You and I Alone

by Melissa Toppen

  “Hey. Everything okay?” I ask, closing the door behind me. I make no attempt to approach him, still not sure what I am walking into. For all I know, Bentley plans to fire us both having caught us in my dressing room, clearly far surpassing the professional boundaries.

  “Perfect.” He says, his tone clipped as he begins sorting through papers on his desk.

  “Josh.” I say, taking a step forward.

  “Bentley Reed, Logan. Really?” He sighs loudly, dropping the papers and pinning his eyes back on my face, their intensity freezing me in place.

  “Josh. It was just a dance.” I say, immediately trying to explain myself.

  “Just a dance.” He repeats the words like there is no such thing and then laughs to himself. “Do you really believe that he only wants a dance from you?” He asks, his face taking on a harshness I have only ever seen when he has to reprimand an employee. “Are you really that stupid?” He asks, causing me to take a step backwards at his words.

  “What the fuck is your problem Josh?” My temper flares at his insult and I have to force myself to take deep breaths and not lose control.

  “My problem Logan, is that you were in that room with Bentley Reed of all people, doing god knows what and then you tried to lie to me about it.” He says, standing abruptly and pushing his chair backwards.

  “I didn't lie to you about anything. You asked if I was okay, I said I was. You never asked what I was doing prior or how my night had gone.” I say, my defensiveness evident in my tone.

  “Lying by omission is still lying.” He says, studying my face intently.

  “Oh grow up Josh. This is my job. I will not indulge in your jealous fits every time I do something you don't agree with.” I say, feeling my patience for the situation slipping.

  “How do you think it makes me feel Logan?” He pins his eyes back on me, his face morphing into desperation. “How do you think it makes me feel knowing that you were back there with him? That he was able to see you, touch you even? Fuck Logan.”

  “It was just a dance!” My voice goes up an octave and bounces off the walls around us. He straightens his posture and looks me straight in the face. He stares at me for a long moment before pushing away from the desk and crossing the space between us in the matter of seconds.

  Before I am even able to register his movements, he pins me against the door and his lips crash down on mine. At first I want to push him away, continue to be upset with him for being upset with me. But at the end of the day, nothing turns me on more than a man at his breaking point. I know that sounds awful, but there is something about a desperate man that makes his need for the woman he wants so much greater.

  So when he lifts me up and pins me to the wall, my legs going around his waist, I don't fight against him. In fact, I encourage him. I pull roughly at his short hair, drag my nails up the flesh of his arms, lock my teeth against the base of his jaw and bite at his flesh. This only sends him spiraling further until he is fucking me so hard against the office wall, I swear it's only a matter of seconds before we go tumbling through the thin drywall and end up on the floor in the room next to us.

  Even still, I urge him further, harder, deeper. I want to feel every inch of him. I want to feel him quiver below my touch as he so often does. I want to know that when I walk away from here tonight, all of his doubt over Bentley Reed will be extinguished.

  As hard as I try to convince myself that this is for Josh, I know that it has more to do with me than him. Maybe I am hoping that if Josh reminds me what he has to offer, Bentley will somehow seem less consuming, less important. I just need to forget his touch. But the harder Josh pounds inside of me, the more I wish it was Bentley moving in and out of me.

  This thought alone sends my building orgasm crashing through me. And as Josh finds his own release and stills inside of me, I know that not only have I successfully made a huge mistake by sleeping with Josh, I am also fully aware that it was the thought of Bentley inside of me that brought me to my release.

  I try to hide my shame over that fact as Josh slips out of me and gently sets me to my feet. Dropping his forehead to mine, he takes a couple deep breaths before speaking. “I'm sorry.” He says, pulling back to look into my eyes. “I don't know what got into me.” He gives me a weak smile and shrugs, causing my guilt to triple in that one small second.

  “It's okay.” I say, doing my best to reassure him. And it is okay. He's upset. He has a right to be. Just because there is no commitment here, doesn't mean that we don't care for each other, at least on some level. Though I am starting to believe his feelings run much deeper than I originally suspected.

  Stepping back, he fixes his pants while I grab mine from the floor and quickly slip them back on. The moment I am finished, I look up to find him staring at me. “What?” I ask, smiling at him.

  “You are so beautiful.” He says, leaning his backside against his desk and crossing his arms in front of his chest.

  “And you are getting all mushy on me.” I tease him.

  “Mushy?” He questions, tilting his head to the side on a laugh. “Is that so?”

  “It is.” I sigh playfully. “What am I going to do with you?” I shake my head at him when his eyes turn dark. “Not happening.” I laugh when he fakes innocence.

  “What did Mr. Reed want anyways?” I ask, trying to act like I don't actually care and that I am just asking out of curiosity more than anything else.

  “Had a couple things to run through with me before he heads back to New York tomorrow.” He says, reaching out for me. I don't hesitate stepping forward and allowing him to pull me into his arms. It gives me the ability to hide the disappointment on my face as I rest my head against his chest.

  I knew Bentley wouldn't be here long and that him returning to wherever he came from would come sooner rather than later, but something about it being confirmed twists my stomach in a way that can only be described as one thing.... Regret. Though I am not sure what I regret more. Allowing myself to even have a taste of a man I can never have, or not allowing myself to have him all when I had the chance.

  Either way, I can't dwell on it any longer. Bentley is leaving and soon, my life will be back to normal and I can move on from this temporary brain malfunction I seem to be having. Pulling back from Josh, I give him a sweet smile and then push up to kiss his cheek.

  “I gotta go.” I say, pulling back. “Finals next week. I am so behind on my studies.” I say, allowing him to pull me back to him as he grips both sides of my face and looks down at me.

  “We good?” He asks, his eyes searching mine.

  “We're good.” I say, not feeling up to making this a bigger issue than it is. While I can forgive his reaction to me dancing for Bentley, I can't just ignore what I know this means. Josh has moved past the point of a casual hook up. Which means, sometime very soon we are going to have to make a decision.

  I like Josh. A lot. But we are at completely different points in our lives. He's ready to settle down and me... Well, I'm just getting started. Pulling him down, I give him a gentle kiss and then back out of his embrace again. “I'll see you later.” I say, quickly slipping out of his office and closing the door behind me.

  Eager to get the hell out of here, I turn towards the back exit and make my way outside as quickly as I can, determined not to have to face anyone else tonight. But as I approach my old beat up blue Cavalier in the corner of the parking lot, my hope of getting away unscathed slips through my fingers.

  Leaning against the rusty old door of my car is none other than Bentley Reed himself. I recognize him immediately. His body is silhouetted under the light I purposely park under. Arms crossed in front of his chest and a devilish grin pulling up the corners of his mouth. I try not to stumble but the moment I realize he's there, my steps falter. Taking a deep breath in, I try to pull myself together as I close the distance between us.

  “Bentley?” I question, not missing how out of place he looks leaning up against my old clunky car. His appearan
ce completely out of place against the chipped paint and dented exterior.

  I stifle a small laugh at how ridiculous this all is. He's power and success and money. While I am just a measly college student scraping to get by and working as a dancer in one of his clubs. We are on opposite ends of the spectrum. It's funny how seeing him standing in front of my car is what brings the reality of the situation into view.

  “Are you hungry?” He asks the moment my steps cease, cocking his head to the side. As much as I want to be annoyed, I can't muster the feeling. The truth is, I'm glad he's here. As much as I know I shouldn't be, I can't help that I am.

  “Now?” I ask, checking the time on my cell phone.

  “Nothing like dinner in the middle of the night.” He says, pushing away from my car and holding his arm out for me. “But I think I'll drive.” He laughs, ignoring my offended gasp as he leads me away from my car.

  I know I should decline. I should get in my car and drive home. Bury myself in my school work. Do anything but what I am doing right now.

  It's just dinner, I try to reassure myself. But even if all we do is eat dinner, I know that somehow it will be so much more than that. I can feel my need for control rearing it's ugly head and yet, I am powerless to do anything but exactly what he requests. And honestly, that scares me more than anything else.

  Chapter Five

  “So Josh... I have to admit. I didn't see that one coming.” Bentley shakes his head before taking another bite of his sandwich.

  “We have sex.” I say on a shrug. “It's not like I plan on marrying the man.” I say, not letting his comment bother me. He doesn't have to understand it as long as he accepts it. Because at the end of the day, he holds the power to fire me or Josh. Or hell, both of us for that matter.

  “Do you do that often?” He asks, running his fingertip along the rim of his glass. “Have sex with people, I mean?” He elaborates when I throw him a questioning look.

  “Wow.” I say, taking a drink of my water before continuing. “Is that what you see when you look at me?” I ask, crossing my arms in front of my chest as I lean back further in my chair. “Just some whore who dances at your club and fucks everyone?”

  “That's not what I meant.” He lets out a light laugh and I try my damnedest not to be distracted by the deepness of his voice or those fucking dimples.

  “You sure about that?” I ask, feeling the overwhelming need to be challenging. Something about this man screams control and I need him to understand right here and now, that I am not one to be controlled.

  “I just meant, do you hook up casually with people often? It's not meant to be offensive, it's just a question. Helps me understand you a little better.” He says, smiling so sweetly at me I really just want to reach over and punch him right in the face. Maybe he thinks I will fall for the sweet guy routine, but he is sorely mistaken. There is nothing about this man that is sweet, except maybe how he tastes.

  “Do you?” I ask, turning the the tables on him. I lean forward on my elbows and pin my eyes directly on him.

  “Yes.” He answers without hesitation, his smile growing wider.

  “Somehow that doesn't surprise me.” I shake my head before taking another long drink of water. “And no, to answer your question, I do not hook up with people randomly. I find one person that I can connect with sexually and I stick with that person until my needs are no longer being met or he decides he wants more. At which point, I move on. I do not bounce from man to man daily. And I am not a whore.”

  “So no commitment then?” He asks, his eyes dancing across my face.

  “None.” I say, shaking my head adamantly. “I don't do boyfriends. Never have. But I have needs, just like everyone else.”

  “What are your needs?” He asks, mirroring my posture by leaning forward on his elbows.

  “I am not going to have this conversation with you.” I say, laughing lightly at his boldness. “But I will say this, Josh satisfies those needs perfectly and right now, I am content with that.” I say, trying to drive home the point that I am not interested in hooking up with him, even though every fiber of my being is begging to do just that.

  “Content? Not really a word I would use to describe having great sex. I would think a woman like you would need more than that.” He says, reaching out to trail his finger tips down my forearm, my skin prickling under his touch.

  “What kind of woman is that?” I ask, curious about his statement and honestly a bit turned on by it as well.

  “You're challenging and fierce. You have always had to fight for what you want, so you protect the only thing you can. You like sex, but you hide behind it. It's your security blanket.” He says, biting down on his lower lip causing me to squirm in my chair.

  “Just because you have seen my personnel file, does not mean you know anything about me.” I say, pulling my arm back and pushing back in my chair again, desperately trying to put space between us. I can't help but be offended that he is using what very little he knows about my past to try to score some kind of points with me or something.

  “This has nothing to do with your file. Anyone can see these things about you, they just simply need to look.” He says, sitting back and crossing his arms in front of himself. “Tell me I'm wrong.” He challenges.

  “So you've got it all figured out then?” I ask.

  “Actually, no.” He says, somewhat catching me off guard. “I haven't figured out why we are still sitting here talking when I could be showing you what you really need.” He says, causing my stomach to knot in the best sort of way.

  “And what's that?” I ask, trying to keep my breathing even.

  “You need a man that knows what you want and how to give it to you. A man that will fuck you so hard, you will still feel the effects of him days later. Will kiss you so deeply, you will still taste him hours later. A man that understands you. You need someone to help you escape. Someone to help you crawl out of that perfect exterior you put on display for everyone and release who you truly are.” His voice is low and drips with seduction and I find myself hanging onto every single word as it flows from his perfect mouth.

  I can feel the shallowness of my breathing and the rapid thumps of my heart as he stares back at me with so much intensity, it's a wonder I can even meet his gaze. But there is one major flaw in his proposal, the fact that I know it's something he has probably said to hundreds of other woman.

  Deciding to play along, I ask. “And you think you could give me that?”

  “I know I can.” He says without hesitation. “Give me one night and I promise you, Josh will be the last person on your mind.”

  “Why this hang up on Josh?” I can't help but ask the question. “We have sex, that's it.” I say, somewhat egging him on. I want to push him to his limits. The moment I start insinuating that maybe he's jealous, I am sure that he will back down.

  “There's no hang up. He has something I want and I fully intend on taking it from him.” He says, his confidence so sound that it's amazing to me that it doesn't turn me off. Usually cockiness is a deal breaker for me, but something about the way Bentley carries himself, makes his cockiness a pro not a con.

  “What could he possibly have that you want?” I ask, already knowing what he's implying but still wanting him to say the words.

  “You.” He says, once again without hesitation.

  Leaning forward, I hitch my finger gesturing for him to come closer. He smiles wickedly at me and then moves in, not stopping until we are as close as we can be given the small round table between us.

  “Let me make one thing very clear Mr. Reed.” I say, my voice barely above a whisper. “I am not going to fuck you.” I say, not missing the way his eyes dance with a challenge. “Not tonight. Not ever. I am not like all the other hussies you probably have flocking you everywhere you go. I don't want a complication or a distraction and I certainly do not want to join the ranks of being just another woman that Bentley Reed has fucked. So thank you for dinner.” I say, dro
pping my napkin in front of me and standing. “But I really should be going.”

  Bentley peers up at me and laughs lightly. A wide smile spreading across his impossibly handsome face. Oh god help me. “I like you.” He says, smiling even wider.

  “Well lucky for you, I don't feel the same.” I say unconvincingly, spinning around and leaving him sitting in the small twenty four hour diner all by himself.

  It's only a matter of seconds before I step out into the cool night air. It's nearing the end of May and the heat is just now starting to extend into the late night hours. Turning right immediately upon exiting, I try to figure out exactly where I am in conjunction to the club. Considering my car is still in the parking lot, I kind of need to figure out my way back there.

  “You just going walk the whole way back in the middle of the night?” Bentley's laughter dances around me as I whip around to see him quickly approaching. “Come on. Let me drive you back.” He says, holding his arm out for me.

  I look from his face to his arm and then back to his face. “Oh come on. You don't really think I am going to let you walk just because you said you wouldn't fuck me.” He laughs, linking his arm with mine and spinning me back in the direction of the diner. “Besides, you said you wouldn't, not that you didn't want to.” He laughs, nudging my hip with his. As much as I want to keep up the act and pretend like he doesn't affect me, when he smiles at me the way he's smiling right now, I find it impossible to be anything but completely smitten.

  “You're impossible.” I say, shaking my head at him, his black sports car coming into view as we round the corner.

  We cross the street and within moments, I am being assisted into the passenger seat. While it's a sweet gesture, I can't help but feel a little annoyed with myself for liking the fact that he treats me like I am incapable of doing small things like getting into a car on my own.

  The drive back is quiet and the silence buzzes around us. More than once I open my mouth to speak but then think better of it and end up closing it again. I don't know what to say or do. I have never been in a situation where I wanted someone as badly as I do Bentley and yet, denied myself the pleasure of having him.