Align Ourselves

by Adrianna Schuh

  Eventually, he said that it was time for bed. She stood up, feeling angry and scared, and maybe even a little desperate. "Why are you doing this? I mean, you didn't even want to send the first party. Why are you so willing to send another?" she asked as he got up.

  "Because I know it's what you want. I know it'll make you happy."

  "But...what if you were right? What if they are behind all of this?" she asked. She couldn't really believe she was having doubts about what her people had done. In who they were.

  "It doesn't matter. I know you'll never be happy here if I don't try."

  She searched his eyes for reluctance, or anger, or anything really. But she didn't find any of that. If anything, he looked determined.

  "Lex..."

  "It will be okay, Aria. I'll be fine."

  "How can you say that? You don't know that. It-it isn't worth the risk!"

  "Yes, it is."

  "Why? How do you know?"

  "Because I love you."

  She could feel the tears gather at the edges of her eyes.

  He grabbed her hand. "I love you. And I want you to be happy."

  I love you too, she thought. But she didn't say it.

  He let go of her hand and gave her a little nod before turning and going into their bedroom. She sat back down on the couch.

  As much as she wanted to believe there was some rational explanation for all of this, part of her was scared. And now, Lex was leaving. And she would have to stay here with her fear and her longing and her doubts.

  She let herself cry for a little while. She let herself feel all of the hurt, all of the pain of the past few months. Starting with his betrayal and ending with his upcoming departure.

  She was a little surprised to find that her feelings for him hadn't changed, not really. Yeah, she'd been angry. Hurt. Disappointed.

  But she loved him too much to stop caring.

  She tiptoed into their bedroom, figuring that he had probably fallen asleep.

  He had. So after she crawled into bed, she watched him sleep. He looked so much younger, so much more peaceful while he slept.

  She laid down next to him and scooted over until their sides were pressed to one another.

  She'd never really felt like she belonged with anyone. But laying beside him as he slept made her realize that she did. This is what it's supposed to be like, she thought. We're meant to stay together, to lead together. Maybe she'd always felt alone because he was here, all this time. Waiting.

  Chapter 36

  In the morning, her eyes were red. But if he noticed, he didn't say anything.

  She had thought that she wanted him to tell her that he loved her. Despite everything that had happened between them, she knew she loved him. So hearing those words from him should have made her happy. She should have felt happy.

  But she didn't.

  And it all came back to his decision to leave with the next party. That made his 'I love you' seem like a 'just in case.'

  So she found it hard to look at him the next day. She had come to terms with his decision; she knew nothing could change his mind.

  He must have told Grace because she was seething with anger the next morning. She glared at Aria throughout breakfast and lunch.

  Aria tried not to take it personally. She could understand where Grace was coming from. Hell, she didn't like the idea any more than Grace did. But Aria doubted Grace would understand or believe her if she said anything.

  Aria spent the afternoon in her bedroom. She told the teacher that she wasn't feeling well that she couldn't work today. Mostly she didn't want anyone to ask about why she seemed so upset.

  She knew Lex would be leaving after dinner. Why he was going so late, she didn't really know. He said it was because of preparations. What they were preparing for, she didn't want to think about.

  She decided to join them for dinner. She didn't really want to, but she didn't know when she'd get the chance to do it again.

  On her way inside, she noticed Ben had joined them for dinner. Their people didn't sit in the places they sat when they had first come. Now they were all over the place since they'd become friends with the others in the palace. She didn't return his greeting smile.

  Lex made small talk, tried to get both her and Grace to talk, to smile. But neither one of them really felt like it.

  At some point, Grace grew angry enough to leave, stomping out of the throne room.

  Lex sighed, watching her go. "I think she's mad," he said, trying to get Aria to smile. She didn't find it that amusing.

  He sighed again. "Why can't you understand?" he asked, looking over at her.

  She didn't have anything to say.

  "Look, Aria. I don't want to leave. I'd much rather just send another party. But I can't- I won't send any more of my men to face something unknown. I can't keep watching them go and waiting for them to return. Can you understand that?"

  "No, I can't."

  "Well, what the hell do you want me to do? Sit and wait? What kind of king does that make me?"

  "I don't know! I don't care about what kind of king it makes you, Lex!" She knew she shouldn't be yelling. She knew the others might overhear. "Maybe you shouldn't send another party at all. You've already lost enough."

  "You don't mean that."

  "Don't tell me what I mean!"

  "So, what? Suddenly you don't care about finding the rest of your people?"

  "Of course, I care! But I don't think it's worth it anymore. You were right. They are mine, so maybe that clouded my judgment before. Maybe you were right. Maybe the others are right. Maybe my people are that bad," she said, not quite believing the words coming out of her mouth. But she was desperate to make him stay.

  "Even if you feel that way now, you'll never stop thinking about them. About what might have happened. About the possibility of being wrong. I won't make you live with that," he said, lowering his voice.

  "I can live with that," she said, finding it hard to look at him, "But if something happens to you..."

  They ate in silence after that. Even after she was done, she made no move to leave. For some reason, she felt like it was all coming to an end. The idea that if he left, she'd never see him again. So she stayed, hoping to make the night last forever. Part of her knew that it was foolish, that it was only a matter of time before he'd get up to leave.

  But he stayed, too.

  Eventually, they were the only two left in the throne room. She wasn't sure how long they stayed. It might have been hours. It might have been minutes.

  "I have to go," he said.

  She looked over at him. At that moment, she wasn't sure if she hated him for wanting to go or if she loved him for it. Maybe both.

  She nodded, getting up.

  He stood, and they faced one another. She knew it was time for a goodbye.

  He reached over and grabbed her hand, bringing it up to his lips and placing a gentle kiss over the scar on her wrist. He brought the hand back down and laced his fingers through hers.

  "Come home," she said.

  Home.

  "I will," he said, smiling a bit.

  But the smile only made her heart feel like it was breaking.

  He pulled her close, and they hugged for the first time in over two months.

  Suddenly six guards stormed into the throne room. Lex let go of her. Aria looked up in surprise, startled.

  "What is the meaning of this?" Lex yelled, turning to face the guards.

  "Your...Your Grace, we-we were told that you were under attack in the throne room," one of the guards said.

  Aria recognized him from the training room.

  The guards glanced around and mumbled to one another.

  "And where did you hear that?" Lex asked.

  "The boy. One of the queen’s people," the same guard said, looking behind him. But no one else entered the room.

  "Which one?" Lex asked through clenched teeth.

  "Ben, Your Grace," another guard said.

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sp; Lex didn't wait for them to say anything else. He started towards the door. Aria followed, feeling her stomach drop.

  Lex, Aria, and the guards that had stormed into the room made their way to the training area. Aria knew that was where he was headed. That's where the guards had come from.

  Lex stood in the center, turning in a circle to glance at all of the storage areas. Aria looked around, the blood in her body turning to ice at the site.

  Weapons were missing. A lot of them. Knives, swords, axes.

  "When I find him..." Lex said, glancing at Aria. He looked absolutely murderous, but she couldn't really blame him.

  Why? Why would Ben do such a thing? And what did he plan on doing with all those weapons? Why did he need them? Why would he do that?

  It was a death sentence. He knew that. And yet, he still did it.

  Why?

  It was the question that haunted Aria for the rest of the night.

  Lex had left, and he took quite a few people with him. Some of them were her own. But she stayed in the palace, trying to understand. Trying to figure out why Ben had done such a thing.

  Aria waited up for him that night. She figured his plan to go with the next party searching for her people had been put off. He wouldn't leave now, not with Ben on the loose with so many weapons.

  She thought and thought about it, about why Ben had done it, but not one idea she'd had made any sense.

  Eventually, she got tired of waiting. She left their quarters in search of someone who could give her some answers. Maybe Lex was back? Perhaps he was holding a meeting to decide his next move? She wanted to be a part of that.

  But as she made a turn to go down the hallway, she saw him heading her way.

  If anything, he looked angrier than before.

  "Hey," she said, a little cautiously.

  He must have been heading to their room.

  "Hey," he said. Even though he looked angry, his voice was gentle.

  "I'm sorry," she said.

  "What? Why?"

  "Because I should have...I should have known he'd do something like this, eventually. You were right about him, and I didn't listen. I just-"

  "No," he said, cutting her off, "Don't be sorry. You were just...you saw the good in him. Don't apologize for that. It's one of the reasons-" but he didn't finish the sentence.

  She waited.

  But he just shook his head and turned away, looking at the village below them.

  "One of the reasons why what?" she asked, unable to stop herself.

  "You see the good in people," he said shrugging. "A lot of the time, I don't. It's one of the things I like about you."

  "Well," she began, "That's not true. I mean, you saw the good in us. When we came here? Despite what you heard...you gave us a chance" and look at where it's gotten you, she thought.

  He didn't say anything.

  "So I take it you didn't find him?" she asked, moving to stand beside him. It reminded her of one of her first few nights here, the first time weapons had been taken from the training area.

  It was a little strange, being in that same position, realizing how far they'd come since that night.

  "No, we didn't. And honestly, I don't really care. If he took the weapons for himself so he could, I don't know, try to kill me or live in the wild or something, I wouldn't care at all. Not knowing why he did it is what's really bothering me."

  She nodded. It was what was bothering her, too.

  "So, what are you going to do?"

  "I don't know," he said shrugging. "Right now, I'd just like to forget about it. All of it."

  She understood.

  So with that, she interlaced her fingers through his and gave his hand a little tug. They walked to their quarters in silence.

  They didn't speak until they were both lying in bed, in semi-darkness.

  "Lex," she whispered, turning on her side to face him once he'd crawled in after her.

  "Yeah?"

  "Do you regret it? Letting us stay here?" He must have. Since they'd come, he hadn't gained anything. Instead, he'd lost his own people. We've been more trouble than we're worth, she thought.

  "I told you, I don't regret anything I've ever done. Maybe I should have told you sooner about your people. But since you've known, all you've done is worry. I've noticed. You don't sleep as much, you've lost weight. You were happier when you didn't know so...so I don't really regret keeping it from you."

  "I appreciate where you're coming from, Lex. I do. But you can't make those types of decisions for me. Just like I can't make them for you. We've both tried for different reasons. But it can't be like that between us. I want...I want to trust you again."

  "I want that too."

  "Well, you have to be honest with me," she said, sitting up. They hadn't had a conversation like this in a while.

  "I know. I will."

  "Don't keep anything from me. I won't care about the reasons. They don't matter. Regardless of if you think I can handle it, or anything like that."

  "Okay," he said, sitting up too.

  "I mean it, Lex. If you...if you lie to me again, I won't forgive you."

  "I promise," he said, interlacing his fingers through hers. "I won't keep anything from you."

  "Swear on it," she said. She wasn't sure if they did that sort of thing. But it was the best thing she could think of. "Swear on your life. No, Grace's life."

  He sighed. "I swear on every life in this goddamn palace that I won't keep anything from you. There, satisfied?" he asked, sounding a little frustrated.

  She nodded after scowling at him.

  Satisfied, she turned her back to him and tried to relax. She was more anxious now than ever. For some reason, she felt like this was all connected. Ben stealing the weapons. The guards not returning.

  She heard him sigh once more before she felt him scooting closer to her and wrapping an arm around her waist.

  "What do you think you're doing?" she asked.

  "Oh....um, sorry. Shit. I just- I just thought.." he stuttered, pulling his arm back.

  She couldn't stop herself from laughing. It was the reaction she'd been hoping for.

  "You are such an asshole," he said, putting his arm around her again.

  "Hey! That's my line," she said in between bursts of laughter.

  "Ha-ha. Very funny."

  She settled down after a few minutes and tried to relax again. It was easier than before, now that he was close and she felt safe.

  "Why now," he whispered from behind her.

  "What do you mean?"

  "I mean, why'd you forgive me now? Don't get me wrong, I'm glad you did. But why?"

  "Oh," she said, "I missed you."

  Be honest. Be honest.

  "And I was tired of being mad at you. And when you said that you were leaving...I thought about what happened the last time I didn't forgive someone. I didn’t want to risk you leaving without knowing how I really felt.”

  He didn't say anything. But he must have understood because he pulled her a little closer.

  And I love you, she thought. And she almost said it. Almost.

  Chapter 37

  She was half asleep, lulled by the sound of his breathing and the warmth of his body so close to hers, when someone stormed into their room. She jolted at the sound of the door hitting the wall.

  "Your Grace! The palace is under attack," the guard yelled.

  "What?" Lex asked, confused. But he didn't wait a second before crawling out of bed. Aria followed.

  "They've-they've taken the palace! They're in the throne room," the guard yelled.

  Lex didn't take anything with him; he didn't even put any armor or gear on. He rushed past the guard, going out the door.

  Aria ran to keep up.

  "My sister?" Lex asked, looking at the guard.

  "I don't know where she is, your Grace," the guard said.

  Aria had never, ever seen Lex look so scared.

  "Find her. Keep her safe," he said. The guard no
dded and took a right turn, while Lex took a left, heading to the throne room.

  Suddenly, Aria heard gunshots ring throughout the palace. It sounded like they were coming from the throne room.

  "What was that?" Lex asked.

  "Gunfire," she told him.

  The look on his face mirrored hers.

  They didn't have guns here.

  Only one group of people had access to those kinds of weapons.

  Her people.

  Aria was sure that this was a terrible idea. They had no weapons, no guards with them. But the look on Lex's face told her that he wouldn't wait. That he was determined to get to the bottom of this, especially now that Grace's whereabouts were a mystery to him.

  The doors to the throne room were open. Aria could hear voices coming from the room. Some angry, some scared.

  She heard a scream.

  She felt like she was being held captive again.

  This is wrong, she thought. This was their safe haven. Nothing bad was supposed to happen here. All the evil, all the darkness couldn't reach them. Not here.

  They stopped at the front doors, taking the scene in.

  There was a group of about fifty people in the throne room. Just looking at them, Aria could tell that they were from her home.

  In front of the group, what she judged to be about twenty bodies laying on the ground.

  Bloody. Dead.

  They took a few steps forward.

  Most of them were Lex's guards, but she could see a few of the palace's servants among them.

  And then a loud, familiar voice shut out all the others.

  "This place is ours now!"

  She looked to the front of the room. Warren, the teacher she had once been an assistant to, stood on the table that she shared with Lex and Grace.

  "On your knees!" a woman coming towards them said. Aria vaguely recognized her.

  The gun in her hands made Aria put her own hands up.

  "What the hell are you doing?" Lex asked, glaring at the woman.

  "On your knees! I won't ask again!"

  "You don't understand," Aria yelled. There was no way this could be happening.

  "ON YOUR FUCKING KNEES!" the woman yelled.

  Before Aria could do or say anything else, Lex moved to stand in front of her, shielding her body from the woman. Aria tried to reach past him, desperate to make the woman understand that this was wrong.