All Things Considered

by Debbie Macomber

  All Things Considered is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

  2020 Debbie Macomber Ebook Edition

  Copyright © 1987 by Debbie Macomber

  Excerpt from A Walk Along the Beach by Debbie Macomber copyright © 2020 by Debbie Macomber

  All rights reserved.

  Published in the United States by Debbie Macomber Books, an imprint of Debbie Macomber, Inc.

  Distributed by Random House LLC.

  DEBBIE MACOMBER BOOKS is a registered trademark of Debbie Macomber, Inc.

  Originally published in paperback in the United States by Silhouette Books, New York, in 1987.

  This book contains an excerpt from the forthcoming book A Walk Along the Beach by Debbie Macomber. This excerpt has been set for this edition only and may not reflect the final content of the forthcoming edition.

  Ebook ISBN 9780593159910

  Cover design and illustrations: Kimberly Glyder

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  Contents

  Cover

  Title Page

  Copyright

  Chapter One

  Chapter Two

  Chapter Three

  Chapter Four

  Chapter Five

  Chapter Six

  Chapter Seven

  Chapter Eight

  Chapter Nine

  Chapter Ten

  Chapter Eleven

  Chapter Twelve

  Chapter Thirteen

  Ballantine Books by Debbie Macomber

  About the Author

  Excerpt from A Walk Along the Beach

  One

  Lanni Matthiessen dropped a quarter into the machine and waited for the thick, black coffee to pour into the paper cup. It would be another late night at John L. Benton Realty and the coffee would have to hold her until she had time to squeeze in dinner. A frown compressed her brow. This would be the third evening this week that she wouldn’t be eating with Jenny, her four-year-old daughter.

  Carrying the steaming cup of coffee back to her desk, she sat and reached for her phone, punching out the number with practiced ease.

  Her sister answered on the second ring. “Jade here.”

  “Lanni here.” She smiled absently. Lanni’s sister was oftentimes as fun-loving as her four-year-old daughter. Jade picked up Jenny from the daycare center and then stayed with her until Lanni arrived home.

  “Don’t tell me you’re going to be late again,” Jade said and groaned.

  Lanni’s frustration echoed her younger sister’s. “I just got a call from the Baileys. They want to come in and put down earnest money on the Rudicelli house.”

  “But, Lanni, this is the third night this week that you’ve been working late.”

  “I know. I’m sorry.”

  “If this gets any worse I might as well move in with you.”

  “You know I’d like it if you did.” If Jade were there, the nights wouldn’t be so lonely and she wouldn’t have to listen to her own thoughts rummaging around in her troubled mind.

  “No way, José,” Jade argued. “This girl is on her own. I like my freedom.”

  Looping a thick swatch of honey-colored hair around the back of her ear, Lanni released a tired sigh. “I shouldn’t be too late. An hour, maybe two. Tell Jenny I’ll read her favorite bedtime story to her when I get home.”

  “Do you want to talk to her? She’s swinging in the backyard.”

  “No.” Lanni shook her head as she spoke. “Let her play. But be sure to tell her how much I love her.”

  “I will. Just don’t be too late. If you leave me around here long, I’ll start daydreaming about food and before I know what’s come over me, I’ll be eating.”

  Lanni’s sister continually struggled with her excess weight. She claimed there wasn’t a diet around that she hadn’t tried. Lanni had watched her sister count calories, carbohydrates, grams, and chocolate chips, all to no avail. She wished she could lose those extra fifteen pounds for Jade: Her problem was just the opposite—too many missed meals and too little appetite left her as slender as a reed. She preferred to think of herself as svelte, but even Lanni admitted that she’d look better carrying a few extra pounds. When Judd had lived with them, she’d had plenty of reason to cook decent meals…

  Momentarily, she closed her eyes as the rush of remembered pain washed over her. Two years had passed and she still couldn’t think of Judd without reliving the hurt and regrets of his departure. With no more reason than he felt it was time to move on, Judd had expected her to uproot their lives and follow him to only God knew where. Even Judd didn’t know where he was headed. Lanni had refused—one of them had to behave like an adult. She wouldn’t leave her family and everything she held dear to traipse around the world with Judd as though life were some wild adventure and the whole world lay waiting to be explored. Judd had responsibilities, too, although he refused to own up to them.

  In the end he’d given her no option but to file for a divorce, and yet when she did, he hadn’t bothered to sign the papers. Lanni hadn’t pursued the issue, which only went to prove that the emotional bond that linked her to Judd was as strong as it was when he left. She recognized deep within her heart that her marriage was dead, only she hadn’t fully accepted their failure; she had no intention of remarrying. Some people fit nicely into married life; Lanni just wasn’t one of them. Marriage to another man was out of the question. The thought of suffering through that kind of emotional warfare again was beyond consideration. She’d been married once and it was enough to cure her for a lifetime. She had Jenny, and her daughter was the most important person in her life.

  The intercom on her desk buzzed and the receptionist’s voice announced, “The Baileys are here.”

  “Thank you, Joan. Could you send them in?”

  Lanni took the first sip of her coffee, and her long, curling lashes brushed her cheek as she attempted to push the memories to the back of her mind. She wished she could hate Judd and cast him from her thoughts as effectively as he’d walked out on her and Jenny. But part of him remained with her every day as a constant reminder of her life’s one colossal failure…her marriage.

  Setting aside the cup, she stood and forced a smile as she prepared to meet her clients.

  * * *

  —

  By the time Lanni pulled into her driveway in Burien, a suburb of south Seattle, it was after seven. Everything had gone smoothly with the Baileys and Lanni experienced a sensation of pride and accomplishment. The Bailey family had specific needs in a new home and Lanni had worked with them for several weeks in an effort to find the house that would fulfill their unusual requirements.

  Now she prepared herself to meet Jenny’s needs. A four-year-old had the right to expect her mother’s undivided attention at the end of the day. Unfortunately, Lanni wanted to do nothing more than relax and take a nice hot soak in the bathtub. She would, but not until after she’d read to Jenny as she’d promised and tucked her daughter in for the night.

  A note on the kitchen counter informed her that Jade had taken the little girl for a walk. No sooner had Lanni finished reading the message when the screen door swung open and her young daughter came roaring into the kitchen. Chocolate ice cream was smeared across her face and Jenny broke into an eager grin as she hurried toward her mother.

  “H
ow’s my girl?” Lanni asked, lifting the child into her arms and having trouble finding a place on the plump cheek that wasn’t smudged with chocolate.

  “Auntie Jade took me out for an ice-cream cone.”

  “So I see.”

  Jade followed on her heels, her face red from the exertion of chasing after a lively four-year-old. “I thought the exercise would do me good. Unfortunately, some internal homing device led me to a Baskin-Robbins.”

  “Jade!”

  “I couldn’t help it,” she pleaded, her hazel-green eyes rounding. “After eating tofu on a rye crisp for dinner, I felt I deserved a reward.”

  In spite of her effort not to, Lanni laughed. “The ice cream isn’t going to help your diet.”

  “Sure it is. Jenny and I walked a good mile. According to my calculations, I could have had a double-decker for the energy expended in the walk.”

  “You did eat a double-decker, Aunt Jade.”

  Placing her hand on her hip, Jade looked at the little girl and shook her head. “Tattletale.”

  “Oops.” Jenny placed her small hand over her chocolate-covered mouth. “I wasn’t supposed to tell, was I?”

  “I’ll forgive you this time,” Jade said seriously, but her eyes sparkled with laughter.

  Taking out a fresh dishcloth, Lanni wet it under warm water from the kitchen faucet and proceeded to wipe off Jenny’s face. Jenny squirmed uncomfortably until Lanni completed the task. “Isn’t it time for your bath, young lady?”

  Lanni found it a little unusual that Jade lingered through Jenny’s bath and storytime, but was grateful for the company and didn’t comment. She found her sister in the kitchen after Jenny was in bed.

  “Did you have a chance to eat?” Jade asked, staring into the open refrigerator.

  “Not yet. I’ll scramble some eggs later.”

  “Sure you will.” Jade closed the refrigerator and took a seat at the kitchen table, reaching for a saltine. She stared at the intricate holes, then set the cracker aside.

  “You know,” Lanni commented, hiding a smile. “It suddenly dawned on me. For all your dieting, you should be thin enough to dangle from a charm bracelet.”

  “Should be,” Jade grumbled. As if to make up for lost time, she popped the saltine into her mouth.

  Lanni laughed outright and reached for the box, tucking it back inside the cupboard to remove temptation. Without bothering to ask, she poured her sister a cup of spiced tea and delivered it to the table.

  “Jenny asked about Judd again,” her sister stated with little preamble.

  “Again?” Lanni felt her stomach tighten with dread.

  “She talks about him all the time. Surely you’ve noticed.”

  Lanni had. She’d answered her daughter’s questions with saintly patience, hoping to satisfy her curiosity. In the beginning, Jenny’s questions had been innocent enough. She wanted to know her father’s name and where he lived. Lanni had shown the little girl a map of the world and pointed to both the state of Alaska and lush oil fields of the Middle East. The last she’d heard, Judd was somewhere over there. No doubt he’d collected his own harem of adoring females by now. Lanni winced, angry with herself that the thought of Judd with another woman still had the power to hurt so painfully.

  The following week, Jenny had wanted a picture of Judd to keep on her nightstand. Reluctantly, Lanni gave her daughter a small five-by-seven photograph. The image captured was of Lanni and Judd standing on the front lawn near the blooming flowerbeds. Jenny was only a few months old at the time the picture was taken, and Judd held her, smiling proudly into the camera. It nipped at Lanni’s heart every time she looked at the photo with their smiling, innocent faces. Their happiness had been short-lived at best.

  For a time the picture had satisfied Jenny’s inquisitiveness, but apparently it wasn’t enough. Jenny wanted more, and Lanni doubted that she could give it to her.

  She hadn’t really known Judd. It wasn’t until after they’d married that Lanni realized that she was head-over-heels in love with a stranger. The details of his past were sketchy. She knew little of his life other than the few tidbits he let drop now and then. His mother had died when he was young and he’d been raised on a ranch in Montana. His father had never remarried…

  “Her teacher told me Jenny’s been bragging to the other children that Judd’s an astronaut.”

  “Oh no.” With all the pressure of being a single parent weighing heavily upon her shoulders, Lanni claimed the seat opposite her sister and slumped forward, holding up her forehead with the heel of her hand. “She knows that’s not true.”

  “Of course she does. The poor kid sees her friends’ fathers pick them up every night. It’s only natural she’d make up an excuse why her own doesn’t.”

  “Lying isn’t natural.” Depressed, Lanni released a heartfelt sigh. “I’ll have another talk with her in the morning.”

  “What are you going to tell her?”

  “I don’t know.”

  Jade’s brows drew together in a frown. “The truth?”

  “No.” She couldn’t. The naked facts would hurt too much. She was a mature adult, but the day Judd left them had devastated her. She refused to inflict that kind of pain on her own daughter.

  The real problem was that Lanni didn’t know how to explain the events that had led up to the separation. Judd found Seattle stifling and claimed it didn’t offer him the challenges he needed. He’d built his reputation as a pipefitter in Alaska and the Middle East and he wanted to return there. When she wouldn’t go with him, Judd left on his own, emotionally deserting Lanni and Jenny.

  Lanni couldn’t tell Jenny that her father had walked out on them. For a long time after Judd had gone, Lanni wanted to hate him—but she couldn’t. Not when she continued to love him.

  “Do you know what the truth is anymore, Lanni? There are two sides to everything.”

  Lanni was shocked. Next to Judd, Jade was probably the only other person who knew everything that had happened in her marriage. Even her parents weren’t aware of all the details. Now her sister seemed to be implying that there was something more. “Of course I do.” Her eyes fell to the round table. But sometimes the truth had a way of coming back to haunt a person, she reflected. It was times like these—when Lanni learned that her daughter had lied about Judd—that she wondered if she’d made the right decision. Her thoughts spun ahead and returned filled with self-recriminations. Judd had loved her, Lanni couldn’t doubt that. For months after he’d left, he’d written her, each letter filled with enthusiasm for Alaska, requesting her to bring Jenny and join him. His declarations of love for her and their daughter had ripped at Lanni’s heart.

  Her decision had been made, she wasn’t leaving Seattle, and no matter what she said or did, Judd refused to accept the fact. After a while Lanni couldn’t bear to read his letters anymore and had returned them unopened.

  Standing, Jade brought her untouched tea to the counter. “I can see you’ve got lots to think about. I’ll see you tomorrow, but call me if you need anything.”

  Joining her sister, Lanni gave her a small hug. “I will. Thanks, Jade.” She followed her sister to the front room.

  “Anytime.”

  The door made a clicking sound as it closed after Jade. Both her sister and her daughter had brought Judd to the forefront of her thoughts. She stood alone in the middle of the darkened living room as a numb sensation worked its way down her arms, stopping at her fingertips. The tingling produced a chill that cut all the way through her bones.

  She wasn’t going to think about Judd. She refused to remember his exquisite touch and the velvet-smooth sensations he wrapped around her every time they made love. She could have died from the ecstasy she discovered in his arms, but the price had been far too precious. He demanded her pride and everything she held dear. She couldn’t leave her family
and friends and everything that was comfortable and familiar.

  The pain was as fresh that moment as it had been the day he walked out. Trapped in the memory, Lanni swallowed convulsively. Tightening her hands into small fists, she breathed out slowly, turned, and moved into the cozy bathroom to fill the tub with steaming-hot water. She’d soak Judd out of her system, erase his indelible mark from her skin, and do her best to forget.

  Only it didn’t work that way. She eased her lithe frame into the bubbly hot water and scooted down into its inviting warmth. Leaning her head against the back of the tub, Lanni closed her eyes. Almost immediately, depression swamped her.

  Unbidden, the memories returned. In vivid detail, Lanni remembered the day Jenny was born and the tears that had filled Judd’s eyes when the nurse placed his newborn daughter in his arms. Judd had looked down upon the wrinkled pink face with such tenderness that she hadn’t been able to take her eyes from the awe expressed in his face. Later, after she’d been wheeled into her hospital room, Judd had joined her.

  To this day, Lanni remembered the look of intense pride as he pulled out the chair and reached for her hand.

  “You’re sure you’re all right?”

  She’d smiled tenderly. “I feel wonderful. Oh, Judd, she’s so beautiful.”

  Love and tenderness glowed from his warm, brown eyes. “I don’t think I’ve seen anything so small.”

  “She’ll grow,” Lanni promised.

  “I don’t mind telling you that for a few minutes there I was terrified.” His gaze darkened with remembered doubts so uncharacteristic of the man who buried his feelings. “It seemed like a miracle when the nurse handed her to me.” His smile was warm. Once again, he appeared to tremble with the enormity of the emotion that shook him. “But, Lanni, I’ll never make you suffer like that again. I love you too much.”

  She’d endured hours of hard labor and had been absorbed so deeply in her own pain that she hadn’t considered what torment Judd had endured. “Darling, every woman goes through this in childbirth. It’s a natural part of life. I didn’t mind.”