Faking Sweet

by J. C. Burke

  Me: Hey, Scott.

  Scott: You got a space?

  Me: Yeah.

  Scott: Do you want me to take you through it?

  I could read. And when last I checked, I did have a brain.

  Me: Could you?

  Jess: I’ve got the best saying from Saskia for your quote line. “Learn from yesterday. Live for today. Hope for tomorrow.” How cool is that?

  Me: Can you say it again?

  Slowly Jess repeated it while I typed it in.

  Jess: And how appropriate is it for Calypso?

  Me: Very appropriate.

  Very appropriate for me too.

  Scott: So enter your details then do the profile. Can you see that?

  Jess: And where it says ‘loves’ you’ve got to include Scott in that.

  Thank God there weren’t screens attached to these phones ’cause my face was burning up. The vegetable oil was starting to bubble on my cheeks.

  Scott: The blog’s where you can really stick it up her. Jess and I reckon you should do a search for quotes and poems and stuff on liars.

  Me: How about the Black Eyed Peas?

  Scott: Yeah. Don’t Lie. Songs like that.

  Jess: And after the weekend, you put the photos on and write captions. Bags being the caption writer. ‘Scott and me sharing popcorn; Scott and me outside Macca’s; Scott and me …’

  Scott: Yeah, yeah, we get the picture, Jess.

  There was a second of silence. How I wished Scott was doing this ’cause he genuinely liked me.

  Scott: Holly, you’re cool about this, aren’t you?

  Me: Yeah. It’s just pretend.

  Scott: I don’t mean that. I mean you’re not, I dunno, scared about what Calypso might do. Are you? I know she’s in Melbourne but she got pretty psycho with me on MSN and stuff. Even for a bit when she was in Melbourne she was still writing stuff about me and Jess too.

  Me: She doesn’t scare me, honest.

  She didn’t scare me. That was the truth. We weren’t going back to Melbourne. As it turned out, that was a result. I’d never have to see her face again.

  Scott: You’re braver than me. I couldn’t hack it after a while. She was fully poisonous to Jess, calling her a ‘lying thief’.

  Me: She can talk.

  Scott: So can you ice-skate?

  Me: I’ve done it a few times. I’m pretty hopeless.

  Scott: Good.

  Jess: I’ll be behind the camera.

  Scott: You don’t have to take photos all night, Jess.

  Jess: I might want to.

  Scott: Well, what if Hol and I just want to muck around and have some fun? We’ll look like idiots if you’re chasing us around with the camera all night.

  Jess and I were laughing. I think I sounded a bit more hysterical ’cause the line ‘Hol and I …’ had me seeing stars.

  Scott: Besides, it’s my digital camera you’re using and you’re a crap skater. If you fall and drop it …

  Me: You can use mine.

  Scott. Nah. Just kidding. It’s cool. Jess is actually an okay skater. Hey, Dad reckons he can get us free tickets for the movies.

  Jess: Great!

  Scott: Not for you. Just for Hol and me.

  I almost dropped the phone, and that wasn’t because of the vegie oil all over my hands. ‘Hol and me.’ What a line.

  Scott: Well, I wasn’t going to make Holly pay. That’d be slack of me.

  Jess: You’re so old-fashioned, Scott.

  There was a smile on my face, and it was as wide as Australia.

  Dear Me,

  Hi, it’s been a while. Sorry. But lots has happened. Lots!

  I knew I wasn’t being paranoid. Holly and Calypso were friends at MLG. Calypso told Holly quite a bit of crap too. I don’t understand why. It must be that Calypso still has it in for me. Lucky for me Holly doesn’t believe a word of it AND the best bit is we, that is me, Holly and Scott have decided to play our own trick on Calypso. I feel a little bit guilty about it but she still deserves it for what she did to Scott and Holly too.

  Holly is going to pretend her and Scott are an item. It was MMMMYYYYY idea!!!!!! Holly has a space and we’re going to put all these photos on it of her and Scott.

  The only thing I’m worried about is that Holly and Calypso are still in contact. They have to be for the plan to work. I just don’t trust what Calypso might say about me.

  Anyway Holly’s too smart to believe a thing that comes out of Calypso’s mouth. So I’m safe. I stuck up for myself once and I can do it again if I have to. I think.

  I’m tired. So good night and sorry this is so short.

  JessXXXX

  PS. I have done zero study-yikes.

  PPS. What am I going to do about Jase and Saskia???

  PPS. I haven’t asked but I have a suspicion that Holly and Scott really do like each other. Hmmmmmm.

  The strangest thing happened today at school. In the morning, as I walked through the quadrangle, two ‘it’ girls called out, ‘Hey, Holly.’

  At morning tea, as I crossed the lawn towards the canteen, an ‘it’ girl from the year above waved. I checked behind me, but I swear there was no one else there.

  Then at lunch, Saskia came running up to me, hugged me and squealed, ‘Aggghhhhh. Your skin looks fantastic.’

  Excuse me, but did an ‘it’ girl just hug me? I could feel my heart racing so I knew I was alive. I pinched my arm. I was definitely awake.

  ‘You’re wearing the foundation I gave you.’ Saskia was dragging a finger across my cheek. ‘How did you get it to have that fabulous glow?’

  I opened my mouth to say, ‘a drop of vegetable oil’, then thought the better of it.

  ‘Dunno,’ I shrugged.

  ‘It looks fabulous.’ Saskia checked her fingertip. ‘A bit oily, but that’s probably your skin type. Are your outfits ready for the weekend? I have this really nice black top that you would look divine in. I’ll bring it to school tomorrow.’

  ‘I haven’t really thought about what I’m going to wear,’ I lied.

  ‘Now don’t worry if Scott seems shy.’ Saskia linked her arm through mine. ‘That’s just the way he is. He doesn’t talk much.’

  ‘He’s been fine.’

  ‘It’s so good you’re doing this, Holly,’ Saskia continued. ‘Especially for Jess. Calypso was so awful to her. Jess doesn’t like to talk about the shoplifting incident, but Calypso tried to set her up sooo badly. She told everyone, including teachers, you know. Poor Jess just had to stay strong throughout the whole thing. It was really, really bad.’

  ‘Yeah.’ I looked around to see if anyone was watching me, arm-in-arm with Saskia, probably the second most important ‘it’ girl in Year 9.

  ‘Jase, that’s my boyfriend, is dying to meet you. Scott’s told him so much about you.’

  ‘Oh?’ Did I want to know what Scott had said?

  ‘Scott told Jase he thinks you’ve got balls.’

  ‘Oh?’ Was that a good or a bad thing?

  ‘It’s so good your skin’s cleared up.’ Saskia patted my hand. ‘You know your forehead was a bit … spotty. Now we can look at you, you’re actually quite pretty.’

  I knew that was supposed to make me feel good. So why then was I praying for the earth to open its jaws and swallow me up?

  I managed to pump a few bucks out of Dad. So after school Jess and I went to the mall.

  ‘I’m glad it’s just you and me,’ Jess said, as we took turns at slurping on a tropical mango smoothie.

  ‘Me too,’ I agreed.

  I’d been starting to feel like a freak show. The idea of all the ‘its’ coming shopping to lend their fashion advice was way more than I could handle.

  ‘Wow, Holly, look.’ Jess skipped off the escalators. ‘How cool is that?’

  In the window of Lipstix, every colour of skinny-leg jeans was on display: yellow, orange, pink, red, jade, aqua and purple. Above them floated a matching bunch of balloons, with a sign that said: WHAT COLOUR WILL YOU B
E WEARING?

  ‘Skinny-leg jeans.’ I nudged Jess as we walked through the entrance. ‘Remind you of anything?’

  Oops. I shouldn’t have said that. Jess shot me a glare I didn’t know she was capable of. Then I remembered Saskia said Jess didn’t like talking about the shoplifting thing – ever.

  ‘Sorry.’ I grimaced in pain. Why didn’t I think before I opened my fat gob?

  After a few minutes of Jess silently flicking through racks of clothes she began to defrost. ‘Hol, these are nice.’ She held up a pair of red shorts speckled with the tiniest white spots. ‘They’d look good with that top of Saskia’s.’

  ‘Won’t I be cold?’

  Jess shot me another look. This one told me my comfort was not even a consideration.

  I looked at the price tag. I could afford them with one dollar and one cent to spare. ‘Should I try them on?’

  ‘For sure,’ Jess said. ‘They come in orange and green too.’

  ‘Which do you prefer?’

  ‘Try them all on.’

  Jess followed me through the shop, carrying the three hangers of shorts.

  ‘Hey, Pixie,’ she waved. ‘Okay if we try these on?’ Then she whispered to me, ‘If we say the shorts are for me you’ll get a discount.’

  I found an empty dressing room, and as I went to close the door I realised Jess was squeezing in behind me.

  ‘Shove over,’ she said.

  ‘Sorry,’ I chuckled.

  This was the exact thing Calypso never did with me. She never once suggested we do something as basic as go shopping together like friends did. With her it was all about the revenge plan.

  How I wished Calypso could see me now. In Lipstix, with Jess Flynn, while I tried on clothes to wear on a date with Scott. This was my moment of revenge.

  I could almost hear Calypso’s voice in my ear, nagging and criticising about how I’d missed the perfect opportunity to carry out Step 3, observing the dressing room habits of a shoplifter.

  But if there was one thing I’d had to learn for myself, it was that Jess Flynn was no shoplifter. Jess Flynn was the nicest, most harmless girl in the world. Jess Flynn had become a real friend.

  ‘Sorry about before,’ Jess muttered.

  ‘I’m sorry,’ I replied. ‘It was a dumb thing for me to say.’

  ‘No, it’s not that,’ Jess said.

  I stepped out of my school skirt, not the least bit embarrassed that I was in my blue floppy undies. Jess passed me the red shorts.

  ‘I’m just a bit flat,’ said Jess. ‘I haven’t told anyone this but …’

  ‘But what?’

  ‘I, um, I like Jase.’

  ‘Isn’t he …’

  ‘Going out with Saskia? Yes.’

  ‘So?’

  ‘So what can I do? I’m no boyfriend thief.’

  Instantly I thought of one of our first English classes. Jess had pretty much said that exact thing then. Yet I hadn’t believed a thing that came out of her mouth. The shame still burned my insides.

  If only I could tell Jess the real reason Calypso had fed me all her lies. Telling the truth about the revenge plan was the only way I could free myself from Calypso for good. It was hard living with the lie. But I knew Jess hating me would be even harder.

  ‘What do you think of these? On me, that is.’ I was almost too scared to look at my reflection in case I saw elephant thighs splitting the seams of red spotty shorts. I would never recover from that. ‘Are they too tight?’ I squeaked.

  ‘Open your eyes, you idiot!’ Jess was laughing and steering me towards the mirror. ‘They look hot!’

  I didn’t have butterflies in my stomach. That wasn’t quite the right description. It was more like pterodactyls were flapping away in there. As the day progressed they got more and more active.

  The morning was spent alternating between working on my space and sitting on the loo. At least that stopped me looking at the clock every half second.

  Around lunchtime Jess telephoned with some quotes and proverbs Scott and her had found.

  ‘You have to put this one on. Scott found it.’ Jess read slowly and I typed. ‘“You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time, but you cannot fool all of the people all of the time.”’

  ‘I like it,’ I said.

  ‘Scott thought you would.’

  My tummy jumped.

  ‘What do you think of this one?’ I asked. It was a Chinese proverb I’d come across on a Net search. ‘“A bad word whispered will echo a hundred miles.”’

  ‘That’s cool,’ Jess said.

  ‘There’s this one too, but it might give us away. “It is double pleasure to deceive the deceiver.”’

  ‘Ah, I just got goose bumps,’ Jess gasped. ‘Hey, what did you put down for your “loves”?’

  ‘Chocolate, thunderstorms, The OC, Coldplay …’ I rattled off the list until I came to a particular one that made me stumble. ‘… Scott.’

  ‘That’s sounds so cute,’ Jess giggled.

  ‘Well, wasn’t I meant to put him on?’

  ‘Yeah,’ Jess replied. ‘Do you … mean it?’

  ‘Huh?’ She was confusing me. Was she asking me did I mean it, mean it?

  ‘Do you like Scott, for real?’ Jess was serious. ‘You can tell me.’

  No you can’t, my head warned. Not unless you want the entire universe to know in the next sixty seconds.

  ‘Scott’s not really my type.’ This was the most humungous, ginormous fib I had ever wrapped my lips around. And I’d just told it for the second time. Scott was totally, utterly and completely my type. ‘He’s a great guy though. As a friend, that is.’

  Mum dropped me off at the station at 5.45 pm. Scott and Jess weren’t there, so Mum made me wait in the car with her until they arrived.

  ‘I don’t want you hanging around on the station on your own,’ she nagged.

  ‘Well, as soon as I see them I’m going,’ I told her. ‘I’m not doing “this is my mother” introductions. Get it?’

  ‘Holly, calm down. Anyway I’ve already met Jess. Scott’s the only one I don’t know …’

  ‘That’s right,’ I interrupted. ‘And you’re not going to know him either.’

  ‘What are you so uptight about?’

  ‘Nothing,’ I snapped. I was trying really hard to be calm but I was so nervous, and Mum’s fussing wasn’t helping.

  ‘You look nice,’ Mum said. ‘Where’s the top from?’

  ‘A girl from school lent it to me.’

  ‘Who?’

  ‘Saskia.’

  ‘Oh,’ Mum nodded. ‘I’m not saying black doesn’t suit you, but that lovely cream blouse with the …’

  ‘Mum, I’m going to the movies. Not church.’ I slumped down into the seat. Why wouldn’t my mother keep her snout out of my business? Like she knew about fashion!

  ‘Here they are,’ Mum announced.

  I sat up straight to see Scott and Jess coming down the road. I snuck a quick glimpse in the side mirror. My foundation was perfectly applied. It should’ve been. I’d wiped it off three times before I got the ratio of vegetable oil to foundation right. The bun was sitting perfectly on my head with the right amount of loose hair falling over my forehead. The best thing, though, was that the padded bra Jess had lent me had Saskia’s black top poking out in all the right places.

  ‘Ooh, Scott’s jeans look like they’re about to fall down,’ Mum chuckled.

  ‘That’s the fashion,’ I groaned. ‘Drive off please.’

  ‘Holly?’ Mum leaned out the window. ‘Try and have a good time.’

  I pasted a smile on my face. I had to resort to a fake, ’cause my nerves were pulling down the corners of my mouth.

  ‘What did you reckon?’ Scott asked as we walked out of the movies two hours later. ‘Give it a mark out of ten.’

  To be honest, Scott, I couldn’t even tell you what the film was about. I was so totally and utterly blissed out sitting next to you tha
t it could have been a fuzzy screen for a hundred and twenty minutes and I wouldn’t have noticed.

  ‘Not sure,’ I shrugged. ‘What would you give it?’

  ‘Nine and a half,’ he said.

  ‘It was that good, was it?’

  ‘Well, what do you reckon?’

  ‘A nine,’ I cringed.

  ‘Photo time,’ Jess called. ‘Over here, you two.’

  I followed Scott through the circle of ‘its’ and their boyfriends, through the movie foyer and into Game Galaxy. I felt like a movie star walking through a crowd of fans. I could feel their eyes on me, and could hear whispers of: ‘aren’t they cute’ and ‘they look so good together’.

  ‘Come on, Hol.’ Scott leaned against a pinball machine and put his arms around my waist. ‘You okay?’

  I tried to answer but all I could manage was a bleat that sounded like a sick lamb. Scott chuckled and pulled me closer.

  ‘Smile,’ Jess said, as the flash went off. She checked the picture. ‘No good. Holly looks too serious.’ The flash went off again.

  ‘Relax,’ Scott whispered to me.

  Relax! How can I relax when you have your arms around me and twenty pairs of eyes are staring?

  ‘Stay there. Don’t move,’ Jess instructed. ‘I want to do a couple more shots.’

  For ages, Scott and I cuddled up like real boyfriend and girlfriend while Jess took our photo over and over again. But that wasn’t my favourite bit. What I loved the most was that not once did Scott let go of me. Not when Jess stuffed up the picture for the tenth time. Not when I got a serious attack of the nervous giggles. Not even when I accidentally did a Coca-Cola burp and we both burst out laughing. His arms stayed wrapped around me.

  In the racing-car machine opposite us were Jase and Saskia. They were in their favourite position: draped over each other, busy swapping saliva. At first it was embarrassing to watch them. Now it was just off.

  ‘Move.’ Jess almost pushed Saskia off Jase’s lap. After all, she was only human. Seeing them like that must’ve been killing her. ‘It’s Scott and Holly’s turn in the car.’

  A bubble of panic popped in my throat. Jess didn’t expect Scott and me to launch into a sloppy tongue sambo, did she? It was fine doing pretend hugs and cuddles, but if Scott ever kissed me I wanted it to be for real.