Rock My Heart

by Selene Chardou

  “I know I owe you the truth about what happened to me between the ages of eighteen and twenty and now, I am going to share them with you.”

  Syd stared at him with bright blue-gray eyes as her hand softly stroked his strong, hairless chest. “You don’t have to tell me right now if you don’t want to. I know it has to be a painful subject for you…perhaps extremely disheartening if you haven’t shared it with me before now. Kaz, I don’t want you to feel like you can’t trust me but at the same time, it’s not in my best interest to push you into talking about something you’d rather not.”

  “I know, babe, but it has to be said and you deserve to know the truth. I fled from my real father because I knew I wasn’t cut out for that kind of life. Jaden was on the fence about the whole thing—you know, he could take it or leave it—but Dad didn’t trust him because he thought he was weak and wouldn’t be able to do any jail time if we were caught in a situation that required it.

  “Cillian, Misty, the twins—they grew up in that life, just like Jaden, but they were much more well-adjusted and learned to adapt. I couldn’t because it was different from how I grew up. Not that my childhood or teenage years were a bed of roses but when I entered the club, well, that was a whole other ball of wax.”

  “I’m sure it was. How did it feel when you found out you had so many half-siblings you had no idea existed? I mean, between Loire and Trey…that must have been devastating for you.”

  “Trey was the hardest because he’s a Demon’s Bastard but he is our half-brother. I don’t know…perhaps Dizzy was in love once but it was never with his wife and my mother might have been a little side-show entertainment but Loire’s mom…well, she was just a sweet butt and when Dizzy got her pregnant, he wanted her to have an abortion but she refused.

  “Loire was still raised in the life but on the peripheral and you would have never known she was Dizzy’s daughter. She was a club fixture regardless but that was only because her mother had been kicked out of the club and she’d turned into a full blown junkie. Loire didn’t have a mother when she was too busy whoring herself out on the streets of Reno as a streetwalker.

  “When I arrived on the scene, I didn’t know any of this. I just knew Dizzy was my father and I told him I wanted to join the club. Of course it wasn’t that easy and I became a prospect of sorts but I wasn’t a pure prospect. I mean, I mostly worked the bar area with Loire and I…Jaden and I bonded almost instantly and although he’d grown up in the club, he’d never had a real place other than another biker. He didn’t have any special skills and yes, he attended church with the rest of the major players but he would never have been Sergeant at Arms and he’d never have the chance to be V.P. It was mostly because he was rather ambivalent about the club as a whole…I soon came to share his sentiment.”

  “What was the catalyst that made you…want to leave?” I asked before I kissed his chest.

  Kaz breathed deeply and cleared his throat. “I’d been voted in and it was the night of my celebration. Loire was there and I remember it being a crazy night because I was drunk off my ass and it took me three days to get sober. Anyway, that night, it was insane because we had to retaliate for a hit that the White Knights had made against us.

  “I was pretty wasted when we left but what I saw…babe, you can’t unsee. I witnessed a man tortured with pliers and blow torches and scalpels. I know he was an awful human being and he deserved what happened to him but that night, I knew I wouldn’t be able to live that kind of life indefinitely.

  “Jaden and I shared a love for music and within a few weeks after the incident, we’d already decided to move to L.A. because we wanted to form a band and Keren had agreed to come with me. Jaden had a woman at the time but she didn’t want to leave Nevada so she stayed behind. We explained the situation to Dizzy and he wasn’t pleased but he wasn’t exactly all that upset either.

  “Loire begged to come along and I helped her open up a small tattoo shop. I don’t exactly remember how she met Nil but once they formed their own partnership, I put up the capital for them to open the Black Rose and the rest, as they say, is history.”

  Syd embraced him before she stroked his hair. “You don’t have to tell me about what happened that night because Cillian already filled me in. I suppose all that time he spent in Northern Ireland and what he and Gisela had to endure has hardened him permanently and not much bothers him. I won’t lie. It was a shock to find out what happened but I suppose it comes with the territory.”

  She paused before she continued, “I know your life has been difficult for you, Kaz. I won’t pretend to know everything that went on while you were with the club but just know that your father can’t touch you and if I have to, I will pay for you to make a clean break with the club. I don’t ever want you to fear that is where you will end up because it will never happen, not while I’m around.”

  “I know, sweetie. Some issues in life have to be solved on their own and this is one of those times. Believe me, I will handle Dizzy. I honestly hope he decides not to come to our wedding but I can’t promise you.”

  She smiled devilishly. “With our luck, he’ll be there and we’ll just have to deal like we do with everything else that has been thrown our way during our relationship.”

  Kaz looked into her eyes and kissed her lips before they both laughed out loud.

  KAZ AWOKE THE next morning, got up and reluctantly left Syd sleep before he showered and dressed quietly. The band had practice at the Vogue Arena that day for a concert they were performing that upcoming Friday night. He checked on his son and kissed him on the forehead before he left the house in his brand new Escalade.

  He could only hope he’d told Syd enough to calm her curiosity because he hadn’t really told her shit and from speaking to Cillian, his brother had been equally closed-mouth.

  It was very difficult to admit to himself he’d killed a man that night let alone tell his fiancée about it. Not that Brooklyn’s brother, Joe, hadn’t deserved what happened to him. The White Knights had gotten a hold of Loire while she was in a vulnerable position and she’d been gang raped by more than ten members in both the vaginal and anal area. His sister had to be hospitalized in Carson City.

  She could still have children but she vowed she didn’t want any as she laid on her stomach at Carson Tahoe Medical Center. Her whole nether region needed stitches along with a healthy dose of antibiotics and the morning after pill. He’d spent the morning of his patch-in party holding her hand while vowing for revenge at the same time.

  Loire managed to tell him it was Joe who had started it and kept it going even after she was in and out of consciousness. They left her face untouched except a few superficial bruises but it was what they did to her rectum and how they’d used a cane on her back and beat her repeatedly with it. She was in so much pain, the open cuts overlapped and once she was healthy enough and her back ceased to bother her, she’d gotten a tattoo to cover up the worst of the damage.

  The White Knights wanted to hurt the club and they used the weakest Cox clan family member to do it. Despite how Dizzy felt about Loire, she was still his daughter and he demanded justice. Kaz had personally used the scalpel on Joe’s chest and cut right through his ribs before he reached in and grabbed the bastard’s heart. He remembered the feeling of the muscled organ underneath the heel of his boot as he ground it down until it was nothing but a bloody pulp.

  Cillian had then cut off Joe’s head and delivered it to their father himself. The head was burnt in a bonfire that night while everyone continued to get drunker than they already were.

  It was also the first time he met Brianna, Cillian’s ex, and it wouldn’t be his last. They had incredible sexual chemistry but she was also his brother’s wife at the time and he was a stupid, horny nineteen-year-old. Over the next few years, he’d shared her bed on more occasions than he could count on both hands. He’d also slept with her while she’d been pregnant with Caitlin and that was disconcerting to say the least after he found out about
her “delicate condition”.

  Miraculously, even though Kaz had spent the whole drive in a fog of nostalgia, he managed to arrive at the Vogue Hotel and Casino in one piece. To be honest, he couldn’t wait to perform live again but he wasn’t looking forward to seeing Jaden. After the night before, he was disgusted with his brother and had nothing to say to him.

  Will and Grant were already set up and practiced jams together while Jaden sat on the edge of the stage. He smoked a cigarette while Faith hung all over him like a cheap suit.

  He had to give the bitch credit. Though she was a full blown drug addict, no one would have ever known it. Although she ate OxyContin like it was going out of style and snorted a line of coke here or there, she was always dressed immaculately and her makeup was perfectly applied.

  “Band members only. No girlfriends allowed,” Kaz announced a little too cheerfully. “Why don’t you go hang out at The Forum and shop till you drop? I’ve heard there is also good shopping at the Wynn as well. Anywhere but here, babe.”

  Faith pursed her lips and glared at him with cold gray-green eyes before she kissed Jaden’s lips. “See you later, baby.” As she walked past him, she slapped her ass and hissed at Kaz, “You will never get another whiff of this, you fucking Judas.”

  “I suppose you are talking about Sydney,” he said as he grabbed her arm and whipped her around to face him. “Bitch, you were nothing but a distraction and as soon as I can manage to get my brother’s head out of his own ass, he will see you’re nothing but poison too.”

  “That’ll be the day,” she sneered before she smiled coolly. “Unlike you, Jaden is very loyal and that guinea bitch never had a chance to begin with so what exactly are you trying to accomplish? They had a kid together—boo fucking hoo. He was lonely and has needs…something you would know a thing or two about since you were happy enough to spend some quality time with me. Don’t fuck with me, Kaz, or you’ll get the horns.”

  She tried to snatch her arm out of his grasp but he only applied more pressure. “No, you fucking junkie whore—don’t you fuck with me or I will have no qualms about getting Dizzy involved. You think you’re in charge of this situation? You don’t have one iota of control and we both know it. I make a phone call and you’re fucking dead.”

  Faith scrunched up her face in disbelief. “Baby, you don’t have the balls to have me killed. And yeah, I know you’ve done it before…legend has it you murdered someone yourself but you were protecting a woman’s honor so why should I believe you would have me murdered just because Jaden happens to be in love with me? If he wanted to be with Talia then he would be…some people don’t want to go back just because they are afraid to get old by themselves.”

  Kaz was tired of arguing with her and had reached just about the end of his patience. “How do you envision your situation ending? Do you see the two of you getting married? It’ll never happen. Dizzy has already nipped that in the bud because he has told Jaden if he marries you, he has to come back to the club as a full member. Are you used to snowy conditions and livin’ in a small podunk down with fuck all to do? Because that is where you’re headed if you two get together. You will be an old lady in a den of vipers who can’t stand the sight of you and it won’t be pretty. Why don’t you fuck off while you still have the chance? Rumor has it Seth is available. I heard you two were pretty cozy together at Promises. No one believes that lie about you losing the baby and everyone knows you had an abortion.

  “But if you want Jaden that bad, believe me it ain’t gonna be easy for you. I would think it’d be too intense for your rich girl blood and face it, sweetheart, he would never leave the band. Not for you or anyone else, you silly little tart. If that’s what you want just to prove you can one up Talia then so be it. I don’t think she cares that much since she’s too busy with her superstar career. And what is it you do again? Oh yeah…jack shit because you’re too stupid to do anything with your life at all except party and shop.”

  He leaned in close to her and said, “But just know this. You will make his life miserable and he will grow to hate you for taking him away from Scarlet Fever. He will see the woman he is in love with as she soars to super-stardom and he will be a nobody, just another member of a motorcycle club going nowhere fast and doin’ what he has to do to survive. You really think he is going to thank you for that? Then again…I know my brother and once I erase you out of the picture, you won’t even be a memory for him.”

  Faith’s smile slipped and she no longer smirked either. She simply snatched her hand from his loosened grasp and walked off in a huff.

  He could give less than two shits whether he hurt her feelings or not. She was poison and a toxic asset Jaden needed to rid himself of if he planned to see his thirties in one piece.

  “Why the fuck did you do that?” Jaden questioned as soon as she’d left the arena.

  “You know why and don’t you ever get snippy with me, little brother. At the end of the day, this is my fucking band and if you don’t like it, you can leave. The only reason you’re still around is because I need to make sure you are giving Talia child support—”

  “Why? She obviously doesn’t need the money—”

  “It’s the fucking principle, Jaden…for fuck’s sake, when’s the last time you have even seen Kaelan? Unfortunately, that poor kid is the spit image of you except he has the Cox family’s blue eyes instead of your amber eyes inherited from your mother. He is a beautiful and happy baby and what he doesn’t deserve is a father like you. I hate Talia allowed you to fuck her and I despise the fact you did this shit on purpose and now can’t be man enough to take responsibility for what you’ve done.

  “You’re a weak and selfish son of a bitch who only cares about himself and I am supposed to feel sorry for you? Fuck you and that silly junkie bitch you seem to love more than your own flesh and blood. I’m ashamed to call you my brother and as far as I am concerned, you and that ho you call your girlfriend can stay the fuck away from my wedding.”

  Kaz knew he’d hurt his brother deeper than he’d ever hurt him before. They’d always been best friends and half-brothers. Before Talia and Syd had entered their lives, it’d always been a “bros before hos” mentality but that was before he’d known what real love was and he would never choose his family before Jaden or anyone else because Sydney, Baby Kaz and Xander were his family.

  It was the logic he thought his brother would adopt because Kaelan was his first born but instead, he’d still chosen a woman he’d had a love/hate relationship with for over two years instead of the woman he was truly in love with and his own son. Jaden made him feel like he’d been dropped into a bad episode of the Jerry Springer show and he was far from pleased with how his brother was acting. It had gotten to the point where he had to choose sides and Talia was more important than Jaden because she was the mother of his nephew.

  Despite being a rocker, the woman was the epitome of a good mother. She breastfed and had an excellent nanny but when she was home, she did most of the work as far as Kaelan was concerned. She worked hard but her partying days weren’t nearly as hardcore as they could have been. Kaelan was her world and he supported her decision to seek sole custody of her son with Jaden getting a supervised visitation two weekends per month.

  “You two done playin’ ‘who’s got the bigger dick?’ so we can practice?” Will questioned calmly as he tuned his bass.

  Kaz walked away and made his way to the microphone. “From the top, boys, ‘Filthy Kinda Love’.”

  Despite being angry, Jaden played his guitar on cue followed by the drums Grant played with precision and a sexual low strum of the bass from Will. The problems between he and his brother were buried under the music they created and Kaz sang into the mic, hoping that one day soon, Jaden might see the error of his ways before it was too late.

  He’d come extremely close to losing Sydney but something deep down told him Talia wouldn’t be nearly as forgiving to Jaden as Syd had been to him.

  Chapter Nineteenr />
  Holiday Treat

  TIME FLIES WHEN one is in Vegas and having a lot of fun and I was no exception to this phenomenon. I’d settled comfortably into my new life with Kaz, which was split between our home in Summerlin when he was performing and our McMansion at Lake Las Vegas when he wasn’t.

  We grew to love both houses but I still had a special affinity for our Summerlin home because we were near Jerrica and Paul, Laurel and Will, and Sasha and Grant. My days weren’t so boring since I began to work at Jerrica’s gallery, Maison des Artistries, and she in turn, helped me with planning all the charity work I hosted. It was nice to know she didn’t mind having her gallery be a part of what I truly believed in and I adored her for understanding my vision. It also felt good to be more than just a rocker’s fiancée with too much time on my hands, loads of money and nothing to do but shop.

  I knew that would never be me because it wasn’t possible for me to go back to that spoiled, selfish young woman ever again. I’d traveled the world and now I truly wanted to make a difference instead of spending money I’d inherited without doing a finger to help earn it.