After the Sky Fell Down

by Nugen Isbell, Megan

  “Excuse me,” she said and walked quickly to her room. She shut the door behind her and sat down on the bed, burying her face in her hands. What was going on? She was already screwed up enough. It was Luke for goodness sakes. Luke. She’d told herself over and over she couldn’t have feelings for him. She couldn’t have feelings for Ben’s brother. But then her mind drifted to her conversation with Grandma Val, who’d simply asked, Why not? Why couldn’t she have feelings for Luke? He’d proven himself to be loyal and caring and supportive and her head suddenly jerked up. She loved him. The realization hit her like a ton of bricks. She’d loved him for so long. She’d loved him when he held her during her darkest times. She’d loved him when he forced her to start living again. She’d loved him when he wouldn’t leave her side during Sarah’s birth. She’d loved everything about him and not because he sometimes reminded her of Ben. She loved him because of who he was, because of how he made her feel, because who he’d proven himself to be. She loved him deep into her soul and she ached knowing he was only a few rooms away, sitting there, having expressed his feelings for her on countless occasions and she’d done nothing but push him away when he was who she wanted all along.

  Jace had been amazing and he’d been necessary for her recovery. She never would’ve been okay without Jace. He’d allowed her to open up again, to realize she could be loved again and that she could care again. He’d shown her not to be afraid anymore. She’d needed him, but in the process, she’d lost Luke. She’d pushed him away and she was on the verge of losing him forever.

  She stood up, staring quickly into the vanity mirror. She looked awful in her PJs, but she couldn’t worry about that now. Instead, she smoothed her hair as best she could and took a deep breath before turning the handle on her bedroom door and walking back to the living room. Luke was rinsing his bowl in the sink when he turned to look at her, his brow furrowing curiously.

  “You okay?” he asked setting the bowl in the sink and drying his hands before walking towards her.

  “Yes. I’m fine,” she said, surprised she could get any words out through the lump in her throat.

  “You look flushed,” he observed, but she shook her head, the words not coming this time and the strain between them returned ten-fold. She wanted to go to him, to talk to him, to tell him how she felt, but she couldn’t move. They stood across the room from each other, staring, until he finally spoke. “Thanks for dinner. I don’t know why I came over,” he said in such a low whisper she could barely hear him and he headed towards the door.

  Kathryn’s body felt heavy. She couldn’t move. She couldn’t talk and she watched as his hand gripped the doorknob and started turning. He was leaving. She couldn’t let him leave. Not again. But she couldn’t move. She was afraid she was too late. What if he rejected her? She couldn’t bear the thought of him pushing her away and she watched as the door closed behind him. She stood frozen, until she felt a push from deep inside, urging her to go after him, and she ran towards the door, flinging it open and stepping outside into the cold air. Luke was already half way to his truck.

  “Wait!” she finally managed to shout and he stopped, turning to face her. “No, don’t go!” she exclaimed as a tear fell down her cheek. “No. I can’t let you leave again!” She rushed towards him and grabbed his hand clenching it tightly with hers. “I need you Luke and I can’t let you go. Not again. I need you,” she said reaching up and caressing his cheeks with her hands almost frantically, then running a hand through his thick hair, trying to absorb every part of him, as he continued to stare down at her in the moonlight, obviously confused. “I’ve been so stupid. You’ve been here right in front of my face all along and I just kept pushing you away. Every time you tried to get closer, I just pushed you further and further away.” Her hands were resting on his chest now and he reached up and dried her eyes.

  “What are you saying Kathryn?” he asked, his hazel eyes piercing hers nervously.

  “What I’m saying,” she said and took a deep breath before continuing. “What I’m saying is that I love you Luke. I’m in love with you. I have been. I just wouldn’t allow myself to accept it. It’s been you for so long. How could I have been so blind? How could I not realize how I felt? How could I…” but she didn’t get to finish her thought as Luke cupped her face in his hands and began kissing her eagerly, as if she might disappear if he stopped. She kissed him back with equal fervor, clutching him tightly as he began kissing every inch of her face. This kiss was unlike any of the others they’d shared. It was the culmination of everything they’d been through together, a sealing of a promise they’d made to each other that day in the church when they’d promised to always be there for each other. It was two years of heartache and happiness all rolled into one and Kathryn never wanted to stop.

  “Do you mean it?” he asked breathlessly a moment later, pulling back, still cupping her face as he stared hard into her eyes.

  “Yes. I meant every word I said. I’m in love with you Luke. I don’t want you to leave again. I don’t want you to ever leave,” she said matching his intense gaze.

  “But Jace and everything you’ve said…” he started, but she interrupted.

  “I was stupid and confused and scared and I didn’t want to admit how you made me feel. I don’t know why, but I see it now and I’m sorry for hurting you all this time. It’s been you all along,” she cried as the tears fell.

  He pulled her to him, wrapping his arms around her, shielding her from the cold air as she soaked his sweater, just as she had at the hospital the night Ben died and at the funeral service after he’d rescued her and just like the nights he’d been there when she’d needed him most, when she had no one else in the world. And for the first time as he held her, she didn’t think of Ben. She didn’t compare him to Ben. She saw Luke for who he was and what he had been to her. He was her best friend, her rock, and she never wanted to let him go. This is where she belonged, there was no question anymore.

  “I’m sorry,” she sobbed again into his chest. “I’m sorry I’ve hurt you.”

  He kissed the top of her head and then held her at arm’s length.

  “The last couple of years have been a struggle for everyone. Sometimes I didn’t know which way was up, but we’ve proven it’ll be okay, that we’ll be okay. You don’t need to apologize for anything. I pressured you and I was an ass sometimes and I’m sorry. I just couldn’t stand being away from you Kate. I love you more than I ever thought I could love anyone,” he said tenderly, gently brushing her lips with his and she trembled at his kiss.

  “You’ve seen me at my worst Luke, and you still want me,” she said overwhelmed by his love, looking away from his gaze.

  “I’ll always want you. Always,” he said softly lifting her hand to his lips and kissing the back of it and then he looked at her curiously, the moon casting enticing shadows on his face. “What changed your mind?” he asked quietly.

  “A lot of things,” she replied, recalling all the thoughts she’d been mulling over in her head lately. “I spoke with your grandma recently.”

  “Yeah? What’d she have to say?”

  “A lot, actually,” she said and he turned back to her curiously. “She told me about Joe.”

  His eyebrow raised and she wasn’t sure if he knew about Joe. Ben had never mentioned him, so maybe they both were clueless about their grandmother’s life before Dom.

  “Do you know about Joe?” she asked.

  “My grandma’s first husband? Yeah, I know a little about him. She never talks about him though.”

  “Well, she told me all about him and she helped me realize it’s okay to move on and to love someone besides Ben…that I can always love Ben, but that I deserve happiness too and just because I love someone else doesn’t mean I loved Ben any less.”

  “She’s right,” he said quietly before she continued softly.

  “She also helped me to see that it was okay to have feelings for you,” she said shyly. “And that maybe I’ve ha
d happiness right in front of me all along, but was too afraid to admit it. She helped me realize that just because you’re Ben’s brother, doesn’t mean I can’t have feelings for you because you’re not him. I’ve known how I’ve felt about you, and I’m not sure why, but when I saw you tonight, fixing Sarah’s highchair, I realized you’re the only person that’s made me feel remotely whole since Ben died. When I’m with you, I feel safe and I feel like things might just be okay, even though I’m not sure they ever will be alright again. You give me hope.”

  He squeezed her hand and she felt him move closer to her until their bodies were touching.

  “You give me hope too.”

  “I tried telling myself I only felt the way I did about you because you’re Ben’s brother, but I know that’s not the case. You’re not your brother and I don’t want you to be because there was only one Ben and there’s only one you and I don’t know how Sarah and I would’ve survived the last two years without that one you.”

  He was smiling down at her and he dried her cheeks with his sleeve and she smiled back at him.

  “I love you both so much,” he said.

  “I know you do. Sarah’s so lucky to have you in her life,” Kathryn said and then took a deep breath before continuing and her heart started to pound. “I miss you Luke and Sarah misses you terribly. Will you come home?”

  He smiled again and she felt a surge of relief when he nodded.

  “Of course I will. You couldn’t keep me away,” he said wrapping her in his arms again and she suddenly became aware of how cold it was outside. She’d been filled with so much adrenaline she hadn’t noticed, but now that her body was coming down from that high, she shivered in his arms.

  “It’s cold out here,” she whispered.

  “It is, but it’s a beautiful night,” he said softly as he looked up into the night sky.

  She lifted her eyes towards the black sky as well and was surprised how bright the moon and stars were. It was a perfectly clear night and she was taken back to the night on the beach when they’d stargazed and shared the kiss that had started all the turmoil that had finally led them here.

  They both looked up at the brilliant lights sprinkled across the vast blackness, once again becoming overwhelmed with feelings of insignificance next to the stars and other worlds they were gazing upon. How could they matter, such miniscule objects, in the grand scheme of things? They were just a speck in the universe and could be gone in the blink of an eye, just like Ben. Just like him, they could be gone forever, leaving behind only memories, which would fade with time.Of all the things Ben’s death had taught them, one of the greatest lessons he had left behind was that life was precious. Kathryn rested her head on Luke’s chest and he continued to hold her as they both stared into the night sky. They both jumped as a shooting star shot across the black canvas above them, leaving behind a trail of sparkling dust that seemed to hover protectively over them for a few seconds. A familiar wash of warmth spread throughout their bodies and they turned their heads simultaneously until their eyes met, knowing at that moment they weren’t alone.

  Epilogue

  “Where did I put that thing? He’s going to kill me if we start late!” Kathryn said frantically to herself as she haphazardly looked around the small pink room, sifting through piles of fabric and bouquets.

  “Looking for this?” Lacey’s voice said piercing through her frenzied thoughts. She turned and saw her friend holding up the long veil of white lace and small pearls.

  “Yes!” Kathryn said breathlessly, taking it. “You’re a life saver, Lacey.”

  “I know, but you can thank me later. We need to finish getting you ready,” she said excitedly.

  Kathryn turned and looked at her reflection in the full length mirror, unsure if it was even really her staring back. The strapless satin gown hugged her figure closely, but flared out elegantly as it descended from her waist and into a long, ornate train which trailed behind her. She’d pulled half of her hair back into a silver barrette, leaving the rest a mass of waves down her back and she reached up and pinned the veil in place. Her skin looked soft with just a touch of blush to add color. The black eyeliner she wore caused the blueness to stand out and her lips were sparkling from the gloss she’d applied earlier. As she looked into the mirror at the finished product, she couldn’t believe it was finally happening. Five years ago she had thought her life was over. She never imagined she would be standing in a bride’s dressing room about to get married, but here she was and she couldn’t be happier.

  “You look like a princess Mommy!” Sarah exclaimed as she came bursting through the door of the dressing room.

  Kathryn turned to see Sarah, smiling as she stared at her mother. She gazed down at her daughter. She had grown up so much and everyday reminded her more and more of Ben. Her dark blonde hair fell to the middle of her back. Today it had been curled, just like Kathryn’s, and pulled back with a silky white ribbon to match the white flower girl dress she was wearing. Her hazel eyes, the eyes of her father, beamed up at her and she ran into Kathryn’s arms.

  “So do you baby,” Kathryn said wrapping her arms around Sarah and pulling her tight. “You look beautiful.”

  “You both look amazing,” Lacey said and Sarah ran over and hugged her too while Kathryn turned to her friend who looked beautiful in her strapless, satin bridesmaid dress. The deep plum color looked perfect with Lacey’s chestnut colored hair and tan skin. She grabbed Lacey’s hand and then hugged her friend tightly, wordlessly thanking her for everything she had done for her over the past few years. True friends were hard to come by in this world, but Lacey had been the definition of what a friend should be: honest, reliable, and caring and she couldn’t thank her enough for seeing her through the hardest time in her life.

  The door to the dressing room opened slowly and Kathryn’s mother poked her head inside, careful not to open the door too wide for everyone to see. She walked in quickly and shut the door behind her. She took one look at her only daughter and clasped her hands to her mouth. She had helped Kathryn get her dress on, but had yet to see the whole package, and as she stood taking in the image of the woman before her, she could hardly believe it was the same little girl she’d given birth to twenty-four years before. The shy, awkward child had grown into the young woman who stood before her. She was now a strong, determined woman who had endured trials, that for a while, she feared would destroy her daughter.

  “You look…stunning,” her mother said, wiping tears from her eyes and walking over to hug her.

  “Don’t cry because I’m going to start then,” Kathryn said dabbing her eyes, trying not to mess up her makeup.

  “I’m sorry,” she said reaching over to the counter and taking a tissue to dry her eyes. “You just look so beautiful.” She reached up and began fluffing Kathryn’s veil until it cascaded perfectly over her shoulders. “Your father’s going to be a mess when he sees you, you know that, don’t you?”

  “I figured he would be. He always was a big baby,” Kathryn laughed, picking up the vanilla body spray she’d brought and began spritzing herself.

  “And you might look even prettier than your mommy,” she said bending down and hugging Sarah.

  “Really Grandma?” Sarah said smiling.

  “What do you think Kathryn?” her mother asked grinning wryly.

  “Oh, I think she’s much prettier,” Kathryn agreed and Sarah continued to beam. She had never seen her daughter so excited and Kathryn was loving every moment of it. “What do you think Lacey?”

  “Oh, definitely. She’s the prettiest girl here,” Lacey added and Sarah’s smile grew bigger.

  “Oh, I almost forgot,” her mother exclaimed reaching into her purse. “I have something for you.” She handed Kathryn a small black box and an envelope. “Your fiancé asked me to give this to you.”

  Kathryn looked at the box curiously. He’d already given her a gift, the diamond earrings she was wearing. What else had he done? She opened the envelope a
nd pulled out a piece of simple notebook paper and began reading:

  I always thought you looked beautiful wearing this.

  She set the note down and turned the black box over in her hand, wondering what could be inside. She slowly opened the lid and then gasped, her eyes filling with tears as the silver crucifix shone in the light.

  “Are you okay?” her mother asked, rushing to her side.

  “Mommy, what’s wrong?” Sarah asked taking her mother’s hand.

  “What is it?” Lacey asked joining them.

  She held up the little box containing the crucifix Ben had given to her nearly six years ago, the same one she had put away in the black trunk with all the other memories. She hadn’t seen it since she’d put it away and how he’d found it, she didn’t know, and she didn’t care. All that mattered was that he had.

  “This is the necklace Ben gave me. I used to wear it all the time, but I put it away…but he…he must’ve…” Kathryn said struggling for words.

  “I know what it is,” her mother said, her eyes glistening. Even Lacey’s eyes were moist.

  Kathryn reached down with trembling fingers and picked up the necklace, handing it to her mom.

  “Would you put it on me?”

  She nodded with a smile and as Kathryn lifted her hair, her mother looped it around her neck, causing the necklace to spill down to the base of her throat. Kathryn touched the crucifix gently as she looked at it in the mirror. It looked perfect. She had known something had been missing from the ensemble and now she knew what it was. The small silver necklace added the perfect finishing touch, as if it had been meant for this day. Only he could have been that thoughtful and understanding and that was why she loved him so much.

  “What is it?” Sarah asked straining to see what all the fuss was about.