Only

by HelenKay Dimon

  “Neither did Jarrett and yet you both got arrested the last time the CIA came calling.” Bast angled his chair to stare at Natalie. “You will have a bodyguard.”

  “No.”

  The reaction was not a surprise. That didn’t make it any more welcome. Bast had a file full of photographs showing how Becca and Eli’s old team members died. Accidents and a random theft-gone-wrong. All of it bullshit.

  That meant she got a shadow, regardless of how much she whined about it. “It’s happening.”

  “Do you mean Eli?” Jarrett sounded amused by the idea.

  Eli swore under his breath. “No fucking way.”

  “For once, I agree,” Natalie said at the same time.

  The round robin could go on forever. Though letting the conversation circle and dive sounded better than fighting Natalie. Bast guessed that was about to happen on a large scale. “No, Gabe MacIntosh.”

  Jarrett hummed. “Interesting choice.”

  It struck Bast that way. A former Army special-ops guy turned contractor-for-hire with sniper skills that rivaled Eli’s was the perfect man for this assignment. With his diplomacy skills, Gabe could handle anything . . . including Natalie’s sharp personality.

  “Why is it interesting?” Becca asked.

  “Gabe’s a man’s man, live-in-the-woods type.” Jarrett held his hands far apart. “And huge. He makes Wade look small.”

  Natalie glanced at Wade. All six-foot-three of him. Then back to Bast. “No way. I’m a trained operative. The precaution is not necessary.”

  Eli shrugged. “That’s what I said before two goons shot me.”

  “Probably the same goons who tossed a bomb in my kitchen,” Becca added.

  It wasn’t often Eli and Becca joined forces in support of something. Bast appreciated it happening now. “Right. Natalie is with Gabe and Eli will move in with me.”

  The comment caught Elijah sneaking a look at Wade. Eli’s head snapped back and he scowled at Bast. “What?”

  One problem at a time. Bast focused on the most obvious one. “Natalie, you will have a shadow or you can find another negotiator. Last thing I need is someone shooting at you before you can sign an agreement.”

  Becca leaned against Jarrett’s shoulder. “Your friend’s bedside manner needs work.”

  Bast heard that. Then again, he supposed that was the point since she didn’t bother whispering. “That’s doctors.”

  “Wait.” Wade leaned back in his chair. “Go back to the part where Eli becomes your roommate.”

  “He lives in a shithole.” Which qualified as an understatement as far as Bast was concerned. “It would be easy for someone to take him out and make it look like a robbery gone bad.”

  He paid the man good money but Elijah chose to live in a pay-by-the-week hotel in a sketchy neighborhood. Bast knew because he brought Eli on and checked his employment file after the office manager confided that she’d seen him sleeping in his car in the parking garage under the law firm’s building.

  Wade sat up again and for the first time since the meeting started faced Eli head-on. “Where is this place?”

  Eli waved him off. “It doesn’t matter.”

  Not one to be ignored, Wade leaned forward, a mass of intensity and frustration, and tried again. “I’m thinking it does.”

  Eli’s expression turned feral. “You suddenly care?”

  “Okay, stop.” That was enough of that. Now was not the time for these two to work through or fight about their messed-up relationship. Bast could only deal with so many impossible situations at a time. “There’s a basement condo at my town house. Eli will move out of the crack den and stay with me.”

  “Now I want to know where you’re living,” Becca said.

  “No you don’t.” Jarrett rested his hand over Becca’s and shook his head. “We could make this easier and Eli could move into the crash pad at the club.”

  “Absolutely not.” The fury in Eli’s voice ratcheted up with each comment.

  Silence flashed through the room after the yell. Other than the rocking of some of the chairs and flipping of the corner of Bast’s file, time ticked in quiet.

  Finally Natalie broke the stalemate. “Well, that was adamant.”

  Becca snorted. “I wonder why.”

  Jarrett being Jarrett, he cut through the bullshit. “Why do you need Eli with you?”

  Not that Bast wanted to discuss this topic. “I don’t.”

  “Liar.” Becca pointed at Bast. “You think you need protection.”

  Eli’s eyebrow lifted. “Why didn’t you just say that?”

  Because Eli would step up. After only a few weeks of working together, Bast discovered that trait. Eli might be surly and difficult but he worked his ass off. He came in early and would stay all night. To catch up on the firm’s files, he studied and learned protocol. He didn’t need lectures on confidentiality because the man had been trained to hold on to a secret through interrogation and torture.

  “Bast isn’t good at asking for, or accepting, help.”

  The softness in Jarrett’s voice didn’t fool Bast. Jarett had added up the pieces about the potential need for security at the house. Bast sensed a confrontation in his future. “I’m fine. It’s just a precaution and would be better for Eli if he were with me.”

  “I can keep watch from outside of the house. Guard the perimeter, check the car and those things.” Eli stood with his hand in front of him. The stiff shoulders and dark hair gave him a menacing affect. “If you need a real bodyguard, I’ll do that.”

  Exactly what Bast expected. Eli figured out he was needed and stepped up. The guy was rock solid. It was a shame he didn’t recognize that.

  “You have a job and starting tomorrow you get a better apartment.” Bast knew he should move Eli in right away, just to be sure, but nothing was stopping him from seeing Kyra tonight. Bast didn’t want spectators for that, so he could postpone Eli’s arrival by one day.

  Jarrett rested his elbow on the table and shook his head. “I don’t like any of this.”

  On that, Bast agreed. “Everybody be smart and this will be fine.”

  He needed time to get this done. This wasn’t his first negotiation with the agency. It likely wouldn’t be his last. But this one dealt with people he cared about, which made it all the more important.

  • • •

  Elijah sat with his elbow on his desk and tried to ferret out the information he just learned. This wasn’t just about Natalie. The tentacles reached everywhere. Kept growing.

  The air in the room changed. Subtle and not noticeable to most people, but he’d survived more than one situation by being able to read the signs around him. His Japanese mother had called the ability mono no aware, literally “a sensitivity to things,” and it kicked in now.

  Forget a panic button. He was the guy who got the call when someone else pushed it. Now, he’d handle this. He reached for the gun velcroed under the desk. In the same second his fingers touched it, he heard the familiar voice.

  “Nice office.” Wade walked in and shut the door behind him.

  The windowless room stretched, maybe, eight by eight. There was enough room for a desk and a cabinet. A paralegal used to sit in there. Now Eli looked at the bare beige walls. He should have been crawling out of his skin from boredom. That hadn’t happened. He admired Bast, liked him even, and if that meant putting his body in front of Bast’s to take a bullet or stop an explosion, Eli would.

  And now he stared into the eyes of the other man on the planet who mattered and the anger festering inside him exploded. “What are you doing in here?”

  Wade leaned back against the wall. “You know I’m not a threat. Take your hand off the gun.”

  He knew about the hidden weapon. Of course he would know. Whether Wade believed it or not, he was the one person in the world who
“got” him . . . at least Eli used to think that was true.

  He held his hands out, turned them over, then put them on the desk. “There.”

  Wade nodded as he stepped further into the small room to stand directly across from Eli. Only three feet of desktop separated them. “We’re going to have to find a way to deal with each other.”

  “Why?” Eli would rather stay away. The scene at the club and talk about Shawn proved the feelings for Wade hadn’t died. Not on Eli’s part.

  “We know the same people. You work for Bast.”

  “That’s been the case for the last month and you managed to ignore me just fine.” Hadn’t returned a call or a text. Pushed off any attempts to talk.

  “It’s easier.”

  “On you, maybe.” It had been a fucking bitch for Eli. Between the memories and the desperate need to crawl back in bed with Wade, Eli had lost all sense of perspective.

  He wasn’t a guy who needed anything. His family had kicked him out the minute he questioned the sermons. His father traveled from camp to camp, engaging in his form of preaching while dragging his family behind him. His world centered on hate and when telling a makeshift congregation how to live their lives wasn’t sufficient, he branched out to demonstrations. He’d picket anything. Despised everything that didn’t fit with his idea of how people should act.

  Finding his son with another boy had been an unforgivable crime. One against God and against humanity. Eli had been alone ever since. Even though he worked on a team in the CIA, he functioned as an island.

  Until Wade.

  “You understand you caused this, right? Your denial. Your dismissal of whatever we had together,” Wade said.

  “Denial?”

  Wade kept moving. He circled the side of the desk and leaned against the wall to Eli’s left. “Come on, Elijah. Don’t act like I’m an idiot.”

  “What are you talking about?” But Eli knew because every argument with Wade circled back to this.

  He shook his head. “You insist you like women and that I was the aberration.”

  “I didn’t say that.” Eli knew better than that. Didn’t believe that. He’d used sex on jobs, but sex with Wade had been different. Right. “The real problem is you’re only happy if I accept your label.”

  “Is it that hard to accept who you are?”

  Eli fought it every damn day. If he sat and analyzed, let himself think for even a second what his life had become, he’d go insane. “And what is that? A killer. If you’re putting a good spin on it, I’m now part bodyguard and part investigator.”

  Wade stared at the ceiling for a few seconds. When he lowered his head again, his eyes held a certain starkness. “Sexually.”

  “In other words, everything would be fine between us if I told you I was gay.” There, he said it.

  The word meant nothing to him other than a memory of the last time he saw his mother. Even then, his father used other words and repeated them until they rang in Eli’s memory. His mind rebelled from saying the word and the hatred behind it.

  No faggots here. Faggots go to hell.

  “We had deeper problems than you being gay, which you are.” Wade didn’t add the word “idiot” but it sounded like he wanted to.

  If that’s what he needed, Eli would give it to him. It was too late and far too little, but if he could put one issue between them to rest, he would. “Fine.”

  Wade’s eyes widened as he came away from the wall. “What?”

  “Does that make you happy? I’m gay.” The word felt raw in his throat. Actually scraped and burned, but he said it. The label meant nothing to him, but it meant something to Wade. So there it was.

  “What are you doing right now?” Wade put a hand on the back of Eli’s chair and pushed until he had no choice but to look up.

  Engaging in honesty for a change. “Trying to give you what you want.”

  “This is about you accepting yourself.”

  “You want to know what I accept?” Eli shoved the chair the rest of the way back. Heard it thud against the wall as he stood up. “I blew it. I get that you meant something. That you’re the only person who’s ever stayed in my head until I thought I’d go insane from wanting to kick you the fuck out.”

  The anger drained from Wade’s face. “Elijah—”

  “I also can state without question that nothing lasts.” Not able to face Wade head-on this close, seeing the shoulders and the scruff around his chin, Eli reached for his chair.

  Wade grabbed Eli and forced him back around. “Don’t do that. Don’t turn this around and make this into my issue.”

  “I’m not.” With Wade’s fingers wrapped around his arm, Eli couldn’t move. Not that he held too tight. The wash of memories paralyzed him.

  “Sure as hell feels like it.”

  “What the hell do you want from me?” Eli shrugged out of the hold. The chair spun as he hit it with his leg and then almost lost his footing before he pressed his back against the wall behind his desk. “I’ve admitted I messed up. I’ve tried to explain why my anger blew. I’m working on controlling my anger.”

  “I’m wondering why you’re doing all of that now.” Wade closed in. One palm hit the wall next to Eli’s head. “Is this because you saw Shawn?”

  “You know what? Fuck away. Enjoy him.” Eli tried to spin away, go anywhere but here.

  Wade put a hand against his chest and slammed Eli back into the wall. “Easy.”

  Nothing about this qualified as easy. “As you’ve reminded me, I don’t get a say in what you do.”

  “You want me to feel guilty.”

  “You’ll be happier with Shawn anyway.” Saying those words ripped Eli in two. Shredded him to the bone.

  “I’m not buying it. You’re saying the right words and standing there looking half pathetic and half homicidal, but you know how to play people.” Wade leaned in until his breath brushed over Eli. “You were trained to be the best at it.”

  Heat pumped through Eli. He tried to fight off the rumbling inside him, the need building and clawing to get out. “My training centered on ways to kill people.”

  “You forget I’ve seen you in action. This strikes me as another long con and I’m the victim.”

  “Yeah, Wade. You’re the victim.”

  “Right there. That’s what I mean.” Wade’s other hand found the wall, trapping Eli between his arms. “Just stop.”

  “We’re not in the bar. This is my office.” Eli knew he should shove Wade away. Put space between them and laugh this off. But he couldn’t move. Not when he wanted to be this close to the man.

  “It’s Bast’s office.”

  Eli dropped his head back against the wall and closed his eyes. “I’m done fighting with you.”

  “Good.”

  His eyes popped open. “What?”

  Wade was right there. His face hovering and his mouth . . . Their lips met and Eli heard a thud as Wade’s body weight crushed them into the wall.

  Strong hands touched Eli’s face and a knee worked its way between his legs. Rough and hot, Wade’s mouth moved over his in a kiss that conquered and demanded. A steady humming sound filled Eli’s head as he grabbed at Wade’s shirt. Fingers dug into the material as his other hand traveled down his back.

  Their mouths crossed over each other. Tongues battled. Clothing rustled as Wade rubbed his lower half against Eli’s. When Eli skimmed his hands up Wade’s back and hugged him close, Wade broke away. He stepped back as heavy breaths pumped out of him.

  Eli saw the heated skin and eyes filled with confusion and guessed his look mirrored Wade’s. With a hand on his stomach, Eli tried to bring his breathing back under control and searched his mind for the right thing to say.

  When nothing came to him, Elijah went with what was likely the exact wrong thing. “What was that?”

&nbs
p; Wade shook his head as his gaze skipped over the room, never landing on Eli. “Left over.”

  The words shot out like a kick to the stomach. “Just working me out of your system?”

  “I guess that’s it.” Wade stumbled back. Wiped a hand through his hair. Still didn’t give eye contact.

  If he wanted to say we’re done, he was doing a hell of a job.

  “Right.” Eli rubbed a hand over the spot that ached. One of them, anyway. A flu-like weakness had swept through his body and he knew he’d go down soon. “Have fun with Shawn.”

  “I will.” Wade grabbed for the door then was gone.

  FIFTEEN

  Bast followed Kyra up the staircase from his garage to the first floor. She left her hair loose and long, hanging down her back. Hoping to inflict a little slow-motion torture, she swung her hips from side to side and felt her dark purple dress slip up the back of her thighs.

  On the third step she heard him swear under his breath.

  Mission accomplished.

  “You okay back there, Sebastian?” She loved his full first name. The way it rolled off the tongue. How good it sounded when she whispered it in bed.

  “I will be now that we made it up those damn steps without me tackling you.” When they reached the landing, he reached around her and typed in the alarm code.

  She shot him a smile over her shoulder. “Problem?”

  “As if you didn’t know.”

  The cool breeze from the air-conditioning hit her as he opened the door and guided her into the house. The touch of his hand against her lower back had her insides tightening. She thought about shoving him up against the wall and jumping on him, but the sight in front of her held her enthralled.

  They stepped into a mostly white room with what looked like closets along the far wall and a counter with shelves above. There were hooks for coats and sneakers lined up in a row. She assumed the door with the locks led to the outside and the open one emptied into a dark hallway. Everything was neat and tidy. Really kind of perfect, just like Bast.

  “The mudroom.”

  At the sound of his voice she stopped gawking and looked at him. “What?”