After the Sky Fell Down

by Nugen Isbell, Megan

  “I’m sorry to interrupt,” she said as she gestured towards the coffee table.

  “It’s okay. I needed a break.”

  He walked over and began straightening the books and papers into a pile. She sat on the couch and waited for him to finish. He sat down beside her a few moments later. She looked over to him, trying to be as discreet as possible. His black hair shined in the light and she noticed he’d gotten a haircut since she last saw him. His eyes were as inviting as ever and his pale skin looked soft and it was obvious he’d shaved that morning.

  “I’m sorry to barge in on you like this, but I wanted to talk to you,” she began.

  “Go ahead and talk then,” he said and she didn’t blame him for the cold edge in his voice.

  “I um, I uh,” she stuttered, unable to find her words. “I wanted to apologize to you…for everything I’ve done and everything I’ve put you through.”

  He just looked over at her, his hands folded in his lap and he nodded.

  “I’ve thought a lot about what you said,” she said pausing, swallowing hard as she tried to continue talking. “I’ve thought a lot about what you said that day…that day you found out about Luke.”

  “What have you thought about?” he asked, his voice low and monotone.

  “About how right you were…about everything. And that you have every right to be mad at me. I wasn’t ready yet, but I want you to know I never set out to hurt your deliberately,” she said, her eyes tearing up.

  “I know you didn’t,” he said, looking over to her.

  “I swear Jace. I never meant to hurt you. You’ve been…well,” she said pausing to think. “There really aren’t any words to describe how great you’ve been and how you accepted everything about me. After Ben died, I never thought I could ever feel for someone again, but I did with you. You helped me realize things were going to be okay,” she said until he interrupted.

  “I know you didn’t mean to hurt me Kathryn, but you did,” he said flatly.

  “And for that, I’m so sorry. You’re one of the best people I’ve ever met. I never even deserved your understanding.”

  “Yes, you did,” he said, the kindness returning to his voice.

  She looked up at him and he was staring back seriously, his hands still folded and his elbows resting on his knees.

  “I knew you weren’t ready when I met you. There were so many red flags but I kept pushing you because of how I felt about you.”

  “You didn’t push me,” she insisted. “I loved our time together. I’m so happy I met you.”

  “Me too,” he said quietly before continuing. “I just want you to be happy Kathryn and I can’t make you happy because I’m not the one you want to be with,” he stated flatly. “I never was.”

  She felt her mouth go dry and she looked down. She hadn’t wanted it to be put so bluntly. She’d wanted to thank him for everything, to express how special he was, but he’d just laid it all out on the line.

  “I’m sorry Jace.”

  “I don’t understand why you had to come over to tell me this. I kinda figured that out when I saw you and Luke,” he said with less sarcasm than she expected.

  “Because you didn’t deserve what I did to you and I wanted to apologize face to face for how I’ve treated you,” she said, a tear escaping her eye.

  “I just wish you would’ve told me how you really felt.”

  “I know I should’ve, but I didn’t even know myself, I still don’t. I’ve been so confused. All this stuff had been brewing and I didn’t know what any of it really meant. I cared about you so much, but I…but I care about…him too,” she said slowly.

  “So I was right then,” he said nodding and looking away. “I wish I could say this was easy for me Kathryn. I wish I didn’t care. I wish I could say I’m okay with all of this, but I’m not. I really cared about you. I wasn’t confused about my feelings. I was falling in love with you,” he said bringing his eyes back to her.

  “I’m sorry. I thought I was falling in love with you too,” she said quietly. “But…”

  “Luke,” he answered. Kathryn felt her eyes grow warm but then nodded slowly. “I’m not trying to be snide or sarcastic,” he began with a seriousness to his voice that told her he was being sincere. “But I hope you find what you’re looking for whether it’s with him or not.”

  She blinked and tears streamed down her cheeks. Even after all she’d put him through, he was still being supportive. He was still being Jace.

  “I wish you’d just yell at me or something. Call me some names. Anything would be easier than this,” she said wiping her face.

  “I could never do that to you. You should know that by now,” he said cracking a smile, even if it was a small one, for the first time since she’d arrived.

  The room was silent and it broke her heart to really say good-bye to Jace. She wished they could stay friends, but she knew that would never work. This was it. Everything they’d been through was coming to an end.

  “I really am sorry Jace,” she said again. “I won’t even ask for your forgiveness because I don’t deserve it.”

  He just nodded. She half expected him to insist he’d already forgiven her, but even Jace wasn’t that perfect.

  “I, uh, I should get going,” she stuttered a moment later, standing up. “I just wanted to thank you for…for everything you’ve done for me and to apologize and tell you I’m sorry for how things ended with us.”

  He nodded again and looked up at her with a solemn face.

  “Goodbye, Kathryn,” he said, meeting her gaze with his dark eyes.

  “Goodbye, Jace,” she replied. Part of her wanted to lean in and hug him, but she knew he wouldn’t welcome it. Instead, she walked to the front door. As she twisted the doorknob, she turned to look at him once more. He was sitting with his elbows resting on his knees and his hands clasped together as he stared at the floor. He deserved better…so much better and she knew someday he would get it.

  Chapter 55

  Kathryn rang the doorbell and heard Sharon’s voice call out telling her to come in. She opened the door and heard laughter flowing from the living room. Kathryn followed the voices and found Sharon and Sarah building blocks together. Sharon looked up and smiled and Kathryn found herself feeling guilty about storming off from Ben’s remembrance dinner. She hadn’t said much to Sharon when she’d dropped Sarah off that morning and she wondered if Sharon was mad at her.

  “Hey,” Sharon said cheerfully as if everything were fine. “Join us.”

  Kathryn sat down awkwardly and began helping Sarah build the tower they were working on.

  “How was school?” Sharon asked as she put another block on the tower.

  “It was fine,” Kathryn said listlessly.She’d just gone through the motions of each class. Her mind was elsewhere with thoughts of Ben and Jace and Luke.

  “How’s Jace?” Sharon asked, causing Kathryn to bristle. It’d been a couple of days since she’d seen him and she realized Sharon had no idea what had transpired between her, Luke and Jace over the past few weeks.

  “Um,” Kathryn stuttered. “We broke up.”

  Sharon’s hand froze mid-air as she reached to add another block, instead turning to Kathryn with a look of surprise.

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t know. He seemed like a nice boy,” Sharon said and Kathryn knew she was telling the truth. The run had endeared Jace to Sharon.

  “He was,” Kathryn agreed.

  “Can I ask what happened?”

  Kathryn paused for a moment, thinking what she would say.

  “I just wasn’t ready,” she finally decided on and Kathryn knew Sharon wouldn’t press any further.

  “I’m sorry,” was all she said and Kathryn nodded.

  “Sharon?” Kathryn said and Sharon looked up.

  “I’m sorry about storming out during Ben’s dinner.”

  Sharon sighed, but then looked up sorrowfully at Kathryn as she rested her hand on Kathryn’s knee.

&nb
sp; “You don’t need to apologize.”

  “It was rude and inconsiderate and I shouldn’t have acted that way.”

  “I’ll say it again,” Sharon said gently. “You don’t need to apologize. I just wanted to remember Ben…to look back and maybe forget for a few minutes that he’s gone, but I didn’t consider how hard it would be for you.”

  “It’s just hard to remember him sometimes,” Kathryn said softly.

  “I know,” Sharon agreed. “I miss Ben so much. I ache for him every day, but this little girl,” Sharon said smiling and playfully pulling Sarah into a bear hug, smooching her on the cheek. “This little girl makes it a little bit easier.”

  “She does,” Kathryn grinned and then Sharon’s face softened as she smiled.

  “Kathryn,” Sharon began. “I don’t think I’ve ever told you how proud I am of you.”

  It was Kathryn’s turn to look at Sharon with surprise.

  “The way you’ve handled yourself these past couple of years…the mother you’ve become…I’m just so proud of you and I know Ben would be too.”

  Kathryn felt a lump form in her throat, thinking about Ben watching over them. She often wondered what he thought…if he thought she was doing right by Sarah. She’d never really know, but she had to believe he knew she was doing the best she could and she hoped he was proud.

  “Thanks Sharon,” Kathryn blushed. “But I couldn’t have done it without all of you. My parents, your family…Luke, especially Luke,” she sighed shaking her head thinking back to everything they’d been through and Sharon smiled knowingly. Kathryn wondered if Sharon suspected what had happened between her and Luke.

  “We’d all do anything for Sarah,” Sharon said hugging Sarah again before releasing her back to her blocks.

  Kathryn jerked her head when she heard the door close and listened as heavy footsteps walked down the hall. Her heart pounded as part of her feared and the other part hoped the footsteps belonged to Luke. She hadn’t seen him since they’d met up on the beach and he’d made it clear there was nothing left between them.

  “Luuuuke!” Sarah shouted when he walked into the room. She jumped up and ran into her uncle’s arms. Luke hoisted her in the air and spun her around.

  “How’s my favorite girl,” he smiled and then squeezed her. Sarah, in turn, wrapped her arms around him and nestled into his neck. Then Luke’s eyes looked down and met Kathryn’s momentarily before looking away. Things were still icy between them. Kathryn wasn’t sure why, but Sharon stood up and took Sarah from Luke.

  “C’mon Sarah. Let’s go get your things together so you and Mommy can head home,” Sharon said as they left the room, leaving Kathryn and Luke in uncomfortable silence.

  “Hey,” Kathryn finally said, standing up.

  “Hey,” he answered back quietly. “How are you?”

  “Fine,” she lied. She wasn’t fine, but she couldn’t tell him that.

  “Good,” he replied and the silence returned.

  He looked shy and uneasy standing in the doorway and Kathryn thought he also looked adorably vulnerable.

  “Sarah sure was happy to see you,” Kathryn finally said.

  “Yeah, she was,” he answered, but kept his eyes away.

  “She misses you.”

  “I miss her too,” Luke replied softly, his voice low and mournful.

  It was quiet again and Kathryn hated the tension between them. They’d been the best of friends and here they stood, unable to even hold a normal conversation. She missed him so much and had to force herself to not go over to him and wrap herself in his arms.

  “Do you maybe wanna come over for dinner tonight?” she asked nervously a few moments later.

  He sighed and closed his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose with his fingers as if he were in pain.

  “I can’t,” he said simply and she paused, her heart stinging from his words. There really was no hope anymore. On top of everything else she’d lost, she’d lost Luke too.

  “Okay, yeah, that’s fine,” she stuttered and began picking up the blocks quickly, wanting to leave after Luke’s rejection. “C’mon Sarah! Time to go!” Kathryn called and a moment later, her daughter came toddling out of the kitchen, carrying a handful of colored papers. Sharon followed a few steps behind. Kathryn helped Sarah get her coat on and then scooped her up in her arms.

  “Thanks for watching Sarah today,” Kathryn said, anxious to leave the tension behind.

  “Anytime,” Sharon said and then looked suspiciously over to Luke, who just headed towards the stairs.

  Kathryn opened the door and she and Sarah headed home alone.

  Chapter 56

  Sarah was asleep and Kathryn settled in for a night of studying. Finals were coming up and with all the distractions of the past few weeks, she was behind on preparing for her exams. Her biology book was spread out on the coffee table and she sat Indian style in her comfortable flannel pajama bottoms and long sleeved t-shirt. She pushed her hair behind her ear as her eyes scanned the textbook while she held a bowl of mint chocolate chip ice cream. As she took a bite, she was reminded of the night Luke had come over after his graduation. She smiled at the memory, wishing for that relationship again. She shook her head though, trying to rid the delusions from her mind. It was over between them. Ben was gone. Jace was gone and even Luke was gone. She looked around the empty apartment and had never felt so alone. She swallowed hard, refusing to let the tears stinging the backs of her eyes escape. She’d done enough crying already for a lifetime. She would be okay. Sarah would be okay. She took another bite of ice cream and set the bowl down and focused.

  Somehow she’d managed to keep her thoughts on biology and away from her issues. The ice cream had long melted and was now just a soupy puddle left over in the bowl. There was a knock on the door, causing Kathryn’s heart to jump. She stood up and walked to the door. Looking through the peephole, she saw Luke on the other side, causing her heart to jump for another reason. His hands were tucked in his pockets and he was looking around nervously. She opened the door and their eyes met.

  “Hey,” he said with a hint of a smile that vanished almost immediately.

  “Luke,” she said, liking the feel of his name on her lips.

  “I know it’s a little late, but is that dinner invite still good?” he asked nervously.

  “Of course,” she smiled, opening the door wider and he walked inside.

  He stared over to her pile of books.

  “Studying, huh?”

  “Yeah. I’m a little behind. I’ve been distracted lately,” she said and he nodded, knowing exactly what she meant.

  She walked over and piled everything into the corner of the table. Luke followed her and sat down on the couch.

  “I didn’t really have dinner,” she said gesturing towards the melted ice cream.

  “Still stuck on the mint chocolate chip?”

  “Of course,” she said trying to laugh, but she couldn’t get past the tension between them. It used to be so easy with Luke. Being in the same room as him was as instinctive as breathing and now she felt choked by his presence and how much she missed him. “Let me make you something.”

  “That’s alright,” he said.

  “No, I want to. I invited you over.”

  “I declined though if you remember.”

  “But you’re here now,” she said hesitantly resting her hand on his knee, expecting him to jump back, but he didn’t. Their eyes met and she smiled at him before standing up and heading to the kitchen. She heard him follow.

  She began looking through the cupboards while Luke sat on one of the stools at the counter.

  “What happened to Sarah’s highchair?” Luke asked, noticing the unbalanced tray as Kathryn pulled a box of macaroni out.

  Kathryn sighed and stared over at the highchair she’d been trying to fix for a week.

  “I don’t know. I was sliding the tray on one day and it just slipped off. It won’t latch or something. It’s been driving me cra
zy, but I can’t seem to fix it.”

  “Let me take a look,” he said rising from the stool and checking it out. “Here’s the problem,” he said.

  “What?” she asked curiously, walking over to him.

  “See this screw?” he asked and she looked under the tray at the bent metal. She hadn’t realized how good he smelled, but being this close to him, she couldn’t help but notice. “It came loose and is getting in the way of the tray. It’s an easy fix,” he said as they both straightened and their eyes met again. She felt her heartbeat quicken and her breathing pick up. She couldn’t tear her gaze from the intense hazelness of Luke’s eyes. He stared back, but then suddenly turned away, heading to the closet he kept the tool box in. Kathryn quickly returned to the kitchen and began rummaging through the fridge for the milk and butter she’d need for the macaroni and cheese. She used the camouflage of the fridge to get herself together. She took some deep breaths, trying to calm her heartbeat. Why was she reacting this way to him?

  When she’d collected herself, she closed the fridge and began boiling water on the stove before turning to where Luke was leaning down, tightening the screw on the highchair. She couldn’t stop looking at him. His loose jeans hung enticingly on his hips and he ran a hand through his hair as he worked, causing a knot to form in her stomach.

  The kettle whistled, jolting her out of her trance and she quickly stirred the macaroni ingredients. She dished them each a bowl and set them on the counter, where Luke was sitting again.

  “The highchair’s fixed,” he said as she slid a bowl to him.

  “Thanks. I appreciate it. I forgot how handy it was to have you around,” she lied. The truth was, she hadn’t forgotten. She’d been reminded every day since he’d left.

  “No problem,” he said sprinkling some salt and pepper onto his macaroni and cheese.

  “Can I get you a drink?” she asked and he nodded.

  “Water’s fine,” he said and she got them each a glass. She stood across from where he sat at the counter, watching him out of the corner of her eye as discreetly as she could. She’d never noticed the dimple in his right cheek when he chewed. She thought it was cute and then cursed herself for having those thoughts about Luke and she set the bowl down on the counter abruptly.