These Paper Walls

by Magan Vernon

  Dad put his hands together and bowed his head. "Lord, thank you for bringing our friends and family here with us to celebrate the upcoming birth of the newest little Crabtree, Mathieu. We ask that you bless this food we are about to eat and that you continue to bless our family and friends as they continue on this journey with us. Amen."

  Everyone responded with "Amen".

  Dad looked up at me and smiled, then turned to everyone and raised his hands. "Let's eat!"

  Libby and I piled our plates before taking a seat at a table with my parents, Aunt Dee, and Britt. My sisters, their husbands, and kids had to sit at a different table, but I could still hear my niece, Abby, screaming that she didn't want no stinking 'tato salad'.

  Mom stood up and lifted up a clear glass with a blue liquid in it. Dad clinked the vase on the table to get everyone's attention. "Okay, y'all, I know some of you hate shower games, but this one's easy and we have some real nice prizes for the ladies and the men. Now y'all need to look at your glasses, where you'll see some ice cubes with little plastic babies in them. Once the ice cube breaks and the baby pops out, you need to yell 'my water broke!' The first person to have their water break wins a prize."

  "Let's hope it's not Libby," Dad said and everyone laughed.

  Libby held her stomach. "Nope. Mathieu is staying in there for as long as he needs to."

  Mom sat back down on the picnic bench. "I'm surprised you're still saying that. With this heat, girl, I'd be wanting that baby out as soon as possible."

  Libby shook her head. "I am just fine with him being all safe and sound in there because as soon as he's out, I think there's going to be chaos."

  Aunt Dee squeezed her hand. "Oh, it won't be that bad. You'll have all of our help."

  Libby took a sip of her drink. "You didn't see my sister after she had her baby."

  But I did.

  "Hi, Beth, how are you feeling?" Libby leaned over and kissed her sister's cheek.

  Last time I saw Beth she looked like a walking Barbie with her shiny pink dress and her hair blown out like a Texas Beauty queen. But now she sat there looking more like Linda Blair in The Exorcist with dark circled eyes, messy hair, and a huge ass scowl.

  "Honestly? I haven't slept, my boobs hurt, and my lady bits feel like they're on fire. I don't know why in the hell you thought this would be a good idea to do this, too," Beth snapped.

  "I'm sure we're going to be just fine," I said, squeezing Libby's knee. Maybe I wasn't exactly sure if that was true, but it felt like the right thing to say.

  After eating and serving the alligator cake, Mom and Dad made us sit on a set of folding chairs, surrounded by our gifts that I guess we were supposed to open in front of everyone. I thought that was weird and almost rude. I didn't want to make anyone feel bad if someone got us something better than the other person. I didn't even want to tell my mama that Libby's parents sent us our nursery furniture, but I was pretty sure Dad told her.

  Libby picked up a blue bag with white polka dots on it. She opened up a tiny card that was attached with white ribbon. "Okay, this first one is from Jackson and Dina."

  I looked over the crowd and waved at Jackson, who nodded to me with his arm around Dina. They stood in the back next to Butch and RaeLynn. At their side was Nikki, who still had her head down. I didn't know why she bothered to come at all. She hadn't said a single word, which scared me even more. I hoped she just wasn't waiting for the right moment to get a little crazy. There wasn't any alcohol, but I was sure that Dad had a keg somewhere or some cans that he'd probably bring out as things winded down.

  Hopefully if he did, Nikki would be gone by then.

  Libby pulled out some tissue paper from the bag and pulled out a box. "Bottles for Mathieu..." She set them on the ground and then pulled a six pack of beer from the bottom of the bag. "And I guess these bottles are for Blaine?"

  Everyone laughed, but I found my cheeks growing hot. I wasn't an alcoholic or anything and definitely wasn't expecting this much beer at a party. Especially not a baby shower where the parents-to-be were only twenty.

  That also wasn't the first or last bottle I got. Every gift seemed to come with something cutesy for the baby and then something alcoholic for me. By the time we were done opening gifts, we had enough that we could open our own bar.

  "Wait, there's one more thing!" Mom stood up and signaled to my dad.

  Dad nodded then ran around to the side of the house, before slowly coming back out, pushing a big blue jogging stroller that was filled with baby clothes, toys, and stuffed animals. One in particular I recognized in the middle.

  Dad stopped it in front of Libby and Mom walked over, picking up the raggedy brown teddy bear that was wrapped in a new quilted blue blanket with the words 'Crabtree' embroidered on it in green.

  "This here, Libby, is Mister Bear. This was Blaine's first teddy bear. He slept in his crib every night when he was a baby and went to school with Blaine every day in his backpack until he was at least eight-years-old."

  Mom wiped away a tear on her cheek and Libby's were falling freely from her eyes, so I put my arm around her, trying to keep my own feelings at bay.

  "When Blaine first told me y'all were having a baby, I didn't know what to think, honestly. I just thought that I was going to lose my last baby. So I went up in Blaine's room while he was out buying you a ring. I made his bed for the last time and I found something in his sheets. Mister Bear was still there under his pillow after all of these years."

  Some guys laughed in the crowd, but it didn't faze Mom. She petted Mister Bear's ears, looking down at him lovingly. "It reminded me that even though my baby's all grown up, there's still a part of him that always needs that comfort. That little thing that still makes him my baby. Now that he's having his own baby, I figured it was time that Mister Bear found a new home and that Mathieu would take good care of him."

  Mom took the little swaddled bear and handed it to Libby who whispered, "I'll take good care of your baby and grandbaby, Vicki."

  Mom leaned over and embraced Libby. "I know you will, sweetheart. I know you will."

  She let go of Libby and looked at me with tears streaking her face. "You'll take good care of Mister Bear, okay? Let Mathieu know that he may not look as nice as some of the other bears, but he's real special."

  I sniffled, trying to hold back tears. I wasn't going to pansy-out, but there was something about Mom's touching statement that had me trying not to crumble. "He already knows, Ma. He already knows."

  ***

  The shower was dying down. Since I wasn't about to break into the alcohol for the guests to enjoy, a lot of our friends left and the last ones around were Dina and Jackson.

  At least I thought they were, until I was saying goodbye to Aunt Dee and Britt and felt a tap on my shoulder.

  I whirled around to see Nikki standing there with her hands folded.

  "Nikki? I thought you left with Butch and RaeLynn."

  She shook her head. "No. I took my own truck. I was going to see if y'all needed any help."

  I groaned. "Look, Nikki, I see what you're trying to do here, but Libby's pretty hormonal and I don't think now is the time for you to try and get in her good graces or whatever you're doing."

  "I-I-I'm just here to help, really Blaine. I made an ass of myself at your wedding and I want to show that I support you two," Nikki said, stammering each word.

  I shook my head. "That's all well and good that you want to do that and I appreciate it, but right now isn't the time. I think you should leave."

  Nikki blinked. "You're not even going to give me a chance?"

  I groaned. "Nikki, you basically told me that my wife and I weren't going to work. That wasn't the first time you've attacked her. I know we've been friends for a while, but I just don't' want any trouble, okay? I really am happy with Libby, despite what you and everyone else might think. She's not holding me back, in fact she's making me better."

  And there was nothing truer. I thought for a while that mayb
e I was losing out on time with the guys, but the way she was pushing me to go for the coaching job and school, made me realize how much of a shitty husband I was being by complaining. She really was the best.

  She put her hands on her hips. "So, really, just like that you're going to give up our years of friendship and tell me you don't want me around because of a mistake?"

  "Sometimes mistakes happen and sometimes they're hard to get over. It's going to take some time, if it happens at all."

  Now I wasn't sure if I was talking about Nikki or Julie. They'd both wronged me and yet I still couldn't seem to get either of them out of my life. Now was my chance to at least get one out.

  "If you want me to leave, Blaine, just tell me."

  I couldn't even look at her as I pointed toward the front of the house. "Leave, Nikki and don't come back."

  Same for you, Julie. Don't come back.

  I may have said that in my head, but I knew this was prepping me for the same talk I had to have with Julie. I was a married man and had to stand up for myself and my family. No crazy exes. No distractions. The past is the past. The future is now.

  I didn't look up until she was half-way up to the house, running with her head down.

  "Was that Nikki leaving?" Libby asked.

  I put my arm around her. "Yeah. I don't think we're going to be seeing her for a while."

  Libby raised an eyebrow. "And are you happy about that?"

  I licked my lips and tilted my head. "What?"

  She shrugged. "I mean, yeah I think she's a straight up, raging bitch and went all crazy drunk girl at our wedding, but I know you kind of like her family. I know she's your friend."

  I shook my head. "Who are you and what have you done with my wife?"

  She sighed. "I just want you to be happy, Blaine, to not hold you back."

  I put my arms around her waist and turned her toward me. "Baby, you're not holding me back. You and Mathieu are the best thing that ever happened to me and I mean that. You make me a better me."

  She smiled. "I'd lean in and kiss you for being so sweet, but I'm afraid there's a little bump in our way."

  I turned her to the side and pressed my lips to her temple. "I know a few other positions we can try."

  My sister Meg slapped the back of my head as she walked by. "Knock it off you two, we already know how the baby was conceived."

  Libby and I shared a laugh, then I put my arm back around her. "I'm serious, okay? I am happy."

  She nodded and smiled. "I'm happy too."

  And I prayed she really was.

  Chapter 12

  "No. Blaine. I'm pregnant. Pregnant with your child. It's why I've been so sick lately and it's not going to get better for probably another seven months and then I'll have someone else to take care of."

  All the air felt like it had been sucked out of my lungs. My eyes lingered to her stomach. She had to be joking. It was still perfectly as flat as always. "You're shitting me."

  She shook her head and put her shirt down. "No. I'm not shitting you. I'm pregnant. Knocked up."

  I swallowed hard. One time. One time we had sex without a condom. It felt amazing. I'd wanted to do it again. Hell, I thought she had to have been on the pill. Every girl was. "How? Are you sure?"

  She rolled her eyes. "Yes, I'm sure. The doctor tested me. She said she'll have the blood test back soon to give me a closer approximation, but I'm guessing around six weeks since that's when we had sex in the closet and you kind of didn't pull out."

  I shook my head and couldn't take my eyes off her stomach. This couldn't be possible. This was the shit they made movies about, not that happened in real life. "I didn't know it could happen with just one time."

  She glared at me, her nose turning up. "Well, it did. I have to make a gynecologist appointment next week for an ultrasound. You can come with me or you can't. Either way, I'll figure it out. I always do."

  "Libby. I don't really know what to say right now. What do you want me to say? I'm kind of in shock."

  And I was. I didn't expect to be a dad anytime soon. Hell, we hadn't been together that long and things were just starting to get good. Now...now...I didn't know what the hell was happening.

  "Obviously you don't need to say anything. You're the first person I told. Now you should probably go so I can call my parents and tell them how I'm even more of a fuck up."

  "Libby..." I pressed, trying not to make her angry. Hell, there was no way I would have wanted to face her dad and tell him I knocked up his baby girl.

  "JUST GO!" She pointed at the door as she burst into tears.

  I wanted to say something, anything. But my mind was in a fog.

  I was going to be a dad. Shit.

  "Okay. If that's what you want. I'll leave." I nodded and kept my head down, before standing up.

  I should have kissed her, told her I loved her, and asked her to marry me or do something valiant, but instead I did what she asked and stood up, leaving her Aunt Dee's house and getting in my truck.

  I drove to my mom's salon. She had a little place a block down from Dee's shop with a few other hair dressers. It was a small, shotgun style place with bright colored walls and tiled floors. There was a row of about five different stations and Mom's was at the back.

  I walked past the row of women getting their hair yanked on, and ignored their stares as I made my way to my mom's station. "Hey, Ma, you got a minute?"

  She looked at my reflection in the mirror in front of her. She was bent over one of the old church ladies, picking out her curly gray hair.

  "Imma just finish Mrs. Raeger, then I can sit a spell if you want."

  I nodded and swallowed. "Okay, I'll wait out front."

  I didn't even wait for an acknowledgement. I just turned and headed out the front door and sat on the bench out front.

  I'd quit smoking months ago, but I was craving the nicotine. My knee shook as I stared out onto the street. Across from me was the post office. A younger lady walked out with a little girl on her arm.

  The little girl had blonde curls that bounced with each movement. Then she looked right at me and had the biggest, brightest blue eyes that I couldn't help but smile at.

  I'd never really noticed kids before. Sure, I had nieces and nephews and I helped out with them, but now I'd actually created a child. Something that was mine.

  "Is everything okay, Blaine?" Mom plopped down on the seat next to me.

  She smelled like bleach and looked like hell with her hair pulled back. She pulled out a small mirror and ran her fingers over her face as if it was going to smooth out her wrinkles.

  "Mama, I got something to tell you."

  She closed her mirror and looked at me. "Don't tell me. Libby is pregnant and now y'all are going to run off to Vegas and get married."

  She laughed when she said it, but when I winced she stared at me wide-eyed.

  "Blaine, please tell me that none of that is true."

  I rubbed the back of my neck. "Well, I haven't asked her to marry me...yet..."

  Mom put her hands to her mouth and gasped. "She really is pregnant? I was just joking...I didn't...I mean...Is she going to keep it?"

  I shrugged. "I guess so. I mean, I hope so."

  "And you're really going to ask her to marry you now? Because you know you don't have to. Just because you have a baby with someone doesn't mean you need to marry them."

  I shook my head and licked my lips. "I know, Mama. And it's crazy, but the more I think about it, the more I want this baby. I know it sounds nutty, but this is something I made. Something I've done with the girl I love more than anything. Hell, I love Libby more than I love college football."

  Mom just shook her head. "This is not something I thought you'd be telling me today, Blaine Crabtree. Do her mommy and daddy know?"

  I shook my head. "Not yet. But I'm assuming they will shortly."

  "And do you think her daddy is going to say yes when you come a calling and asking for his daughter's hand?"

&n
bsp; I let out a breath of air through my teeth. "I sure hope so."

  Mom pulled me into a tight hug and I hugged her back because I didn't know what else to do. What else to say.

  "Are you scared?" she whispered.

  "Petrified."

  "You know I'm here for you, baby, okay? If things start to go terribly wrong, or if you just need someone to talk to, I'll be here."

  I pulled back and nodded. "I know, Mama. I just hope you and Dad won't be too disappointed."

  "Are you disappointed?" she asked, staring at me wide-eyed

  I rubbed the back of my neck and thought on it. "I'm disappointed that I didn't marry her before this happened, but I guess things just have to go a little bit out of order, so I guess I have to own up to it and put a ring on her finger."

  "If that's what you want then I'll support you," Mom said, putting her hand on mine.

  "Thanks, Ma, I appreciate you not freaking out."

  She laughed. "Oh, trust me, darlin', I'm freaking out all right, but I'll save that for later. Right now, you need a mama to listen and tell you it's going to be okay, because it is. You just need to make sure you aren't going to break that little girl's heart again, because you know she may be carrying your little girl in there and you don't ever want to see somebody break your baby's heart."

  I glanced back over across the street. The lady and the little girl were gone. It was just me and my mama. I turned back to her and nodded. "I'm not going to break her heart. I just hope she doesn't break mine."

  ***

  I didn't know I was going there until I pulled up to Bubba Sinclair's place.

  He was in the front of his shop, looking over an old Buick.

  "Hey, Crabtree, haven't seen you in a while," he said in that thick Creole accent as soon as I jumped out of my truck.