Go Forward Slowly

by Whitney Cannon

  And later that night, after a rousing few rounds of Candyland with the girls and Ty, they made their way out to the boathouse and talked and talked and talked, until Patton walked Wes to his car and kissed him goodbye on that cold, clear night in the middle of December.

  Chapter 17

  Things seemed to slow down considerably over the next few days. Ty’s arrival and first week with Patton’s family had been an adjustment for everyone. Not only had they been dealing with having one more person in the house and one more plate to set at the dinner table, they had been dealing with the fallout from Ty’s family.

  Maria and Don had come by twice, along with Riley and another of their cousins named Walker, who was thirteen. Maria and Don had been handling most of the family drama, and trying to shield Ty from the bulk of it, but Patton had heard the Strikers talking after dinner one night and telling his parents about the situation. Patton had never let on to Ty that anything was going on, always trying to keep his emotions light. Ty needed stability and to feel safe, and after the first few days with them, Patton had finally stopped hearing him cry himself to sleep at night.

  So after almost ten days with Ty, the girls had finally stopped asking when he was going home, to which one of them would jump in and reply that Ty was home and would be living with them from now on. That answer always seemed to earn them a frown, but once Ty pulled up the Beatles on his phone and enticed the girls into a dance party, they accepted their new brother into their lives and insisted they be allowed to paint his nails.

  Ty had frozen on the spot, looking around like he might get in trouble, and when the girls professed that Wes always let them paint his nails, he finally relaxed enough to have a good time and not be looking over his shoulder the whole time.

  It seemed that any time anything might lead to him showing the slightest bit of femininity or acting in a manner that might suggest his sexual orientation, he froze, withdrew, shut down, over-corrected, hid, or faked it. It was so hard to watch. But once Patton and Wes made a show of dressing up for a tea party with the girls, using hair clips, makeup, and tiaras, Ty had laughed and gone to the extreme, finally acting in a manner in which he really seemed to thrive; he was finally finding out who he was and he’d be happy for a time.

  Of course it was going to take time for those moments to last, and not all of Ty’s problems were going to be solved in ten days, but as Christmas approached and he sang as loudly or as theatrically as he liked to the carols that played almost constantly while he helped prepare dinner in the kitchen, he broke down in tears at the table, asking to be excused and rushed from the room, not a door slam to be heard in his wake.

  Patton looked at his parents and then over to Wes, who had adjusted his schedule to come over after school on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, and Wes shrugged sadly. “Should we go talk to him?” Patton asked, addressing the room in general.

  It was Tim who spoke first. “Why don’t we just leave it? He’s going through so much right now, and all these little things are going to crop up here and there and we can’t be breathing down his neck every time something happens or something upsets him. He’s going to need time and space and the freedom to figure out who he is. He’s never had those things before so anytime he encounters an unfamiliar situation, it’s going to catch him off guard. He’s even struggling with how to react to his reactions. I bet having this much freedom and a non-judgmental environment is pretty overwhelming for him.”

  Wes rested his hand on Patton’s shoulder and gave it a squeeze. “I know you hate it, but give him some space, huh?”

  “I hate to see him hurting like this. Something as simple as being allowed to sing Christmas carols and help in the kitchen should not set him crying. It’s so heartbreaking to watch,” Patton said dejectedly.

  “You’re doing all you can, Patton,” Tiffani said soothingly. “You’ve been an amazing friend to him these last few days, even at your own expense, and it’s really not your place to step in every time something happens. Be his friend. Be there for him and show him that you care, but give him the power of coming to you when he needs you. Let him have control over who he talks to and when. He needs to know that he can set boundaries and that we’ll respect them just as much as we expect him to respect ours. If we’re all going to learn to live together and help him through this, then we all need to respect each other enough not to go banging on each other's doors demanding answers anytime someone is upset. Let him be upset. He should be upset. We’re all upset for him, but let him handle it how he needs to. Okay?”

  Patton nodded, swallowing down the lump in his throat and took a sip of his hot tea. He didn’t have to like what everyone was saying, but it all made a certain amount of sense, he supposed. Ty really never had had the chance to set his own parameters before, and they should allow him the freedom to react how he wanted and needed. Otherwise, they were no better than Ty’s father, controlling everything he did and how he acted.

  “We can take his dinner up to him after we finish, alright?” Wes said. “I know you won’t be happy until you at least hear his voice and know that he’s not going to starve to death.”

  One corner of Patton’s mouth hitched up at Wes’s comment. His guy knew him so well. He nodded and conversation returned to last-minute Christmas shopping and the upcoming school vacation.

  Christmas was only one week away and Patton couldn’t wait to get out of school for a couple of weeks to just do nothing. He wanted to sleep late, hang out with his family and friends, and he wanted to spend as much time with Wesley as he could possibly squeeze in. He knew there were going to be family obligations and they would need to sleep in their own beds every night, but if he wasn’t babysitting, wrapping Christmas presents, or with his family, he was planning to be with Wes.

  Patton was so in love, it actually made his sisters groan when he waxed on about Wesley’s many wondrous qualities and they loved Disney princess movies.

  Call it a crush, call it first love, or infatuation, Patton didn't care. He loved Wes and couldn’t wait to surprise him with his Christmas present in a week. He was actually going to have to give Wes one of his gifts the day before Christmas, but that was okay. He was going to love it no matter when he got it. The other gift could be opened on Christmas.

  Patton had been planning the big surprise for a couple of weeks and had actually even talked to Janice about it since Wes would need her permission, but he hoped to surprise Wes with it nonetheless. No one else knew about it, and Patton had no idea what Wes was going to get him, but he was so excited for their first Christmas together that he didn’t even care if he got anything, he was just glad to be spending it with the guy he loved.

  So with love and happiness in his life, it hurt especially hard to think of Ty and all that he’d lost so close to the holiday. Patton wanted to come up with a way to help Ty feel included in his new little family and to help him feel at home and loved. Because even if he no longer had the love of his father and mother, he had the love of his friends and his new “family.”

  After dinner, Patton and Wes gathered Ty’s dinner and added some chocolate crinkle cookies and a cup of eggnog and headed up the stairs to Ty’s room. Wes knocked and a few moments later, Ty opened the door with a Christmas-themed blanket pulled over his shoulders and White Christmas playing on the TV in the background.

  “Hi,” Patton said. “We don’t want to bother you and we won’t intrude, but we wanted to make sure you had some dinner and to say that if you want to talk, we’re here but there’s no pressure. We love you and just want you to be okay. Okay?”

  Ty nodded even as his eyes watered again. He motioned them in. “Can you set that on the desk?” he mumbled and went to grab a tissue off his bedside table.

  Ty’s room was finally starting to look more like a teenager lived there than the magazine catalog picture it had been before. With a realtor for a father, they had a lot of designer knick-knacks around that sometimes made their house feel more like a showcase home
than some place they lived. But they’d gotten Ty some new curtains and a new bedspread, and little by little, the room was transforming to suit his needs. Patton hoped some of the things he’d bought Ty for Christmas would help him feel more like the space was his as well.

  “Sorry for all this,” Ty said, indicating his snotty nose and teary eyes. “Were your parents mad that I ran out at dinner? I should probably go apologize.” He sniffled.

  Patton shook his head. “Not at all, they understand. We all understand, Ty. We want you to feel free to act how you need to or want to, no questions asked. If you’re sad, fine. If you’re happy, great. We don’t ever want you to feel like you need to apologize for how you feel or how you’re going to react to certain things. Everything is changing for you right now and we totally expect you to have mixed emotions about it. Of course you’re going to have good days and bad days. We just want you to know that we’re here for you and will help you however we can.”

  Ty nodded and wrapped his arms around Patton in a hug. It was short and he pulled back to hug Wes as well. “Thanks, you guys. I don’t really feel like talking about anything tonight if that’s okay. But I appreciate you bringing me dinner.” He nicked his chin out toward the tray on the desk.

  “No problem. Hope you get some rest, and we’ll see you in the morning, okay?” Patton said and with one last hug, they left the room, closing the door behind them.

  Patton was glad to see Ty at least expressing himself more. He’d been so closed off the first few days after moving in that he’d practically been a robot just running on autopilot. It had taken a few days just for him to finally start to feel anything. Then another few for him to express his thoughts and opinions. Slowly, Ty was making progress. He would get there. He just needed time.

  “So,” Wes said as they locked themselves into Patton’s bedroom. He looked Patton up and down appreciatively. “What should we do until I have to go home in an hour?”

  Patton grinned and they didn’t do any more talking until he walked Wes down to his car and wished him good night.

  — — —

  Patton drove over to Wesley’s house the morning of Christmas Eve. He’d been invited over for brunch with Wes’s family, including Wes’s dad, Stan, whom Patton had only met once before. Wes’s dad was a trucker and spent his days on the road. He passed through town every few weeks and kept a studio apartment nearby so he could take extended vacations to visit with his boys and also just so he could have a place to keep his things. He was a nomad, through and through. Which had been one of the main reasons Wes’s parents had gotten divorced. Janice had gotten tired of spending her life waiting for Stan to come back home.

  But, Stan apparently spent every Christmas and New Years in one place and used those two weeks to catch up with his boys. So while Patton had been planning to spend his every waking moment with Wesley, Wesley had been obligated to spend time with his dad.

  They hadn’t seen each other the day before, and Patton was itching to get his hands on his guy.

  Yeah, he was a little infatuated. Oh, well. The world had bigger problems.

  He pulled up to Wesley’s house and before he even had his car door open, Wes was out of the house and bounding down the walkway toward him.

  Patton grinned. The snowy ground reflected a halo of light that illuminated his guy perfectly, and Patton scrambled to join him, being careful to not slip and kill himself in the process.

  “Hi, baby,” Wes said as he engulfed Patton in a huge hug.

  “Hi. I missed you,” Patton returned as they stood on the sidewalk, hugging like it had been years since they’d seen each other and not just a couple of days.

  “I know. I missed you too. I usually look forward to time with my dad, but I just kept zoning out wondering what you were doing, and Dad kept laughing at me, calling me out over how whipped I was. It was pretty pathetic.” Wes chuckled.

  Patton pressed a kiss to Wes’s lips. “I know. I was pretty much the same. We usually see each other every day at school, and I figured I’d see you every day while on break. I didn’t think I’d see you less. I was planning on having you all to myself.” Patton pouted and Wes laughed, wrapping him up in his arms again.

  “Same, but, what are we gonna do?”

  “I can think of lots of things I’d like to do,” Patton teased and they both snickered.

  “Come on,” Wes said, tugging on Patton’s hand. “Let’s go inside before my dad pulls out the fire hose to cool us off.”

  Patton grinned but followed Wesley inside to cat heaven. For a house with no fewer than five or six cats at a time, it really didn’t smell all that bad.

  “Hi, Patton,” Janice called out from somewhere in the house as soon as the door closed. The smell of cinnamon and sugar met his nose, as well as the lingering scent of pine from their cat-themed Christmas tree. It was always a little unnerving to see so many cat ornaments adorning the Noble fir. Wes had explained that it had given he and Calvin something easy to get their mother every year as they’d grown up and the tradition had just stuck. Now, they had dozens of creepy, and not so creepy, cat ornaments adorning their eclectic tree.

  “Hello,” Patton called back just as Stan appeared in the doorway from the kitchen.

  The man was over six feet tall and caucasian with thinning brown hair and a receding hairline, where as Janice was only five feet four inches tall and Korean American. Wes had inherited a gorgeous combination of his mother’s ancestry and his father’s height that Patton found absolutely striking, and hopefully, Wes would keep his slim build and active lifestyle as well. The spare tire riding around Stan’s middle was built from years sitting at a sedentary job and little to no exercise, making him look much older than Patton knew him to be.

  “Hiya, Patton,” Stan said as he came over to shake Patton’s hand. “Been a while, huh? You’re looking good. Wes has been telling me all about your PE assignment and how proud he is of you and all the progress you’ve made. Guess you guys have made quite a name for yourselves in your gym class.”

  It was true. Mr. Dunlap would sing their praises to anyone who would listen. He’d used them as an example more than once when addressing their class as the semester had neared its end. He’d even gone so far as to suggest some sort of reward for the team that was the most improved, thinking it might be a good incentive for future classes, should he decide to continue the program.

  But, all in all, it had been a combination of things that had given Patton the motivation to finally do something about getting healthy. Sure, Mr. Dunlap had laid the foundation and ultimately thrown down the gauntlet, but Patton had taken that first step on his own by deciding to try a new way of eating.

  However, Patton had also had something no one else did, and that had been Wesley. Even though they’d started their journey as friends or more accurately, partners, Wes had accepted him and never put him down or belittled him for his size or lack of fitness. He’d befriended Patton and encouraged him and shown him the tools to use that would make simply starting out easier to handle. Wes had worked out right alongside him, never treating him like he couldn’t handle it. And Patton was tempted to say that without Wes’s support, he’d probably have given up and just gone back to his old ways. Wes being there, changing his eating habits, showing Patton how to exercise safely and efficiently, had really been Patton’s biggest help.

  Plus, he’d gotten as sexy as hell boyfriend out it. So, yeah. Thank you, Mr. Dunlap.

  “Yeah. We’ve done alright,” Patton responded easily, wrapping his arm behind Wes’s back. Wes grinned at him and returned the gesture.

  Stan chuckled. “Always so modest, aren’t ya? Well, I hope you’re okay breaking a few of your rules today because Janice has been in there cooking all morning.” Stan gestured over his shoulder and beckoned them to follow.

  Patton gave a lounging Captain a quick scratch on the head as he passed the sofa. At least he thought the cat’s name was Captain. The cats rotated through the house so quickly
it was hard to keep track of who was who. The current naming trend was Marvel characters, though, so Patton knew he was at least close to getting it right.

  Surprisingly, Calvin was the one in the kitchen, standing at the sink with a potato peeler in one hand and a half-peeled apple in the other. He gave Patton a head nod and fist bump then continued on with his task.

  Janice bustled in a moment later wearing a festive ugly Christmas sweater featuring, of course, a cat. “Hi, honey. Merry Christmas,” she said as she came right over to Patton and wrapped him up in her sweet motherly embrace.

  “Merry Christmas to you too. It smells amazing in here. Is there anything we can do to help?” Patton asked, already seeing some glorious-looking cinnamon rolls that had been lavishly slathered in some sort of cream cheese icing sitting on a tray on the counter.

  “Of course not,” Janice admonished teasingly. “You’re our guest. As soon as Calvin is done with the apples, we’ll slice those up and add a little cinnamon and sugar, and we’ll be good to go. The casserole only has a few more minutes, and the rolls are ready and waiting.” She went over to the sink and washed her hands then checked on Calvin’s progress. “Why don’t you boys go put on a movie while you wait, and you can catch up with Stan for a little while.”

  Wes tugged Patton’s hand, and they retreated back into the living room. They queued up National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation, and Stan chatted their ears off about all his travels until Janice called them in ten minutes later.

  They enjoyed a breakfast casserole, cinnamon rolls, cinnamon and sugar apple slices, and a honey glazed ham, complete with sparkling apple cider. It was enough food to make Patton wish he’d worn pants with an elastic waistband.

  But, the company was good and the festive mood was enhanced by the softly playing Christmas carols in the background.