Lost Trails

by Bonnie R. Paulson

  He blinked back his regret. What he was doing was low and he probably wouldn’t get a second chance – not with Hannah or with the family. How had everything changed in moments

  Something he could thank Nathan for.

  He knocked once more, ducking his head as he realized he might be waking people up. He had to try to explain to Drake at the very least. He couldn’t explain to Hannah. Not right then. He couldn’t face what he was leaving behind.

  Drake pulled open the door, a cup of coffee in his hand and no boots on his stockinged feed. “Zander, is everything alright?” He looked past Zander’s hat and then returned his searching gaze to Zander’s face.

  “I have to go. There’s an emergency on my ranch and I can’t let my foreman deal with it. I’m sure you understand.” Zander stood there as himself, as Drake’s peer. “Thank you for giving me the chance to work here. Things were going as I’d hoped.”

  Confused, Drake ran a hand through his hair and leaned forward. “I’m sorry. What? Your ranch? I don’t...”

  “It’s a lot to go into, but I don’t really have the time right now.” He pulled out a card and handed it across to Drake who took it with questions in his eyes. Zander tapped the face of the card. “Tell Hannah, if she wants to find Nathan Rourke, he’s at the Silver Spoons Ranch, outside of Mersdin on this side of the border.” Zander lifted his chin.

  Drake jerked his gaze to Zander’s face at the mention of his brother-in-law. “What do you know of Nate?” Suspicion darkened Drake’s trusting expression to one of questions and doubt.

  “I know he’s worked for me just this side of a year.” Zander stepped back, ready to run from the ranch and everything he wanted so badly. He’d betrayed the family by holding the truth from them. He’d done this. He’d treated everything like a game instead of trying to help them. Zander didn’t know what it meant to be a family. He was about to lose all of his chances with the one he wanted.

  Drake glanced back at the card, looking closer at the text. He raised his eyes back to Zander’s face. “Are you Alexander Strong?” Doubt and frustration colored Drake’s face a ruddier shade of tan.

  “Alexander Strong the Third. I usually go by Alex but since my father died, that’s been changing to Zander.” He shook his head, as the full extent of his duplicitous actions reared up and screamed in his face. “I know I lied by omission on more things than I have a right to claim. I justified the secrets when you didn’t ask me for my last name and my foreman never used my name when you spoke.”

  Drake studied Zander, disbelief turning the sides of his mouth down. After a moment, he tucked his chin, piercing Zander with his gaze. “You think Hannah’s going to want anything to do with you after this? She’s not. You lied to her. She’s been hurt enough. You need to stand up and tell her yourself about your lies. I don’t want any part in this.” Drake shook his head, shoving the card toward Zander.

  Zander held up his hand, turning pleading eyes back to the brother-in-law he wouldn’t have now. “No, man, you don’t get it. I thought I knew what I wanted when I came here. I thought I knew what love was... but the more I learned about Hannah, about you guys, the more I realized I don’t know anything.” He reached out and grasped Drake’s hand, smashing the card into his palm. “I would have really liked to know you better, brother. I know Nathan and he’s... if the rest of you are anything like him, you have one heckuva family.” He swallowed past the tightening in his throat. “I wanted what the Trails represent. I wanted that in my life. I was willing to do anything to get it, even lie. I’m sorry.”

  Truth registered on Drake’s face as tears shone in his eyes. He grimaced, blinking. “You know him? You really see him?” Reaching up, he pushed his fingers over his eyelids, sniffing.

  “Yeah, I know him. He works for me. We’re drinking buddies down at The Bar. He’s family.” Zander offered a half-smile filled with apologies, knowing they wouldn’t help, because nothing was going to assuage his loss, why should he expect anything would help Drake?

  “Tell him... tell Nate his family misses him.” Drake swallowed on the halting words. “We want him to come home.”

  “I got it. And just so you know? The Montana Trail cousins are all Nathan talks about.” He turned away, letting the screen door close softly behind him. Regret blanketed him in a chilly embrace as he walked to his truck.

  Zander was leaving behind his opportunities, not just for a family but for a love like Nathan spoke about. What was he going to go back and say to his friend?

  What would Drake tell Hannah?

  How would he ever make it up to himself? The loss of Hannah was one he was going to feel long into the twilight of his life.

  Chapter 17

  Hannah

  All day Hannah had gotten ready for her date, even with just little things like painting her toenails and trying to find the pearl earring of her mother’s she’d kept in a jewelry box on her dresser.

  The weather had topped out at sunny and optimistic with a breeze which stirred up the eighty-degree heat.

  Zander had said to dress nice so Hannah had put on a black pencil skirt with a button up midnight blue silk blouse. She’d even gone to the trouble of curling her dark hair and putting on makeup.

  She hated makeup.

  But as she twisted and turned in front of the full-length mirror, she had to admit she hadn’t felt that feminine in a long while. Zander was pushing her to be what she wanted to be, he’d pushed chasing her dreams and really going after what she wanted.

  Somehow, he’d edged himself onto that list and it was all she could do to not run to him and tell him how much she was starting to care. She had to keep a little of her dignity.

  The time he was going to pick her up approached and butterflies fluttered in her stomach. Hannah slipped into the black heels Stefanie had let her borrow. She was so excited. A real date with a man she was growing to care deeply for.

  She planned on telling him that night that she wanted to include him in her plans for the future. She wasn’t sure how she was going to be able to do everything she wanted as well as have him, but he had to know he was worth trying for.

  The heels of her shoes clicked as she walked down the stairs and stopped in the kitchen. She raised her shoulder and batted her lashes at Stefanie.

  Her sister laughed. “Nice. I didn’t know you knew how to look like a girl.” Stefanie rounded her sister and nodded approvingly. “Wow, Hannah. You really know how to gussy up.” She reached out and hugged her, excitement in the curve of her cheeks and the brightness of her smile.

  “Thanks.” Hannah glanced toward the grandfather clock by the front door. Five minutes. He was supposed to be there in five minutes. She searched the main floor, listening for signs of Drake. “Where’s Drake? Aren’t you guys going out tonight?”

  “He’s late. I haven’t seen him since last night. He got up before dawn to go with the guys to finish the fences and to retrieve a bison calf from the north bend in the range. We’re just staying in. I think they’re taking it easy tomorrow, so he can stay up, or sleep on the couch.” She ended on a chuckle. After a minute, realization dawned and furrowed her brow, all humor gone from her face. “Zander might be a few minutes late, if he’s with Drake and the men.”

  “Oh, yeah, that’s out of his control.” Hannah sighed, widening her gaze and bouncing on the balls of her feet. “I’m just so excited.” She rubbed at her neck, careful not to touch her face or hair and risk messing things up.

  Stefanie grinned knowingly. “I bet you are. He’s good-looking as all get-out.” She nodded like she had the end-all opinion on how men looked.

  Hannah easily agreed with her. Zander was good–looking, but most importantly he was kind and respectful. He was someone she could see in her life for a long time.

  Admitting that was hard when she didn’t believe people stayed and she only had faith in her family. Zander was proving her wrong and the altering of that belief was drastic – in a good way.

  Se
ven o’clock rolled around, bringing about the thunder of horse hooves down the drive. Hannah’s excitement rekindled. Her date was just getting started late. She could wait a little longer. Hopefully he was as excited as she was.

  Stefanie and Hannah moved out to the enjoy the cool breeze and watch the men file into the bunkhouse. The few they caught sight of were tired and worn out looking. Drake brought up the rear, frustration evident in the angle of his jaw and the terse nod he sent Stefanie’s way. He avoided looking at Hannah.

  Did he know about the date? He probably wouldn’t be happy. But Hannah wasn’t going to let his reaction dampen her excitement. She searched for Zander, but he probably already got inside. Knowing him, he’d need to clean up and get ready.

  Hannah couldn’t wait to see what he’d come up with for their date.

  But when eight o’clock donged on the grandfather clock and Drake had already climbed the back steps almost forty minutes ago, Hannah’s excitement started to dim. Had Zander forgotten? That wouldn’t be horrible. He’d been working hard all day. She wouldn’t mind taking a raincheck so he could get some rest. She really just wanted to make sure he was okay.

  She waited until eight-thirty before she descended the steps and walked out to the bunkhouse to check on him. Was there a line for the showers?

  Hannah poked her head into the front sitting room of the bunkhouse so she wouldn’t invade the private space of the sleeping area. Cookie and a few of the men sat on couches and watched a large flat-screened television mounted on the wall.

  Cookie saw her and stood. He approached her, a towel in hand. “Hi, Miss Hannah. What can I do for you?” He glanced around the sitting area, pressing his lips together firmly as if to warn the men to behave while she was there. They all looked to beat to do anything but stare at the screen.

  “I was looking for Zander. Is he out here?” Hannah smiled, trying not to seem too desperate, but there she was in a dress, asking about a hand. How much more obvious could she get?

  “No, Miss Hannah. His stuff is gone. He left this morning. At least that’s what Mister Drake said.” Cookie’s sympathetic gaze roved her face before he turned back to the common area.

  Unwilling to assimilate the truth, Hannah nodded tightly. “Thank you.” She backed up, confusion slowing her movements. Was Cookie wrong? Had Drake... she couldn’t figure anything out. The words were just a jumbled mess in her head.

  Zander wouldn’t have left. Not without telling her. She stepped slowly down the stairs. Pausing at the bottom, she bit her lip. After a moment of indecision, she half-ran in her heels and dress toward the parking lot where the men stored their trucks.

  His dark blue Ram was gone. The rig wasn’t in his normal spot or in any of the other spots. She rushed through the lot, checking the drive out front. Maybe he’d gone there after his shower and Cookie was just teasing her.

  His truck was nowhere to be seen.

  He was gone. He’d left. Zander had done what she knew what he would do. She’d known it. She’d listened to his pretty words and his empty promises and she’d let her heart become attached as if he were any different than anyone else.

  Shock dropped her to her knees. She balled her hands into fists on her thighs, ignoring the bite of the gravel digging into her skin through the nylon tights.

  Why was she so stupid? She knew he’d leave. She just hadn’t known he would leave in the middle of her falling for him.

  Never again... Never.

  Heart ache was for saps and she’d never be a soft-hearted woman again.

  Chapter 18

  Zander

  The drive was uneventful. Zander’s truck cab was filled with regret and anger and by sheer force of will he made it to Silver Spoons Ranch shortly before dinner.

  He’d missed his home with its wrought iron archway over the drive and sweeping plains which stretched acres and acres on either side of the drive. The velvety dark sky was so large it pressed upon the earth with its vastness, only feeling freeing when one was on the back of a horse and riding.

  Zander had the whole drive home to wallow in his regret and everything he was leaving behind. He didn’t even fully comprehend what could have been with Hannah because he hadn’t explored it fully. There hadn’t been enough time to really search anything with her. All he knew was that his heart ached and he hadn’t realized what that would feel like. No one had warned him what falling in love would be like.

  He was going to regret his move the rest of his life. Maybe she would come... but it wouldn’t be for him. She didn’t want to be with anyone who would leave. She believed everyone left. And could he blame her? He’d promised he wouldn’t leave and...

  He’d left. He’d committed the cardinal sin in her eyes and there would be no forgiveness for him. Forget the fact that he’d lied about who he was and everything else. Dang, he’d even lied about her brother and what he knew. No, liars didn’t deserve second chances. He didn’t deserve anything from her.

  Parking his rig and turning off the engine, Zander climbed from the cab. If nothing else, at least he’d be glad to climb into his own kind-sized bed that night. Working as a hand had taught him a few things and he’d be making some adjustments for his own workers to improve their experience.

  A crashing sound coming from his large barn drew his attention. He left his pack in the truck and strode across the drive.

  Tommy rushed out to meet him, consternation tight in his weathered skin. “I’m glad you’re back, sir. He hasn’t stopped since the sheriff released him to me.”

  He must be Nathan.

  All of his crushing disappointment zeroed on one man. Zander held up his hand. “I’ve got this now, Tommy. Thank you. I’m sorry for the trouble. It won’t happen again.” He clapped his foreman on the back without breaking stride. Crossing the gravel drive, Zander pushed open one of the double doors to the barn.

  The front interior of the barn looked like a tornado had passed through with hay bales torn into pieces and spread haphazardly around the normally swept floor. Gold hay dust drifted through the air, disturbed only by rapid movement.

  Nathan had pushed over a saddle rest at some point. He leaned on its hind legs protruding up into the air while he swigged from a bottle of dark amber colored liquor. The label faced his palm and the level of the contents was the only thing clearly seen. Judging from the line, Nathan had been at his destructive rampage for a while.

  “Hey!” Zander yelled. He stormed inside his now trashed barn area. Extra hats he had available for visitors had been flung around the floor, more straw bales stacked on the far side had been ripped into and strewn about. Twine and tack lay twisted together at the base of the closet whose doors were still open, one half-ripped off its hinges. He tightened his jaw, clenching his fists at his sides. “What do you think you’re doing? This is my place, not yours. What is your problem?” That he even had to remind Nathan of any of that rankled.

  Who did Nathan Rourke think he was?

  Friends didn’t do that and employees who wanted to keep their jobs didn’t do that either. Least of all, a decent human being didn’t destroy another man’s property.

  Nathan dropped to the bottle to his side, taking a deep breath before turning his enraged glare toward Zander. He stood from his perch on the legs and stepped forward, thrusting his finger toward the textured cement floor. “Let’s not be hypocrites, today, man. Were you there? Did you go to Bella Acres?” He shook his head, disbelief marring his features. “Don’t lie to me, Alex.”

  The truth would come out eventually. Isn’t that how the saying went? Zander had hoped he wouldn’t have to tell Nathan anything until he’d won over Hannah and he was marrying her. Zander could be the knight in shining armor for the whole family and present Nathan to the Montana Trails at the wedding. He’d had it all planned out.

  But none of that was possible now. Not anymore. Thanks to Nathan and his uncontrollable temper.

  Zander lifted his chin, narrowing his eyes. “I did. Why? What do
es it have to do with you? You wrote them off. All of them.” He hadn’t been called Alex in a few weeks and it brought him back to who he really was. What his real role was. He didn’t ask how Nathan knew where Zander was. Nathan would spill everything, if Zander gave him enough time.

  “Tommy said you were ‘expanding’. A buddy of mine from a couple towns over let me know of a call-out about a rare studding option I thought for sure you’d want to know about. So I called your cell yesterday morning and some guy answered.” His lips pressed tight together and he shook his head, his eyes rolling in betrayal. “Some guy.” He huffed humorlessly. “Drake. Drake Benson answered. He didn’t recognize my voice, but I did his. I asked what your role was there at Bella Acres and he said you worked as a hand.”

  Zander was speechless. He’d only left his phone unattended for a few times and one of them had been in the commons area before heading out for a day of work. He’d been outside with Hannah, in the garden. He hadn’t thought anything about it.

  He lifted a hand and let it fall weakly back to his side.

  “Why would you need to work there? You own most of eastern Montana and some of North Dakota. I mean...” Nathan stated the obvious as if Zander was a little child being called to task. Nathan looked down at the bottle in his hand and then back to Zander. “What were you doing there, man? I don’t...”

  He was clearly drunk and Zander could see that. Just how drunk Nathan was would determine how much of the conversation he remembered. Zander stepped forward. “Do I pay you enough? Do you feel neglected? We aren’t friends, Nathan, not conventional friends anyway. We ride a fine line between friends, employer and employee, and I had hoped one day we would be family. I wanted to push all of the other stuff aside and just be brothers.”

  “I don’t have anyone left in my family to marry and trust me, I’m not an option.” Nathan snorted, lifting the bottle for another drink and then slowly lowering it. “What are you talking about? Why aren’t you making sense?”