Align Ourselves

by Adrianna Schuh

  Just as they were finishing up, she felt another ball of snow hit her in the back.

  She turned around again, but again, Lex and the boys with him were focused on building their own snowman. Too focused, she decided.

  "Who threw that?" she asked.

  "Threw what?" one of the boys said, trying to keep from smiling.

  Aria narrowed her eyes.

  She turned back to her snowman, and not even a minute later, she was hit with another snowball.

  "It was him," one of the girls yelled. "Your Grace! You should not throw snowballs at our lady; it isn't kind!" She couldn't have been older than six; her serious, exasperated tone made Aria smile. She was adorable.

  "It was him?" Aria asked her, pointing at Lex.

  "Yes, m'lady," the little girl said.

  "Should we get him back?”

  "I dunno, m'lady," the girl said, shrugging.

  "Why don't you call me, Aria?" Aria suggested as she picked up some snow and formed a little ball.

  She rose to her feet and took a few steps towards Lex. He and the three boys with him had their backs turned, working on their snowman.

  It felt great to see the snowball hit him in the back of the head.

  He turned and looked at Aria, who only raised an eyebrow and pursed her lips, challenging him.

  She didn't really expect him to retaliate, so she didn't even have time to turn before a snowball hit her in the chest.

  "Get him," she yelled, bending down to scoop up more snow. The few kids who had been in her group joined her, and they all made snowballs and threw them at Lex. Eventually, even the boys from his own group joined in. But whenever he threw one back, he only aimed at Aria.

  In the end, he was beaten by sheer force. It was ten to one, after all.

  After about half an hour, they stopped. All of their cheeks were red, and Aria's fingertips felt like they would fall off. Lex told one of the guards to take the kids inside to warm up and eat.

  Aria couldn't help but feel happy. It was the most fun thing she'd done in weeks.

  But after the kids left, and it was only her and Lex, it didn't seem so fun anymore. So she made her way inside, trying to forget that he, the king, just spent the morning playing with orphans he let live in his palace. And the stupid way the snowflakes tangled in his dark eyelashes.

  Chapter 34

  A few nights later, Lex didn't come to dinner. She and Grace ate in silence, watching the others.

  "Where's Lex?" Aria asked. Mostly for something to say. The silence was becoming awkward.

  "Why do you care?"

  "Excuse me?"

  "I said, why do you care? Haven't you written him off?" Grace asked, her voice angry.

  That pissed her off. If anyone should be angry, it was her. And her friends. They were the ones that had been lied to for months.

  "Do you have something to say to me, Grace? Are you seriously mad because I haven't forgiven him for lying to me for months?"

  "I don't give a shit, Aria. He wanted to tell you. You know why he didn't. And I knew you'd react like this. I knew you wouldn't understand."

  "Well, sorry for not being understanding, Grace. My mother-"

  "Yeah yeah. Your mother. He tried to find her. You know that."

  "I don't care," Aria yelled. "If he would have just told me-"

  "What would you have done? Gone after them? Hah!"

  "Fuck you, Grace."

  "Did you forget about the fact that you guys would have all been killed if it weren't for us? If it weren't for him? We saved you. And he tried to do the same for the others. So don't act like some ungrateful little-"

  "I didn't forget," Aria yelled. A few people looked up, hearing the two of them arguing. "But that doesn't give him, or you for that matter, the right to lie to us."

  "Whatever," Grace said, getting up. "All I know is you've brought us nothing but trouble. We've lost our own people because of you. And you dare to sit here and act all angry because you were lied to. Like you've always been so honest. You lied to him too, remember that? You lied to protect Ben. The difference is, he didn't tell you because he was worried about how you would feel."

  Aria watched her leave. She was tired of people lying to her for her own good.

  After dinner, she went to her room and found Lex in bed, looking sick. She placed the back of her hand on his forehead. He was a little warm.

  "You're sick," she said, shaking her head.

  "I'm fine. Just a little fever, is all," he said, shrugging it off.

  "You haven't eaten anything," she said. She wasn't really sure why she cared. He's the king, and you're the queen; you have to care, she told herself.

  "I'm not hungry," he said back.

  "Yeah, because you're sick," she said, rolling her eyes.

  She left their room and went down to the kitchen. She asked one of the women to make him some soup while she went to the doctor for some medicine they were giving people to treat colds.

  She (kind of reluctantly) made him some tea and put it on a tray along with the soup, and brought it up to their room. It's because you're the queen, she told herself. You have to care.

  She set the tray down on her vanity table and told him to get out of bed. After a few exchanges of rude words, mostly asshole and dumbass, he got out of bed and made his way to the couch, where she placed the tray in his lap.

  "Thanks," he said.

  "Whatever. Just eat the soup and make sure to drink the tea," she said before heading to bed.

  He did.

  She urged him to stay in bed and rest the next day, and they argued for the first time in weeks. He didn't stay in bed. But he drank the tea she brought him and made sure to eat a little food during meals.

  The cold passed, and he was back to his usual snarky self within a couple of days.

  Aria was sitting on the couch wrapped in a thick blanket, reading one of Lex's old books when he walked into the room a few days later and placed a decent sized wooden box next to her.

  "Here you go," he said. He walked away, going to his side of the room to change before she could say anything.

  "What is it?" she asked.

  "A present."

  "A present? For what?"

  "Can't a man bring his wife a present," he said, rolling his eyes.

  Instead of responding with her own snarky comment, curiosity got the best of her, and she grabbed the box. She opened it and found it full of calligraphy pens, stencils, and paints.

  She picked one of the paints up and opened it, finding a royal purple shade inside.

  "Wow," she said, "art supplies. Why?"

  "Just a thank you."

  "For what?"

  "For being a stubborn woman and helping me when I was sick."

  "Oh," she said, dipping her pinky into the container she opened. "What will I draw on?"

  "Whatever you want," he said, getting in bed.

  She thought about it for a while. She opened every single thing so that she could look at all the stuff he'd gotten her. It was...it was nice of him.

  He fell asleep, and she picked the heavy box up and went over to the wall behind her dresser. She decided it was the first thing she wanted to paint on.

  "Wow," Lex said the next morning, waking her up.

  "What," she mumbled, trying to fall back asleep.

  "This is amazing, Aria."

  "Thanks," she said, turning to watch him through the sheer fabric that hung around the bed.

  She'd drawn the palace covered in snow, the way it had looked the day of the snowball fight. It was pretty good, she had to admit. And it took hours.

  That night, he told her she should draw something over their bed.

  "What do you want me to draw?" she asked. They rarely had conversations in bed anymore. It felt like those first few nights all over again.

  "I don't care. Whatever you want. I'm sure it'll be great no matter what," he said, turning on his side. She was glad he wasn't looking at her. A blush had crept it
s way onto her face.

  "Okay," she said, "I will."

  The next day, after a few hours of writing lesson plans and training with Mara, she went back to their room and started stenciling her design above their bed. She decided on a quote from one of Lex’s books about Greek History. A quote about love, one that she felt represented the two of them. It was a way for her to say what she was feeling without actually having to say it.

  She wanted him to see her words. To know what was truly in her heart even though things between them were a little bit broken.

  “One word frees us of all the weight and pain in life; that word is Love.”

  She felt a little nervous about his reaction. She knew it was good. She wasn't ashamed to take pride in her work. But still.

  "What do you think?" she asked after he studied it for a few minutes.

  "It's good," he said, turning to look at her. He looked back at the wall and then turned to look at the drawing on the wall above her dresser. "Really good."

  "Thanks."

  He reached forward and touched the tip of her nose. His finger came away blue.

  "Pretty," he said, looking at his finger.

  She turned away from him. For some reason, the whole ordeal made her heartache.

  "Why-why didn't you try harder to tell me, Lex?" she asked, not wanting to meet his eye. "You were going to when we were alone for those few days. You started to say it, but then you didn't. And you never brought it up again. Why?"

  She wasn't sure where this was coming from. They hadn't talked about it since the night they argued when she told him she'd never forgive him.

  He sighed. "Does it matter?"

  "What?"

  "My reasons? They don't really matter. I could tell you ten different things, and not one would make you feel any better. So why are you even asking?"

  "I don't know. But I want you to tell me why anyway."

  "I wanted to tell you. I was going to. I almost did, because you looked so...so sad, talking about your mother. But I knew that what I was going to tell you wouldn't be...wouldn't be what you wanted to hear. And I know that's wrong. I know, but I just- I wanted to protect you from that. And I know it wasn't my place. And that if the situation was reversed, I wouldn't want to forgive you either.”

  She nodded, understanding, and then they went to bed.

  Chapter 35

  Her anger at him dwindled in the weeks that passed. The only thing left was disappointment.

  She missed him. And not just in a romantic way. Yeah, she missed the way he held her, and yeah, there were nights when she thought about making the first move and feeling her lips pressed against his.

  But mostly, she missed who he was. She missed the person who loved his sister and wanted to make this place a safe haven for strangers, for outsiders. She missed him because, even though he had lied to her, he cared about her and her friends. He cared about all of his people. He had a kind heart. Yeah, he was an asshole sometimes, but he was also respectful, funny, charming, and a good person.

  And he had apologized, over and over. And not only to her but to her friends as well. And they had forgiven him. They had tried to convince her to do the same. To think about what she would have done if she were in his position, knowing what he knew (or thinking he knew) about the others.

  "That's different," she had said when Brent tried to convince her to let it go.

  "How?" he asked.

  Because you didn't have sex with him, Brent. You're not married to him. You're not in love with him, she thought. But she said nothing. She didn't want to admit that it specifically hurt her because he didn't tell her. She was supposed to be different. If he had told her, and not the others, she wouldn't have minded as much. Maybe that made her selfish.

  In bed that night, with that in mind, she turned and inched towards him until he was close enough to touch.

  She moved until she was lying on her side and wrapped her arm around his middle. He tensed at the touch for a few minutes, his muscles went stiff, and his whole body became rigid.

  "This is just for warmth," she whispered, "So don't get any ideas."

  "Okay," he said, but she could almost hear his smile. It was what he said to her at the house after he held her for the first time.

  "And Lex?"

  "Yeah?"

  "I don't hate you. I'm still really fucking mad at you. And I don't know if I'll ever get over it. But I don't hate you," she whispered against his back.

  "Okay," he said again, but his body relaxed.

  She'd missed this. But it felt different, which kind of made her sad.

  The feeling made her scoot closer until her chest was pressed against his back. He placed his hand on top of the one she had around him.

  That's better, she thought before drifting off to sleep.

  "They should have been back by now," Grace said a few mornings later over breakfast.

  "I know," Lex said.

  Aria remained quiet. At first, she hoped the delay was due to the long journey. Maybe it had something to do with the weather? Maybe her people had left in search of Aria and her friends? It would have taken longer for Lex's people to find them.

  But now, even she had to admit that something must have gone wrong.

  "Don't you guys have more guards?" she asked.

  "Yeah, and we'd like to keep them," Grace said. Aria could tell that she was angry. "So don't even think about asking us to risk losing more. Or, you know, asking more of our people to die looking for yours."

  "Grace..." Lex said, a warning in his voice.

  "No, Lex. You shouldn't have sent them in the first place, not after the first two times."

  Aria stayed quiet. She could understand why Grace felt that way. These other people were complete strangers to her. But to Aria, they were friends, neighbors, peers. Her mother.

  She wanted to bring up the idea of sending another party. But she figured that she should wait until Grace left. Aria could imagine how she would react. Grace had become more closed off since they found out. Aria had a feeling that it had something to do with Mara. They weren't hanging out anymore. They didn't even train together. Mara, it seemed, was just as angry as Aria was. Neither one of them could forgive the Mills siblings that easily.

  They ate in silence after that.

  Grace eventually left.

  It's now or never, Aria thought. "Maybe-maybe, you should send another party," she said. "I mean, you don't have to send many people. Just a few of yours and maybe a few of mine?"

  He looked over at her, but she couldn't really read his expression.

  "I'll think about it," he said.

  "Okay," she said nodding. It was the best she could hope for.

  After that, she went to the school, and she ended up having a lot to do, so she didn't get to see Lex until dinner time.

  But Grace was with him. If anything, she only seemed more pissed than she'd been that morning. Aria knew she had to wait to talk to Lex.

  After dinner, they made their way to their rooms. She stayed silent on the way, thinking about how to persuade him. She realized he was right when he called her manipulative all those months ago.

  He sat down on the couch in their front room, and she joined him. She got up and tended to the fire in the fireplace before sitting back down and starting the conversation.

  "So have you thought about it?" she asked. She didn't want to seem too pushy. But they were losing time.

  "Yeah, I have."

  "And?"

  "And I'll send another party," he said, shrugging his shoulders.

  "What? Really?" she asked. She was a little surprised. She figured that she'd need to argue with him, push him in the right direction.

  "Yeah, really."

  "Why?"

  "What?" he asked, smiling at her. "Isn't that what you want?"

  "Well, yeah," she said, smiling a little, "But I didn't think you'd actually do it. Well, not that easily."

  He shrugged.

  "When?" she
asked.

  "The day after tomorrow. I'll leave for a village in the south tomorrow night. We'll leave the next morning at first light."

  That brought her up short. "Why? Why are you leaving?"

  "Because I'm going with them."

  "Why?" she asked. She hated the fact that the idea made her a little scared. She was sure that her people weren't behind the reason that Lex's men had gone missing. That they weren't behind the reason, the guards still hadn't returned. But despite that, she felt scared.

  "I'd like to know what's going on. Why my people haven't returned. What exactly is happening on the outside."

  "Can...can I come with you?" she asked. She still didn't want to go, but she couldn't really bear the thought of him going without her.

  "No," he said.

  "Why?"

  "Because you're the queen. Who will lead our people while I'm gone?"

  "Then let me go instead."

  "No," he repeated. "I need to know what's going on, Aria. I need to find out what's happened to my people."

  "But they're mine too," she yelled.

  "Yes, they are. But so are the ones here."

  She sighed in frustration.

  "Will you miss me?" he asked, smiling.

  She looked over at him. The sight of him sitting there, with the firelight dancing in his eyes, made her want to cry. He'd been there all along; he was here now. But the thought of him leaving and her not being able to follow made a lump form in her throat.

  "What is it?" he asked, noticing her expression.

  "I don't want you to go," she whispered.

  He scooted closer to her. "It'll be fine. I'll be back before you know it."

  But you don't know that, she thought. But she couldn't say it.

  "Don't...don't go," she said.

  "Aria..."

  "Send someone else. Please, just don't go."

  He sighed. “I have to. I need to. And I will come back, I promise."

  She knew he had made up his mind. Nothing she said or did could stop him. A part of her admired him for it, for being the type of king who would risk his life for his people. And for hers.

  They sat in silence for a little while. She wasn't sure when she'd moved closer to him or when she'd put her head on his shoulder.