Dreams Unspoken

by R. J. Layer

  Cecile let loose a belly laugh. “Don’t get your panties all wet, darlin’, I ain’t gonna sleep with you.” She stopped and squeezed Jo’s cheeks in her large red-tipped fingers. “As cute as you are, it’d be sooo weird.”

  Jo shuddered. She loved Cecile dearly, but the thought of being naked in bed with her seemed…unimaginable.

  She put Cecile in the passenger seat of the Cadillac. “So how come you’re not bringing one of those nurses back to the house with you?”

  “’Cause it was all or nothing and a couple of ‘em was holding out.”

  Jo cringed at the thought of an orgy in her guest room and thanked the stars there wouldn’t be one as she walked to the driver’s door.

  * * *

  They had pie and coffee for breakfast, but Cecile left by lunchtime since all Jo had to offer in the way of other food was leftover pot roast. As soon as she could take care of the horses, she hit the country roads with the truck’s windows down, heading for her mom’s house and thinking of Loren Mathews. She hoped they would meet again. Loren was charming, good looking and someone Jo thought she’d like to date. Although, charming was something Claire been, and that relationship had turned out to be worse than bad.

  At her mom’s she repaired a leaky bathroom faucet and hung a shelf in the kitchen. Eileen insisted she stay for dinner. When Jo arrived home at eight she was exhausted, but not too tired to return a missed call from Maria.

  “Hi!” Maria’s voice gave Jo the warmest tingles.

  “Hi yourself. What’s up?”

  “I called to see if you girls had a good time last night. I have to admit, I was a little concerned you might have gotten yourselves into trouble when you weren’t home earlier this evening. Your friend struck me as someone that gets a wild hair on occasion.”

  Jo pulled a beer from the fridge, chuckling. “That’s an understatement. Cecile is a wild hair. I was at Mom’s the better part of the day doing some handy work for her.” She took a drink of beer. “I think she thinks because I’m gay…well…I think she thinks all of us are handymen.” Maria laughed. “Anyway, thanks for worrying about me.”

  “It gives me something to do.”

  “Yeah well, you’ll know if I get thrown in the slammer. You’ll be my first phone call. Lord knows I couldn’t call Mom. Cecile lives too far away, but if she were here, she’d be sittin’ right beside me. So…that leaves you, my friend.”

  Maria laughed again. “It’s nice to be needed.”

  Jo sighed at the thought of how much she did need her, then squeezed her thighs to stop the pulsing between them.

  “I’m glad you had a good girls’ night out. Did you meet up with your deputy friend Kate too?”

  That question she hadn’t expected. “Uh…no. You know, I meant to tell you a few weeks ago that we weren’t dating any more. Guess I forgot.”

  Maria exhaled in relief, glad that Jo was no longer having anything to do with that woman. She’d never gotten a good feeling around her and was pretty darn sure that the bruise Jo had gotten had been compliments of the deputy. It wasn’t jealousy that made her distrust the woman. It was that she cared so much for Jo. She felt for Jo the way she did for her son and his soon-to-be sibling. She wanted them safe. She wanted to ensure no one hurt them.

  “I’m sorry to hear that.” Maria justified the lie in her mind. “Have you found anyone new to date?”

  “No, not really.”

  “No, not really” didn’t sound definite. Maybe this Callie person who Cecile mentioned last night was getting Jo’s attention these days. Not wanting Jo to think she was keeping tabs on her or checking up on her, Maria let the questions she was dying to ask go—for now.

  “When it’s right, I’m sure you’ll find that special someone.”

  “Yeah, maybe, but relationships are overrated if you ask me.”

  Maria wondered if someone had hurt Jo so badly in the past that she’d given up on love. “Well, I think if it’s meant to be, it will be. Don’t give up.”

  “If you say so, I just don’t think it’s meant for me. But hey, I’ve got a good life and no complaints. And with friends like you, who needs lovers?”

  Lovers, the word sent hot desire straight to Maria’s core. Stop it, stop it, stop it, she told herself. “I might be adopting that philosophy right along with you,” she finally managed to get out.

  “That’s great! We’ll start a club.” Jo laughed.

  Maria joined her. They confirmed plans for the following Saturday. “Thanks again for dinner last night. I’d say you did your mother’s recipe proud.”

  “Thanks and don’t forget we have to do it again since Cecile interrupted our evening.”

  “I’d like that. Goodnight, Jo.”

  “Night, Maria.”

  Chapter Nineteen

  Several Saturdays later, restless after Maria and Matt left, Jo showered, dressed and drove to the bar, promising herself to have only one beer. If she didn’t see Loren, she’d leave. Jo was leaning on the bar nursing her drink when she saw her arriving with several other women. They had no sooner sat down when Loren zeroed in on her. Locking her sparkling gaze on Jo, she leaned to say something to the woman beside her, then walked to the bar.

  She grasped Jo’s hand. “I’m so glad to see you again.”

  “Can I buy you a drink?”

  Loren leaned close. “Sure, but I need to get some for my friends.” She squeezed Jo’s hand, got the drinks and delivered them. When she returned, Jo had a beer waiting for her. “What brings you out tonight? I don’t see your friend anywhere.”

  Jo got lost in Loren’s eyes. “I was hoping I might see you.”

  Loren leaned on the bar, dangerously close to her. “I looked for you here last weekend.”

  “I don’t really frequent bars much.” Jo’s shoulder lifted.

  “And yet here you are.” Loren flashed a pearly grin.

  Jo put her arm on the bar and leaned close. “And here I am.”

  Loren moved to stand in front of Jo, placing a hand on either side of her on the bar. She had her pinned and Jo was rather enjoying it. “You suppose I might talk you into dancing with me tonight?”

  Jo opened her mouth to answer when she saw Kate bearing down on them, a fiery glare in her eyes. Kate stepped behind Loren and placed a hand on her shoulder before Jo had a chance to warn her. When she pulled Loren around and cocked her arm, Jo jumped quickly between them—just in time for Kate’s fist to land squarely on her cheek. It felt like she’d smacked her with a two by four. The blow snapped her head back and forced her into Loren.

  “Damn it!” Jo placed a hand to her throbbing cheek. She shoved Kate back with her other hand. “Get the hell away from me!”

  With her hand still cupping her cheek, Jo rushed to the door and outside.

  As she reached her truck, she heard Loren calling, “Jo, wait…please.”

  Loren caught her as she reached the truck.

  “I can’t do this,” Jo said, her hand on the door handle.

  A few seconds later Kate burst through the bar’s door and bulldozed her way toward them yelling, “God, Jo, I’m sorry.” She moved lightning fast.

  “Are you okay?” Loren asked.

  Not waiting to answer, Jo pulled open the door and attempted to slide inside. Loren turned and stood protectively between Kate and the truck.

  Kate yelled at Loren, “Get away from her!” and shoved Loren forcefully into the truck door. The door slammed, trapping Jo’s hand in it.

  Jo’s breath whooshed from her lungs with the excruciating pain. Kate might as well have shot her with her service revolver.

  God, what did I do to deserve this?

  She pushed on the door enough to get her hand out of the frame, hit the door locks and shoved the key in the ignition and started the truck. Fighting the anger that was boiling up inside her, she didn’t bother looking to see what the two women were doing. She eased the truck out of its parking space, intending to head home, but nausea swept o
ver her and she had to stop before pulling out onto the road. When it passed, she headed out again. It felt as though fire was shooting up her arm. Several miles down the road she spotted the family market and whipped into the lot. She handed a five to the cashier in payment for a bag of frozen peas.

  “Keep the change.”

  Back in her truck, she laid her damaged hand on her thigh and gently placed the frozen bag on top of it. The cold stung, biting into her flesh. She tugged her shirttail from her jeans, laid it over her hand and resettled the bag in place. Her cheek was throbbing too, and she could feel the skin tightening under her eye. It was swelling shut. Laying her head back, she waited until her hand was numb before starting the truck again and heading for home. Somehow, half blinded and broken, she managed to get herself there.

  Shortly after she put Matt to bed Maria got an uneasy feeling. At nine thirty, she settled into her own bed and dialed Jo. Disappointment nagged at her when Jo’s machine picked up. She left a message. Unable to shake the feeling that was unsettling her, it was midnight before she managed to drift off. She called Jo around nine on Sunday morning and again got no answer. When another half hour passed and she couldn’t reach Jo on either of her phones, a feeling of disquiet assailed her. In a rush, she dropped Matt off at Kathleen’s so he could attend church with them and she drove out to the farm.

  She found Jo’s truck parked haphazardly in the driveway, which only added to her mounting anxiety. She pounded on the door and after several long minutes tried looking through the front window. All she could see was a whiskey bottle on the coffee table. Jo wasn’t answering the phone or the door. She might very well be in bed. Maria’s mind came to an abrupt halt—Jo might very well be in bed with a woman. That thought unsettled her more than any other explanation for not being able to reach Jo.

  She made her way around the house and found the back door unlocked. She fought a nervous feeling in her stomach as she entered. The answering machine light blinked like a beacon on the kitchen counter. From the doorway she caught sight of Jo on the couch. The whiskey bottle she had seen was empty, and as she neared Jo’s sleeping form she stopped abruptly and placed her hand over her mouth.

  “Oh, Jo,” Maria whispered.

  She moved her hand over her nose, picked up the empty bottle and set it aside, then perched on the edge of the table. She took in the dark bruise covering Jo’s cheek, and the thawed bag of peas sandwiched between her hands. When she lifted the bag, she gasped.

  “Oh, Jo honey. What have you done?”

  She gave Jo’s shoulder a gentle shake. “Jo.” Jo didn’t move. She watched Jo’s chest rise and fall for a moment and tried again. “Jo, honey, wake up.” Jo only moaned. She stroked her hair. “Jo, please wake up.”

  Jo’s face contorted in pain and she exhaled a deep breath, then slowly cracked open her eyes.

  “My God, Jo! What happened?”

  Jo turned her head away and closed her eyes against the agonizing pain in her head and hand.

  “Why do you subject yourself to the brutality of that woman?” Maria cautiously lifted her hand.

  Hurt by the implication, Jo jerked her hand from Maria’s and snapped. “I’ve still got a mother in case you forgot. I don’t need another one.”

  She regretted the words the second they left her mouth and more when Maria’s expression reflected how much they had stung her. Her head pounded harder, a reminder of the whiskey she drank last night to kill the searing pain in her cheek and hand. She knew Maria only wanted to help. Maria cared. They’d become such good friends, holding each other up through each other’s challenges.

  She turned back to Maria. “I’m sorry.” She whispered shamefully. “I didn’t mean that.”

  Maria lightly touched her fingers to her bruised cheek and pushed the hair back from Jo’s face. Her voice was soft. “I know, sweetie.” She stood. “I think that hand looks broken. You need to get it X-rayed.” She took hold of Jo’s good hand and gave a little tug. “Come on, I’ll drive you.”

  She resisted. “There’s nothing broken.” Through excruciating pain, she wiggled her fingers slightly. “See, it’ll be fine.”

  Maria gave a look of disapproval and tugged again on her hand. “Either you come with me, or I will call your mother.” She looked at Maria in disbelief, but at the same time reveled in Maria’s sure soft grasp. “Surely you don’t want me to upset your mother needlessly.”

  She gave in and allowed Maria to pull her to her feet. “God, you’re a stubborn woman,” she muttered.

  Maria chuckled. “And look who’s calling the kettle black.”

  Jo let herself be steered out of the house, and per Maria’s instructions, tried to hold her damaged hand above her chest as they made their way across the yard to Maria’s car. But the increasing pain made that impossible, and when her hand drifted toward her waist, the pain shot up her arm and straight to her head. Suddenly, dizzy and weak, she dropped to her knees, catching herself with her good hand barely in time to keep from falling head first. Within a second Maria was kneeling beside her.

  “I think I feel—” Unable to prevent it, Jo felt her body heave. The taste of whiskey burned at the back of her throat. She prayed silently as Maria’s hand came to rest on her back.

  “Try to keep your head lower than your heart so you don’t faint. Don’t move I’ll be right back.” She rushed to the house.

  Jo laid her forearm on the cool grass and rested her head on it. She choked back the whiskey that was trying to burn its way out of her stomach. Thank heavens she hadn’t thrown up. Maria returned and placed a cold wet cloth against the back of her neck. The sickening feeling that had brought her to her knees only moments before abated.

  Maria stroked her hand over Jo’s back. “Better?” Jo mumbled her reply at the ground. “Can you get up?”

  Jo slowly raised her head in response and offered no resistance when Maria slipped a hand under her arm to help her to her feet. Carefully taking hold of her wrist, Maria raised the crippled hand above Jo’s shoulder and walked her to the car. After Maria belted her in, she reclined the seat back, wrapped the cool towel around her hand and rested it on her chest.

  Maria thought Jo looked like a hurt child lying there. Despite becoming good friends with her since their meeting over a year ago, Maria hadn’t been able to get to the bottom of what caused the deep sadness that darkened Jo’s otherwise gorgeous eyes at times. Jo’s eyes were closed when Maria brushed locks of hair from her damp forehead.

  “You relax, sweetie.” She gently pushed her fingers through Jo’s hair again. “I’m going to take care of you. I’ll always take care of you.”

  She’d spoken those same words to her son more times than she could count. But the ache in her chest today didn’t feel maternal. It was something entirely different. No matter how hard Jo tried to keep her at a distance, Maria knew she’d always want to be around to take care of her.

  When they’d taken Jo into an exam room, Maria stepped outside to call Kathleen and let her know what was going on. Back inside she discovered they had given Jo something for pain. It had taken affect, evidenced by the crooked smile Jo gave her.

  Maria placed her hand on Jo’s shoulder. “You look like you’re in less pain.” Jo’s eyes were cloudy and unfocused. She looked like a broken soul that needed someone to take care of her.

  “They gave me some good stuff and said my face isn’t broken, but…” She raised her hand, wrist limp. “But my hand is. Gonna be late for dinner at Mom’s.”

  “Would you like me to call her for you?” Maria asked.

  Jo gave a slight nod. “Waitin’ on the bone doctor.”

  “I’ll step out and call her in a few minutes.” Maria pulled a stool over to sit and wait on the doctor. She felt a need to stay as close to Jo as she could and reached out to grasp Jo’s good hand.

  “At least you’re not left handed.”

  Jo knew the pain medication was pretty potent, but she was clear-headed enough to know that her
increased heart rate and the warmth spreading from her chest wasn’t the result of drugs. She gave Maria’s hand a light squeeze.

  “Good thing or I wouldn’t be able to fill out all the insurance paperwork they’re gonna want from me.” She sighed, closed her eyes and relished the feel of Maria’s hand in hers. When she opened them again, Maria sat gazing at her intently.

  “I know. I look like someone that’s been dragged out of the gutter after a bar fight.”

  Maria reached out and brushed her fingers over her forehead. “Not at all. We do need to find you a girlfriend to take care of you.”

  Jo chuckled. “You got Cupid in your back pocket there?” Maria only arched a brow. “What qualifications you got to play matchmaker?”

  “I admit my past record doesn’t speak well for itself, but I think I’m a much better judge of character these days.” She gave a playful smile. “I’ll get my resume together for you.”

  The full effect of the pain medication hit Jo like a brick between the eyes. “Okay,” she said before closing her eyes.

  When she opened them again, Maria was shaking her gently and she had a cast on her left hand and forearm. “Jo sweetie, wake up. Let’s go home.”

  Maria helped steady Jo into the house. “Let’s get you into bed first and I’ll fix you something to eat.”

  Jo shook her head. “No food. My stomach feels awful. I need a shower and I can put myself to bed.”

  Maria stopped in the living room still holding onto the arm Jo had draped across her shoulders. “You can’t shower. You can hardly stand by yourself. Besides, you’ll get your cast wet. Your stomach feels so bad because there’s probably nothing in it but whiskey and a pain pill.” She steered Jo down the hall. “How about a bath first, then something to eat?”

  Jo was too tired to argue. Maria helped her sit on the side of the tub, started the water running and reached for a button on Jo’s shirt.

  Jo pushed her hand away. “What are you doing?”

  “Trying to help.” Maria stepped back.