The Single Wife : 'Liane Moriarty meets Elin Hilderbrand in an addictive summer read'

by Ella Grey

  “No, no, she never said a word.” Olivia had noticed her slowing down of course, in the same way that her own parents were showing signs of getting on in years, but she had never once suspected that it could be anything serious.

  So, Peter was home for Mummy then. Nothing to do with the wife and child he’d so cruelly discarded. Then again, why did she think it would be any different?

  “She’s getting progressively worse and the treatment she’s on doesn’t seem to be having much of an effect.” He studied her. “But I’d been thinking about contacting you for a while anyway, Olivia.”

  “Then why didn’t you? Why turn up unannounced on my doorstep? For goodness sake, Peter, never mind me, but how did you think Ellie would react to you turning up out of the blue like this?”

  “Do you … do you really think she would know me?” he asked uncertainly.

  “Of course she’d know you – she has photographs in her bedroom, and your parents show her pictures of you every time she visits. What they don’t tell her is that her father was so angry with me that he decided to abandon her.”

  “That’s not true – of course I care about her. But these last few years have been hard, Olivia. Distance was the only way I could get some clarity, you know that.”

  “And you had to go to the other end of the world - about as far as you could get,” she said. “This is crazy, Peter.”

  “Is she here?” He looked nervously around the room, and his eyes rested on a framed photo of Ellie on the mantelpiece. It was a professional photograph Olivia had commissioned a few months back, on her fourth birthday. She was grinning happily at the camera, the gap in her teeth unmistakeable and adorable. Olivia followed his gaze and instantly folded her arms protectively across her chest.

  “She’s at my mum’s,” she replied shortly, offering up a relieved prayer that Ellie wasn’t here when Peter arrived. “So four years and a few birthday and Christmas cards now and then, you think you’re entitled to just pop in and see her – without so much as a phone call? How dare you, Peter?”

  “I know, I’m sorry, but I just thought – ”

  “You thought you could waltz in here after abandoning her – abandoning us like you did.”

  “Hell, I didn’t think I would come here, and certainly not so soon. I’m sorry but maybe I just wasn’t thinking straight. I’m tired and jet-lagged and worried about Mum and …” he trailed off. “Being back is a huge thing for me, Olivia – surely you can understand that.”

  She did understand, but still couldn’t forgive the casual way he had just turned up on her doorstep. Then she thought of something. “How did you know where to find us? You sent the cards to your mother’s and I never gave you this address, so how did you know how to get here?” Although, as soon as she’d asked, Olivia thought she knew the answer.

  “Mum told me where you were, but she also told me to leave it for a while before getting in touch. She knew it wouldn’t be easy for you, but at the same time, I think she knew I’d want to see you two eventually.”

  “And you thought I’d feel the same, I suppose?” Olivia was so angered by this she could hardly think straight. Who did the Gallaghers think they were, playing with her feelings?

  Especially given all Teresa’s snide remarks about Matt and her so-called ‘concern’ for Ellie’s welfare. She was merely making sure that if Peter did decide to come home, he’d still have a ready-made family there waiting for him. “You thought I’d be sitting patiently at home, waiting for you to change your mind, to decide that you did love us after all – was it?”

  The problem was – only a few months earlier, Olivia had been hoping the same thing. She’d been waiting for him to return, hoping that they might eventually be a family again.

  But that was before, and now, try as she might, she couldn’t concentrate properly on the sheer magnitude of his actually being here – in Lakeview. She was too concerned about Matt and the mess she had made of it all by being evasive, by trying to protect herself.

  Peter sighed. “I’m sorry, you’re right, this was a mistake, I should have called first, I should have at least told you – ”

  “Yes, you should.”

  He hesitated a little. “I know this probably isn’t the right time but … you’re looking really well, Olivia. And it is good to see you.” At this, he flashed his best Colgate smile, those teeth seeming even whiter against his Australian tan.

  Amazingly, in all the years she’d known him, this was the first time that Olivia had seen through the compliment.

  It was an attempt to control her, to get his own way, to soften her up a bit. She had always thought Peter was charming, had always thought she was lucky to find a husband who was so respectful and considerate not just to her, but to other women also.

  Only now did it strike her that if was all a front and he was a weak, selfish cad. Absence didn’t quite make the heart grow fonder – in this case, it made it insightful.

  But, she thought, that wasn’t the whole story, was it? Her feelings, or lack thereof for Peter now had more to do with Matt. She could come to terms with why Peter had abandoned her, but there was no excuse for his selfish rejection of Ellie.

  All of a sudden, Olivia didn’t care that Peter was back, or about what he did or didn’t want.

  “I’m sorry, but I can’t talk about this now. Ellie will be home soon, and I don’t want you here when she returns. I have a life of my own – Ellie and I have a life, one that you’re not part of, that you haven’t ever been part of. I know you had your reasons but, to be honest, I think I’ve done my penance. What you seemed to forget so easily was that it was agony for me too, yet I didn’t have the luxury of taking off to ‘get clarity’. I had a child to raise.”

  “I know.” To his credit, Peter looked shamefaced.

  “Yet, you didn’t care about my suffering, did you? You just believed what you wanted to believe – that I had come home late because I didn’t care about the consequences, that I should have been there.” She shook her head, unwilling to relive the pain and the guilt all over again, especially in front of him. “But I just lost track of time …” At this, her voice broke and she closed her eyes briefly, the pain almost too strong to bear.

  “I know.”

  “And yet you couldn’t see that, you kept insinuating that I had done it on purpose – as a kind of revenge or something. That was never, ever the case.”

  He nodded with heavy emotion. “I know, but there seemed no other way of getting my head around it. No matter what you say, there was always some resentment, Olivia – you admitted that yourself.”

  “Yes, but the resentment was entirely toward you – how did you not get that?”

  For a long time husband and wife remained in silence, painful memories hanging heavily between them.

  Eventually, Olivia shook her head. “Again, I’m sorry but I don’t want to get into this now. Maybe we can arrange something later, but you can’t just barge in like this. Matt, the man just now, he’s very important to me and I have a lot to explain.”

  “I see.” His hands in his pockets, Peter headed toward the door.

  “No, you don’t see,” Olivia followed him out to the hallway. “You don’t have a clue how hard these last few years have been for me and finally, when I get a chance at happiness, you turn up and ruin it.”

  “That was never my intention,” he said, stepping out onto the front path. He turned back to look at her. “I never wanted to upset you, Olivia – I just wanted to see my daughter.”

  “Well, Teresa has my number. If you’re still in Dublin, phone me later maybe – when I’ve had a chance to prepare Ellie,” she added pointedly.

  “I appreciate that and I would like to speak to you before I head up to Galway, if I could.” Peter paused slightly as he turned to leave. “Look, I’m sorry for surprising you. I hope I didn’t mess things up with you and that – that guy. I didn’t mean to do that – I didn’t even know you were with someone, I mean, Mum didn�
��t say …” He trailed off, uncomfortable with the admission. “In fact, I’m with someone too.”

  “Good for you.” Olivia suddenly realised she didn’t care. She’d always suspected that he would have found someone else – after all, it was a long time – but now she decided she just didn’t care about Peter, his new relationship, or even the fact that he’d finally come home. At that moment, all she cared about was Matt.

  Maybe she could understand why he thought that Peter had died, but yet … Olivia’s head thudded, her brain unable to cope with the enormity of all that was happening.

  If only she’d told him everything right from the beginning. But she couldn’t have done that. Not until she was absolutely sure that she could trust Matt enough to tell him the truth. And the situation with Catherine complicated things too. She had to wait until she could be sure Matt would understand.

  And that truly she wasn’t to blame.

  57

  “Catherine, I really need your help,”

  She was stony-faced. “I don’t know where he is.”

  “His mobile is switched off and he’s not answering at home. Please, I really need to talk to him.”

  “I’m sure you do.”

  “It’s very important.”

  “I’d imagine it is.”

  “Catherine, please.”

  She sighed. “Look, I don’t know what’s going on between you two. All I know is that Matt is very annoyed. I presume it might have something to do with that man at your house a while ago?”

  “My husband, yes.”

  Catherine’s eyes widened. “Wow, no wonder he’s upset.”

  Olivia didn’t have the energy to explain; she needed to save that for Matt.

  “I know he’s here. Can you ask him to come out and talk to me, please?”

  He must have gone elsewhere after leaving her house, as Olivia hadn’t been able to reach him at his place, and then, some time after Peter left, she finally spotted his car outside Catherine’s.

  “I don’t know if he’ll want to talk to you. He certainly doesn’t want to talk to me.”

  “Catherine …” Both women turned towards the voice in the hallway. “It’s OK. Come in, Olivia,” Matt said quietly. “We might as well get this over and done with.”

  Catherine stood back to let her in, and the three stood silently in the hallway. Eventually the other woman spoke. “I’m heading back up to the hospital now anyway,” she said, her voice low and gentler than Olivia had ever heard it.

  She waited until the front door closed behind Catherine before speaking. “Matt, I don’t know what to say.”

  “Neither do I.”

  He went into the front room, obviously expecting her to follow. Olivia obliged and sat nervously on the edge of Catherine’s leather sofa, Matt sitting on an armchair nearby.

  “It was only when you mentioned something about Peter’s funeral last night that I realised you had the idea he was dead,” she began, her voice slow and nervous. “And I was about to correct you when Catherine rang about Adam and – ”

  “But I’ve always thought that,” he interjected, shaking his head. “The woman in the corner shop told me that you moved here after your husband died.”

  Olivia’s eyes widened, surprised at this. “Molly actually said that?”

  “Yes. I felt a bit uncomfortable about her telling me actually, as I didn’t know you well at the time, and I hate those gossipy types.”

  But – but Molly didn’t know anything, nobody in Lakeview knew anything – Olivia had made sure of that. It was the only way she could live in peace, knowing that she’d have none of the pitying smiles and sympathetic looks she’d had in their old estate.

  She’d never said a word. How on earth had Molly come up with that scenario?

  But then, Olivia realised that her insistence on maintaining her privacy had simply made her prime fodder for local gossip. Thinking of it now, she recalled her neighbour Maeve McGrath being quite intrusive in her questions when she’d bumped into her at the graveyard one day, although Olivia hadn’t said much.

  Maeve and Molly were bosom buddies, so between the two of them of course they’d taken two and two and come up with fifty.

  She shook her head, unable to take it all in herself, never mind try and explain all to Matt. Granted she’d never been all that happy to call herself separated as she’d always hoped that someday Peter would return. But yet, she had no idea that all this time her neighbours thought she was a widow.

  What an absolute mess.

  “I moved to Lakeview after Peter and I separated, not long after Ellie was born.”

  “But why did she think – ”

  “I’m not one hundred per cent sure myself actually, but it might have something to do with my visits to Shankill graveyard,” she said, realising that this had to be the most likely scenario. “When they don’t have all the pieces of a puzzle, some people like to try and make the most obvious parts fit.” She sighed. “But I wasn’t visiting Peter there.”

  A very long silence hung between them. Eventually, Matt spoke.

  “Who – who were you visiting then?”

  Olivia’s eyes filled with tears and she tightly grasped her hands together. “Our son. Peter and I lost a toddler, Jake. His death was the reason we split up.” Her voice began to shake.

  Matt leant across and put a comforting hand on her knee. “I’m so sorry. I just assumed Ellie was your first.”

  Olivia took a deep breath before continuing. “She is, but she isn’t – wasn’t – Peter’s first.”

  He waited for her to elaborate.

  “Peter had a little … summer fling many years ago, the year before we married actually. He and I had split up at the time.”

  “Oh.”

  “I’d initiated the break-up in the first place, and we only found out about the other girl’s pregnancy once we’d made up and become engaged. I was devastated, naturally, but still madly in love with Peter and in the middle of making plans for our wedding.” She paused, before continuing. “Eventually, I just resolved to get over it and get on with it.” She shrugged. “And I agreed to take on the child as my own.”

  Matt was confused. “But what about the mother?”

  Olivia shook her head. “She didn’t want him. Peter discovered that she was going to have an abortion, but neither of us would stand for that. So we offered to adopt Jake – that was his name,” she said, smiling, her eyes glistening with tears.

  “And she agreed?”

  “Like I said, she didn’t really want a baby. It wasn’t long after graduation and she wanted to go and do her own thing. I expect she felt guilty that Peter and I had got back together, and she didn’t want to rock the boat, as such. She had no issue with letting us adopt.”

  “But she told him about the baby?”

  “No, we heard about that from … another source. But like I said, I couldn’t blame Peter, I couldn’t blame her, I could only blame myself. That summer, right after graduation, for some reason I panicked and told Peter that our relationship was stifling me.

  I told him I didn’t want to be with him any more. We had been together all throughout uni, and it seemed inevitable that we’d get married and be together forever. They used to call us the Golden Couple. But that last summer … things changed. I felt smothered, tied down – it’s hard to explain really. But after that time apart and a little space to determine how I really felt, I decided that I did want to be with him after all.”

  “But in the meantime, he was so upset that he shagged someone else? Doesn’t sound so golden to me,” Matt said sardonically.

  “Perhaps,” she said, “but it wasn’t quite like that. They were friends and he’d been drinking and well, you know yourself. There was nothing between them, really.” At least, that’s what Olivia had always tried to convince herself – if she hadn’t, she knew she wouldn’t have been able to go ahead with the wedding, let alone the rest.

  “So you took on the child. That
must have been tough all the same.”

  She shrugged. “Once I’d made the decision that was it. And he was Peter’s, so as far as I was concerned he was as good as mine. Still, he was a sickly child, and a challenge to look after sometimes. I think … well, I know that Peter thought I resented him because he wasn’t mine, but that was never the case – it was just that he needed a lot of watching and that could be tough going. We had one very tough year when he started going to a crèche – we were so fearful about entrusting him to strangers. The carers knew the situation of course and all went well for a while.” Olivia paused, her face bleak, then continued with obvious difficulty. “Peter and I had a system going, whereby we kept in close contact to ensure one of us would always be there to pick him up in the evenings, whatever emergency might overtake either of us at work …” She trailed off, the memory of it all so clear in her mind. “To this day, I still wonder why I went back to work at all, why I didn’t just stay home and look after Jake full-time, but we felt that we could manage – stupidly I felt that we could manage. I thought it wouldn’t be good to smother him, that interaction with other children was necessary for his development.”

  “OK, so the day he died, you were late collecting him from the crèche, is that it? Catherine mentioned something about you blaming yourself for …”

  “I wasn’t just late, Matt – I completely forgot. I lost track of time …we had an emergency, and it took a lot longer than expected, and in the middle of it all, I forgot to tell Peter I’d be late and …” her voice shook. “When I realised the time, naturally I panicked. But for some reason, I couldn’t get Peter on the phone, and no one in the crèche was answering … So I just jumped in the car and to this day I don’t know how I managed to drive home at all, because I knew. Deep down I just knew that something terrible had happened, and when I came back and saw the ambulance at our house …” her words trailed off softly. “I swung by the crèche on the way, but everything was locked up, and they were all gone.”

  “So what happened? If you were both late, why didn’t the crèche wait for you, or try to contact you?” Matt asked, frowning.