Will To Live

by C. M. Wright

  This man – this new Will – is stronger, bigger, faster, braver, and so much more confident in himself.

  It's sexy as hell, but still...it's not my Will. Not the Will I knew and fell in love with. I'm not saying I can't or don't love this Will, I'm just saying I don't really know this Will. Does that make any sense?

  Eventually, my voice and the combined volume of the others screaming “Stop!” and all the rapid-fire reasons of why we need to keep Jake alive seem to finally sink in with Will. Andy turns Will to face him when he stops pounding on Jake, and forces Will to look him in the eyes. “Will, I understand how you feel–”

  “Do you! Do you really, Andy? Was your wife taken away from you by this psychotic prick? Was she?” Will shouts at Andy angrily.

  My husband's breath is rushing out of his lungs in quick bursts. His face is flushed and his body is tight and tense. He's intimidating as hell, but Andy doesn't seem at all worried.

  “No, he didn't. But he did kidnap my sister. And as much as I'd like to kill him myself, we need him. And you know it.”

  Will drops his head, shame evident on his face and in his posture. “I'm sorry, Andy. I forget sometimes there are other people who love her as much as I do. I'm done with that bastard...for now anyway.”

  Will glances at me, grimaces, then walks away. Confused, I run after him and grab his arm.

  “Will? What's wrong? What the heck did I do?”

  “I'm sorry. You didn't do anything wrong. I'm ashamed of myself. You shouldn't have had to see that shit. I should have just been grateful to have you home, safe, and in my arms. I just lost it when I saw him–”

  I place my hand on his mouth and smile. “Baby, it's okay. I understand. I would have felt the same way, and probably done the same thing. I doubt I could have given the same degree of ass-whoopin' you did, but I damn sure would have tried my best.”

  I wrap my arms around his neck and he places a hand on each of my hips. I press my lips against his and he moans, wraps his arms around my waist, and pulls me tight against him. “I love you, and holy hell, did I miss you!” I moan against his lips.

  Will buries his face in my hair and tells me he loves me and missed me too. Reluctantly, we pull apart and walk back to the others, who have multiplied by now with the rest of my family.

  My boys charge me, and I'm shocked at how much they've grown in the amount of time I've been away. I hold on to them so tight I'm afraid I may be hurting them, but when they squeeze me even tighter, I figure they can handle it for a few more moments. My heart aches from the pain of not being here for them, but then anger toward Jake sizzles through me. Anger for everything he'd done to me, everything I missed with my family because of him.

  When my boys and I finally pull apart, Bo and Ash's eyes are red from tears, which most likely match my own burning eyes. I assure them that I'm back for real, and will never be apart from them for so long again. Then I ask what they've been up to, and they become excited telling me all the adventures they've had while I was away.

  Bo tells me he's shot tons of zombies, saved his cousin MaLayna from being bit – Oh holy shit! – and has gone on some missions to gather supplies with his grandpas and uncles. He also informs me he has been driving regularly.

  Ugh! Could I feel any older?

  Ash tells me he's been helping his uncle Ricky with the electric gate, and something complicated and way above my head about the computers, and had also been helping to take care of his younger cousins and some of the other kids that have come with the Skidmore group and the new groups I haven't met yet.

  I tell them both how proud of them I am, and they beam with well-deserved pride in themselves. I then turn to the rest of my family, taking my time to absorb their faces and to feel the love I have for each one of them.

  My grandmother looks wonderful and seems to be in great health, much to my relief. Everyone looks great, actually. Even my dad, Rex, looks amazing! Before I left, he looked awful, his heart problems very much evident. But now, you can't even tell anything is wrong with him.

  I know I have this huge stupid-looking grin on my face, but I can't get rid of it. That is, until I spot Greg, Jake's brother. He damn sure doesn't look like a zombie, he also doesn't look as though he's dying of cancer, either. Jake had told me the only way Greg could live, was if he continued getting regular shots. Otherwise, he would become a zombie.

  I'm so confused seeing him alive, and so far from looking like an undead, that I move towards him without even thinking about it. I stop in front of him and he stares back at me, his own grin disappearing.

  “How are you alive? Why aren't you dead?” I ask Jake's little bother.

  Okay, so not the most subtle or sensitive way of asking, but do you really blame me?

  It's not until I hear his voice beside me, that I realize Will had followed me over. When I turn to look at him, I see everyone else close behind.

  “Canada, there's a lot we need to talk about. Let's go inside where it's warmer.” Will grabs my hand and leads me to the house. I look back as I move up the porch steps and find the entire family following us. Once inside, the noise level rises as everyone finds and moves chairs around, so that we can all sit and talk. Once everyone gets settled, the noise level drops to near silence. No one makes a sound, and I look from one person to the next, waiting. Patience not being a trait I possess, I finally explode.

  “What, damn it! What's going on?”

  Will grins and my eyes bulge when I see it. “I just wanted to see how long it took before you blew up.”

  “Bite me! Now please, tell me what's going on. Why is Greg not a freaking zombie?”

  Will looks over at Greg and winces.

  I could care less about Greg's feelings right now. I want some explanations, damn it! Did Jake lie about that too? If so, why? What was the point? To scare me? Was he hoping I'd give up hope on reuniting with my family?

  Finally, Will starts talking. “When we got to the house, you were already gone, obviously. But we found Melody and Jake's bag. Melody told us what happened to you, that Jake had taken you. She also gave us your note. It took us awhile to get away from the house because we had a horde of zombies come to visit. They came from the pastures and river back behind the house, so we didn't see the damn things coming until it was too late. By the time we could leave, you'd been gone for at least five hours. We headed to St. Thomas to get Melody's parents, and hopefully, to catch up with you. We never found you, but we did get Melody and her parents reunited and safe. Before you ask, they're here.”

  I sigh with relief and manage a slight smile.

  “We searched all over St. Thomas with no luck for about a week. Then we came back here to regroup and rest, but mostly, because we hoped like hell you would be here, safe and sound. Of course, you weren't. We had no idea which direction, city, or – hell – even what state that bastard might have taken you. We felt so hopeless and frustrated. But then we finally got a phone call from a man, Larry, telling us he knew you, knew where you were, and read to us your message. You're nuts if you think we're just going to forget about you and let you go!”

  The entire room fills with agreements, and a few of my wonderful siblings throw some “dumbass” and “what an idiot!” comments out.

  God, how I love these people!

  Rose picks up and continues the story, telling me what happened next, “Will and some of the others loaded up and headed to where he told them to meet him. He was there, along with his wife, then he led them to the house where you were supposed to be. But, guess what? No Canada!”

  I look at all the faces giving me accusing looks and do my best to control the giggles from escaping. “Seriously? I promise you it wasn't my choice to leave that time! Jake found me.”

  Amid all the scowls and protests of my ability to find anything amusing about the situation, but I know that if I don't, I just may lose my frikken mind. I'm still not sure exactly what details I want to share with my family, with Will, or what should just
be kept to myself. At this point, no one even knows I'm pregnant except Nick.

  Will picks back up where Rose left off. “Larry informed us where Jake most likely took you, but warned us how far gone Jake had become. He told us Jake had plenty of weapons and he was very insistent that we not go in, guns blazing – what little we had anyway – and get you killed too. He demanded we stock up on weapons and ammo before trying anything, and in the end, we agreed that was the best we could do. I'm sorry, honey. I really am.”

  I grab Will's hands and squeeze, all while looking deep into his eyes which are filled with so much misplaced shame. He looks away and avoids my silent message. So I verbalize what I want him to know – what I want everyone to know.

  “Larry was right. If you hadn't been prepared, Jake would have killed you all. You did what you had to do. No one is to blame here but Jake and myself, for running off in the first place. I don't want to hear any more apologies from any of you.”

  Will still wouldn't meet my eyes, but he continued, “When we finally went in, you and Jake were already gone. We searched the building and found where he had kept you.” His eyes finally meet mine again. “We found the laptop. We saw the place in Tennessee and assumed – hoped, really – that he was heading there. We also found his notes on Greg.” Ah, finally! “It told us everything. Greg didn't know about any of it, Canada. Except for one incident that Dustin should be the one to explain to you, he was as much in the dark as any of us. Dustin has been administering the shots regularly, and Greg has agreed to let Dustin study him. Dustin is also trying to reproduce the antidote, but has been unsuccessful so far.”

  Greg clears his throat and I give him my attention.

  “I'm on your side in this, Canada. I'm pissed as hell that he did this to me. I don't understand much yet, but I'm sure he never meant for this to happen to me. We really were very close. I swear to you, he wasn't always like this. At least, not that I knew. But, apparently, he had a whole other life that he kept secret, even from me. I didn't even know about Nick and the others that lived with him. Hell! I didn't even know about him owning property in Tennessee. I swear to you, Canada, I'm a faithful member of your group, not Jake's. He's not my brother anymore. I don't know this Jake. Evil just isn't my thing.”

  I study Greg's face, looking for any sign of insincerity and future betrayal. I don't see any. He looks as if he's suffering just like the rest of us, although it has to be more so, as close as he was to his brother. I decide to just wait and see, watch him carefully and reserve judgment...for now.

  I see Will nod to me, showing he understands my need to be cautious, and continues from where he left off in the story of their search for me. “Back at the armory, Larry figured it was worth a shot to see if Jake had been smart enough to disable the tracking device on his Hummer. Either he really isn't that smart, wasn't that worried, or had just forgotten about it. The laptop showed his approximate location.”

  Will pauses and takes a deep breath, before releasing it in a sigh of defeat, which lets me know that he's about to tell me something that's going to upset me. I stiffen a bit, and my stomach dips with nervous tension.

  Finally, Will says, “Larry found something else, Canada. You have a tracking chip on, or in, you.”

  Chapter Fifteen

  I sit and stare at Will's lips, my brain not comprehending what he's actually saying.

  A chip?

  A tracking chip?

  On me?

  In me?

  What the–

  I release Will's hands and collapse back in my chair, eyes wide and my mouth – for once – unable to form any words.

  Is this how Jake was able to find me so easily? Everywhere Nick, Vicki, and I hid in the mountains, he wasn't far behind. Then at Ernie and Bert's, he shot them because he told Paul they were lying to him. He knew they were lying, because he knew I was there! Otherwise, why would he have gone to that one particular house in the first place? He couldn't have known where I'd gone. He would have been easily spotted had he been following us. When I was thrown off the truck and knocked unconscious in the pasture, why did he not take me right then and there if he really had been watching us? And again at the gas station, when Nick gave him the shot. I couldn't figure out how the hell he could possibly have found us there, but now I know.

  That son of a bitch! I've changed clothes, shoes, and everything else far too often for it to have been hidden on me. But, he had plenty of opportunities to implant something inside my body, lord knows I've had plenty of wounds. But when?

  I think back to all the times Jake had tended to me.

  There were so many!

  I remember back to when Jake found me at the house I hid out in with Melody. He claimed it was a tracking device on the Hummer that led him to me.

  But was that the truth? Was it the Hummer? Or was it already inside me?

  But then I remember when Jake had to search for me when Larry and I hid in a house near Larry's own home. It took Jake several hours to find me. I guess it could have already been implanted, considering he never gave up the search in that area. But maybe like with the Hummer, it only shows within a certain approximate radius.

  I suppose it's not the when that really matters, or the how, but the fact it was done at all that pisses me off. But it is done, and I'm too exhausted to get worked up about it now. I just want to hear the rest of their story, spend some time with my loved ones, and pass out.

  Thankfully, Will senses that and continues. “Larry was able to track you all the way to Tennessee. We almost caught up with you in St. Louis, but the amount of zombies increased way too fast for us to get to you. We had to backtrack, then go around. We ended up several hundred miles out of our way because of the roads, zombies, and vehicle that were blocking the way. It was impossible to get around that shit, and we damn sure couldn't move it all. But we finally made it to Tennessee. We got to Jake's, and were sneaking in from the woods at the side of his house, when we heard shots. Then we saw a vehicle drive away as we came within sight of the house, and Larry confirmed by the GPS that you were inside. We took off back to our truck and ended up behind Jake and that other guy he had with him.”

  I widen my eyes at that.

  I had no idea they were so close!

  Ha!

  Who am I kidding? I thought they'd given up on me by that time.

  “At one point as we went down the mountain, we were right on their ass, and they weren't too far from yours. But then Jake shot out one of the front tires on our Hummer. We tried to change the tire as fast as we could, but we still ended up being surrounded by a shitload of zombies. Our group was separated, but fortunately, we all made it back to Jake's house, where we shot and killed the damn things for hours. Once the zombie population was down enough that we felt it was safe to leave, we did, but it seemed like we were always two steps behind you and one step behind Jake. Jake and his buddy didn't exactly make it easy on us. I don't know how many times they blocked the roads to slow us down. Then your tracking device led us into the mountains for weeks. But since we knew nothing about the mountains, and had to keep out of sight of Jake, we could never catch up. In the end, we ended up tracking you here, much to our worn-out relief. End of our story, now tell us your version.”

  I suddenly felt dizzy and exhausted at the thought of telling the entire story, and I thanked my mom silently for being so observant.

  “I think Canada needs to lie down and get some rest before she goes through all of that.”

  Everyone, but Will, bitches and moans about having to wait. Will helps me stand, then forces his way through the crowd as he leads me to the nearest bedroom on the ground floor. He helps me undress and tucks me into the big comfortable-looking bed. Then he lies beside me on top of the blanket and puts his arm under my head. I snuggle in close to him, relaxing with a feeling of peace I haven't felt in so long. I feel his gentle touch as he runs his hand lightly over my face until I drift off. His words of love and comfort remove all the doubts I had a
bout our relationship.

  Chapter Sixteen

  I wake to the sounds of men yelling and cursing outside the bedroom window. I groan and struggle out of bed. Moving toward the window, I pull back the curtain and see Will, Nick, both my dads, and all my brothers surrounding Jake. They're attempting to lead him somewhere, and he's fighting them.

  I groan again, sigh, then throw my filthy clothes back on. As I make my way through the house and head for the back door, several of my family members try to stop me. I ignore the ones I can, and reassure the ones I can't. Once I'm outside in the cold, I turn to my right and round the house to come face to face with the mob.

  Everyone stops and quiets when they see me, and Jake is the only one not wearing a look of anger. Will's eyes are black with rage, so maybe anger is too light of a description.

  “What's going on?” My voice comes out in a weak croak from my throat being so dry. I clear it a few times and repeat myself.

  No one speaks. Jake has a huge self-satisfied smirk on his face, so I know whatever it is, can't be good. “Jake? What did you do?” A sharp sense of foreboding settles on me. I watch Will's face darken even more.

  “Seems you forgot to inform Billy-Boy on how much you enjoyed my bed, and that we ran off together. He's under the impression I kidnapped you. You went with me willingly, Canada. You made love to me with no resistance on your part at all. At least, not our first night. The second time you had a few issues, but it didn't last very long. After that, you never had a problem jumping in bed with me. So why don't you tell this lynch mob the truth. Tell them you love me, damn it, and to let me go.”