Align Ourselves

by Adrianna Schuh

  That night at dinner, she joined her friends at their table instead of the one she usually sat at. She laughed too loudly and made terrible jokes, and teased Brent about his new relationship with Martinez.

  She felt so happy, happier than she'd been in months, that she wasn't even upset when she saw Ben walk through the doors. She wasn't mad at him anymore. He was obviously doing better and staying out of trouble since she hadn't heard anything. She vaguely wondered if he had shown up because he somehow knew that Lex was gone.

  He joined them and told them about the new village he was living in and about what he'd been up to since he'd left.

  His eyes lingered on Aria's longer than she wanted them to. After he complimented her on her haircut, his eyes dropped to her chest, and she looked down, noticing a red mark peeking up just below the top of her dress. She resisted the urge to pull the dress up; she had nothing to be ashamed about.

  The marks on the side of her neck were covered by her hair; no one had noticed them. Well, no one besides Mara.

  Aria met Ben's judgmental stare with a stern gaze, challenging him to say something. But he didn't.

  Good, she thought, getting back to the conversation she'd been having with Adrian. Their relationship had improved slightly. He'd become less of a dick, she realized.

  After a while, Aria decided to head to her quarters. She was feeling particularly inspired, so she wanted to write. As she bid the others good night, Ben asked if he could walk her to her room. She felt a little weary about it, but she accepted his offer and walked with him. They were friends, after all. Well, they used to be. Maybe she could fix that, too?

  "So...I take it everything is going well?" he asked as they walked to her room.

  "Yeah, it is. I got a job, actually. I'm working with the kids, tutoring and making lesson plans-"

  "I have to tell you something," Ben said, cutting her off. "I-I came tonight because I...I have some news for you."

  "What is it?" she asked.

  "Lex isn't who you think he is, Aria," Ben said, looking over his shoulder, making sure they were alone.

  Aria rolled her eyes.

  "I'm serious, Aria. He's...he's been lying to you," Ben said, stopping in his tracks. They were in the hallway outside her room.

  Aria turned to face him, feeling weary already. She wondered if this conversation was stemming from the fact that he'd seen the mark on her chest. He must have known she and Lex were really together now.

  "Yeah? And what has he been lying about, Ben?" she asked. She knew her tone was making it pretty apparent that she was only humoring him, that she didn't actually want to hear what he had to say.

  "Aria, I know that I messed up. I know that. What I did was stupid. But I was right. We can't trust him. We can't trust any of them," he said, his tone serious.

  "Why?"

  "He's been lying to you the entire time," Ben said.

  "What the hell are you talking about?" she asked, growing a little uneasy.

  "Our people came up, and they're looking for us. And they've tried to contact Lex."

  "W-what?" she asked. There was no way that she had heard him correctly.

  "I swear, Aria. Our people are here. He's known the entire time," Ben said.

  "I-I don't believe you."

  There was no way Lex wouldn't have mentioned this. No way he could keep that a secret. Ben was lying. Yes, that's it. He's lying. Probably trying to stir something up. There's no way Lex would keep that from her.

  "I know that you don't trust me. Not after what I did," Ben said, grabbing her hand. "But Aria, I swear I'm not lying. It's true. Our people are out there."

  "And where did you come by this information?" she asked, unsure now.

  "That doesn't matter. It's not important. We need to decide on what we should do next," he said.

  "Ben, you-you might be wrong," she said, but it sounded weak, even to her.

  "I'm not, Aria. Think about it...I mean, why else would he want to marry you, to make an alliance? Because he knew it would be beneficial to him because there are so many of us?"

  Aria felt like the palace floor was beginning to shake beneath her. She knew it was just in her head, but she placed a hand on the wall to steady herself just the same.

  There was no way...

  "Aria...we need to act. We need to-," Ben began.

  "No," she said.

  "But Aria-"

  "Don't do anything, and don't tell anyone else for now. Let-let me see if I can find anything out. Let's just keep this between us, for now," she said. Regardless if it was true or not, she knew she had to calm Ben down. She had to make sure he didn't do anything stupid.

  "Okay," he said, "I'm going back to the village tomorrow morning. I only came to tell you. But I'll be back soon. We can talk about it then. We can decide on our next move."

  "Alright," she said. She felt a little numb by that point.

  They had reached her quarters, and she said goodnight to Ben, reminding him to keep the information to himself. She needed to think about what he had said. She needed to find some proof, something to convince her that he was lying. There was no way Lex would have kept something like that from her. Not after everything that had happened between them.

  She made her way into their bedroom. She felt like her head was spinning. She sat down on the couch and put her head in her hands.

  Could it be possible that Ben was telling the truth? But how could he have learned that information?

  She thought about her time here in the palace. She thought about everything that had happened between her and Lex.

  Yes, his marriage proposal came as a surprise. Because they weren't warriors, they didn't really have anything to offer Lex or this place.

  So why did he do it?

  Was it possible that...that their people really had shown up? Aria and her group had been held captive for quite a while, and then they traveled here. So maybe her people had come up and tried to find them. And maybe Lex knew that somehow? Nothing made sense.

  Suddenly she remembered one of her first few nights here in Lex's quarters. He'd had a piece of paper, a letter it looked like, and when she asked about it, he put it away on his desk. And when she tried to look for it...his desk drawer had been locked.

  She tried to concentrate and think about what Lex had said and done these past few months.

  She found it a little tricky, considering the things that were the clearest in her mind were all the times he'd made her smile when he made her happy. When she got a glimpse of the man, he was.

  But then....then she recalled his words when they had gone away together. 'Aria, I have to tell you something,' he'd said before she changed the subject and asked him about his mother.

  She thought about all the 'meetings' he'd gone to. He acted a little secretive all the time, but she had been too distracted by his presence to notice.

  And finally, she thought about the first night she had come here.

  She remembered some of the guards going back the way they had come.

  Oh my god...

  The more she thought about it, the worse she felt.

  But what made the whole situation hard to believe was the fact that if it really was true, if her people had tried to make contact, Lex had known about it. He knew, and he didn't tell her.

  She thought about how much loyalty and trust meant to him. How hurt and angry he had been when she'd lied to him.

  But if it was true...then he'd been lying to her since they got here.

  As much as she wanted it to be true, that her people were out there....the little part of her that was selfish, that was basically in love with Lex Mills, hoped that there was some other explanation. That maybe he didn't know.

  She knew it was stupid. Hopeless, even. Because the more she thought about it..., the more sense it made. The more real it felt.

  By the time she dragged herself to bed, she knew there was some truth to what Ben had said. A part of her was happy. These were her people. She
might get to see her mother again.

  The other part felt utterly and totally betrayed.

  Chapter 31

  She searched for answers the next day. But she found none.

  Nothing he kept in his rooms gave her any sort of proof. And when she danced around the subject with a few of his guards, they didn't know anything. Either that or they were pretending not to.

  She considered bringing it up to Grace. If Lex knew, then she must have known as well. Aria knew they didn't keep anything from each other. But something kept her from it. If Grace really did know, there's no way she'd tell Aria. Their relationship was casual, if anything.

  Suddenly, the conversation they had the night before ran through Aria's mind. 'I hope you know how much he cares about you,' Grace had said. Why was she so adamant about the fact that he cared for Aria? Could it be because Grace knew that this would eventually happen? That Aria would find out?

  Either way, Grace would never tell her. Aria was sure of it.

  But....but maybe she'd tell Mara. They were close, after all. Aria asked Mara to join her for dinner in her quarters for some privacy.

  After Aria told her everything Ben had said, she told her about her own suspicions. About the guards leaving, about Lex questioning her, about the time he'd said he had to tell her something.

  Aria had hoped that Mara would have some sort of explanation. She hoped that the girl would have some kind of proof that Ben was wrong, that Aria was just paranoid. But she didn't.

  They sat in silence for a while, after Aria had told her.

  "If...if that's true...then...Lex has.." she began but didn't finish.

  Aria looked down at her plate. She hadn't eaten anything. She felt like she was going to throw up.

  "A few weeks ago..." Mara began again. She looked like she was deep in thought, putting the pieces of something together.

  "A few weeks ago, I walked in on Grace and Lex having a conversation about...about the guards. I heard Grace say, 'they should have been back by now'....but when they saw me, they stopped talking. I asked her about it," Mara said, looking a little moved to anger now, "and-and she said it was nothing. A scouting trip. But she was acting..."

  Aria put her head in her hands, trying to control her breathing. She felt so foolish, so goddamn foolish. When she realized she'd been hoping that Mara would give her a reason to believe that there was some sort of explanation that didn't involve being lied to for months.

  "So...Lex and Grace have been lying to us? All this time?" Mara asked, looking as hurt as Aria felt.

  Aria didn't have an answer for her.

  By the time that Lex got back the next day, the only thing Aria felt was anger. She was angrier than she'd ever been in her entire life. She told Mara not to mention anything to Grace. She wanted to talk to Lex first. She had to hear it from him.

  She waited for him in their rooms, knowing it was probably the first place he'd go to once he got home.

  Home.

  The word made bile rise in her throat.

  "Hey," he said, smiling at her once he was inside.

  "Hey," she said, not smiling back. Meeting his eyes with a glare. "Did your trip go, okay?"

  "Yeah," he said, walking to their room.

  She followed.

  "What'd you do?" she asked.

  He was on his side of the room, changing out of his clothes. She stayed by the fireplace.

  "Nothing really," he said.

  Had he always been so vague? All this time? Had she been distracted by his smile?

  "Nothing at all?" she asked, focusing on keeping her voice even.

  "Why the sudden interest?" he asked, turning around to look at her.

  Her hands clenched in fists at her sides.

  He noticed.

  "Is everything okay?" he asked.

  And at that moment, she knew that there was no reasonable explanation. Nothing that could convince her that he hadn't been lying to her for months. That he hadn't betrayed her.

  "Why did you ask me to marry you?" she asked through clenched teeth.

  "W-what?" he asked, walking towards her.

  "Answer the fucking question," she said, taking a step back once he was close enough to reach out and touch her.

  He studied her face for a few moments, and she could see the realization dawning on him. He knew she knew.

  "Aria..." he said, looking a little desperate.

  "You knew," she said. She could feel the tears pooling in her eyes as she studied his. She wasn't sure what she was looking for. Or who she was looking at, exactly.

  "Aria, please-" he said, reaching forward to grab her arm.

  She took another step back.

  "You knew...all this time...you knew," she said, fighting to get the words past the lump in her throat.

  "Just let me explain," he said, still coming towards her.

  "No! I don't want to hear anything you have to say," she screamed, turning to leave the room. But he followed.

  "Aria, please just let me explain, I-" he said from behind her.

  But she kept going, walking out of their rooms, not caring if his guards or others would hear them arguing.

  "Aria, stop," he said, grabbing her forearm once they'd made it down the hall.

  "Don't touch me," she screamed, yanking her arm from his grip.

  "Please just let me explain," he said, looking at her.

  "Explain what? That you've-you've been lying to us since we got here? That you've been lying to me?" she asked. Her unshed tears were blurring her vision.

  "You don't understand, it's-"

  "No! I don't want to hear your fucking explanation! There's nothing you can say to make this okay. Nothing! All of your...your talk, about loyalty and trust was-was bullshit," she yelled.

  He looked away, running a hand through his hair.

  "You-you ruined everything," she said, fighting tears.

  "Aria..."

  "I hate you. I hate you so goddamn much," she said. Her voice sounded different, even to her own ears. In it was all the anger, all the hurt she felt at his betrayal.

  This time, when she turned to leave, he didn't follow.

  Chapter 32

  A few hours after their fight, she heard him calling her name. She saw the guards searching for her from her vantage point in a tree on the edge of the forest.

  She sat there for hours, watching the sun slowly make its way to the horizon. At some point, she stopped crying. Her anger at Lex had turned to anger at herself. For not finding out sooner. She'd been comfortable here. Happy even. Content. She had enough to eat, and she had a place to live. She was safe.

  Since she'd come here, she'd basically dedicated her life to keeping her friends safe. Surviving.

  But she'd been too distracted by the promise of a different life, a better life, that she'd completely given up on making sure everything was really OK. And putting her people first.

  And her mother.

  Was she alright? Was she looking for Aria? Worrying, wondering where her daughter had gone?

  Her bones ached. The air was so cold it made her teeth chatter. But she made no move to leave. Her physical pain was nowhere near the mental, the emotional pain she was in now.

  "You plan on staying up there forever?" someone asked from below her.

  She was so startled she almost fell out of the tree.

  "She's over here," Grace yelled.

  Aria looked down and saw Grace standing below her. Just then, Lex and one of his guards ran over and joined Grace.

  "Aria, please just come inside," Lex said, looking up at her.

  She found it hard to look him in the eye. She couldn't think about him, all those hours she spent in that tree. She couldn't think about him. Everything that had happened between them, every memory, was tainted now. Ruined.

  "Fine," she said through gritted teeth. She didn't want to go inside, but the sun had set by that point. And she couldn't stay outside forever. She slowly made her way down the tree.
/>   "But as soon as I talk to my people, as soon as we figure things out, we're leaving," she said once she was on the ground again, still not looking at him.

  She made her way back inside by herself. She didn't bother going to the throne room to see her friends. She still had a lot to think about. She had to figure out when they'd be leaving and how they would find the others.

  The last thing she wanted to do was go to their quarters, but she didn't really know where else to go. Once she was inside, she closed the door behind her, grateful that he didn't follow.

  She drew herself a bath and stayed in the tub until the water got cold.

  Get over it, she thought. There was no point in feeling hurt by what Lex had done. That wouldn't help her find her people, her mother. She had to put her personal feelings aside. Again.

  But that was easier said than done.

  The thought of sharing a bed with him made her feel sick. So with that in mind, after her bath, she found a thick blanket and left their bedroom.

  She sat down on the little couch in their front room and watched the fire in the fireplace, willing herself to fall asleep. To escape for a little while.

  Eventually, he came inside.

  "Aria, please just talk to me. Let me explain," he said, standing by the fireplace.

  She stayed silent.

  He sighed.

  "Where are they?" she asked. As much as she didn't want to talk to him, she needed answers.

  "They're...they're scattered."

  "Scattered where?"

  "I-I don't know about all of them. But most have been exploring. Looking for you, I expect."

  It was what she expected to hear. Searching so that they could find their children, their families, their friends.

  "How do you know all of this?" she asked.

  "I told you...We may be outsiders, but...but we still communicate with the others."

  "Why didn't you tell me?" she asked, finally looking at him.

  "It's complicated.”

  That pissed her off.

  "How the hell is it complicated? 'Aria, your people, are alive,' see? That's not fucking complicated," she said, getting up.

  She walked to their room, mostly because she couldn't look at him. She didn't want to be around him. She couldn't be.