker,” Creek tells me. “And then your wife will get a chance to bury her brother like he ought to be buried, instead of rotting out in the desert somewhere.”

  Fuck. Fuck. Any other goddamn reason, I wouldn’t even be thinking twice. But she loved her brother so damn much. I can do this for her.

  Then put a bullet in Victor’s head.

  * * *

  We leave long before dawn and Creek’s team catches me up to speed along the way. Victor’s cabin is in a box canyon with only one access road, which means getting in there without being seen will be near fucking impossible. But the canyon walls offer a vantage to scope out the place before we head in.

  There’s snow everywhere, which means suiting up in some winter whites, and any other time I’d be loving this shit. But I just want to get back to Maxine. So when day breaks and Victor trudges out of his cabin toward his outhouse, if I hadn’t needed to ask about her brother, I’d have snagged one of the rifles and put that bullet in his head then and there.

  He heads back to his cabin and we start scanning for snares and traps. Most likely he’s laid down some kind of defense.

  Then we hunker down as his cabin door opens again and he comes out carrying a rifle. But he’s not alone. Another man is walking ahead of him, arm in a sling and Victor’s weapon trained on his back as they head for the outhouse.

  “Holy fucking hell,” Creek breathes beside me.

  Suddenly, I’m real goddamn glad I came. “Seems to me that Victor’s holding a federal agent captive and has a gun aimed at his back. We charge in there, you risk spooking that fucker and him pulling the trigger. Which means the best time to take Victor out is when your man’s in the shithouse and Victor’s alone outside. So give me that sniper rifle,” I tell Creek. “And I’ll get your man back for you right now.”

  And get Maxine something even better.

  40

  Maxine

  Everything hurts. But it’s a deep, muffled hurt…as if the pain’s there, but I’m floating right above it. Which probably means that I’m full of painkillers.

  Which means I must be alive.

  And Stone, too. My eyelashes feel as if they weigh a ton, and everything’s fuzzy and bright when I finally open my eyes. But he’s right there sitting beside me. And I don’t know if it’s a sob or a laugh that tries to rise up through my chest, but it hurts to do it. Hurts so much that everything around me goes even fuzzier, and I don’t see Stone move. But suddenly he’s leaning in closer and grinning his crooked grin at me, and I can feel his hand on mine.

  “Merry Christmas, angel,” he says in a thick rasp, then brings my fingers to his lips. “It’s so fucking good to see you. No, don’t try to talk yet. Your throat’s probably going to feel a bit raw for a while.”

  A bit? I show him my middle finger and he kisses it.

  “Christmas?” I mouth the word.

  “You’ve been out a week, but healing up good while you’ve been sleeping. And the doctor doesn’t think you’ll be up to doing much today, so the second you feel tired, tap out. Yeah?”

  Might be soon. Already I’m feeling the weight of my eyelids again. But I don’t want to let go of him yet. I squeeze his hand.

  “So I should tell you, I know you were worried about me missing another holiday with my family. But you made sure that didn’t happen by jumping in front of those bullets. And they’re all here now, celebrating how the magic of Christmas can bring a family together.”

  Oh, even a little laugh hurts. And exhausts me. But Stone’s suddenly looking at me so seriously that I still can’t let go.

  “But this family get-together is even bigger than we thought it would be, Maxine,” he says quietly. “We weren’t sure whether to tell you right away, because you’ll likely get real emotional, and you’re still in rough shape. But I figured this will do you more good than anything else in the world. Except you’ve got to promise to try to hold it together, all right? Because I’ve got you the best goddamn C
hristmas present ever…and I found it in a toilet.”

  What? But Stone steps back, and someone’s behind him—sitting in a wheelchair, wearing a hospital gown and with his arm in a surgical cast.

  And maybe I’m not alive, after all, because dead is the only way that Matt could be in front of me. Or maybe I’m just drugged and dreaming. But the tears spilling down my cheeks are hotter than dream tears should be, and although they blur everything in front of me, I can hear his familiar voice so clearly.

  “Hey, sis.” And I know that touch, his fingers squeezing mine. A sob shreds up my chest and then my big brother’s hushing me in the same way he always did. “Shh, don’t do that. I’m all right.”

  He’s all right. Another sob tears through me. “How?”

  I can’t manage more than that painful whisper.

  “Victor wouldn’t have thought twice about executing one of the Eighty-Eight. But when I told him that I was an undercover agent…I guess cop-killing is were he drew his line in the sand. Took some fast talking to convince him that I was telling the truth, though. After I did, he pretended to put me down and then he didn’t know what to do with me. Couldn’t let me go. Couldn’t kill me. So we went glamping out in a cabin for a while.”

  A cabin? He couldn’t have received the medical attention he needed there. My gaze moves to his arm.

  “Noticed that cast, huh? Holing up in a cabin didn’t do it much good, but the doctors say it’ll be all right after a few more surgeries.”

  More tears spill and a nurse clicks her tongue from the other side of my bed. “We’ve got to let her rest now.”

  I can’t. But I don’t think I’ll have a choice. My gaze moves from Matt to Stone, who’s watching me with concern darkening his hazel eyes.

  “Thank you,” I mouth to him.

  “Best damn thing I ever did,” he says gruffly. “That and marrying you.”

  As I drift away again, I think I’m smiling. Because although I was only awake for about ten minutes of it…that was the best Christmas ever.

  41

  Stone

  For the next two weeks, I’m at Maxine’s side nearly every minute—and for the first week, a few minutes of wakefulness at a time is all we get. By the end of the next week, she can stay awake for a couple of hours at a stretch. She still tires quickly, but she sits up a little better now, and the doctors are saying that it won’t be too long before she’s able to head home…or in this case, to my parents’ place, because they’ll be able to look after her full time.

  And me…I’m heading out tomorrow. Which means I can’t put off telling her about the deal I made with Creek any longer.

  But it’s so fucking hard. Even harder when I’m in there while the nurses are showing my mom the best way to bathe her, and as they’re changing the bandages I get a look at the scars forming on her back.

  Scars that are there because she threw herself in front of me. And yet I’ll be leaving before she’s completely healed.

  So even after the nurse and my mother are gone, and it’s just Maxine and me, I’m having trouble getting the words out. No fucking surprise, she picks up on it. Though not the reason why.

  She’s half-reclining in the bed, her face pale with strain and her emerald eyes dulled by exhaustion. “It’s true that neither of us got out prettier than we went in.”

  Sitting on the chair next to her bed, I have to shake my own thoughts out of my head. “What’s that?”

  “Your new scars from Crash.” She brushes her fingers over her eyebrows. “The scars on my back. You said once that no one gets out of a place like the Cage prettier than they went in.”

  “You came out prettier,” I tell her hoarsely, realizing exactly when I said that to her—when I was accusing her of saving her own skin. “You’re more beautiful than you ever have been, Maxine. And that’s really fucking saying something, because my first look at you about knocked me on my ass. But that was never about how you looked on the outside, anyway…and inside, you’re still the most beautiful woman I know.”

  That curves her lips into a smile but it doesn’t reach her tired eyes. “And you’re a good man. Which is maybe why you’ve been putting off what you need to tell me.”

  Shit. “I was that obvious?”

  She gives a little nod, her chin wobbling. “But it’s okay. We were in what Matt would call a really extreme situation…and those always produce extreme reactions. So I understand that you might have said something that you didn’t really mean, and now you need to take it back.”

  “I’m not taking anything back.” I frown at her. “What exactly do you think I said that I didn’t mean?”

  “That you love me,” she whispers, closing her eyes. “But it’s okay—”

  “Bullshit if that’s okay.” I take her hand, lean in with my elbows braced on the bed. “Are you taking yours back? Because if you do, I’m telling you right now, Maxine, you’ll kill me. And you’ll just be okay if I take mine back?”

  Tears glitter on her eyelashes, and she gives a tiny shake of her head.

  “All right, then. Because I love you. I’m absolutely fucking crazy in love with you.” I kiss her fingers, my voice roughening. “But I didn’t say anything before you were hurt because I didn’t figure you’d feel the same way. Not for me. Now that you’ve said it, though, I ain’t ever letting you take it back.”

  Her eyes are shining now, partly with tears, partly with a true smile. “Matt might be right, though. It has been an extreme few months for both of us. So when this is all done and I’m just a regular girl again—”

  “You think it’s going to fade?”

  “Not the way I feel for you,” she says softly. “Because you’ll be the same. So vibrant and alive and such a good man. But me… You said you have a soft spot for damsels in distress. And I’m usually not ever in trouble. Really, I’m not.”

  “Yeah, that’s not how it works. Sure, you being vulnerable caught my attention. But what kept my attention, Maxine, and what I fell for is that you were so damn smart and funny and sexy. Is that going to fade? Fuck no.” I drag in a deep breath. “And I’m going to be able to prove it.”

  Her brows pull together. “What do you mean?”

  “I made a deal with Creek to help him hunt down Papa.” My chest aches so damn bad. “But you’ll be going home with my mom and dad while I’m under.”

  “Under?” Her lips part as if in disbelief while her gaze wildly searches my face. “For how long?”

  “Until it’s done. Maybe a few months. Maybe a year.”

  Her eyes squeeze shut and a little sob hitches through her chest. “Let me come with you.”

  “You can’t, angel.”

  Her voice breaks again. “But we’re a team.”

  “We always will be.” I cup her cheek in my hand, my heart raw. “But right now, your job as part of this team is to rest and to heal, while I take out these Cage fuckers so you’ll always be safe. And our team is going to be just fine. If I’d met you when I was younger, I’d have married you then, too—and likely would have been deployed at some point for the same stretch of time as I’ll be gone now. This is no different than what thousands of husbands and wives go through.”

  Except I’ll be leaving when she’s not even healed yet.

  Tears slip over her cheeks. “I’m so afraid of losing you now.”

  Groaning, I lean in and kiss her trembling lips. “You won’t. I swear to fuck you won’t. All right?”

  And this fucking girl, so steady and strong. She’s already steeling herself for it. Wiping her eyes, she nods. “All right.”

  “Good.” Though I know this is killing us both. “I’m going to make a few videos for Daisy before I head out. And I’m hoping you’ll do the same for me while I’m gone.”

  She gives a teary laugh. “Sexy ones? Might have to be hospital-gown sexy.”

  “Nah, girl. Just messages that tell me you’re okay. My club will be protecting you, and I trust them to keep you safe…but it’s n
ot the same as seeing it for myself. So I’ll have Blowback set up an encrypted site where you can send messages from your phone, and he’ll make sure no one but me ever accesses them. And I’ll send messages to you when I can—those will probably be from burner phones that I’ll destroy as soon as I send anything. Those won’t be coming often. Because if anyone starts looking at me real hard, I don’t want to give them a way to find you.”

  “Okay,” she whispers, lips trembling, her hands coming up to clasp my face in her hands and drawing me down for a kiss. Even that effort strains her so damn much—and probably hurts her, too, though she’d never say it.

  “I miss you already, angel.”

  “I miss you, too.” Tears falling, she kisses me again. “Come back to me.”

  There’s nothing in this world that could keep me away.

  * * *

  I don’t go until after she’s asleep again…and then I have to force myself to leave. There’s still a big hole in me, but this time it’s the size of Maxine. I don’t know how all those married fuckers in the military do it. Leaving like this.

  Except I do know. Because going means protecting her. It means making sure she’s safe. It means she won’t always be in witness protection, running or hiding. It means she’ll be free. And I’d rip my heart out a million fucking times to make sure she is.

  Just wish I wasn’t hurting her, too. But that would mean she didn’t love me…and I can’t wish for that. Because I wouldn’t trade her heart for anything.

  I head out, slowing as I see that my sister’s got her arms around a dark-haired woman. Jenny. Anna’s best friend, a girl I’ve known forever, because our families have been close over the years. Though I didn’t expect to see her here. Not considering how she must still be grieving.