Sarah's Solace

by Sarah's Solace (epub)

  “I’m coming!” I yelled back.

  Ethan took my hand and kissed it gently, sending shivers up my spine.

  “You’ll be here when I get back, right?”

  “First of all, I told you I’m not going anywhere without telling you. Please trust me again. But the answer is no, because I’m coming with you.”

  “You are?”

  I was pleasantly surprised, but also concerned. “To church? What if someone can see you?”

  “So what if they can? Believe me, I won’t be the only spirit there.”

  I sat quietly in the backseat, trying not to smile and glancing at Ethan too often, but I was discretely holding his hand.

  “Were you up late, Sarah?” my mom asked. “I woke up once and saw the drawing room light was on.”

  “I couldn’t sleep, so I decided to draw.”

  “I admit I was looking at your drawing of you and some guy sitting by a tree. Handsome guy. Who is he?” she asked, smiling.

  “He’s someone I saw on TV.”

  “Oh.” She sounded disappointed. “Have you talked to the Gibsons’ son recently? What’s his name again? Joey?”

  Oh God, make her stop.

  “I saw you talking to him at church one time,” she continued.

  Trying to get away from him was more like it. I looked at Ethan and rolled my eyes.

  “Maybe he’ll be there today,” she said as she looked at me with hope.

  I had to change the subject. “So, Mom, don’t you and Dad have an anniversary next weekend?”

  “Yes, we do!” she remembered as she smiled at my dad.

  “I’m going to surprise her,” my dad said excitedly.

  “Sounds good,” I said, glad to be off the subject of nerdy Joey.

  “Something smells really sweet by the way. Do you smell it?” she asked us.

  I gave Ethan a panicked look, but he sat there calmly smiling.

  “I do smell it come to think of it,” said my dad.

  I tried to think fast. “Oh, it’s this new perfume oil I bought. It has vanilla in it.”

  “Oh, that’s what it is,” my mom said. “It smells really good, but you’re making me hungry. I’m getting a craving for chocolate chip cookies.”

  I smiled at Ethan.

  “Have I told you how much I like your parents?” asked Ethan as we got out of the car.

  “Yeah, I guess they’re alright,” I said jokingly.

  “They just want you to be happy, just like I do,” he said.

  “I know.”

  I was still nervous, yet so happy to have Ethan by my side as we entered the church. I kept feeling the urge to introduce him to people and had to stop myself a couple of times.

  He sat down next to me in the pew, but had to move when a gentleman nearly sat down on top of him, which made me chuckle.

  “What’s so funny, Sarah?” my mom asked.

  “Oh, nothing,” I answered. I smiled at Ethan.

  “I better find another seat,” he said.

  He surprised me by taking a seat at the piano next to Mrs. Garner.

  I tried to pay attention during the mass, but all I could do was stare at Ethan, who appeared to be listening very intensely. He must have really inspired Mrs. Garner, who played exceptionally well this time.

  I enjoyed being out with Ethan, even at church, but it was frustrating at the same time, not being able to talk to him. I was anxious to be alone with him again.

  “So what is your take on it all?” he asked me when we were finally back home in my room.

  “What do you mean?” I asked as I stepped out of my heels and took off my earrings.

  “You know…religion. Especially after what you’ve experienced.”

  “Honestly, I’m just as confused as I was before, except now I know spirituality is real, and there are definitely good and evil forces, but I already knew that. What about you?”

  He was sprawled out on my bed, with his hands behind his head.

  “I don’t understand any more than you do, but I think about it all the time of course. I believe that it’s simple, though. Despite all the rituals, different beliefs, the struggle for understanding, even war, it all comes down to our souls deciding to be good or evil. Everyone should appreciate the beauty in life and share love instead of being self-absorbed.”

  I smiled at him. I loved him so much.

  “I’m afraid I’m being too greedy now by staying here with you,” he added.

  Not again. Couldn’t he ever let himself be happy?

  “No, you’re not, you’re sharing your love with me,” I said. “Stop worrying, Ethan. Can’t you just enjoy being with me?”

  I lay down next to him, and he put his hand on mine.

  “I love being with you,” he assured me. “You’re right. What’s the point of us being together if I won’t let us enjoy the moment?”

  The moment. That sounded so short-term. How long would he stay with me? I tried not to think about it.

  “So, what do you want to do today?” he asked cheerfully.

  “Well, I’m guessing that now that I’m no longer a spirit, and we can’t just close our eyes to travel, and I don’t have a car, then there’s not much we can do but hang out here.” I didn’t care, though. I didn’t care where I was as long as I was with him.

  “Let’s go for a walk then,” he suggested. “It’s a beautiful day outside.”

  I quickly changed clothes while Ethan pretended not to glance at me a couple of times, which made me smile. I automatically grabbed my cigarettes before heading out the door.

  “Oh no, you don’t,” he said.

  I rolled my eyes and reluctantly took them back out of my pocket.

  “Life is too short as it is,” he added.

  We spoke in silence as we slowly strolled through my neighborhood. It was sunny, but getting colder. Ethan noticed me shivering and put his arm around me. Why did people think ghosts are so cold?

  “I like your neighborhood. It’s really quaint. Is there a park or a pond anywhere?” he asked.

  “Yeah, well, there’s a little playground a couple of blocks over,” I answered, careful not to move my lips much.

  “You’re so funny,” Ethan laughed.

  “Well I don’t want people to think I’m a crazy person, walking around talking to myself!”

  “People talk to themselves all the time actually,” he joked. “I try not to spy on people, but they do some funny things when they think they’re alone.”

  “I’m sure they do,” I laughed.

  When we reached the park, I took a seat on the swing and began swinging back and forth. Ethan sat on the swing next to mine.

  “I’ll never understand things,” I said thoughtfully.

  “Maybe one day we will.” Ethan knew what I was talking about.

  I stopped swinging and looked at him. “I’m so glad I met you, that we were brought together.”

  “Me too,” he said as he playfully bumped his swing into mine.

  “I just don’t understand why I couldn’t see Alexis.” Even though I knew what it felt like to be dead, almost, I still wondered what it was like for Alexis. I wished I could have spent more time with her, even if in her spiritual form.

  “I wish I could explain that to you, Sarah. I wish I knew. I feel strongly that she must have gone into the light very quickly; otherwise she would have surely paid you a visit. She’s braver than me, if she was able to accept her fate and go into the light.”

  “I don’t believe it was your fate.” My words were strong. I truly believed we were meant to be together. “You told me you were waiting for me, remember?”

  He nodded his head and smiled. “I believe we were brought together for a reason, and I’ve never felt before what I feel for you, but what if that reason was just so that I could convince you to come out of your coma? What if I’m cheating my destiny by being here now? Refusing to let go?”

  I let out my breath as I rolled my eyes and starting swingin
g harder, higher and higher. Couldn’t he just enjoy us being together without always feeling guilty? I put my head back, staring at the few clouds in the blue sky, feeling the wind in my hair as I swung.

  Suddenly I heard a little girl’s voice. “Sarah!” I stopped swinging my legs and looked down below to see our next door neighbor’s daughter smiling up at me. She was so cute, with her missing teeth and long, blonde hair.

  “Hi, Ashley,” I answered, startled. As I came back down to the ground, I noticed her mother, Mrs. Roberts, slowly walking up as well.

  I glanced over to Ethan. “She likes you,” he said with a smile, nodding toward the little girl.

  “Can I swing with you?” asked Ashley.

  “Uh, sure.” I forced a smile. I adored her, but I was scared to have people around Ethan.

  She looked directly in Ethan’s direction and smiled. “Who are you?” she asked.

  Oh my God. She could see him? Her mother had just caught up to us.

  “Hey, Sarah. How are you doing?” asked Mrs. Roberts.

  I tried to remain calm. “I’m fine, well, OK I guess. The swing started making me a little queasy.” I had to think of an excuse to leave before Ashley continued to talk to Ethan.

  “Still recovering?” she asked.

  “Yeah. I’m still trying to get my energy back, so…”

  “Mom, can I stay and swing with Sarah and her friend?” Ashley interrupted.

  “Her friend?” Mrs. Roberts asked, confused.

  I quickly avoided the question. “I’m sorry, Ashley, but I’m not feeling good now. We’ll play together soon, though, OK?”

  “OK,” she said sadly.

  I gave her a hug and quickly said goodbye to them, hoping Ashley would no longer mention my ‘friend’.

  “OK, now how could she see you, but her mom didn’t?” I asked Ethan once we were out of sight.

  “Children are more open-minded, perceptive, and accepting,” he explained.

  “Makes sense,” I said, deep in thought.

  “Don’t worry,” he chuckled. “Her mom won’t think anything of it. Kids are always talking about ‘imaginary’ friends.”

  I wanted to rush right back to the house, to my bedroom, to be alone with Ethan before we had any more close encounters.

  Ethan sat on my bed and shook his head before running his fingers through his hair and smiling at me. “You’re worrying too much,” he said.

  “I don’t want anyone else to see you!”

  “So what if they do?”

  I gave him a look of disbelief, but I couldn’t give him a good answer. I honestly didn’t know how others would react, but I wasn’t at all prepared to find out.

  “By the way, how was it that Sawyer was able to talk to my mom on the phone?” I remembered trying to call Monica’s mother when I was a spirit at the cabin, but she couldn’t hear me. “I mean, she could hear him, just like I can hear you now, but Monica’s mom couldn’t hear me when I was a spirit.”

  “You can hear me because I’m here with you, face-to-face, which makes it easier for our souls to connect and communicate.” He paused before explaining, as if he wasn’t sure if he should tell me. “Sawyer has his ways. In order to communicate over the phone, he most likely was possessing.”

  “Possessing?” I let the thought sink in. “As in he possessed someone?”

  Ethan rolled his eyes. “Yes. He does it occasionally.”

  I was already scared enough of Sawyer.

  Ethan got up and hugged me. “Don’t worry, sweetie. He really is gone. I haven’t sensed his presence anywhere near us.”

  “Have you?”

  “No, I just said…”

  “No, I mean, have you ever…possessed someone?”

  Ethan looked at me like I were crazy, like he couldn’t believe I would even ask.

  “Hell no! I would never invade another person’s soul.”

  “But one could be possessed by a good spirit just as well as an evil one, right?”

  “It’s not something I would ever want to do,” he explained.

  I was disappointed. The thought of Ethan being able to be with me, to touch me while in a real body was very appealing. But in someone else’s body? It just didn’t feel right, especially knowing he was invading another soul, as he put it. I decided not to pursue the topic further. I kept asking him to be in the moment with me, so I needed to do the same.

  We stayed in my room the rest of the day. I played show and tell most of the time. Ethan wanted to know everything about me. How could he think my life was so interesting? He wanted to know the story behind everything in my room, trying to embarrass me as he snooped around. He was always making me laugh.

  “Guns N’ Roses,” he said as he turned up MTV. “Now that’s a good band.”

  “I’m surprised you like them. Aren’t they too heavy metal for you?” I teased.

  “Good music is good music. Besides, one could play any of these songs acoustically. It gives you a different perspective on the music, without losing the song’s integrity. You’ll see.” He smiled. “Pretty soon everyone will be doing it.”

  “I’d like to see you do it. I still haven’t heard you play.”

  I curled up to him as he sat on my bed, leaning on my pillows against the wall.

  “Sweet child o’ mine.” He repeated the lyrics as he put his arms around me. I believe I felt him kiss my hair. “Where do we go now?”

  I refused to think about the answer.

  15. Manic Monday

  I woke up in Ethan’s arms. I didn’t want to move. I wanted to wake up this way for the rest of my life…and the afterlife. I smiled and sighed, closing my eyes again. I didn’t want to know what time it was. I always wanted more time with him.

  Abruptly, my loud, annoying alarm made me jump and moan before I hit snooze and put my head back on his chest.

  “You better get up,” he said and then kissed my forehead.

  “No,” I moaned.

  “You don’t want to be late for school.”

  “I’m not going.”

  “Don’t be lazy, Sarah,” he said as he slowly released his embrace, urging me to get up.

  “I’m not lazy…I just don’t want to be away from you.”

  “What do you mean? I’m coming with you.”

  I sat up suddenly. I was surprised, excited, and nervous. “You’re coming with me?”

  “Of course. It will be fun! I miss school, and I want to see how you go through your day. Plus I’ll get to meet your friends.”

  “Meet my friends?”

  “Well, you know what I mean,” he said, smiling.

  “Cool!”

  I got ready quickly. I was so excited to have him with me all day. Part of me felt devious also, having this beautiful secret with me all the time.

  Monica picked me up as usual. I sat down in the passenger seat while Ethan slipped into the back.

  “Hey, girl,” said Monica.

  We were both wearing white jeans with a colorful top.

  “We dressed alike,” I laughed.

  “Well, I’m just glad you ditched your depressing ensemble. You sure are in a good mood.”

  I smiled in agreement.

  “What have you been up to? You didn’t call me the rest of the weekend.”

  “Oh, just chillin’ out.”

  “Well, you look great. I’m glad to see you’re getting back to your old self.”

  I smiled at Ethan in the back. He leaned forward to hear us better. He was enjoying this.

  “So, have you talked to Brian again?” she asked.

  I tensed up. Damn it. Why did she have to bring him up in front of Ethan?

  Ethan glanced toward us, suddenly a bit uncomfortable as well, but trying not to show it.

  “No. We haven’t called each other.”

  “That’s a shame, but like you said, things didn’t go so well Saturday anyway.”

  Ethan looked at me again, confused.

  I waved my hand and r
olled my eyes, letting him know not to worry. “I’ll explain later,” I said softly.

  “What?” asked Monica.

  “Oh, nothing. So what did you and Phil do the rest of the weekend?” I had to change the subject.

  Her face completely lit up. “Well, if you must know…” she said teasingly, “we did it.”

  “You mean…”

  “Umm, hmm,” she nodded, smiling.

  I suddenly felt terrible that Ethan was with us listening, without Monica knowing. We were embarking on a very private conversation. She would be so angry with me if she knew.

  “Well, I’m happy for you, Monica. Phil’s a good guy, and I know you’re in love.”

  I was instantly jealous as well. I wanted to share that experience with Ethan. He seemed to know what I was thinking as I glanced at him.

  “I wanted to call you,” she continued, “but I was with Phil the whole weekend. It was amazing. I mean, at first it was awkward, and I was really nervous, but the next time…”

  “You were busy this weekend,” I smiled, interrupting in an attempt to keep her from going into too much detail in front of Ethan.

  “Yes, I was. At least now I understand what all the hype’s about,” she said proudly.

  We were silent after that. Each of us lost in our own thoughts, listening to the radio. I wondered what Ethan was thinking. He squeezed my shoulder and then leaned back into his seat until we got to school.

  “I like her,” he told me as we walked down the hall.

  “Yeah, me too,” I said discreetly.

  “I’m glad you have a good friend like her.”

  It was so strange to have Ethan with me at school. If there was an empty seat in class, he took it. Otherwise, he sat down on the floor next to me, or wandered around the room. He liked trying to make me laugh, sometimes making faces behind the teacher, or knocking a pencil off a desk. Other times he would just listen, like he really did miss being a part of it all.

  Luckily, there was an empty seat next to me in history class. I started writing in my notebook, large enough so he could see.

  Aren’t you bored? I wrote.

  “Never when I’m with you,” he said.

  Do you really miss school?

  “I miss everything.”

  I wish I could show you to everyone. I want to walk down the hall with you, holding hands, introducing you.