Faking Sweet

by J. C. Burke

  While Isabelle and Jess were busy shooing the lovebirds out of the car seat, Scott whispered, ‘Let’s go and get an ice-cream.’

  ‘But what about …’ I started.

  ‘C’mon.’

  We sat on the stairs outside the movies and ate our cones. Finally, just the two of us. At last I felt like I could breathe.

  ‘Good to get out of there,’ Scott said, leaning on one elbow looking like a complete hottie. ‘How many photos do you reckon Jess took?’

  ‘Heaps.’

  ‘Can’t wait to see them.’

  ‘Yeah,’ I agreed.

  Scott’s face started to loom towards me. Now ten thousand bubbles of panic were popping all over me. Suddenly he stopped and took a big sniff.

  ‘Hol. You smell of salad dressing or something.’

  I turned and looked at him, the rising giggle blowing out my cheeks.

  ‘It’s … eau de vegetable oil.’

  ‘Eau de vegetable oil?’

  We rolled around on the stairs, our shoulders crashing into each other, killing ourselves, as I explained Calypso’s foundation technique and how I didn’t have any moisturiser.

  While the outside of me talked, the inside of me was going bananas. ‘What are you doing, Holly Hankinson? You are sitting with the most gorgeous boy in Sydney, telling him you’ve put vegetable oil on your face! He already thinks you’re a complete weirdo. In fact, he thinks you’ve got balls. Now he’s going to think …’ But deep down I knew it didn’t matter. Almost from the very beginning it had been easy with Scott.

  ‘Oh, Hol.’ He even had to wipe tears from his eyes. ‘You’re a classic. If anyone else told me that I’d think they were mad.’

  ‘You don’t think I’m mad?’

  ‘No. I think you’re …’ I waited for his answer. ‘You’re not as loud as those other girls, like Saskia and Isabelle; they’re always screaming. And Hol, you don’t need to be like them and wear that crap on your face. You look fine without it.’

  ‘Oh?’ I stared down at the atrocious paint job I’d done on my toenails, wishing I could run to the bathroom and scrub.

  When finally I could look up, I saw that Scott was smiling straight at me. I almost stopped breathing.

  When Jess rang on Sunday morning to say ice-skating was off ’cause Scott had to play footy for a team that was short of players, I nearly threw myself to the ground. Noooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  ‘He says he’s really sorry.’

  ‘Oh, that’s okay.’ I gulped. It felt like I’d just swallowed a rock, and it was sitting heavy in my stomach.

  ‘Anyway, the photos are fantastic,’ Jess continued. ‘I’m emailing them to you now. Shame Scott’s not your type ’cause you two look so good together.’

  ‘Oh?’

  ‘There’s a gorgeous one of you guys looking like you’re having a private little giggle,’ Jess told me. ‘You should’ve got those shorts in every colour. You look seriously hot in them.’

  ‘Yeah?’ I hit the send/receive key. Ice-skating was off, but I had photos to stare at. That was better than nothing.

  ‘Did you have a good night?’ Jess asked.

  ‘Did you?’ What I really wanted to ask was, ‘Did Scott?’

  The ‘receiving mail’ sign flashed.

  ‘I tried to,’ Jess answered. ‘I really did, but it was a bit hard with Saskia and Jase …’

  Somewhere in the distance I could hear Jess rabbiting on. While right in front of my eyes Calypso’s email was screaming.

  Mail received from baby_cal666@hotmail.com

  Subject: hello? hello?

  ‘… when they’re so, so, what’s the word for it?’

  ‘I, I’ve got to go,’ I stammered. ‘My dad … needs, needs the phone.’

  From: baby_cal666@hotmail.com

  To: holly_hank21@hotmail.com

  Subject: hello? hello?

  Hey Hol

  At last I get to the computer. Mum and Dad are out and I’ve paid Tiffany $5 to keep her mouth shut. You have been so patient with me while I’ve been grounded. Thank you honey.

  All I did was wag a couple of classes and Mum and Dad went berserk!!!!!!!!!

  I swear I have freaks for parents.

  Anyway next week I get my mobile back so we will be back in business. Please don’t think I’ve forgotten you.

  Now before I ask about the planting – although I don’t think you did it, did you?? I want to say that skankface Miss Miranda came up to me the other day at school and said she thinks you spoke to her on MSN the other night???? I don’t exactly know why she told me except that I think she thought you thought you were talking to me on MSN – if that makes sense. It didn’t to me but I thought I’d pass it on.

  Anyway what’s the latest with the evil one??? Have you followed her lately? Has she done anything pathetic? Goss pleeeese. My life has been so boring.

  We’re smack in the middle of exams. I’ve been locked in my room studying all night every night.

  Got a bit of bad news. Well potentially bad news. There may be a bit of a complication with Daydream Island. They reckon you can only take relatives on the holiday. But don’t worry my dad said he’ll do everything he can to get it sorted.

  Okay. Betta go. Tiffany the brat says my time’s up.

  Miss ya heaps. Sorry I haven’t been in contact. It’s been like living in a jail.

  Cxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

  xxxxxxxxxxxxx

  PS. Write back quickly.

  I read Calypso’s email six times. I had to be sure my eyes were giving my brain the right information. There had to be some kind of loose wire in the upstairs compartment of that girl’s head, ’cause how could she really believe that I would swallow the crap she was trying to shovel by the bucket load?

  I didn’t answer the lying, scheming, two-faced, unbalanced one’s email, ’cause I didn’t want to piss her off – yet.

  When my space was perfect; when every quote and photo was in its proper position, I would quietly and calmly sign on to MSN. Then hopefully I’d hear Calypso’s screams all the way from Melbourne.

  ‘Calypso is evil. Calypso deserves to fall.’ I started to sing our little song.

  ‘Calypso is a liar. Calypso deserves to fall. And who is going to bring her down? Who is going to make her fall? I, Holly Hankinson, am going to bring Calypso down because I am Jess’s best friend now.’

  I was greeted at the canteen like some sort of hero. Jess had saved a place at their table for me, and Saskia was already ordering my skinny hot chocolate.

  ‘You don’t take sugar, do you, Hol?’ Saskia called.

  I did. In fact I preferred full-fat milk and about ten sugars in my hot choccy but I didn’t think it was a very ‘it’ girl thing to do.

  ‘No thanks,’ I smiled sweetly.

  ‘Well?’ Saskia said. All the ‘its’ leaned forward in their chairs. ‘How did the night go with Scott? Tell us really. I noticed you two disappeared for a bit.’

  The ‘its’ all started giggling. So did I. I couldn’t help it.

  ‘I think it went pretty good.’

  ‘It’s such a shame he’s not your type,’ Saskia lamented. ‘You two were so cute together.’

  ‘Soooooooo cute,’ the ‘its’ echoed.

  ‘So have you heard from Calypso yet?’ Isabelle enquired. ‘I mean, that is the whole point of this exercise, isn’t it?’

  ‘Oh no, you haven’t put the photos on your space, have you?’ Jess pouted. ‘I want to be with you when Calypso sees them.’

  ‘It’s only half done,’ I lied. In truth, I’d finished putting the last photo on at midnight. For all I knew Calypso could’ve seen them by now. Unlikely ’cause it was a school day, but anything was possible with the unbalanced one. As a precaution, I’d left my mobile at home so I didn’t receive a text at an inconvenient moment – like now, for instance. ‘I’ll finish it later,’ I said.

  ‘Goody.’ Jess clapped. ‘Can I come to your house afte
r school?’

  ‘Can I too?’ Saskia jumped in.

  ‘I promised my mum I’d go furniture shopping with her this arvo. You know, for the new house.’ That wasn’t a lie. ‘Sorry.’ I pulled a disappointed frown.

  ‘You have to ring me the minute Calypso sees it,’ Jess instructed. ‘We’ll do three-way chat again.’

  ‘Great!’ Saskia squealed. ‘I can’t wait.’

  ‘I mean three-way with Holly, me and Scott.’

  ‘Oh.’

  ‘So how come Scott cancelled ice-skating?’ I could see the smirk sitting on Isabelle’s face as she asked. Did she have the hots for Scott, or was it that she couldn’t stand someone like me being part of their group? ‘I thought he wanted shots of her falling into his arms.’

  ‘God, you’re being a bitch,’ Saskia said.

  ‘Why? What have I done?’ Isabelle said, batting her eyelashes. It was a wonder she could move them, they were so coated with mascara.

  ‘Scott and Holly, that’s her name by the way, are pretending to go out. They’re doing this for Jess, remember? Without going into any details, have you forgotten what Calypso did to Jess? Huh, Isabelle?’ Saskia was in full swing: ‘Get over yourself.’

  It seemed there was a blushathon happening at our table. Every ‘it’ girl’s face was red to the max. It was a tight race between Isabelle and Jess. I think Jess won by a shade.

  ‘Let’s go,’ Jess whispered to me.

  Jess and I threw our bags over our shoulders and made our way to English class.

  As we walked across the quadrangle and up the stairs, I could feel every girl in Year 9 watching us. I pulled back my shoulders and lifted my chin. ‘Yes, I am an ‘it’ girl,’ I wanted to shout. ‘Got a problem with it?’

  It would’ve looked so much better if we were madly talking, like we were deep in a private discussion. But unfortunately Jess hadn’t uttered a single word since leaving the canteen. The entire way to class, all Jess did was lick her lips over and over.

  ‘We are up to the last act,’ Mrs Gideon announced in English. ‘The play has almost ended in tragedy. However, Act Five will see many things resolved.’

  Melissa put up her hand. ‘What’s going to happen to Hero? Is Claudio going to find out he got it all wrong with her?’

  ‘Let’s start Scene One and see what happens. Melissa, you can play Claudio,’ said Mrs G.

  Some of the girls booed and hissed.

  ‘I’m pleased to see you’re so moved by this play,’ Gideon continued. ‘You see you’ve learnt that even though Shakespeare wrote Much Ado about Nothing in the late 1500s, it still has relevance in the twenty-first century.’

  It was true. I had come close to causing tragedy. Now I’d been doing my best to reverse it. Hopefully in twenty-four hours the process would be complete.

  Gideon gave out the roles. ‘Who wants to play Leonato?’

  Someone from the back called, ‘Me, please.’

  ‘Okay,’ Gideon nodded. ‘I need a Don Pedro.’

  A hand up the front began to wave.

  ‘Borachio?’ she continued. ‘Who wants to play Borachio?’

  No one put up their hand. No one called out, ‘I will.’

  ‘Come on, girls,’ Gideon laughed. ‘It’s just acting, remember? Borachio, please?’

  Still her request was met with silence.

  ‘Holly?’

  I gulped. Was it really that obvious?

  ‘Could you please play Borachio?’

  I kind of nodded, kind of shrugged, kind of shook my head, then heard myself say, ‘Okay.’

  ‘Sucked in!’ Melissa called.

  Act Five, Scene One was soooo long. It didn’t help that Gideon interrupted every two minutes with a running commentary of what was going on.

  Lower and lower I sunk into my seat. By the time we got to Borachio’s part, all you could see of me were two eyebrows and a forehead.

  ‘Don John’s men, including Borachio, are led in under guard,’ Gideon told us. ‘Don Pedro will question Borachio. And what do you think Borachio will do?’

  ‘Lie,’ someone shouted.

  ‘Well, let’s see. Enter Borachio and the others.’

  I wandered to the front of the class, crossed my arms and waited for my part.

  DON PEDRO: ‘Who have you offended, masters, that you are thus

  bound to your answer? This learned constable is

  too cunning to be understood. What’s your offence?’

  Now it was my turn.

  BORACHIO: ‘Sweet prince, let me go no farther to mine answer:

  do you hear me, and let this count kill me. I have

  deceived even your very eyes: what your wisdoms

  could not discover, these shallow fools have brought

  to light, who in the night overheard me confessing

  to this man how Don John your brother incensed me

  to slander the Lady Hero, how you were brought into

  the orchard and saw me court Margaret in Hero’s garments,

  how you disgraced her when you should

  marry her. My villainy they have upon record, which

  I had rather seal with my death than repeat over

  to my shame. The lady is dead upon mine and my

  master’s false accusation, and briefly, I desire

  nothing but the reward of a villain.’

  ‘What has Borachio just done?’ Gideon asked. ‘Did he lie? Did he say I had nothing to do with it? No, Borachio confessed: “The lady is dead upon mine and my master’s false accusation.” Luckily his confession will help to turn circumstances around.’

  ‘He should’ve confessed,’ Melissa said.

  ‘Yeah,’ Jess agreed. ‘Does Borachio think just because he admitted to what he did everything will be all right? That he won’t be punished?’

  ‘No, he doesn’t,’ Gideon told us. ‘Borachio says: “I desire nothing but the reward of a villain.”’

  ‘That’s what he deserves.’ Jess nodded to me. ‘Doesn’t he, Holly?’

  Droplets of sweat were pooling on my upper lip. My hand covered my jaw to stop it from trembling. Exactly what were they saying? Should I confess? Was that it?

  ‘This scene reflects the very heart of the play!’ Gideon exclaimed. ‘What I said to you all in our first lesson was: how do we know that what we see or hear or think is true? We see the characters in this play judge the inner truths of others by outward signs. Self-deception and human fallibility mixed in with calculated and deliberate deception are what Much Ado about Nothing is preoccupied with. It is this much.’ Gideon’s thumb and finger almost touched. ‘Only this much between the play becoming a comedy or a tragedy.’

  I looked next to me at Jess Flynn; her bright eyes, her white teeth, her blonde swishing ponytail. She had almost come to tragedy. But still I couldn’t confess.

  On our way home from furniture shopping Mum insisted we stop for a quick bowl of noodles. I was dying to get home and check my mobile for messages. The thought of eating only made my stomach roll around a little more.

  I was not going to make a confession. I had come to that conclusion between Capt’n Snooze and Ikea. There was nothing to gain and everything to lose. Just because Borachio confessed didn’t mean I had to. If Borachio jumped off the Harbour Bridge would that mean I’d have to as well?

  I almost knocked Mum over in the rush to get through the front door.

  ‘Holly!’

  ‘Sorry. I’m busting.’

  But I bypassed the toilet and went straight to my bedroom. I closed the door and grabbed my mobile from under the pillow.

  6 missed calls.

  Quickly I scrolled down the call register. One was from Jess. The other five were from Calypso.

  What now? What now? I clutched my mobile and began to pace the room. Think! Think! Think! But my problem was solved in less than a minute when my phone began to ring.

  Down the wall I began to slide. I gulped the air and stuttered, ‘H-h-e-ll-o?’

/>   ‘HOW COULD YOU!’ It was Calypso. ‘How could you?’ she spat. ‘I thought you were my friend.’

  ‘Calypso?’ I squeaked.

  ‘No doubt I was meant to see those photos. You’re not fussy who you’re friends with, are you? As long as you don’t have to hang around on your own like the loser you really are. To think I was stupid enough to even consider taking you on a holiday I’d won.’

  That was it. I inhaled and calmly said, ‘You – haven’t – won – a – holiday, Calypso. You don’t even have grandparents.’

  ‘Haaa!’ Her gasp echoed through the phone. ‘You, you two-faced …’ she began to pant.

  ‘Your mother didn’t tell you to have that party,’ I continued. ‘She wasn’t even there for it. You had that party with Miranda. So who’s calling who two-faced, hey?’ My heart was beating so fast but I was off and on my way. ‘Jess’s dad isn’t a dentist. In fact, every single thing you told me about Jess is a lie.’

  ‘No!’ Calypso shrieked.

  ‘I’m afraid so, Calypso,’ I told her. ‘Oh, and guess what I found out, on the day of the planting to be exact? I found out that Scott and Jess aren’t boyfriend and girlfriend. They’re cousins!’ I yelled that bit. ‘Jess never shoplifted with you either.’

  ‘You don’t know anything!’ Calypso shouted.

  ‘Oh yes I do!’ I shouted back. ‘I know that you liked Scott and he couldn’t stand you. You stalked him like a psycho. You even turned up in his room in the middle of the night. Hey? I bet not too many people know that!’

  ‘Scott loved me,’ she growled. ‘But Jess and all her stuck-up friends were so protective of him. They turned Scott against me. Don’t think for a minute he likes you, Holly. Someone like Scott would never ever EVER go for someone like you. You’re a try-hard. Joe couldn’t wait to get rid of you. He told me that himself.’

  ‘Calypso.’ My jaw was trembling but I wasn’t going to give her the satisfaction of my tears. ‘I wouldn’t believe a thing that came out of your filthy mouth. Everyone at St Clemmie’s hates you.’ My strength was returning with each word. ‘I know ’cause I’m friends with Jess and Saskia and Isabelle and –’