REGRET - The Price of Truth: Everhide Rockstar Romance Series Book 4

by Tania Joyce

  “Why? Is Slade going to quit on you?” Hayden joked, but he was half-serious. Everhide’s drummer was a legend. He didn’t think he’d ever reach that status.

  “Nope. Sorry.” Kyle shook his head. “But I don’t want to see you waste your talent.”

  “I won’t, man. I promise.” He prayed that his band grew closer when they moved to Boston and that the big break of another hit, or twenty, came their way. “Thanks anyway. Just don’t forget me. Come visit when you can.”

  “We’ll do better than that.” Kyle rested his arm on top of the guitar. “We want to come to your first show.”

  “Yes.” Kara clapped; her voice pitched with excitement. “We’ll be your groupies in the front row.”

  That brought a grin to Hayden’s face. “That’d be cool.”

  His cell phone rang. He grabbed it off the grass, hoping it would be Lexi. But it wasn’t. He recognized the number; the blood drained from his face. His fingers shook as he swiped the screen to answer. “Hello.”

  “Is this Mr. Hayden Moore?”

  “Yes.” He closed his eyes, waited with bated breath. How bad would it be this time?

  “This is Nurse Davies from Glen Cove Hospital.”

  Air leaked from his lungs and an old, familiar dread crawled beneath his skin. “Hey Ruth.” Was it bad when you knew the staff at the emergency department on a first-name basis?

  “Hayden, your mother has been admitted to emergency. The doctors have managed to stabilize her.”

  Slipping his hand underneath his sunglasses, he wiped the sting from his eyes. “Heroin or cocaine?”

  Gemma stopping writing. Kyle stopped strumming. Hunter stopped playing with Kara’s hair. Everyone knew. They’d witnessed these calls before.

  “Heroin,” Ruth said. “The paramedics brought her in. The report said her employer called the police because she hadn’t turned up to work for two days. They found her at home, unconscious in bed.”

  Hayden pinched the bridge of his nose. Frank, her sponsor and employer at the local Foodmart, did so much for the community, helping recovering addicts. The thing was, his mother was an addict. She didn’t want to recover.

  “How bad is she?” His legs wobbled as he stood and walked over to the edge of the retaining wall. He looked down the canyon toward the ocean. His mind morphed into meltdown. What the fuck was wrong with his mom? Why couldn’t she stop? He’d begged and pleaded and implored her a million times. Nothing got through. He hated that he wasn’t a good enough reason for her to stop. His dad wasn’t worth it either. His father was the reason she was like this. He fed her addiction.

  No amount of rehab or support fixed her. She continually relapsed. Every time Hayden tried to help her, she’d push him away, remind him how pathetic and useless he was and kick him out the door. But he could never stay away. She was his mom, regardless of how fucked up she was.

  Pacing the lawn, he didn’t know how much more he could take. He’d bottled up his emotions toward her as best he could, ever since he’d come home from school and found her unconscious with a needle stuck in her arm. He’d been nine. That had been her first OD. Her second trip to emergency. The third time his neighbors had helped him because his dad wasn’t around.

  It’d been the first time she’d yelled, ‘You’re a worthless heap of shit’ at Hayden from her hospital bed.

  Wasn’t the last.

  He fought the tears burning at the backs of his eyes. His mom never got better, only worse. His parents had never shed a tear, never fought for him, when he went into foster care. He’d never had a place to call home. Never belonged anywhere . . . until Lexi. But he’d got that wrong too.

  Fuck.

  He rubbed his eyes again. Refocused on the call. He knew the answer from Ruth before he asked the question. “Did you get in touch with my dad?”

  “No.” Ruth ‘s voice swung with sorrow. “We haven’t been able to contact him. Is he on the road again?”

  “I don’t know where he is. I haven’t heard from him in months.” That was nothing unusual. His dad spent his days and nights driving long-haul trucks, snorting cocaine and popping pills to stay awake. Then he’d hit the booze and heroin whenever he was home with his mom. Dick.

  “Okay,” Ruth said softly. “Your mom will be fine by the morning. Do you want us to start the paperwork to have her submitted into the program? She was court ordered to go if she OD’d again.”

  “Sure. Seventh time could be the charm.” Bitterness tainted his tone. He didn’t want to deal with his mom right then. He had enough on his plate with Lexi.

  “I know this is hard for you.” Ruth’s voice softened. “But you’re doing a great job. Always there to help her.”

  Help? His mom didn’t want help. Nothing could fix her. Maybe I don’t want this job anymore. Maybe I just want Mom to go away for good . . . Shit. He shook the I-m-so-over-this-crap thoughts from his head. “Thanks, Ruth. It’s just really tough sometimes.”

  “I understand.” She paused. “Can you come and get her?”

  He clenched his fists. Cold blood meandered at a snail’s pace through his veins. Fuck. “I’m in LA. I’ll get a flight and be there by morning.” He wanted a wall to slam his fist through, or a punching bag, or his dad’s face. Fuck. This. Shit.

  He ended the call and Gemma rushed to his side. She wrapped her arms around his waist and held him tight.

  “I have to go home,” he whispered. All he wanted was Lexi. Gemma’s hug, although appreciated, just didn’t feel the same.

  “Gathered as much.” Gemma looked up at him. Tears pooled in her eyes. “I’ll call Bec to change your flight home. ASAP, right?”

  “Yeah. Thanks.” They walked back to the others.

  Kyle put down the guitar. “Your mom fall off the wagon again?”

  “Yeah.” Hayden rubbed the back of his head. “She’s got to go into another program. I need to take her there.”

  “Fuck, Hayds.” Hunter, still on the grass, flopped his arms wide. “That’s shit.”

  “Family. Who fucking needs ’em?” Hayden grunted.

  “We’re your family.” Gemma rubbed his back. “Remember that. You won’t ever get rid of us.”

  Meeting this group of people had changed his life. Their different levels or success didn’t matter. Their true friendship had kept him sane. Made him feel like he was worth something. Not even his band cared for him like these guys did. Yet . . . he still felt like an outsider.

  “I better go pack.” He waved toward the house. “I’ll see you back in New York next week.”

  “Sure will.” Kara sat up and clutched his hand. “You got this. Your mom’s gonna be okay. Let us know if you need anything.”

  “Thanks. Will do.” He dragged his feet up to his room and stuffed his belongings into his suitcase—T-shirts, jeans, underwear, the suit he’d worn to the dinner he’d had with Lexi. As he sat down on the bed and buried his face into his hands, he wiped his tired eyes.

  Shit. This would be the first time in years he’d be dealing with his mom without Lexi by his side. Without her support. She’d never asked, or complained, or hesitated. She just went with him to the hospital or to his parents’ house, no questions asked.

  His pulse quickened and he shook his shaking hands. He wasn’t sure how to handle this on his own. Should he call her? No, no he couldn’t do that. He didn’t want to look needy. He could do this by himself.

  Yep. I’ve got this. Alone.

  Ten minutes later, a text came through from Bec. His flight was confirmed for midnight. One day, he’d love to have a PA. Kinda cool that Bec sorted out most of his travel even now. He never went anywhere unless it was with Everhide. He was one lucky bastard. If that wave of luck could strike his music career, make his mom better and sort the mess out with Lexi, wouldn’t life be great?

  He wasn’t going to sit around and wait for things to happen. He had to chase his dreams, let the ones of Lexi go.

  She had preoccupied his thoughts for long en
ough. No girl was worth this shit. Dragging his mom back to rehab and getting her to stay would be a breeze compared to locking his feelings away for Lexi.

  But resetting the boundaries with her had to wait.

  He had other pressing concerns and worries.

  Right then, he had to go deal with his screwed up, fucked up mother.

  Chapter 10

  Rushing through the doors of Glen Cove Hospital, Lexi’s heart pounded. She found Hayden sitting in the waiting room, leaning forward with his elbows resting on his knees, his suitcase stashed beside him. His brown hair was a disheveled mess, and a coffee cup dangled between his fingertips. He looked tired, like, he hadn’t-slept-in-days tired. She pushed aside her hurt that he hadn’t call her. She was there. For him. Always would be.

  She undid her scarf, pulled off her gloves and scuttled down the short hallway. She called to him softly, “Hayds?”

  He leaped to his feet; bewilderment flashed in his eyes. “Lex? What are you doing here?”

  She wrapped her arms around him and held him tight; his black duffel coat warm against her cold cheek. “Gem called. She told me what happened and that you’d be here. Is your mom okay?”

  “Yeah. Just another OD.” He slid his hands across her back, held her close for a couple of seconds, then pushed out of her embrace. His voice scraped just above a whisper. “Sorry . . . I didn’t want you to worry.”

  She grabbed and squeezed his hand. “You goose. I’ll always be here for you. No matter what.” The craziness of the past week couldn’t unravel more than seven years of friendship.

  Taking a step back, he pulled his hand free and stuffed it into his coat pocket. “You didn’t have to come. I can do this on my own.”

  She shook her head. Why was he pushing her away? “But you don’t have to. I’ll always support you through thick and thin. You don’t have to do this alone. Not ever.”

  His beautiful steel-gray eyes swam with an ocean of troubled dark waters. He turned his head to hide the tears welling in his eyes. “Thank you.” His voice wobbled as he nodded. “You’re an angel. Come on.” He held out his elbow for her to take. She curled her arm around his and he led her over to the seats.

  After undoing the buttons on her woolen coat, she sat beside him. Half-heartedly, he flicked his hand toward the nurses’ station. “I’m waiting on some paperwork to sign, then I have to go via Mom’s house and grab her some things. Mom’s bad, Lex. They thought she’s be right by this morning, but she’s not doing well. I can’t take her. They’re sedating her to transport her to the recovery center via ambulance.”

  Lexi clutched his hand. “She going in for ninety days?”

  “Yeah. Unless she checks herself out again.”

  “I’ll drive you.”

  He lowered his chin and rubbed the back of his neck. “You don’t have to. I’ll be fine.”

  “I know. But I want to. You’re always there for me and my crazy mom. I’m not going anywhere.” She glanced around the waiting area, skimmed over the couple sitting opposite. The room hadn’t changed since the last time she was here with Hayden six months ago. Same pale gray floors and walls, and a small flat-screen scrolling through the hospital’s services. “How did you get here from the airport?”

  “I caught an Uber. I called Lewis, but he and the guys were bent so none of them could drive. Dickheads.”

  “You should’ve called me.”

  The distance in his eyes tore her heart. She hated seeing him like this. She’d only added to his pain lately, and she didn’t want to do that anymore. She cared about him too much.

  He glanced at his watch and frowned. “Aren’t you supposed to be at work? It’s eleven a.m.”

  She threaded the tassels on her scarf through her fingers, set the motion on repeat. “I’ve got the food festival tonight, so I have some flexibility today.”

  “I’m sorry.” He reached over and squeezed her hand. The gratitude in his touch wrapped around her heart. “Thank you for coming.”

  After Hayden signed the paperwork, Lexi drove toward his mom’s house on the outskirts of Glen Cove. It wasn’t far from her mom’s home in Sea Cliff. Funny how they’d grown up in the same area but never met before college.

  Near noon, Lexi pulled into the driveway. She followed Hayden through the overgrown grass, stepping carefully from one broken paver to the next, up to the front door. Pale blue paint peeled in flakes off the walls, and broken timber framed the old cottage’s picture windows. Hayden grabbed the key from underneath a dead potted plant and opened the house.

  The stench that hit them made Lexi gag. “What is that?” She covered her mouth with her gloved hand.

  Hayden clutched his nose. “Oh . . . that’s disgusting.”

  She stepped inside after Hayden. Her eyes widened. She’d never seen the place this bad before. Clothes, dirty plates, old takeaway, cigarette trays, foil, needles and trash covered every surface. The chemical odor in the air made her dry retch.

  Hayden stormed into the living room and threw open every window and the back door. He halted in the middle of the floor and her breath hitched, her heart cried. Tears loomed in Hayden’s eyes; his jaw clenched. “Fuck this shit.”

  She rushed toward him and rubbed his arms. “It’s okay. We’ll clean it up.”

  With his fists by his side, he diverted his bloodshot eyes to the floor and managed to nod.

  Glancing around the room, she wasn’t sure where to start. “Let’s do it.”

  They peeled off their coats and gloves and left them on the console table by the front door. It was the only clean spot. Weaving around the furniture, Lexi screwed up her nose as she grabbed piles of dirty clothes and threw them into the washing machine. Hayden found trash bags and filled three with wrappers and rotting food and empty bottles. He flushed the drugs down the toilet and disposed of the needles and pipes. Lexi grabbed the plates congealed with sauces and remnants of food, and tossed them into the sink. “I’ll wash up. You go pack a bag for your mom.”

  His brows hooded his eyes. Sucking in a deep breath, he headed down the hallway toward the bedrooms.

  Digging around in the cabinet beneath the sink, Lexi found the pair of rubber gloves she’d brought last time they were here. She grabbed cleaning cloths, spray and dishwashing liquid. She pulled up her sleeves, ripped on her gloves and turned on the faucet.

  Thuds and thumps came from the bedroom. “Fucking bullshit.” Hayden’s cursing drifted down the hallway as he slammed cupboard doors and drawers. “I don’t need to deal with this crap . . . you heaps of shit.”

  A tear slipped from Lexi’s eye. She wiped it off on her sleeve and kept on scrubbing. How could his parents live like this? There was no love in this house. Love had done nothing but destroy this family, broken Hayden’s soul. His parents’ love of drugs was stronger than their love for him. They were selfish and cruel. After filling the sink with glasses, she washed and rinsed each one. She gritted her teeth. She was more of a family to Hayden than they’d ever be.

  He was the most kind and caring person she’d ever known. Hayden deserved so much better. He deserved to be loved by . . .? By who? Who would ever be worthy of someone so wonderful and funny and caring?

  She snatched up a dinner plate caked with egg yolk and scrubbed and scrubbed and scrubbed. Whoever came into his life, fell in love with him, had better be fucking incredible. Or they’d have to deal with her.

  Her heart rattled like a chain in her chest. The thought of Hayden with someone new, when he moved to Boston, punched her low in the gut.

  Someday she’d be replaced, overruled, discarded.

  Shit. She grabbed the cleaning spray, squirted it onto every surface and wiped them down. Wipe. Rinse. Wipe.

  What would she do without him? She sniffed, fighting back her tears. Her girlfriends, Gemma and Kara, were always jet setting around the globe. She didn’t have any other close friends. Hayden was it. Without him around, she’d be . . . alone. She’d never been alone. Living by hersel
f no longer had appeal.

  Hayden walked into the living room and dropped a small suitcase onto the wooden floor. He rushed over to her at the sink and hooked his finger under her chin. “You crying?” He pulled her into a hug. “Please don’t. Mom’s not worth it.”

  “I’m fine. Just the smell got to me.” Yep . . . lying was good. “Is the place clean enough?”

  “Yes. Thank you.” He kissed her forehead. “You’re my angel.”

  “Come on.” She pulled off her gloves and stacked the cleaning products away. “Let’s get out of here and go see your mom.”

  On the drive to the center, Hayden stared out the window. With his ankle hooked over his opposite knee, he drummed his fingers against his leg. She put her hand on his thigh and gave it a gentle squeeze. He covered her hold with his palm and entwined his fingers with hers. Her heart skipped a beat. She kept her eyes on the road, driving one-handed.

  She’d always be his safety net to catch him any time he fell, any time he needed her. For as long as or whenever he needed her.

  Lexi pulled into the rehab center and killed the engine. She lingered by Hayden’s side at reception as he filled out more paperwork and listened to the procedures and program with the administrator. Hayden could repeat the drill off by heart, so could Lexi.

  While Hayden was inside the room talking to his mom, she waited on a lone chair outside. She hugged her purse against her chest and cringed as Hayden’s and his mom’s voices got louder and louder.

  The door flung open and out he stepped. Lexi jumped to her feet. Harshness chiseled his jaw into a firm line. His steel-gray eyes were ice.

  Lexi peered into the room through the open door to see his mom, see how she looked these days. Yeah. Not good. His mom shook her scraggly brown hair. Her gray, sickly skin hung like limp leather over her thin frame. She gnashed her yellow teeth and rattled her cuff restraints and screamed at Hayden. “You fucking worthless heap of shit. How dare you put me back in here? I won’t stay. You can’t fucking make me stay.”