Grave Alchemy

by Amanda Armour

  “Next year,” came a voice from down the hall. It was John, Greg’s partner. “We’re considering a destination wedding,” he gushed as he strode toward us. “We’ll let you know the date early, so you, Annie and Iggy can get time off.”

  “I’m Basil. You must be the groom.”

  John leaned down and stared Basil in the eyes. “How could you possibly know that?”

  “You’re not wearing a ring. Can I come too?”

  “What’s a ring got to do with it?”

  “Brides get the rings, the grooms don’t.”

  “What happened with Natasha? Did she run you over?”

  “No, she attacked me and broke my horn.”

  “I know she’s got a smart mouth, but I never expected violence from her. Can it be fixed?” John asked.

  “Don’t think so. Guess I could glue it back on, but then it wouldn’t shift with me,” Basil snickered. “A dog with a horn might be a bit hard to explain.”

  I was becoming impatient with all the chit-chat, our flight was due to leave in a couple of hours. “So guys, it was great to see you again, but Basil and I have to get a move on. We don’t want to miss our flight.”

  I stuffed Basil under the seat in front of me and whispered, “Who paid for this, Basil?”

  “You did. I called to let them know that you were bringing a dog, and they asked if you wanted to upgrade. I agreed, cause I didn’t want you to be crammed in those tiny seats.”

  “But how did you pay for it?”

  “I didn’t. Anyway, they already had your credit card. And you have like a gazillion air miles, so I used some for the extra seat, and the upgrade.”

  “I was saving those points. You should have asked.”

  “You had enough points to fly us around the world at least twice. Keep your voice down. That waitress is gonna think you’re nuts. She’ll throw us off the plane,” Basil hissed. “Besides, you have more money than you know what to do with. Why are you hoarding air miles?”

  The flight attendant peered over the seat in front of us. “Everything okay here? Can I get you anything?”

  “No, we’re fine, thanks. He gets nervous flying. Every time we travel he thinks he’s going to the vet for the snip. Talking to him calms him down,” I smirked at Basil as I zipped the carrier shut, then sat back and closed my eyes.

  A loud whisper came from the bag. “Move me up to that seat as soon as we take off.”

  Fifteen minutes later, when the plane was finally airborne, I moved Basil and his bag up onto the seat beside me.

  “I’m hungry,” Basil groused. “Ask the waitress for some food.”

  “You’re always hungry. You can have some of my dinner when it comes. And she’s not a waitress, she’s a flight attendant.”

  “I packed some snacks, but you checked that bag. I want my own dinner tray.”

  “You want me to ask for two dinners? They’ll think I’m a glutton!”

  “I’m sure Paris gets food for her dog. No one thinks she’s a glutton…and keep your voice down. You’re getting loud again.”

  “This is going to be a long flight.” I sighed and shook my head.

  The rest of the flight passed slowly, interrupted by Basil stealing my blanket, snoring and running down the aisle begging for food. Two stops and three planes later, we finally arrived at the small airport outside of Silver Falls. I’d called Annie earlier to bring her up-to-date on our new housemate; Basil wasn’t something I wanted to spring on her at the last minute. I suggested that she bring the SUV. For a homeless creature, Basil had brought a lot of baggage. I had no idea where it had all come from, but when we checked in, the clerk mentioned that the luggage had already been stowed in the plane.

  “They should have carts, like at the big airport,” Basil said as I hauled the first load of bags to the curb.

  “If you hadn’t brought so much stuff, I wouldn’t have to make two trips. Stay here and guard the luggage.”

  “How can I do that? I’m stuck in this bag.”

  “I’ll unzip you. If someone comes too close, start barking and look vicious.”

  An hour later, Annie pulled up to the curb and hopped out.

  “What took you so long?” I huffed. “It’s only a ten-minute drive from the house!”

  “Nice to see you too, Zoey,” Annie replied. “I ran out of gas. Hi, Basil.”

  Basil leapt through the open door, jumped over the seat and made himself comfortable in the back. “Nice to meet you. Let’s go. I’ve had enough of dog fur for one day. Grab the bags, will you Z?”

  “Z? Is Zoey too hard for you to say?”

  Annie rolled her eyes. “Bossy, isn’t he? Why did you pick a poodle? You could have been a lab puppy—they’re much cuter.”

  “She said she was allergic.”

  “She lied. She was always bringing strays home when we were kids.”

  “You just couldn’t resist, could you?” I gave Annie a hug, even though she’d just outed me. “Thanks for picking us up. It’s nice to be home.”

  “How was the flight?”

  “Long. That one…” I pointed at Basil, “had the flight attendants running around looking for peanuts, chips and cookies. Then he ate two meals and begged scraps from the other passengers.”

  “I wanted you to get your money’s…umm…points’ worth.”

  “Well, it was embarrassing. Everyone thought I was neglecting you.”

  Basil ignored me and turned back to Annie. “So, what’s my room like? Did you get all the stuff I asked for?”

  Annie giggled and glanced in the rear-view mirror. “I put you in the attic, just like you asked. It’s nice. You’ll like it.”

  “What do you mean, like you asked?” I interrupted. “When did you talk to Annie?” I glared at Basil, who returned a smug smile.

  “He called me last night. It’s okay—it saved time.”

  We turned off the main road and drove past the funeral home that sat at the front of our property.

  “What’s that? Don’t tell me you guys run a funeral parlor?” Basil tried to stifle a laugh.

  “It’s been in the family for generations,” Annie replied. “The Graveley Funeral Home has a proud heritage. We provide professional and compassionate funeral, cremation and interment services.”

  Basil doubled over, laughing. “You sound like a commercial. What’s your tag line? Reap, Plant, Repeat? I’m gonna love living here.”

  “Annie and Uncle Iggy run the place. I do the accounting,” I said, hiding my smile.

  “I’m the cosmetologist. I make them look pretty,” Annie said. “Zoey just does the bills—she doesn’t like messing with the bodies. Not even the pretty ones.”

  “Shut up, Annie,” I snapped as the driveway changed into gravel and Annie steered toward the potholes.

  “Jeez, why don’t you fix these holes? I hit my head on the roof,” Basil said as he bounced around.

  “I tried fixing them, but they just come back. Besides, they keep unwanted visitors away.”

  Our house came into view around a bend, the tower and brick facade covered in dark green ivy. The surrounding forest gave us a good degree of privacy, but it also meant that we were constantly cleaning the clogged gutters. The lake behind the house glinted through the trees as the sun dropped beneath the horizon. Our home could be described as a creepy gothic pile, but to us, it was warm and welcoming. When Annie and I inherited the estate, we knew that the plumbing and electrical services needed to be updated. What we didn’t realize was that those small changes would lead to more extensive and expensive renovations.

  Basil pursed his lips. “You lied—again. You said you didn’t have enough bedrooms. This place is huge.”

  “One wing is closed to save on the heating bill. Anyway, all the bedrooms are in use. I have an office in one and Annie converted two into a hair salon. Stop whining. You were homeless, and now you have an entire attic all to yourself.”

  “Hair salon? Are you a hairdresser? Why aren’t y
ou reaping like Z?” Basil leaned over the seat and stared at Annie.

  “I never liked it,” Annie said. “To me it seems like a dull dead-end job. I want to make us a full-service operation. You should see the hairstyles on some of our clients. What do you think of Zoey’s style? It’s very avant-garde.”

  “It is, isn’t it?” Basil looked sideways at me. “Very cutting edge.”

  He hopped out of the car and flew up to get a closer view of the house. Even though I hated to admit it, I knew he’d fit in perfectly. He could even sit up on the parapet. No one would know he was real, if he kept still.

  “Come on down and meet Bella,” I called out as I opened the front door.

  Bella, our resident housekeeper, met us at the front door and helped us drag in the luggage. “Goodness, what’s all this? Did you go on a shopping spree?” she asked. “You left with just one bag.”

  “Nope. All this belongs to Basil. Bella, meet Basil.”

  Bella reached down to pat Basil on the head. “How do you do, Basil? Welcome to Graveley Manor. What on earth happened to you?”

  Basil ducked to avoid Bella’s hand. “Just a small altercation with an over-zealous reaper. Nothing to worry about.” He frowned and balled his fists as her hand connected with his head. “Hey! I may be short, but I’m older than you. Don’t pat me.”

  “Don’t be rude,” Annie scolded. “If Bella wants to pat you, she can—house rules!”

  “Well, just make sure you wash up before dinner,” Bella said as she turned her back and retreated to the kitchen.

  Basil put his hands on his hips and stared up at me. “Really? Are you kidding me?”

  I ignored his comment. “Bella does the cooking and some cleaning. The kitchen is off-limits in the morning, so stay out of her way. Why don’t you take your stuff and check out the attic?”

  Basil shook his head and disappeared up the stairs as we piled the bags in the foyer. Annie and I headed to the kitchen. I needed coffee, and I was sure Bella had some questions.

  Sure enough, as soon as we entered the kitchen, Bella confronted me, “What is he doing here, Zoey? It’s not like he’s a stray dog or cat. You should be more careful.” She didn’t look up as she stirred a huge pot of Irish stew.

  “He got into a fight with a reaper at the Oregon office. Then he managed to guilt me into bringing him home.”

  “So he’ll be staying then.”

  “Yeah, well, we’ll see.”

  “You know he’s more than just a gargoyle, don’t you?” Leaving the wooden spoon in the stew, Bella crossed her arms, looked up and stared at me.

  “I know he’s a shifter. He says he likes being a parrot, but I haven’t seen that yet. Other than that, he seems pretty harmless.”

  “Well, just you keep an eye on him.”

  Annie and I were enjoying steaming cups of coffee when Basil burst into the room. “My attic is so cool, it goes on forever! Did you know there’s a widow’s walk up there? There’s even a bed and a wardrobe. I’ll have to get more stuff, to fill it up. Thank you.”

  Annie laughed. “I told you you’d like it. You can hang out on the roof whenever you like. Oh, and don’t go stomping around at night, our rooms are just below you.”

  “I don’t stomp,” he said, looking offended. “And anyway, I’ll be outside most nights.”

  Chapter 4

  I’d never been a morning person and needed at least an hour of silence, before I could hold a civil conversation. So, when the shouting filtered up from the kitchen at six in the morning, I considered packing up and moving to a hotel. Basil and Bella were in a standoff over kitchen rights. I walked into the room, sat down and glared at them rather than get involved—Bella could hold her own.

  “This is my kitchen and I make the rules. I don’t need your help. Now get out. I’m trying to make breakfast!” Bella demanded.

  “I just want to help. You can have the day off,” Basil countered.

  “I don’t need help and I don’t want a day off. Just look at the mess you made.” Bella picked up a frying pan and threatened Basil with it. “Get out of my kitchen before I roast you.”

  Basil scrambled to get out of Bella’s way. “I’m unroastable.”

  “You sure of that?” Bella said as she leaned close to Basil, arching a brow and smiling.

  Basil stepped back, then turned to glare at me. “You just gonna sit there?”

  “Nope.” I raised my hands and stood up. “And if you two have another fight at this god awful hour, I’m moving out.” As I backed out of the kitchen, I bumped into Annie.

  “What the heck is going on?” she asked, rubbing her eyes. “You two are loud enough to wake the dead!”

  “What do you think? Basil decided to piss off Bella by trying to make breakfast,” I grumbled.

  Annie stomped up to Basil and glared down at him. It wasn’t hard to do, since he was only four feet tall. “Bella makes breakfast, not Zoey, not me and least of all you. Are we clear?”

  Basil paled slightly, which I didn’t think was possible given his natural coloring. “I like cooking and I’m a great chef. I want to earn my keep—by cooking for you. What do they pay you?”

  “I don’t need paying, these girls are my family,” Bella sputtered as she placed the frying pan on the stove. “Besides, I have no use for money.”

  Basil looked up and glared at me. “Slavery was outlawed, you know.”

  “Slavery? For your information, she chose to be here—we didn’t force her.” I snapped, staring down at him. “And another thing, no shouting in the morning, no noise at all! If you don’t like it, then leave. No one’s going to stop you.”

  “Guess I’ll go get dressed…now that I’m up,” Annie said irritably, glaring at Basil. “Stupid gargoyle.”

  “I may as well get dressed too,” I added, as I stomped back up the stairs. “Try to stay out of trouble, Basil.”

  The house was eerily silent when I returned home later that day, there was no sign of Annie, Basil or Bella. I hoped he hadn’t been the cause of a mass defection.

  “Anyone home?” I called out as I walked down the hall to the great room. It was a beautiful room, but didn’t see much use during the summer. Huge windows flanked the floor to ceiling river rock fireplace and provided a spectacular view of the surrounding forest. If you squinted, you could make out the lake just beyond the trees. Annie was sitting cross-legged on the floor, her head bobbing in time with the music coming from her headphones.

  She took them off and smiled up at me. “Hey, you’re home early.”

  “Yeah, I somehow misread a pickup time—I lost a soul.” I’d thought of Lars when I realized that I had misread the time. But there was no way I was going to blame the scroll for it. “Oh, and I invited Noah and Skye over for a barbecue.”

  Noah Ashworth and Skye Plaines were cousins. They were both born and raised in Pumpkin Bay, a small lakeside town way up north. The town founders were a group of witches, who were fleeing persecution in the late 1600s. Over time, it became a haven for a diverse mixture of supernatural beings. Our parents loved the town, we spent summer vacations sailing and playing on the beach. Noah and Skye were building a sand castle when Annie tripped and fell on it. Our friendship blossomed when rather than being angry, they laughed and insisted that we help rebuild it. We’d been friends ever since. Pumpkin Bay was also where we met the lovely Natasha. Noah relocated to Silver Falls five years ago, after falling in love with Jane Wheatly, a local reaper. Skye came out to visit them and within a week she decided to move here as well. She opened a homeopathic pharmacy and herb shop, it became so popular that she had to hire full-time staff, just to keep up with the orders. We tried to get together at least once a week, and this week it was my turn to host.

  “You missed a pick up?” Annie closed the magazine she’d been reading. “Eyesight deteriorates with age, you know.”

  “Haha, very funny. I don’t think I need glasses, but I made an appointment anyway. What’s Basil been up to?”
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  “Not sure. He made himself scarce after breakfast and he wasn’t around when I got back from school.”

  “I hope he wasn’t annoying Bella again. Where is she? Hope she didn’t go off in a huff.”

  “I don’t think so. She had a few errands to run, at least that’s what her note said.”

  “How was class? Didn’t you have a test today?” Annie was nearing the end of her hairdresser training. She was determined to be the best mortuary cosmetologist in the country and styling our clients’ hair was the final step.

  “Yeah, it was perms.” Annie pursed her lips. “I was acing it, until Shelagh deliberately distracted me. I can’t prove it, but I know she tampered with my solution. My volunteer ended up with a burned scalp. I moved him to one of the back rooms and got Skye to come and fix him. His hair looks spectacular now, and we’ve got a date for tonight.”

  “A guy wanted a perm? That’s just weird.” Annie attracted the strangest men; it didn’t seem to matter what she said or did to them, they just kept coming.

  “Not so weird. He’s an actor and was going on a casting call for curly carrot tops.”

  Basil was busily chopping vegetables when Skye arrived later that evening. He gave her a big toothy grin and stood up on the chair. She squealed as Basil leapt into her arms. “You’re so cute,” she said, still hugging Basil. “Where did you get him?”

  I rolled my eyes as Basil pressed his face into her large breasts. Skye was short and voluptuous and had killer curly blonde hair. She was not the least bit shy. “Skye meet Basil. I rescued him in Oregon; a reaper beat him up. You’ll never guess who.”

  “Someone we know? I don’t think I know anyone who would hurt a cute little thing like him.”

  “Natasha West.”

  Skye’s smile drooped into a frown. “I forgot she lived in Oregon. Hasn’t changed much has she?”

  “I didn’t think it was possible, but she’s worse than ever.”

  “Look at the damage she did—I’ll never be the same.” Basil whimpered and snuggled closer to Skye. “I need lots of care.”

  Jeez, he was milking this for all it was worth. “Oh please, there’s nothing wrong with him. A little plaster, and he’ll be as good as new,” I scoffed.