Dreams Unspoken

by R. J. Layer

  “That’s good. The ambulance is en route. Tell her not to push, even if she feels like she has to.”

  “Maria, don’t push.” Her head was hanging over her chest. “Maria!” Jo tipped her head up. The pulse was still there, but her breathing was shallow. Panic crept in again. “She’s not conscious now and barely breathing and our ride to meet the ambulance is here.”

  “Where exactly are you at this address?”

  Jo’s patience slipped away. “Way the hell out in a horse pasture, but headed for the barn.” When Kirby got out of the Gator, Jo tossed him the phone. “Your turn to talk to the nice lady.” She reached both arms under Maria.

  “Let me help.” Kirby stuck the phone in his shirt pocket and stooped across from her.

  In one fluid movement she stood with Maria in her arms. “Open the tail gate,” she barked. He moved quickly. She set Maria’s limp body on the blankets and scrambled in to cradle Maria between her legs. Kirby hopped in the seat. He was talking on the phone when Jo yelled, “Go, damn it!”

  He dropped the phone on the seat and hollered over his shoulder as he bounced them across the pasture, “Ambulance will meet us at the barn.”

  “Is Tucker still on a two-way?”

  “Yep.”

  She grabbed the radio and keyed the button. “Tucker?” She didn’t wait for an answer. “Stand by the barn gate so we can get straight out to the driveway.” Tucker’s reply came back as she dropped the radio beside her. Holding Maria tight in her arms, Jo rested her cheek against her hair. “It’s gonna be all right,” she whispered, doubting her own words as she said them. “I promise.” Tears clouded her eyes.

  She stared at nothing. In a single heartbeat she saw Maria’s face smiling at her the first time they met when Maria had tried to conceal her surprise that Jo was a woman. In the next beat, Maria’s hand was in Jo’s touching the velvety softness of Daisy Mae’s nose. And the next, Maria was hiking up her skirt to show off her new cowboy boots at Christmas, and then…then she saw the look of desire Maria’s eyes had held the moment she kissed Jo. Every time she thought of that moment, she could feel the warm softness of Maria’s lips and the desire that consumed her soul.

  The loud voices brought her back. “Ma’am?” They were at the edge of the drive next to the ambulance. Two EMTs were standing at the tail gate of the Gator with a stretcher. “We need to move her.”

  Jo nodded numbly, turning to locate Kirby. “Where’s Tucker?”

  He hooked his thumb. “In the barn with the boy.”

  “Go sit with him and send Tucker out…please?”

  He bolted to the barn. Jo climbed out, picked up Maria’s phone from the seat and slapped it into Tucker’s hand.

  “Find a number in this thing for Kathleen, her sister-in-law. Tell her what’s going on and to please come get Matt and meet me at the hospital.” Tucker nodded. “I’m riding with them.”

  She started to step away, but Tucker caught her arm, and in a much too mature voice, said, “Don’t worry, she’s gonna be fine, and you know I ain’t never gonna let anything happen to that boy of hers.”

  Jo blinked hard against more threatening tears and choked past her tight throat, “Thanks, Tucker. I owe you.”

  He looked at the bloody phone. “Don’t give it another thought.” He waved his hand toward the ambulance where they were loading the stretcher. “Go be where you need to. I got everything handled here.” He looked at the phone’s screen as he turned to go to the barn.

  She raced to the ambulance as the driver started to shut the door. “Whoa, hey, I’m going with you.”

  As they headed out the EMT sitting beside Maria asked, “Is all that blood on you hers?”

  Jo looked down at herself. She didn’t remember putting her bloody shirt back on, but there it was, covering her bloody undershirt. She gave a nod and swallowed to keep from retching at the sight. She shifted her gaze to Maria. She looked so peaceful. Jo concentrated on the slow rise and fall of her chest for a moment and the wires snaking out from under her blouse, then she focused on Maria’s face.

  “How’s she doing?”

  He gave Jo a reassuring look. “She’s stable. IV’s in and we’re pushing lots of fluid. She’s lost a lot of blood, so stable is good. Heart rate’s still in a safe range.”

  Jo’s eyes moved to Maria’s abdomen and the blood-soaked skirt. “How’s the baby?”

  He placed the stethoscope on her belly. “I hear a steady beat. Here…” He handed the scope to Jo and when she had the earpieces in place he returned the bell to where he had it a moment before.

  Jo heard the faint, steady drum of a heartbeat. A tiny heartbeat. Her mind now did the math it had refused to do earlier in her panic. Seven months and a week. Or was it two? It didn’t matter. She remembered Maria said it was too soon. She lowered her head, closed her eyes and silently prayed. Please, God, if there is a God, don’t take this baby away from her, and don’t take her away from me. The tears dropped steadily onto her blood-stained jeans.

  It seemed like an eternity and a fraction of a minute at the same time before the doors were bursting open and Maria was being rushed from the ambulance. She followed as they wheeled the stretcher inside, shouting medical jargon back and forth she didn’t understand. When they pushed through doors into a sterile-looking room, a woman in brightly printed scrubs stepped in front of Jo.

  “I need you to wait out here until I come back.” She held Jo’s arm. “Okay?” Jo only looked past her at the army of doctors and nurses closing in around Maria until she could no longer see her. The woman gave Jo a little shake. “You okay, honey? Do you need me to call someone for you?”

  “No, it’s done,” Jo heard herself say, but she didn’t recognize her own voice.

  The woman patted her arm. “Okay, be patient and I’ll be back, I promise.”

  She pushed through the doors. Jo stood in the noisy hall, feeling more lost and alone than she’d ever felt in her life. She watched for a few minutes through the windows in the door and then paced for a few. She repeated the action. Over and over until she felt like her body would simply collapse beneath her. She leaned against the wall beside the door and closed her eyes to say another prayer.

  “Jo! Oh my God! Are you okay?” The voice grew louder. Jo opened her eyes and saw Loren standing, mouth agape, a few feet away. Her eyes traveled up and down Jo several times before she asked again, “Jo, are you all right?” Jo stared blankly at her and Loren stepped closer, taking hold of Jo’s blood-encrusted hand.

  Jo blinked repeatedly, trying to wake from the bad dream. “I’m okay,” she finally said. “It’s not me…it’s…” Loren became a blur as tears formed in her eyes.

  “It’s okay, Jo.” Loren squeezed her hand.

  “No.” Jo lowered her head and shook it. “It’s not, it’s Maria.”

  Loren stepped sideways and looked through the door. “She’s in there?” When Jo nodded, Loren stepped back in front of her. “What happened?”

  Jo rambled, “She’s bleeding…she got dizzy, or she got dizzy and thought her water broke…she was way out in one of the pastures.” She took a ragged breath. “The baby’s coming too early, and I don’t think I got there in time.” She sucked in a deep breath and fought the sob trying to escape.

  When her body began to shake uncontrollably, Loren pulled her hand. “Come with me.” Jo resisted. “Look,” Loren pointed to a chair fifteen feet from the door. “You need to sit before you fall down.” Loren dragged her to the chair and sat her down. She watched helplessly as Loren returned to the door and disappeared inside. She watched…and waited, and finally Loren came back. Jo stood too quickly when Loren approached and nearly fell on her face. Loren steadied her, sat her back in the chair and stooped in front of her.

  “They’ve got her stabilized enough to take her to surgery. They need to take the baby and find the source of her bleeding. Is there someone we can call? A family member? They don’t want to wait too long to take her up.”

&
nbsp; “Her sister-in-law will be here eventually, that’s it. The husband’s gone.” Jo’s eyes pleaded. “They have to save her, whatever they have to do.”

  Loren placed her hand on Jo’s shoulder. “They will, Jo. They will. Do you want to go in and see her before they take her up to surgery?”

  Jo answered by pushing up from the chair. She followed Loren to the side of the bed that wasn’t crowded with machines.

  A voice behind her said, “They’re prepping an OR now. It won’t be long until they take her up.”

  “Thanks,” Loren replied. “This is Jo Marchal. She’ll be staying with Ms. West until they come for her.”

  Maria looked so pale. Her hand was cool to the touch as Jo held it between her own. “Please don’t leave me, Maria. Me and Matt. We need you an awful lot.” She closed her eyes, gently stroking her thumb over Maria’s soft skin. “Pops, if you’re listening, I sure could use your help right now.” She opened her eyes and looked toward the ceiling.

  A short time later they rolled Maria down the hall. Jo stood there, emotions raw, and watched as the elevator doors closed.

  Loren again placed her hand on Jo’s shoulder. “There’s a waiting room upstairs for the surgery suites. I can take you up.”

  “I’ve got to find a phone and make a call.”

  Loren produced her cell phone. “Here,” she placed it in Jo’s hand. “Let’s step outside and get some air.”

  Jo followed in a trance. She called Tucker to confirm he’d gotten hold of Kathleen. Kathleen had Matt so Jo called the number she had left with Tucker.

  “God, Jo, what happened?”

  Jo rubbed at her head and the intensifying headache. She closed her eyes and relayed everything she could force her brain to recall. “Are you coming now?”

  “I’m trying, Jo. Tim’s out on a job site and I’m waiting on a call back from him. I can leave our boys with a dozen different people, but not Matt, and I’m afraid to bring him to the hospital. The second I can put him with Tim, I’ll be there.”

  “I’ll try and call you back if she’s out of surgery before you get here, but I don’t have a phone. Otherwise I’ll be in the surgery waiting room.”

  “I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Loren sat her down in the waiting room with a cup of coffee.

  “I’ve got to get back downstairs. I’ll check back as soon as I can. If you need anything, have me paged.” Loren took her hand. “She’s in good hands. They’ll take care of her and her baby.” Jo looked at Loren, trying to imagine how she could know.

  Thirty minutes later a doctor appeared asking for the West family. When Jo stood, he spoke quickly. “The baby’s delivered, caesarean, and presently stable. She’s been moved to the neonatal unit. Thus far we’re unable to get the bleeding under control. We may have to do a hysterectomy. You’re the family member?”

  Jo shook her head.

  “I was told there would be a family member to talk to.”

  “She’s not here yet.” Jo wrung her hands. “She has Maria’s handicapped son. Please don’t let her die. Do whatever you have to.” Her voice quivered. “Please…”

  “In the absence of a family member, another doctor and I will make the call. She’ll not be able to have any more children.” He said it as if Jo might not understand the implication.

  Through fresh tears, Jo begged softly, “Please save her.”

  She had no clue how much time passed before the same doctor returned to inform her that the surgery had gone well, but Maria’s condition remained guarded. He rambled on with additional information that seemed to float in the air around her. Jo heard what she wanted to. Maria was still alive. She was in the same spot when Loren came back and sat down in front of her again. Loren placed her hands on Jo’s knees and squeezed.

  “Hey, Jo.” She blinked and registered Loren’s comforting expression. “She’s been moved from recovery. You don’t have to wait here.”

  Jo thought a moment. There was a reason she was still sitting there. “I saw the doctor. But…uh…I told her sister-in-law I’d be here.”

  “Tell you what, I’m going to find you something to put on besides this,” she touched the short sleeve of Jo’s shirt, “so you don’t scare anyone. I’ll clean up your cast and we’ll call whomever you need to, then get you something to eat. After, I’ll take you to her room. Agreed?”

  “I have to see her now.”

  When Jo tried to stand, Loren held on to her thighs and kept her in the chair. “Listen, Jo, if she saw you now, the way you look, she’d be shocked.”

  Jo looked down at herself and for the first time really registered how much crusted blood there was on her hands and clothes.

  Loren pushed hair away from her eyes. “And you need to eat something. You’re pale as a ghost, which I’m sorry to say only adds to your frightening appearance.” She took Jo’s hand. “Come on with me.”

  Loren grabbed one of her scrub tops and directed Jo into a restroom. She stood by as Jo scrubbed her hand and arms, stripped off her bloody shirt and stuffed it in a plastic bag, then cleaned up the cast as best she could. She had to keep hold of Jo’s hand to get her to follow to the cafeteria, where she directed her to a seat. Loren filled a plate with food and placed it in front of her, but she only stared at it.

  “Jo, you’ve got to eat something. How much good will you be for Maria if you run yourself down?”

  Jo forced down several bites, drank the orange juice and picked up the coffee. “Can we go now?”

  “Sure.” She sighed deeply and stood. “At least take the cookie for later. The sugar will give you some energy. I know you’re strong and unshakeable, but right now you look fragile enough to break.”

  Loren led Jo to the ICU, where she stopped at the desk. After conferring with a nurse, she told Jo, “She hasn’t regained consciousness yet. Are you sure you’re up for this?” Jo nodded, feeling the familiar sting of tears in her eyes. Loren said something else to the nurse, then placed a hand on her shoulder. “Come on.”

  Jo felt a building pressure in her chest with each step down the long hallway. Was she having a heart attack? Sounds and even Loren’s voice right beside her sounded muffled and far away. When they stepped into the room, Jo’s breath left her and she swayed. Loren steadied her with an arm around her waist. There were a number of machines on either side of the bed and tubes and wires running everywhere. Maria’s naturally dark skin looked pasty, almost white.

  “Why isn’t she awake?” Jo barely managed to ask.

  Loren pulled a chair to the bedside for her. “Her body’s suffered a major trauma and she lost a lot of blood. They’re not saying when or if she’ll wake up.”

  Jo felt strangled by a fear she’d never known. “‘If’?”

  Loren rubbed a hand across her back. “I’m sorry, I wish I could tell you something more, but for now it’s a waiting game.”

  Jo turned her eyes back to Maria’s motionless body, tears flowing freely down her cheeks. “And the baby?”

  Loren continued the soothing motion over her back. “She’s in the NICU, and so far doing as well as anyone can expect. They can accomplish miracles for preemies these days.” What Jo wanted was a miracle for Maria. “I’m going to call her sister-in-law for you. What’s her name?”

  “Kathleen,” Jo whispered.

  She sat vigilant at Maria’s bedside, the flow of tears down her face a constant reminder of how precious love and life can be. She couldn’t love Maria more if she tried. She had thought losing Claire was the most unbearable thing she would have to endure. Then she’d lost her dad. But losing Maria—well, Jo knew it’d be the one thing she would never recover from. She lowered her head and said another prayer.

  If you’re listening, God, please bring her back. She has kids that need her. I need her, and I promise I’ll never love another woman again in my life if you do this for me.

  The hand on her shoulder held comfort. “How is she?” Kathl
een asked quietly.

  Struggling to answer, Jo took a deep breath. “No change. Were you able to contact her parents in Mexico?”

  “I know she talks to them about once a month. I’ll find a way to contact them.” Kathleen’s hand stayed on her shoulder. “She’ll be okay.” Jo only nodded. “She’s very lucky to have someone care about her as you do.” Jo sniffed and wiped fresh tears on her sleeve. “I can see how much she means to you.” She gave Jo’s shoulder a squeeze.

  Jo took another breath. As hard as she’d tried not to fall in love with Maria, she had. She swallowed the lump in her throat. “I tried not to care so much.”

  Kathleen rubbed her hand across Jo’s shoulder, then touched Maria’s still hand. “Oh, honey, I don’t believe that’s even possible. My brother is a selfish bastard, but if it weren’t for him, she wouldn’t be my best friend. I love her like she’s my own sister.” Kathleen’s voice wavered. “She’ll be okay. We’ll make sure of it…you and me.”

  “You should sit with her.” Jo started to get up, but Kathleen pressed gently on her shoulder.

  “Stay put.”

  Jo took Kathleen’s hand when she stood up. “I’ve got to go walk for a minute or two.”

  Kathleen squeezed her hand. “She really will be okay. We have to believe that.” Jo saw the sorrow that Kathleen had been trying to mask wash over her face. Tears formed in her eyes and finally spilled over. Kathleen whispered, “She has to.”

  Jo put her arms around her and hugged her. She dropped her head against Jo’s shoulder as a sob escaped. Her body shook in Jo’s arms.

  “She will. I have an ‘in’ with an angel and he’ll be watching over her.” She held Kathleen until her shaking subsided then leaned back. “Will you be okay for a little bit?”

  Kathleen dabbed her eyes with a tissue. “Sure, honey, go do whatever you need to.”

  Jo stopped in the doorway. “Where’s Matt?”

  A tiny smile tugged at Kathleen’s lips. “He and my boys should all be together by now. They finally located Tim at his job site. Matt will be fine.” She waved her hand toward Jo. “Go on now, so you can come back and keep me company until I have to go back home.”