REGRET - The Price of Truth: Everhide Rockstar Romance Series Book 4

by Tania Joyce

Hayden folded his arms and let out a puff. “Told you they were good.”

  Lexi glared at him for less than a second. Any longer and last night’s flustered memories would consume her.

  Turning to Gemma, Lexi ran her hand over her unkempt hair. “Sorry, I can’t stay longer. Good luck with your shows. I’ll see you at home at the end of next week.” She hooked the camera strap higher on her shoulder and stepped back toward the door. “I’m gonna leave you to play and go pack. Whatever you were working on sounded awesome. Guaranteed next hit.”

  “Um . . . it’s already a hit.” Gemma laughed and struck the strings on her guitar. “We were playing ‘Escape.’”

  That was what Lexi wanted to do. Escape. Get out of that room. Now. Hayden’s eyes were drilling into her, making her break out in a cold sweat. “Oops. Sorry. Let’s have lunch together before I head off. Gotta go.” Lexi turned and reached for the door handle.

  “Wait.” Hayden leaped from the stool, rushed over and grabbed the back of her hoodie. “We need to talk.”

  Shit. So close to escaping.

  She spun around to face him, straightened her shoulders. Tension throbbed in her temples; her headache grew worse.

  “Do you really have to go to New York?” A muscle ticked in his taut jaw. “Or are you running away from me like you did last night?”

  Gemma twanged on her guitar strings. “What happened last night?”

  Prickles darted across Lexi’s skin; she wasn’t ready for Gemma to grill her for information. She’d have to admit her mistake, that she hadn’t learned from her past failures. After losing Quintin, she’d sworn not to be erratic, intense and compulsive. But last night, she’d relapsed. She didn’t want to mess around with Hayden’s feelings. Didn’t want to keep fucking up. Whatever was happening to her had to end.

  Lexi snapped at Hayden in a hushed whisper, “I’m not running away. I have to leave for work.”

  “Not before we talk.” He didn’t lower his voice, not even a fraction of a microbar.

  “Talk about what?” Gemma hollered.

  The intensity in Hayden’s eyes froze Lexi’s feet to the floor. He sucked in a deep breath, puffed out his chest, then blurted to their friends, “Our kiss last night.”

  Lexi squeezed her eyes shut, wanting to melt through the floor and disappear.

  “’Bout time,” Hunter mumbled, tinkering on the piano keys. “Now go fuck and be done with it.”

  She threw Hunter her most evil glare. “Shut up. It wasn’t like that.” Spinning back to Hayden, she spoke through clenched teeth. “There’s nothing to talk about.”

  “Oh, yes there is. Let’s go. Now.” He grabbed her hand and led her up to her bedroom. He slammed the door shut behind them and stepped in close to her. He smoothed his hands over her curls. “Lex . . . last night?”

  She ignored the agonizing pain shuddering through her chest and drew his hands away. “It was a crazy bit of fun. I told you not to get the wrong idea.”

  “Are you serious?” The cutting edge in his tone sliced and scored her heart. “That was no ordinary kiss, and you know it.”

  She lowered her chin, unable to meet his harsh, squalling gaze. There had been nothing ordinary about her behavior last night. The kissing. The humping. All a mistake. Alcohol. Could she blame the alcohol?

  “For fuck’s sake, Lex.”

  She closed her eyes. Heat burned her cheeks. Did he know what had happened? Her core clenched, still aching from the press of his dick against her. “It was a nice kiss. That’s it.” She wouldn’t allow herself to draw any other conclusion.

  “A nice kiss. Is that what you think?” He shook his head, stepping back a few feet. “You’re such a liar.”

  Her heart bled. She had to stop hurting him or she’d drive him away. “You were right. We shouldn’t have kissed.”

  “You started it.” He closed the gap between them and cupped her face. His eyes turned to molten metal. “I know what happened. I felt you shudder. I want to throw you onto that bed and make you orgasm again and again until you scream.”

  “Stop.” She yanked free of his hold. “Stop saying things like that.”

  “Stop fighting this. Stop fighting and admit you have feelings for me.”

  “No. I don’t.” She covered her eyes with her hands. She didn’t want to feel anything.

  He drew them away. “Stop being afraid. Let me in.”

  “No.” She shook her head. He was already in her heart, but she couldn’t give him any more of it. It was too damaged, too broken, too dead. Her tears threatened to fall. “You’re moving to Boston. You have your career. I have mine. Don’t ruin what we have.”

  “We could be happy.”

  “No, we’d end in disaster.”

  “You don’t know that.”

  “Yes, I do. Long distance never works.”

  “I’m not Quintin. You won’t know that unless we try.”

  She covered her ears to block the optimism in his voice. “Just stop. This isn’t going to turn into some screwed-up, friends-with-benefits fiasco.”

  “I don’t want it to.” He lifted her chin with the tip of his finger and met her square in the eye. “I want you to be mine.”

  Fuck. No. Don’t say that.

  Her defenses shot up—spikes and wire and spears guarded her aching heart. “Stop. Please. I don’t feel that way about you.”

  The cold steel in his eyes tore through her chest. “Fine.” His jaw flinched. “You win.” The frost in his voice cut through her skin. “You can stay locked in your stupid bubble, Lex. Miss out on seeing if we could be good together. I care for you too fucking much to keep pushing you. So no more games. You know how I feel about you, but I don’t want to lose you. I’ll back off . . . after this.” He clasped the back of her head and crushed his lips to hers.

  Her body melted against his. Fire ignited her heart, threatened to burn down the walls.

  No. No. No.

  She clutched onto his arms to push him back. But . . . there was something in his kiss—the tension, the desperation, the longing. It struck the chords in her heart, weakened her knees.

  A whimper escaped her lips.

  He ripped his mouth from hers. Their breaths panted. Resting his forehead against hers, he massaged the back of her neck. “I love you, but I don’t want to hurt you anymore, Lex. That’s it. No more kisses. I promise.” He turned and headed for the door; he didn’t glance back. “I’ll see you at home next week.”

  He walked out of the room and slammed the door. She stared at it. Shock rattled every bone in her body, right down to the marrow. A tear caught the tip of her cheek.

  What the fuck?

  She sank onto the bed and sobbed. What happened to them having fun and good times in these last few weeks? What happened to just being friends? This bedlam of emotions was not part of the plan. She didn’t want every moment she spent with him to end in hurt. If it felt this bad now, how much worse was it going to be when he left?

  Fuck. This. Shit.

  She had to set things right.

  He was the one who’d messed things up. But she’d just made them worse.

  She grabbed her suitcase, tossed her belongings into it and zipped it shut.

  She couldn’t get out of there fast enough.

  She needed the week at home without him, needed to get him out of her head.

  And most of all, she had to stop him chiseling his way deeper into her heart.

  Chapter 9

  Hayden stretched out his legs on the lawn by the pool and tipped his head back, enjoying the rays on his face. His friends lazed in a circle around him—Kara and Hunter lay on a blanket, her head rested against his stomach; Gemma, stretched out on her tummy beside him, kept humming, singing and scribbling lyrics onto her notepad; Kyle sat opposite him, strumming Gemma’s acoustic guitar. One vital person was missing. Lexi. She’d headed home to New York yesterday afternoon. Left a gaping hole in Hayden’s chest.

  He tugged his baseball cap lower a
nd straightened his sunglasses. He couldn’t comprehend the fact that their steamy bathroom kiss had meant nothing more to her than drunken fun. He’d been fighting so hard to control his feelings for her; that kiss had blown him away. He’d sworn there was a connection between them. But . . . fuck. It was like he didn’t know her anymore. He was sick of making mistake after mistake after mistake. He’d had enough. It was time to let this nonsense of loving her go. There’d be no more kisses, no more questioning her feelings, no more hope of being more than friends. He was done.

  Kara grabbed her cell phone and checked the screen. “Hayds? Gem? Have you heard from Lexi? I’ve tried calling and texting her, but she hasn’t replied.”

  Gemma stopped humming and glanced at her cell phone. “Nope. Nothing.”

  Hayden leaned back on his hands and stared at his Converse sneakers. He didn’t need to look at his cell phone; he’d checked it more than one hundred times since her flight landed in New York. “I’m the last person she wants to talk to right now.”

  Hayden had downloaded the details of kissing her to his friends over dinner last night. It had left them as bewildered and befuddled as he was.

  Kyle sipped his soda and returned to plucking the strings. “She’ll come around.”

  Hunter lowered his arm over his eyes. “Don’t bet on it.”

  Gemma didn’t look up from her writing. “Leave Lex alone. Hayds, she’s after that promo at work. You’re moving and doing nothing but causing her grief.”

  “What?” Hayden snapped. “She kissed me. I had no intention of a repeat performance.”

  Hunter coughed into his hand. “Bullshit.”

  “It’s true, man. Lex and I have both fucked up. But that’s it. I just want to put this past week behind me. Forget we kissed and move on. I’m gonna focus on my music and moving to Boston. Nothing else.”

  He’d being trying to do that, but something kept drawing him back into Lexi’s atmosphere. He wasn’t able to exit her orbit.

  Kara grabbed gloss from her jeans pocket and smeared it across her lips. “Hayds, I have some packing boxes when you need them.”

  “Thanks.” Hayden scratched his stubble. So much had changed in the past nine months within this circle of friends. It was enough to make his head spin. Hunter and Kara had moved in together. Kyle and Gemma had got married. He was about to move to a new city. “I’m not looking forward to packing. Lex and I have bought so much shit together, I don’t know what’s mine or what’s hers.”

  Hunter humphed. “You two have been in a relationship without any of the fucking benefits, dipshit. Now you’ve gotta get divorced.”

  Hayden picked at the short grass; his brow furrowed. The truth hurt like a bitch.

  Gemma scribbled faster and faster; her hums grew louder and louder; concentration chiseled her face. Kyle leaned toward her, adjusted his aviator sunglasses and picked up on her tune. He struck the strings, played and fumbled with different chords and notes. Hunter’s fingers strummed against his thigh. His foot jiggled.

  Half-heartedly drumming his thumb on his knee, Hayden fell mesmerized, witnessing these three in action. They were a few months off recording their new album. Any time they hung out like this, they jotted down lines and lyrics, recorded licks and riffs. It was incredible to watch them feeding off each other to create magic. Hayden wasn’t sure he’d ever have that dynamic with Kilt. Kilt, his band’s lead singer, wrote and composed most of The Saylors’ music. They may not work the same way as Everhide, but Hayden couldn’t wait to work on a new album, fumbling out the odd lyric, and hammering out some cool wicked beats. If Kilt kept his short fuse under control, everything would be great.

  Moving to Boston was such a bold step for his band. Hayden would miss working at the indie studio. But leaving his job was nothing compared to leaving Lexi.

  After fucking up so much, he just wanted his friend back.

  Gemma stared at her page. The tone in her hum changed. From light and airy, it dialed down to low, drawn-out . . . and sad.

  It hit too close to home, made his chest ache. He reached out and slapped her on the butt. “What’s up with you? That sounds morbid.”

  She jabbed her pen against his shoe. “Picking up on your vibe. You’re worried about Lex?”

  All eyes were on him. Here he was, surrounded by friends, but without Lexi he felt nothing but alone. “Yes and no. I don’t know what’s going on in her head anymore.”

  “What’s going on in yours?” Gemma peered at him, looking over the rim of her sunglasses.

  He picked up a dead leaf and ripped it into pieces. Every time he thought about Lexi, he came to the same tangled web of crossroads. “Confusion.”

  Kara rolled onto her side. “I think she is too. She does care for you.”

  “I know she does.” He grunted. “Just thought after our kiss—.”

  Hunter groaned. “Get the fuck over it. She’s just not that into you. Maybe she doesn’t want to fucking settle down.” He clicked his fingers. “You gotta love her . . . what’s that dating game she goes on about—the Five Fs?”

  “Oh yeah.” Kara giggled and counted down her fingers. “Find ’em, flirt with ’em, feed ’em, fuck ‘em, flick ’em. It’s brilliant . . . for a single girl not looking for love. She certainly keeps Tinder busy.”

  “I’ve never needed an app.” Hunter’s voice curled with cockiness. “I need security to keep the girls off me.”

  “Same.” Kyle smirked.

  “Same . . . only guys, not girls.” Gemma grinned. “But I don’t miss being single. Not one bit.” She smiled and lifted her chin toward Kyle.

  He leaned forward and kissed her. “Love you.”

  Hayden failed to smile. He’d had that meant-to-be-together inclination about Lexi. Being with her was as natural as breathing oxygen. It went beyond friendship. But she didn’t see it that way. So where did that leave them?

  Nowhere.

  “Y’all look so freaking happy now, it’s sickening,” he said. “I thought Lex was the one. But it’s not meant to be.”

  It was all bullshit.

  Gemma chewed on the end of her pen. “With Lex, would you have done anything differently?”

  Hayden closed his eyes and absorbed the warm winter sunshine. The past week flashed through his mind—walking home from the concert, the nightclub, kissing her in the bathroom . . . her pushing him away every time. “Everything. I regret kissing her. Regret telling her how I feel. Regret hurting her. She’s my best friend. I don’t want to lose her over this fuck-up of a week.”

  Gemma put pen to paper. “That’s it.”

  “What’s it?” he asked, dazed.

  “I think I’ve got a song.” She hummed the tune, tapping the pen slowly against her pages. Kyle caught the rhythm and played some chords. Her eyes darkened. She lowered her voice and sang.

  Just wait . . .

  Please don't turn your back,

  Please don’t walk away.

  I’m standing right here,

  Struggling to find the words to say.

  All I know is I want you to stay.

  All I want is for you to be my babe.

  All I need you to do is stay.

  Hayden’s heart cinched. The mellow tune seeped into his bones. Gemma kept singing.

  Just wait . . .

  I didn’t mean to hurt you in any way,

  I’ll regret it for the rest of my days.

  My heart is bleeding on the floor,

  Don’t run; don’t be afraid.

  All I know is I want you to stay

  All I want is for you to be my babe

  All I need you to do is stay.

  Hayden clenched his jaw and closed his eyes. His friends sucked. Gemma had tapped into his emotions with the stroke of her pen and her freakish talent. Kyle kept strumming, formed more of a solid tune.

  “I need another verse.” She pointed her pen at Hunter. “Hunt, what’s your biggest regret?”

  Hunter drew in a deep breath as if each
rib weighed as much as a Marshall amp. He swirled and combed his fingers through Kara’s long golden-brown hair. Even though he had sunglasses on, Hayden knew there’d be sadness looming in Hunter’s eyes. “Losing Ryan . . . not being able to see my son grow up. And not admitting that I was in love sooner.”

  Kara smiled a sad smile, then jabbed Hunter in the ribs. “Took your sweet time about it.”

  “What about you, Kar?” Gemma asked. But Hayden already knew the answer. It would be the same as Hunter’s.

  “Ryan. Not having him in our life still hurts.”

  They won, hands down. Losing their preemie baby had affected them all. That moment, back in March, was when Hayden’s feelings had switched on for Lexi. Comforting Lexi at the memorial, holding her at the wake, holding her hand on the walk home—that was when he’d realized life was too short. By the end of summer, his feelings for Lexi had ramped up into overdrive. He wasn’t sure if he could switch off the commotion he’d unearthed.

  Gemma hummed again, this time even slower. More pain and heaviness fell into the melody. “Hayds, any other regrets?”

  His heart sank to his toes. “Falling in love with someone who doesn’t feel the same way.”

  Fuck.

  Gemma nodded once. Sucking in a slow breath, she sang, low and deep.

  Just wait . . .

  I need to tell you that I love you,

  So come what may.

  My heart belongs to you,

  Can’t hide these feelings away.

  I want to be with you every single night and day.

  All I know is I want you to stay.

  All I want is for you to be my babe.

  All I need you to do is stay.

  Hayden grabbed and chugged his soda. Took a moment for him to regain composure. Gemma’s song had hit him hard. “Thanks, talented bitch.”

  “Thank you.” A smart smile tugged one corner of her mouth. “I’ll be your therapist anytime.”

  “Don’t need one. I’ve got my drums.”

  “Thank God for music,” Hunter hollered.

  “So true.” Kyle ripped out a riff on his guitar, then stilled his strings. “Hayds, I still can’t believe you’re moving. Are you sure it’s the right thing to do? I know you’ve been with The Saylors for years, but sometimes you’ve got to look out for yourself. Do you want us to put the word out to our friends again? See if anyone is looking for a new drummer, for touring or full-time? You’ve got really good.”