Go Forward Slowly

by Whitney Cannon

  The thought and feeling of Wesley coming under him had Patton losing it a split second later and he followed his boyfriend right over the edge of oblivion, completely unaware of anything except for the indescribably phenomenal sensation coursing through him.

  They lay there, completely spent and panting for the longest time until Patton belatedly realized he might be killing his boyfriend by unintentionally smothering him to death. His jelly-arms managed something resembling a push-up, and he rolled off Wesley whose pitiful attempt to pull him back made him smile.

  “Dead,” Wesley croaked and rolled over to flop an arm across Patton’s chest. His wet jeans were clinging to him in more ways than one, but he couldn’t be bothered to care as he met Wesley halfway, and they lay there staring at each other in the dark as the storm continued on oblivious to their significant moment.

  Patton leaned in and kissed Wesley softly, feeling a fondness for the boy who’d so easily found a place in his life. It was hard to put into words what Wesley had not only done for Patton’s mental state of being but his emotional and physical well being as well. He’d given Patton confidence and courage, companionship and comfort. He’d given him a safe place to be himself and to explore who he was without fear or ridicule, and Patton had never felt so grateful or sentimental toward anyone in his life.

  He hugged Wesley close and as he reached behind him for the extra quilt at the foot of his bed, he called out, “Hey, Siri? Set an alarm for one hour,” and they snuggled into each other, drifting off to the sounds of their mingled breathing and the steady patter of rain against the windowpanes.

  Chapter 12

  Holy crap, Wes couldn’t concentrate. His mind was everywhere except where it needed to be. He was about to walk into English and take an exam on a novel he knew he’d read but couldn’t remember a thing about.

  It had been like that for over a week.

  He’d lost his concentration at his cross country meet over the weekend as well and hadn’t done as well as he’d have liked to. It was no one's fault but his own, and he wasn’t sure if he liked being so distracted or if he should even do anything about it.

  Who knew having a boyfriend would totally and completely fry his brain?

  The only thing rattling around up there lately seemed to be Patton. Not that that was a bad thing, just that he had a feeling he was going to need to impose some planned and deliberate time apart. He needed to study, he needed to focus, and he couldn’t do those things with his mind and hands on Patton.

  They hadn’t done anything more intentional than kiss and grope since their rainstorm romp, but Wes was sure he could die tomorrow with a smile on his face just from reliving those memories over and over again.

  God, that night had been incredible. From their talk in the car all the way up to the unexpected downpour, Wes wouldn’t change a thing. Patton all over him with wet, dripping hair, soaked T-shirt, skin-tight jeans, and a very prominent bulge had led Wes to a hasty decision to remove his shirt, and to his surprise, Patton had followed his lead.

  To finally get his hands on his boyfriend’s warm skin had been amazing. So many sensations and feelings had run through him as he’d touched and been touched in return. They hadn’t spoken a word, but their connection and desire had been seeping out of every caress and kiss, and Wes couldn’t even begin to fathom what it might be like if they hadn’t been wearing wet jeans which had inhibited any more movement than simply grinding against the other. Coming in his jeans hadn’t been ideal but coming with Patton on top of him had, without a doubt, been the single best feeling he’d ever had in his life.

  And, every time he thought about it, which was often, he got a raging hard-on and couldn’t focus on anything but wanting to repeat it again and again.

  He plunked down in his seat with his binder and book and attempted to tune in as Mrs. Lowman explained the exam. Wes did his best to answer the questions and keep his mind on track so he could write a decent essay and actually managed five relatively well thought out paragraphs before the bell rang and he had to hand in his work.

  And low and behold, his mind was back on Patton and the kiss he would undoubtedly give him as they passed each other between classes. God, he was in over his head.

  He waited in their usual spot and not a minute later, Patton came up to him with a huge grin on his face. He kissed Wes softly and hugged him around his middle.

  “Hi,” he breathed into his ear and Wes felt a shiver work its way down his spine.

  “Hi,” Wes returned. “What’s got you so happy? Or are you just as glad to see me as I am to see you?”

  “Of course I’m glad to see you, but I just totally aced my history test. Mr. Stein handed them back today, and I only missed one. I mean, I knew I did well, but that’s pretty kick-ass, yeah?” Patton asked, looking like a giddy schoolboy who’d been given a gold star by the principal.

  “Wow, babe. That’s awesome. Congrats. Not sure how I just did on my English test since my mind has been a little preoccupied with a certain someone and all the things I want to do to him, but I’m glad your brain is still working well enough for you to ace your test.”

  Patton laughed and kissed him again. “You’re cute. Hey, gotta run, but I’ll see you at lunch. Maybe we can eat in the car and get in a little…” Patton waggled his eyebrows suggestively.

  They both cracked up and Wes couldn’t help but kiss him again. God, his boy was addictive. “Sounds like a plan. Good job on your test, sweet pea,” Wes praised. “I’ll see you at lunch.”

  Patton bit just the tiniest part of his upper lip, his eyes sparkling with mischief as he backed away, and Wes narrowed his eyes, causing Patton to grin. He was such a little tease.

  Patton giggled and air-kissed him and he was off, leaving Wes with a semi and no brain to speak of.

  The fact that he was facing his two least favorite classes back-to-back didn't help things either.

  His mood improved considerably, however, when the lunch bell rang and he dropped his things in his locker and grabbed his food to meet Patton. The days were much colder since it was the end of October and almost all of the leaves had fallen from the trees around campus. It was overcast as Wes held Patton’s hand as they walked to his car. Patton clicked the key fob and they climbed into the back seat after unbuckling Tallie’s car seat. They had quickly discovered the back seat afforded them more space and room to move around without a center console between them.

  “I’m excited for tonight,” Patton said after their initial thirst for contact had been quenched. He began pulling items out of his lunch bag and Wes took the hint that makeout time was over for now.

  “Me too. I think Lizzy invited half the school, but we’ll see who actually comes. Last year only about thirty people showed up but there were some really great costumes. I can’t wait to see Lizzy and Colt as Han Solo and Princess Leia. Colt is about as far from Han as I am from The Rock.”

  “Gina’s party was cool, though, huh? I think most of the choir was there and did you see that group who were dressed like Charlie Brown and the Peanuts gang? That was hilarious because it was freezing outside and all the Peanut characters only ever wear shorts.” Patton chuckled as he popped a sandwich of pepperoni, salami, and cheese into his mouth. He’d been so diligent with his food and really restricting his carbs, and all the added exercise, both in and out of PE class, had Patton looking slimmer than ever. He still had a way to go, if Wes were being honest, but he looked good and was slimming down in all the right places. Wes certainly hoped that somehow Patton’s ass would survive his self-imposed makeover. His pants always fit him just right in the trunk area.

  “What are you lookin’ at?” Patton teased, drawing Wes’s attention from his mindless perusal of Patton’s neck and jaw as he chewed and swallowed.

  “You,” Wes returned not caring at all that he sounded like he was totally head over heels. He was and had no reason to hide it.

  Patton smiled softly and leaned in for a kiss. “You’re easil
y distracted lately. Something on your mind?” Patton asked as he made up another little stack of meats and cheeses.

  Wes took a deep breath and blew it out. “You’ve been on my mind,” Wes confessed. “Constantly. You’re all I think about and not always in a good way.”

  Patton lowered his hand from his mouth and looked at Wes with wide puppy-dog eyes. He blinked owlishly and Wes groaned.

  “See. That right there is exactly what I’m talking about.” Wes scrubbed his hands down his face. “I can’t focus. I can’t think. I’m missing assignments and getting crappy grades on quizzes and tests. Every time I sit down to study or do homework, you’re the only thing I can think about. Everything about you is completely consuming me. I find myself so distracted by thoughts of you that I run longer than I need to or have to reread passages over and over again because I have no idea what I’ve just read. I mean, you just smile at me and I swoon. What the hell, Patton? What am I supposed to do? We’re like a week away from midterms and I’m totally fucked.”

  Patton swallowed and stared back at him, obviously completely blindsided by Wes’s outburst. He wasn’t really expecting an answer and he hadn’t meant anything to sound like it was Patton’s fault. He just needed to clear his mind and vocalize his issues. Maybe Patton would have some magical answer that would solve Wes’s problem and they could live happily ever after.

  Patton lowered his head and looked down at his lap.

  “I’m sorry, sweet pea. I didn’t mean to just dump all that on you,” Wes said, placing his hand on Patton’s cheek. Patton looked back at him, and when he blinked, his eyes looked a little watery. “God, please don’t cry. I’m not mad at you, baby.” Wes quickly rearranged their lunches and moved to pull Patton into a hug. “Fuck. I’m sorry. I’m not mad, I’m not. I just don't know what to do. You asked what was wrong, and not that that’s wrong, it’s just what’s been on my mind and I wanted to tell you so you could help me figure it out. You know I love being with you and thinking about you and pretty much anything to do with you, but I need to find some kind of balance. If my grades slip, I could lose my place on the track team. I don’t know what’s wrong with me or why I can’t seem to concentrate, but I need to figure something out. That’s all. I didn’t mean to upset you or catch you off guard and I’m certainly not mad at you. I’m just frustrated, I guess.”

  Wes pressed a kiss to Patton’s head and held him. They sat quietly for a minute until Patton tapped him, and he eased up on his hold. Patton wouldn’t meet Wes’s eyes but he cleared his throat a couple of times as he fidgeted and put a few inches of space between them. Wes felt that gap like the continental divide.

  “Um, I’m not really sure what to say.” Patton tugged at his shirt and jacket, a gesture that Wes knew meant he was feeling insecure. “I’m sorry you’re having trouble. I didn’t know anything was wrong or I wouldn’t have… I would have made sure you had time to yourself. I would have made sure that we spent more time studying or something.” He paused, watching his own fingers twist around themselves. “I mean, it’s only been a couple of weeks and if you need some time or something, I can just lay low for a while while you catch up.” He swallowed and Wes could see his fingers turning white where he gripped them together. “I could help you if you wanted. Like, tutor you or something, but that would mean we have to spend more time together, and it sounds like you need time apart to focus on your grades.”

  “No, sweetie,” Wes soothed, wanting to reach out and reassure Patton but the line he’d drawn had been pretty clear. “I don’t want to be apart, and I don’t need time to myself. I just need to figure out how to be with you and get my grades up at the same time. I’m not sure how well you tutoring me would work though, since I’m sure we’d just end up making out the whole time, but I could ask Riley or something. I just mean that I probably shouldn’t come over every night or spend as much time working on the boat as I’d like.”

  Patton nodded and drew his coat tighter around himself. “Okay. We’ll figure something out. Maybe you take the rest of this week to catch up since midterms are coming, and I’m sure I can use the time to study too. We’ve been kind of all over each other since the dance and maybe it will be good for us to get back to normal a little bit; do the things we need to do so we can look at our time together as a reward and not a complication.”

  While Wes agreed with what Patton was saying he didn’t like the undercurrent of the mood in the car. It felt like Patton was saying one thing but meaning another. He would only hold eye contact for a moment before looking away and he’d definitely lost his earlier enthusiasm at being together.

  “Patton,” Wes said and waited until he met his eyes. “Why does it feel like you’ve already pulled away? You’re all the way over there with your coat wrapped around you like a suit of armor. I’m not trying to hurt you, and I’m nowhere near letting you close yourself off over this. We’re not breaking up, we’re not putting things on hold, and we’re not a complication. You are the best thing in my life right now, and I’ll do whatever I have to do to keep you. Maybe we can have a group study session so we make sure we stay focused or something. Or maybe we study at the library or someplace public. I want to be with you as much as I can so maybe we just make some alterations to our plans to help us stay more on track.”

  Patton was finally looking at him with some light back in his eyes. Wes grasped that thread and held on for dear life. “What do you say about after school, we each head home to study for an hour, and since it’s the party tonight, we’ll skip making any huge adjustments to our routines? I know I definitely want to get ready with you, and we’ll spend the night together. I’m not going to fail my classes tomorrow or the next day, but I do have some work to do. On Friday, maybe we skip the football game and hit up a coffee shop, and you can help me with my missing assignments. Then we can spend a few hours in the library on Saturday, and even Sunday, and I’ll probably be fine. I think I just need to not study in your bedroom or in my bedroom or any place we’ve made out in the past two weeks, and if you’re willing to help me without falling behind yourself, we can still spend our time together. Would that be okay? Could we try it at least?”

  Patton had already started nodding before Wes had even finished talking. His hands had relaxed and he’d let go of his coat. He was looking at Wes like he’d found the solution to world peace. “That sounds perfect. I think you’re absolutely right. We need to set up some parameters to make sure we’re not distracted. If we can both study together at the library or something it would make our time together after that that much nicer since we wouldn’t be thinking about schoolwork or anything. We could just be together and be done with school. I’ll have to figure out if we can take the girls or not. It could be good for them to look at books too, and maybe there are some after school things they could do there. Or we just wait until my parents come home… But then you have practice… Okay, whatever. We’ll figure it out, yeah?” He took Wesley’s hand and gripped it in his usual way, scooting closer, and Wes sighed in relief.

  “Yeah,” Wes breathed. “We’ll figure it out. I didn’t mean to make a big deal about it, but thank you for understanding and being willing to help me make it work. I was dreading the idea of having to spend time apart, and I’m so relieved we found a way that that didn’t have to happen.” Wes kissed the back of Patton’s hand. “You’re so important to me, sweet pea, and I don’t want you to think I was trying to pull away or break things off.” Patton actually blushed and ducked his head into Wes’s chest. He wrapped his arm behind Patton’s back and pulled him closer, trying to make up for the distance of the last few minutes. “I would think by now that you would know how much you’re beginning to mean to me. I’m certainly no expert and probably don’t know the first thing about it since I’m only sixteen, but I don’t think it would be out of the question to say that I’m falling for you.”

  Patton looked up suddenly, his eyes the size of saucers and Wes nodded, only getting a second to witness Pa
tton’s reaction before his lips were crushed in a bruising kiss that would leave them swollen for the rest of the day. And if they walked into the locker room a little later than normal and a little happier than they needed to be for gym class, then oh well. Life would move on and everyone else could just deal with it.

  — — —

  They’d pretty much used Gina’s party over the weekend for a dress rehearsal of their costumes, and after a few makeup changes, they had their look down. Of course, no one had known who they were, but that hadn’t mattered. Wes thought they’d looked badass and with Patton’s smokey, dark eyes and the runes drawn on his neck, Wes’s eyes had hardly noticed anyone else at the party. He kept envisioning his tongue tracing the lines on Patton’s neck.

  Lizzy and Colt’s party was different though. Wes’s best friends were there, and anyone that was friends with them was there. It was complete chaos.

  When they’d first arrived, they’d been hugged and hand-shaked, then shoved into the kitchen and told to have some “witches brew.” Lizzy didn’t cut corners when she had a party, and Halloween was her favorite holiday. Her whole family dressed up and decorated the house like a haunted mansion, complete with cobwebs and dust. Every year the theme changed though and this year they were doing a dead carousel theme complete with lots of creepy porcelain dolls. The fog machine in the living room pumped out an eerie cloud of smoke, and the Halloween horror soundtrack that was playing throughout the house ratcheted up the chill factor a notch.

  Patton, apparently, loved it. He explained that he loved theater and would, in fact, be trying out for the lead in the spring musical, but the dramatic decor and everyone in costume made him feel like he was at some sort of performance.

  Wes just loved seeing him geek out.

  Patton came up to him with a huge grin as Wes stood in the kitchen munching on some “spider’s eggs.” “Have you been to the bathroom yet?” he asked as he wrapped his arm behind Wes’s back and kissed his shoulder.