by Diana Scott
I could tell you thousands of clichés about finished marriages, but you already have that answer.
She looks at me but doesn't answer me. I imagine it's not easy to recognize aloud what your heart has been screaming for years.
“And what does he think?”
“Not for God's sake, Oscar doesn't know.”
“No woman, I mean Suraj, I mean, is this something that happened once and never again?” She keeps her head down and I don't need an answer. “Jane, how many times?”
I leave the question in the air when I see Jane's bewildered face as she covers herself with shame.
“You have a relationship with Suraj!”
“I don't know, I don't know what we have, I just know that when we see each other my determination collapses and... my clothes fall off.”
Jane's sincerity makes me want to laugh out loud but I try to keep my composure. I try, one, two, three and that's it, composure to the devil. My laughter resounds all over the room.
“Don't laugh, I'm not for jokes.”
“I'm sorry, I'm sorry. But to see you seriously saying ‘no’ while you're putting your panties down is an amusing picture. Jane can't contain herself and has to smile in spite of herself.
“What are you going to do? I mean, are you going to keep seeing him?”
“I'm not sure. Although it doesn't seem like it, he has too many points in common with his friend and I'm not sure if I want more complications than I've always had. I don't want to end up feeling shit like you... Ugh, I'm sorry.”
“And don't you think it's a little late for that?” I answer in a bad mood.
The poor woman bows her head, overwhelmed by the situation, and I soften my words. Without wanting to, I am becoming Dr. Klein. Is it true that when you are out of the problem you can see situations so clearly?
“Jane, I'm not trying to judge you, you know I'm the least indicated, but what I mean is that it's clear that you have feelings for him, so why not give him a chance? What does he think?”
“He wants more. Anne this is so confusing,” she squeezes her hands tightly. “I would only do it once, I wanted to try and feel like a more attractive, more desirable woman. I thought he was so handsome that I couldn't resist him, I wanted to touch him and feel him once, it would only be once...”
“What you feel is totally normal.”
“But I throw away so many years due a whim,” she sobs irritated. “I should have stayed away, I should have thought better.”
“Jane, what do you feel?”
“What do you mean? Oscar has been my partner for so many years that I think I've always wanted him.”
“I mean Suraj. How do you feel about Suraj? What happens to you when you see him, when you touch him?”
My sister's face lights up just by remembering him.
“With him I feel myself. There are no rules or obligations, there is only us. His voice caresses me when he speaks to me and his touch makes me feel precious, unique. When we are together I fear that time will pass and the fear of never seeing him again torments me. Not knowing where he is or with whom, is a delicate dagger that nails me deep and deep inside. The fear of losing him is an agony with which you wake up and sleep every day. When I'm not by his side I lose my way, I don't even recognize my name. I can only count the minutes to see him again.”
“You are in love.”
“But it can't be, I'm married.”
“Those details don't matter to the heart.”
“I'm afraid.”
“We'd all have it and you're not the exception. Think about it, are you sure that if you let him go you can live with the pain of having lost him? Are you ready to wake up every morning feeling that he is no longer part of you? I think it's better to have felt it and lost it than to have never felt it.”
“You say it very surely.”
“It's because I am. Jane, now I'm sure I was wrong, that when I thought I was looking for myself, I was actually running away from a future about to be wrote. Now I know, and I don't want to be wrong again, and I don't want you to be wrong either. I don't want fear to decide for you as it did before for me. If I am as I am, it is because I was afraid to love and not be loved and believe me, I curse myself more than once for my mistake.”
“But my marriage... everything will remain in nothingness.”
No, it's not like that, it'll just be part of your past. Jane, if you want it, fight for it. Write your future next to him.”
“Suraj is a complicated man. I told you he was in the Temple of the Passions in the cinnamon room, do you know what that means?”
“Yes, and the problem is?”
“God Anne, what if tomorrow he gets bored of me? If I'm not what he expects or I'm not able to give him what he needs? Where will I cry my sorrows?
“In my house and in my arms.”
“Anne...” I caress her hair with the same tenderness as when we were children.
“Darling, you are the owner of your feelings, fight for them. In the past we were very lonely and didn't know how to make good decisions, why not do it now?”
Jane holds herself in my arms as I caress her thoughtful back. Passion can be hidden, denied, and even buried, but it will always resurface in the person you least desire.
Love or passion are not feelings that can be hidden in a drawer because sooner or later they’ll make their appearance without asking permission.
We believed ourselves to be satisfied and content with life, but only one of their glances made us wake up from our lethargy.
True love arrives one day and makes its way into your agenda, even if you have it completely occupied.
And why not?
And now it's time for action. Enough waiting. I may have made mistakes in the past, but today I am ready to fight. I have matured sentimentally and I rather to risk dying than in being miserable for not being with him. If life has to pass before me, I intend to participate in every act and enjoy every act. It's time for me to apply my own advice.
“Raymond, I think if I help you inside the pool we could get better results.”
“Excellent idea.”
“No way, you stay where you are. And by the way, why are you here?”
“Whether you like it or not, I'm helping you in your recovery and I'm not leaving.”
As safely as I can, I lift up my shirt and leave a perfect black bra in plain sight. It’s first class lingerie but in no case a swimsuit according to a rehabilitation pool. I cover myself as I can, waiting for Raymond to leave as promised. From the corner of my eye, I can see how the colours start to rise up his face. Yes, the effect is emerging. To desperate situations, extreme measures.
“Do you plan to get naked in the middle of the pool?” He asks a hoarse question while eating me with his gaze.
“I don’t see the problem with it”. Raymond's intrusion makes me smile and forget the modesty I'm trying to control.
“You shut up or take a punch. Anne, cut the crap and get dressed again. But what are you doing? Don't even think about taking off your pants! No! Don't even dream about it. Don't even think about staying in your underwear. And you, stop looking at her!” He shouts angrily and with the heat.
His eyes come out of the bowls and I can see his jugular vein jumping restlessly and a little out of control.
“It's a bathing suit,” I lie.
I'm wearing super sexy lingerie and I'm sure that when it gets wet, it will stick to my body like smoking paper, but today, Mr. Blackman, you will stop being indifferent to me as my name is Anne Foster.
I'm going to make you fall in love and drive you crazy in equal parts. Today I'm the one who sets the rules of the game. I'm tired of making mistakes and crying about the consequences. I don't want to wait for what never comes, today I want to be the conqueror of a land that belongs to me and I plan to claim it as my propert.
“I think the therapy is working. Blackman is about to swim double stroke,” Raymond whispers in my ear so only I can hear him.
“Don't be mean," I answer as I walk the stairs slowly. I know his reactions perfectly well, and I know how excited he is to see me so daring in public. Yes, his gaze betrays him. In that matter nothing has changed. That tension in his beloved body is not due to any anger.
“Reed, you're doing great. Every day you seem more powerful... with greater strength,” I speak as a total femme fatale and I would swear that that little grin on him lips is the beginning of a hidden smile.
God, I'm sure I'm turning completely red. Strength, Anne, you can do it!
“I think it's time for me to leave. Your techniques, Miss Foster, are undoubtedly much more effective than mine.”
If it weren't for the fact that we already had this planned, I think I would die of shame in this very moment. I prefer to continue focusing my gaze on Reed, who seems not to be distracted by anything or anyone. His five senses belong to me completely and I feel like the goddess of the universe.
“Don't even think about leaving.” he orders between his teeth but his physiotherapist ignores him and leaves.
“What are you doing?”
Reed clings to the kerb with difficulty. He tries to show anger but I know his gaze too well to know what's behind it. He wants me and I want him. I swear that I will break that wall of ice that he has put between us at any cost.
“What do you think?”
I approach until my breasts are stuck to his torso. Our glances cross and there it is again. I'm sorry. His fire shines again as before, as when the world didn't matter to us. His cold eyes turn into burning fire and I feel how his heat reaches me and burns me. His chest goes up and down like the battle he fights inside him was the one of a great marathon runner who knows he's going to lose.
“Please go out and cover yourself. I can continue on my own," he says with a particular hoarseness.
!We're alone, the pool has the ideal temperature and I'm practically naked, no sir, I'm not moving and neither are you.
“I've seen the exercises you do with Raymond and I know I can help you too,”
I stretch out my hands and close in his waist. I feel him breath nervously but none of his usual comments come out of his mouth so I continue on a steady course towards the enemy. This battle is decisive in my life.
I try to show some professionalism and caress his body for apparently therapeutic purposes but I can’t. His wet body drives me crazy. His skin is burning and I feel like little tremors shake him with each of my touches.
“Anne, that's enough. Let it go.”
His hands rest on my shoulders wanting to take me away but curiously they don't. They remain there, static, rubbing against my skin, so I take courage and slowly lower my hands by his knees caressing each wet centimeter of his skin. I go slowly. Raymond explained to me that his sensations are soft and that Reed doesn't perceive this body as his own, and that's why I'm here, so we can discover it together. I know that the skin on his legs can hardly feel me, but the fire in his gaze shows me that the walls have begun to fall.
I lift one of his legs and let his foot rest carelessly on my chest as my hand climbs up his hard thigh. I do it with care while he holds the railing not to slip.
I try to look concentrated like a perfect nurse even though the desperation to have him is killing me. It’s been almost a year without caressing him, without feeling his heat, too many lonely hours for a woman dying to get lost in his arms.
In a few seconds my hands change from a gentle massage to sweet caresses that make him close his eyes and throw his head back. He tries to control himself. I know him too well and I know how much it means to him to give up absolute control, but we are living in new times and we will both learn together.
Engrossed in my thoughts, I caress his crotch almost without looking for it. A sweet groan comes out of his fleshy lips and I hold myself back not to throw myself at him and bite him without rest. His hard and powerful virility is barely contained by a bathing suit that is tense in front of each one of my innocent frictions.
“Anne...” The pasty voice is barely audible. “You have to leave.”
“Is that really what you want?" I ask looking at his very bulging crotch.
“Anne...”
“Yes?”
My hands let go of his leg and I come closer to caress him with brazenness. I no longer pretend to be a solicitous nurse, I have just become a complete woman ready to use all her weapons to conquer her man. I caress him gently. The beautiful soft and humid of his chest bristles with each of my contacts and I feel like dying to taste some of it.
“This can’t be...”
I approach accepting the challenge. My body touches the hard chest by sticking it to my breasts. I want him to feel me. I want to make him relive every forgotten sensation. I want him to recognize my imprint on his body. Too much time has go by and we are both desperate for a need that can no longer be hidden.
I approach my mouth to his, without remorse, and I bite his lips erasing all reticence. I tried that it was a delicate kiss of two lovers that reunite but the passion dominates us. Our tongues fight blow by blow to get the power but neither of the two is willing to yield. Our crazed breath mixes desperately to become one. His strong and secure hands cling to my waist and I feel as his fingers hold me to hit me against his body. My feminine side screams euphorically as my tongue pushes harder into his mouth. I want to possess him and feel my need for his warmth.
His hoarse groans tell me I'm getting it, I'm twisting it and attracting it into a fire that burns to burn it. Reed deepened the kiss as I cling tightly to his neck, scratching it tenderly. The water covers us like liquid silk, soft and smooth and our bodies rub impatiently seeking mutual liberation.
His hands come down my back to wrap around my buttocks to bring us closer together. His swollen groin touches the softness of my bathing panties and the pleasure makes us purr with desperate need.
“I shouldn't.”
I don't know what he says but I don't care, I don't want to listen to him, I don't understand his reasons and I definitely don’t want to know them, I just know that I want him with extreme madness.
I cling tightly to his neck while I nibble it, I want him totally crazy and irrational for me. His body seems to understand my message because instantly his strong hands run across my chest and I feel like my nipples bristle at such delightful contact. How long have I not had you inside? How have I been able to survive without your caresses? If I were able to show you what you mean to me, all our problems would be solved.
“You don't play fairly...” He begs hoarse for passion while his fingers go inside my brassier.
“In love and war, anything goes,” I purr biting her lips without mercy and then I drip towards his waist.
My mouth covers him from top to bottom as he throws his head back and holds his arms cross-over the kerb. His body trembles with every caress and I feel terribly powerful. In a totally premeditated and one hundred percent casual act, I extend my hand and put it inside his bathing suit to caress a friend I haven't felt in a long time.
His hard and powerful masculinity leaps euphorically at my contact, showing me that he has missed me.
“Anne... baby.”
“Do you want me to stop?” I ask blind by the passion as I bite his ear and my hand moves up and down with force.
“Please don't. I need you so much...”
“And I want to give it all to you.”
I imprison his penis with all the power I am capable of and I hate the fact that I’m not able to go down to kiss him, but breathing under water is something I'm not very good at, so I continue with my manual work while I kiss and nibble without rest. I look him in the eyes and see his precious contracted face and how he pushes his head backwards, completely devoted to my caresses and I feel myself dying of love. The pleasure I feel while I see him in such a state is so exciting that I begin to rub against his knee seeking my own liberation. We both gasp and move with maddened need when I feel the heat of its seed spill into m
y hand. The desire that is born in me is so intense that the contractions of my own body twist me into an endless orgasm of love.
Our breaths are inconstant and I embrace his body not to fall. I have just touched the sky with my hands.
The strong arms surround me possessive while I feel as his mouth rests on my head. He has me imprisoned, his lips kiss my hair and they pull my hair but I don't care. I feel totally his. The sweetest of possessions is the one of a woman who’s totally in love.
“Reed Blackman! I see that some faculties are never lost.”
“Collette Morgan, don't you ever get late?”
I wake up from my drowsiness completely misplaced. I was sure no one would dare to interrupt us, Raymond assured us that we would have the pool to ourselves and that no one would come in until we left. I raise my head and my eyes get lost between long, slender legs. She wears a heart attack miniskirt and vertigo lime green heels. I look up even more and there she is, a perfect ebony goddess. Her shiny black hair gently caresses her shoulders as she smiles at me with lifesaving airs.
Reed lets go of my grip trying to disguise what has happened and I get lost in a sea of questions. I shake my wet hair back trying to get it back together. Although I look like a wet shrimp, I am the one in his arms and I intend to make it clear. I raise my face to look her in the eyes with absolute security.
“Hello, I’m Anne, Anne Foster.” I say trying to be nice, but she doesn't deign to answer me, she just looks at me like I was a nuisance fly and she immediately directs her gaze to the only one she is interested in.
“Are you going to get out of that pool or are you going to keep playing the fool?”
Her smile couldn't be more impertinent and annoying. Reed stretches his hands reaching for the transporter chair by his own means. He's back to what he was. The ice wall surrounds him. Again.
“Wait, I'll help you," I say, forgetting the precious goddess outside.
“I'm fine. I don't need you!”
Reed's anger left me immobilized in the place. His annoyance has taken away from me the selfsteem I had obtained so far. I bow my head and walk towards the stairs to get out. I put the straps of my bra together while I look for something to cover myself with. I feel confused, insecure, naked. Minutes before I thought I had everything under control but now, in front of this woman, I feel like a little bug and it's not just because of her feminine power, which is impossible to deny, but because of Reed's attitude towards her. He is tense, her presence provokes something that I don't discover. He tries to walk away as if I didn't exist.