Will To Live

by C. M. Wright

  I stare at Jake's stupid grin, shock waves pulsing through me. I never imagined having to tell Will this way, in front of everyone, and having to explain why Jake's versions of events weren't too far off from the truth. It definitely wasn't the truth Jake believes, but there was some truth hidden in it. Hidden deeply, and so much more complex than Jake prefers, but it's there none the less.

  I did stop fighting him, what was the point? It was going to happen no matter what I said or did. It could either have happened with me being severely beaten first, or I could have done what I had to do in order to survive. But I, in no freaking way, wanted it to happen. And I damn sure hadn't felt any love towards the idiot by that point.

  I look around at everyone waiting for me to answer, and my terror increases, afraid no one will believe me. Finally, I find some words to give them. “I had no choice but to go with him. He was about to discover Melody in the armoire, and it wouldn't have been long before he found me too, as I had only been able to hide in the closet. I had to go with him, but I in no damn way wanted to go with him!”

  Jake's smirk dies on his face. He protests that I'm lying, that I confessed my need to be with him, that I had said he was the only one I could ever love.

  This man has totally lost it! I truly believe that he believes his own lies. None of that happened. None of it!

  Will still isn't talking, or looking any less pissed off. Everyone else is being real supportive, standing around just staring at me. I start pacing, freaking out over how to explain the second part of Jake's brilliant revelation. The sex that wasn't exactly as voluntary as he wants them to think it was.

  Frikken moron!

  Suddenly, I stop and turn to Will. “You know, we could talk about this in private.”

  Immediate shouts of “No way!” and “Hell, no!” fill the air. I look at the others and give them a go to hell look.

  “Alright! Shut the hell up then. The first time we had sex,” Will's body tightens, and he stands straighter. His face takes on a murderous rage, much more so now than ever before. I rush to finish, “Jake beat me severely. I thought he was going to kill me. Then he medicated me with liquor, and lots of it. I stupidly sucked it down, because I hurt so damn bad. So no, I probably didn't put up much of a fight. I'm sorry. But after that, my choice was that I either slept with him, or risked being hurt or killed by him. Which would you have had me do?”

  The early morning was silent, not even the birds dared to make a sound. I felt everyone's eyes on me, but I couldn't face them. Especially Will's. No one moved.

  Then Jake, the man once so smart, showed how stupid he's become. “I never beat her. She wanted it all. Of course she's going to lie to her family, especially her husband.” He spat out the word husband as if it were an insult. “She needs a real man. Someone who knows how to control her and keep her in her place. If it takes a beating or two, then so what? She–”

  Before anyone could even comprehend what was happening, Jake flew a few feet across the air and landed hard on his back. The air whooshed from his lungs and he lay on the ground stunned. Next thing we know, Will is on top of Jake, and his fist is making horrible thudding, cracking sounds against Jake's face. Blood flies in all directions, and something small and white goes sailing and lands in the grass. It takes me a while to realize it's one of Jake's teeth.

  Jake hasn't a chance against Will's rage, and Will's rage doesn't allow for Jake to even attempt to defend himself. If it weren't for the others all ganging up and pulling Will away from him, Jake would have been killed. Any other time, that would have been okay, but we need Jake whether any of us like it or not.

  Will jerks away from all the bodies holding him back and storms off into the woods at the back of the property. Jake lies on the ground unconscious, and no one makes any move to check on him or wake him up. I stand and watch Will until he disappears, then I hear a throat clear behind me.

  “Well? What the hell are you waiting for? Go after him.” I look back at the speaker – my brother, Andy.

  I know I look terrified and undecided, but really! What would you do? I mean, the man is pissed and I have no idea if he's still pissed at me. I'm over the whole drama of not caring if I die. I want to live, damn it!

  But I look back at the woods and my feet just seem to make their own decision. Looks like I'm going to go to him after all. On my too-short journey, my only companion is regret and fear. I should have told Will the entire story, instead of keeping my secrets so I could sleep...alright, stall. If only there were do-overs.

  When I reach the woods, I slow and listen. Hearing nothing to let me know where Will is, I slowly move through the trees and pray to god that Will doesn't mistake me for a zombie.

  Hell! He might want to kill me anyway, zombie or not!

  I hear the real zombies moaning and groaning. Bangs from their bodies echo throughout the wooded area, and it sends a chill up and down my spine to hear them so close, with just a wall separating us.

  I trip over something and a hand grabs my arm. I scream and struggle before I recognize Will's voice attempting to calm me down. The zombies on the other side of the wall go berserk when they hear me freak out..

  “Son of a bitch! You scared the hell out of me, Will!” I shriek at him.

  Will shrugs and offers a weak, “I'm sorry.”

  He's sitting against a tree, his legs crossed at the ankle out in front of him, body still so tight with anger and tension, and his face made of stone. I ask if I can sit with him and he just shrugs again. I fight down the urge to yell and scream in an attempt to defend myself, and just stay quiet for once.

  Yes, it's hard for me.

  Finally, Will clears his throat. I turn my head and watch him as he stares into the trees in front of us. Then he says, “I believe you. Kind of.”

  I gasp and open my mouth, but he cuts me off.

  “We both know you had a thing for Jake. So I can't help but feel you weren't totally against it.”

  “But–”

  Will cuts me off again and says, “You two were going to get together if I hadn't shown back up, remember? I sure as hell do. And–”

  So angry I can barely see straight, I cut him off this time. “By the time this all happened, I knew he had lied to me, I thought he had frikken killed you, and I found out he was involved in some shady shit. There is no way in hell I wanted to sleep with him. He beat me almost to death, Will. Several times! What the hell was I supposed to do? Really! Tell me, Will. Tell me what I should have done. He's bigger, stronger, and since I had a broken ankle, how far and fast could I have run? I had no weapons. There was nothing I could do!”

  I watch Will as I wait for it to sink in, or for him to come up with a suggestion, though not helpful now, that there must have been something I could have done.

  “You weren't there, Will. You have no idea what I went through. All I wanted was to go home, be with you, my boys, and the rest of my family. I was terrified I'd never see you all again. I was also terrified that you would show up and every damn one of you would be killed.” Seeing no change in Will's attitude, I give up. “You know what, screw this. I'm done trying to explain myself when you just don't want to believe me. See ya later, Will.”

  I stand and take two steps before I feel his arms wrap around me. He spins me and presses my face against his chest.

  Holding me tight, he says, “Canada, I love you. I'm just going to have to have time to deal with this. But you're my wife and I'm not going to just give you up. A part of me believes you, but the part that had to watch you and Jake for so long, watch the attraction and lust between you two, is fucking with my head. Jesus, Canada! I saw you in his arms. I saw you two kiss. Do you really expect me to forget all that?”

  I think about how I would feel right now if the situation were reversed. He's right. It wouldn't be easy to believe without question. “I'm so sorry, Will. I was a stupid ass and I don't expect you to forget...but hopefully, someday, you will forgive me. I love you with all my heart.”<
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  Will brushes his hand against my cheek and the love I see in his eyes makes me feel like an even bigger piece of shit. It hurts to see the pain I've put him through, hurts bad. I drop my head and look at the ground instead, shame making me sick to my stomach.

  Then he says, “It'll be okay. Promise.”

  Then he lifts my head and presses his lips to mine. I melt against him and feel an amazingly strong jolt of love go through me. I missed this man so much. Not only has he always been there for me before all this zombie shit happened, but he was, and still is, my very best friend. No other man has ever accepted me for all my quirks, and could put up with my bipolar rollercoaster of emotions. I never trusted anyone else with my deepest feelings and secrets. No one but Will. He has accepted me without question, and has forgiven me so much. Even the way he's handling this shit is amazing. He's truly irreplaceable. I vow never to take him for granted, or forget so easily, again.

  We hold each other for several minutes, neither of us wanting to let go and return to the house. But sometimes, things just don't work out the way you want them to.

  We jump apart, and Will pushes me behind him, when the wall nearest us crashes down into the trees. Zombies flood into the opening and make their way to us, their intense hunger the only thing on their minds.

  Chapter Seventeen

  My nails dig into Will's arms when the panic tries to take over. But he turns and grabs hold of my own arm, gives me a hard tug, and the panic – although not gone – suddenly eases and survival mode kicks in.

  My mind searches and locks in on images of my boys. They are my priority, zombies be damned! My ankle threatens to drop me with each step but I keep going anyway, the pain just an annoying tickle in the back of my mind. Will's grip doesn't loosen, and with his help, we race to the edge of the woods. The grunts and moans of the flesh-eaters behind us act like a cattle prod, urging us forward.

  I hear the crash of their bodies moving through the bushes, the tall grass, the fallen tree limbs, and because of that, I know without even having to look that there are some runners mixed in with the walkers. I can almost feel the hot, moldy breath on the back of my neck. I desperately want to look, want to see just how close they are, but I know slowing down even that much could screw it all up for me.

  We finally break through the trees and my stomach drops to almost tangle my feet when I see all the people that are outside, exposed and unaware of the danger. I try to scream, but my throat is dry and nothing comes out. Although Will has no such problem, and bellows out for them to get the hell inside and get armed.

  People scatter. Kids turn in terror and flee inside the buildings.

  A bullet whizzes by me and I stumble, not expecting it. Will barely slows down, but grabs me around the waist and sets me back on my feet, holding on tight enough that I'm barely touching the ground. We keep running and reach the back door, which my mom is holding open for us. The terror in her eyes gives me a clue to just how close they are to us. Probably the fact she raises her gun and aims it just past my head helps with that too.

  The gun goes off almost even with my left ear and my ability to hear is gone. Will shoves me and my mom inside, and sends us both to the floor. He slams the door, and immediately, bangs come from the other side. We watch in horror as the door moves in the frame violently.

  Will doesn't waste much time running over to us, apologizing for being so rough with us – as if we mind, considering the alternative – and helps us quickly get back to our feet. Then he screams at everyone to get upstairs.

  Everyone does, and it takes forever before the last one in the house starts up, even though they are all hurrying. Will sends my mom up first, then me, just as the door in the kitchen flies inside and slams to the floor. Almost at the same time, windows shatter and spray glass that glistens like diamonds into the air. Arms and bodies enter the house and we rush up to the top of the stairs. Once I see Will is to the top and safe, I search for my boys.

  I push through all the people, some I know, some I don't. What is at first a calm – or as calm as can be expected right now – calling out for my babies, soon turns into a frantic scream of desperation.

  I can't find them!

  “Will! Will, I can't find the boys,” I scream into his face, too terrified to control myself.

  Will grabs my arms as if he intends to calm me, but I see the panic and terror flood his own face before he can. He runs to the window facing the barn across the yard and opens it. I hear him yelling out to someone, and I run to his side. I can see my brothers, Ryder and Ricky, in one of the barns upper windows. The massively large hordes of zombies covering the grounds outside and in the lower levels of the buildings, make hearing anything almost impossible. Almost, but fortunately, not quite.

  Will asks them if Bo and Ash are with them, and they call out for us to hold on. They disappear from the window, and my hope rises.

  Suddenly, Ash is standing in the open window and waving at us, although his face is showing his fear. I immediately have tears of relief stream down my face as I wait for Bo to show himself. But he never does. Instead, Ryder comes back with a look of horror on his own face and slowly shakes his head no.

  I gasp, my heart bursting with pain and panic, more than I have ever felt before. More than I ever thought a person could feel.

  I run from window to window, room to room, looking for my son. I refuse to look at the undead, terrified I might find him there, instead of alive and safe.

  As I turn from one of the front bedroom windows, something catches my eye and I turn back. There, inside one of the Hummers, I see my son's blond head just under the hatch opening in the roof.

  Chapter Eighteen

  I shout at my son to get down, to hide, and his beautiful blue eyes look up and lock onto me. His terror matches my own, but he hears me, listens to me, and disappears from view.

  I scream for Will multiple times, unwilling to leave my son for even one second to go find him. Eventually, my shouts are passed forward from person to person, until they finally reach Will and he comes running through the doorway and across the room.

  I don't say a word to him – I can't – but instead, I point at the Hummer and he knows right away that our son is in it. Stuck alone in a vehicle, and no matter how strong that damn vehicle is, there are just too many zombies.

  Will turns his terror-filled eyes to my own, but doesn't say a word. I see the moment he forces his mind to clear and focuses on how he can save our son. So I force myself to do the same. I can't be helpless now. Nothing matters but my boys. Nothing!

  My eyes search for a way to help, my mind plotting and planning. But before I can think of anything useful, Will shows me just how much he's changed since I've been gone. He takes charge, shouting out orders to everyone within earshot. Weapons are in hand, and people are quickly lining up at every window on this side of the house.

  Then he really surprises me.

  Will shoves me hard against the wall nearest the window we were both just standing at, and my breath leaves me in a whoosh from the impact. He presses my head back hard against the wall with only his lips on mine, and kisses me with an intensity he's never shown before.

  Just when I become desperate for air, he pulls back slightly.

  His lips move against mine as he says, “Move from this room, and I'll beat your ass.”

  Then he presses his lips to mine again, but softer this time, before he shoves himself away from me and walks out of the room.

  I can't move from the shock of it all, and my brain lost all ability to function. Then slowly, it starts to work again.

  Will. Hot, sexy, threatened me, left me...wait. What the fu–!

  Then I rush toward the door and jump up and down, doing my best to spot him over all these damn people.

  What the hell is he planning? Where did he go? He can't just leave me like that with no explanation!

  But I can't see him, and my shouts to him go unanswered. By him, anyway. Everyone else has somethin
g to say – “He went that way.” “No, that way!” “He never came out of the room.”

  Shit. Just shut up!

  I turn back to the room when I hear shots being fired from the people inside. Everyone is pointing a gun out a window and shooting. I scream at them to stop, that they might hit Bo, but no one listens to me. I run to the window, shoving a teen boy out of my way. He just moves over to the next window and continues shooting, ignoring me.

  I look down, horror fills me when I see how many undead are surrounding the Hummer with my son in it.

  They know he's there!

  The first window shatters from the massive amount of beasts beating on it.

  No!

  My one and only thought is to get to him, no matter what it takes, even if it's my own life. I lean out the window to find something to climb down on, not really caring at this point if there is something or not.

  If I have to jump, I will!

  But just after I decide that that is exactly what I'm going to have to do, and just before I actually do it, a frikken guardian angel dressed in black – black t-shirt, black jeans, black boots, and dark hair – appears from the side of the house.

  A gun in each hand and a couple more tucked into the waist of his jeans, my husband starts blasting one after another of the rotting corpses. They go down like a damn video game. Every shot makes three more undead turn and go for him...but he's ready for them.

  More shots come out of the windows along this side of the house, taking down the threats to both my son, and now my husband – and I finally understand what's going on. Grabbing my own gun, I aim and shoot. My hatred, fear, and rage at the damn things that want to kill my family overwhelm me. I have no sympathy for them, it's not as if they're still alive, and I know the antidote is much too late for them.

  I shoot and kill, while still keeping an eye on my husband and my son. I can hear Bo's screams as the undead reach in for him in a frenzy of hunger. Those zombies are on the opposite side of the truck from where we're able to reach, so we can't help him. When I hear more glass breaking on the Hummer, I almost freeze from the terror.