Irresistible Refrain

by Michelle Mankin

  My eyes closed. I leaned a cheek into his hand. This was why I’d fallen for War. The surprisingly demonstrative things he did like this. I’d be an idiot to screw this up. He’d just said exactly what I needed to hear. Unlike Bryan, War didn’t seem to have any problem putting me first.

  It was time I did the same.

  I covered the hand War had in my hair with my own, before pulling it down to my lips. I turned it over and kissed his palm. Then I told him that I loved him too and stood on my toes to press my lips against his.

  He took my hand and walked me to the bed, moving my hands out of the way when I started to unbutton my shirt. “Let me.” Eyes intent on his task, I watched him slowly work his way down to the last one. His warm hands brushed softly against my bare shoulders and the shirt fluttered to the floor. He bent down and took one of my breasts into his wet mouth. Staring at the landscape painting on the wall across from me, I held his head to my breast, both my hands entangled in his silky hair, wishing I felt more than I did, wishing I had a magic wand to banish thoughts of Bryan Jackson forever from my mind.

  An insistent rapping that matched the pounding in my head woke me. Bleary eyed, I squinted at the hotel clock.

  Shit. I had slept the whole fucking day. No surprise given the amount of liquor I’d consumed.

  Someone banged on the door again. “Hold on!” I shouted, swaying unsteadily as I shoved my legs into my jeans and managed a couple of buttons before I made it to the door and swung it open.

  “You look like crap,” Dizzy pronounced after looking me over.

  I shrugged. Incidentally, not a good move when you’ve got a hangover as bad as mine.

  “War told me to get you.” Dizzy came into the room, glanced at the all the empty bottles, and raised a brow. “You drink all that by yourself?” he asked.

  I nodded, which was another bad idea. The motion made the room rock and my stomach roll. I ran to the bathroom, rejecting whatever was left in my tortured guts.

  Dizzy walked in just as I was flushing the toilet. He leaned his rear against the counter. “What’s going on? The guys and I heard you and War arguing on the bus. Sounded like he threatened you.”

  I stood up slowly holding onto the door frame for support before pushing Dizzy aside to unwrap one of the plastic drinking cups so I could rinse the vile taste out of my mouth. “Can you give me a break here?” My gaze met his in the mirror as I pulled out a toothbrush from my bag.

  Dizzy unsympathetically shook his head. “This is because of my sister, isn’t it?”

  Toothbrush sticking out of the corner of my mouth, I closed my eyes and nodded.

  “He finally find out about prom?”

  I shook my head. No. Not yet. Thank God. Be more than just a shove and a warning when he found out about that. I went back to scouring my teeth.

  “What then?” His eyes narrowed. “Don’t tell me you slept with her again?”

  I spit, drank a sip of water, rinsed, and spit again. “Dizzy, c’mon.”

  “No, Bryan. You come on. You know how War is about her. Remember what happened when he found out about her and Martin?”

  “Yeah, I remember.” Dizzy knew the basic facts, but he didn’t know the whole of it. War’d scared the hell out of me though. I’d found out how deep his feelings for Lace ran as well as how closely they mirrored my own. This was such a fucked up mess. “You know Lace is using now too?”

  “Yeah Bryan, I fucking know. She said she’s quitting. That she’s got it under control.”

  “And you believe her?”

  “I gotta believe her.” He shrugged, but appeared troubled. “What can I do? It’s her life.”

  Yeah, that was pretty much the same basic conclusion I’d come to…after nearly drowning myself in a sea of booze, thus the God awful hangover. I was really worried how this was all going to play out in the end. War’s warning hadn’t been an idle threat. I knew he would do anything to keep her, just as I would give up anything for a chance to make her mine. Knowing that they were both shooting up had ratcheted up my sense of urgency about everything. I didn’t want a replay of what’d happened with War before.

  2 years ago

  “War! Asshole! Open the damn door!” I yelled. When he didn’t, I looked over my shoulder and gave War’s mom a wary glance. She looked just as concerned. Her hands were clasped tightly together in front of her.

  “How long’s he been in there?”

  “Since last night.”

  Fuck, I thought.

  “He was really upset when he came in.” She bit her lip. “I haven’t seen him that upset since the time he tried to see his dad.”

  Yeah, well, I definitely remembered how that went down, and that wasn’t a good sign. I banged on War’s bedroom door again.

  Nothing.

  “I’m gonna break it down. Ok, Ms. Jinkins?”

  She nodded.

  I kicked the door with my booted foot, gave it two solid ones. On the third, the wood splintered and the door swung open.

  “Shit!” I exclaimed when I saw him. War was face down on the carpet. The room reeked of vomit. Spoons and a syringe lay on the floor beside him. He was deathly still.

  “I’m calling an ambulance,” Ms. Jinkins told me and hurried out of the room.

  I fell to my knees next to my friend and turned him over.

  He groaned.

  Thank God. I pulled him up to a seated position and slapped his face a couple of times. “Wake up, dammit. C’mon, man.”

  “Why Lacey,” he mumbled without opening his eyes.

  “Shit. War. Listen to me. Your mom’s gone to call an ambulance. That’s gonna bring in the cops. Me, personally, I don’t give a shit, but I know you do. You’ve got priors. It’ll land you in jail, that’ll kill the RCA deal for sure. You ok with that?”

  War opened his eyes, legs shooting out straight as he tried and failed to stand. He clumsily wiped the side of his mouth. “Mom!” he slurred. “Mom, come here!”

  “War.” Out of breath, she ran back into the room, cordless phone in her hand.

  “Put the phone down, Mom. I’ll be ok. I don’t need that kind of trouble. Not with my record.”

  Her brow creased. Looking uncertain, she glanced at me.

  I grabbed War by the shoulders. “Shooting up drugs is serious shit. The next time could be your last. Against my better judgment, I warned him, “You want us not to call the ambulance you gotta promise not to do this kinda shit ever again.”

  “I screwed up.” War looked away. “I lost her. I should’ve listened to you about the RCA deal. I should’ve talked to her first and explained, but it’s too late now.” He paused and his voice lowered. “I saw her with him last night, Bryan. She’s with that piece of shit Martin Skellin.”

  I knew. I had seen her, too. It had been like having a hot knife rammed into my abdomen. Long legs, short ass skirt. She’d been practically having sex with him out on the dance floor. That guy was bad news. There was no way he loved her. That’s what made the whole deal such a brutal wakeup call. Up until then, I’d been sure that if she ever broke it off with War, she would end up with me.

  Bryan in a faded black Gibson t-shirt and my brother in his leather jacket were sprawled out shoulder to shoulder on the bus couch playing a video game, the sound of fake gunshots peppering the air all around us through the surround sound. Since we’d re-boarded, I’d felt Bryan’s eyes on me, but we hadn’t spoken since his discovery last night.

  War’s arm tightened on my shoulder. I turned to look out the window and saw the mall where War and I had gone shopping earlier today. After I’d agreed to do the song in Atlanta, he’d insisted I have a new outfit. I hadn’t found exactly what I wanted but with a few minor adjustments it would probably be alright.

  Conversation buzzed on around me as we continued heading south on I-95. Sleepy, I leaned my head on War’s shoulder as he, Sager, and King continued their game of poker.

  War had made love to me twice back at the hotel. He’
d never been so tender. I had been a little surprised by his enthusiasm given the amount of dope he’d used the night before. But I understood that it had been his way to show me that he cared and to affirm that I was his, my kiss with Bryan likely weighing on his mind. My mind was on much more than just that one kiss.

  2 years ago

  Bryan’s hot skin slid against my naked back as I strummed my guitar. Warm kisses rained down first along the base of my neck and then across my shoulders.

  I sighed from the sheer pleasure of it.

  “Are you ok?” he asked from behind me.

  “Mmm,” I responded. I was better than ok. Bryan had just made love to me in my bed, and I was still basking in the afterglow. The darkness that had fallen over me like a shadow since our kiss on the beach had lifted. Afterward, a melody and words had rushed around in my head that I hadn’t been able to wait to get down on paper. I had loved him so much, for so long. Everything finally made sense.

  “I mean are you sore?” he asked, trailing a finger softly up and down my spine while I tried to jot down the last of the notes and words on the music paper I always kept beside my bed.

  “A little.” I set down the guitar and turned my head, smiling shyly at him over my shoulder. “But not too much.”

  His fingertips whispered along the line of the silk ribbon I still wore around my neck. “I love you, Lace Lowell.”

  My breath caught, and my heart stopped and then restarted. Its previous stumbling syncopated pace changed to a more harmonious steady rhythm that reflected the joy his words gave me. I shifted, twisting my torso so I could look at him. “I love you, too.” I felt my lips pulling apart, the shy smile blossoming into a radiant one that couldn’t be contained.

  My words seemed to have a similar effect on him. Using the roughened pad of his thumb, he reverently traced my fully bloomed smile, his lips curving up at the edges as if he’d absorbed my happiness through that simple touch. His expression grew even more intense as his gaze moved over my face. I stared into the grey green depths of his eyes fascinated by the range of emotions I saw there. Love. Adoration. Desire.

  “I’d like to have you again.” My body flooded with warmth. It was a heady feeling to be wanted and desired by the man you loved. He kissed me between the neck and shoulder. “Slower this time,” he mumbled low into my skin.

  The first time had been wonderful, but over too quickly, a rush to a culmination and closeness with him that I’d never allowed anyone else. And though I’d messed around with enough guys to know my way around the male anatomy, I’d still been a little unsure if Bryan had been pleased. It was intimidating to know that he’d been with other women. Knowing now that he loved me gave me an additional boost of confidence that I’d been lacking the first time around.

  I started to move, but he stopped me, his hands heavy and firm on my shoulders.

  “Hold on. Be still. I wanna try something.” His fingers tickled a bit as he untied and slid the silk ribbon from around my neck. “This is sexy as hell. I’m never going to be able to look at a black ribbon without remembering this night with you.”

  He leaned over me and pressed closer, the stubble from his chin rough where it rested on my shoulder. I watched the ribbon slide down to unfurl over my breast. A shiver rolled through me as he moved it light as a feather over the tightened bud of my nipple.

  “You’re so beautiful.” His words were warm in my ear before his tongue replaced them. As his tongue plunged in and out, I began to feel hot and restless, and when he traced around the shell of my ear with the tip I moaned his name.

  I reached for his face. I wanted to bring his mouth to mine.

  “No, Lace.” He took my hands and kissed them. “It’ll be your turn in a minute. But for right now I just want you to lie back.”

  I gave him a speculative look.

  His lips curved up into a seductive smile. “Trust me.”

  “Ok Bry,” I agreed.

  “I think you’ll like what I have in mind,” he explained, his voice a low persuasive rumble.

  “I better,” I teased, stretching out on my bed as he shifted to kneel beside me.

  He slanted a brow. “Oh, I’m sure you will.” That sounded like a sultry promise. Still giving me that foreplay smile he slid another pillow beneath my head. “I want to play a little, prolong things this time around. Rule is you look but don’t touch until it’s your turn.”

  That sounded like fun. An anticipatory thrill pulsed through me as his heated gaze traveled the length of my body. Heart booming in my chest, I watched his hand open above me. The ribbon unfurled and he glided the soft tip up and over the slope of my breast. The silk barely made contact with my skin, but I was already so focused on what he was doing that I felt it with an intensity that surprised me. Then he withdrew the ribbon and leaned down. I felt the heat of his breath right before I felt the warmth of his lips and the wet of his tongue as he slowly and thoroughly retraced the ribbon’s path. My fingers fisted in the sheets. That felt fantastic. I moaned deep in my throat and my back arched completely off the bed.

  “Told you you’d like it,” he bragged, his lips forming into a self-satisfied smile.

  I made a face and stuck my tongue out at him. I saw his eyes darken a moment before his face swept down and he captured my tongue in his mouth. By the time he finished with it, I was panting for air and wanted more, so much more than he’d yet given me.

  He gave me a wicked grin, and then began teasing and tantalizing with the ribbon and his mouth on my other breast, using just the right amount of heat and pressure to make me go crazy writhing on the sheets insane.

  “It’s not enough, Bry,” I admitted breathlessly. My nipples ached and my sex throbbed.

  “Not for me, either, Lace.” He moved the ribbon lower, trailing it over my sensitized skin from the middle of my breasts down to my navel. Feathered soft kisses followed. “I don’t think I’ll ever get enough of you.”

  My lids slid open. I refocused on his handsome face and saw that his lips were parted and his breathing was just as ragged as my own. Knowing that bringing me pleasure was turning him on that much made me feel as if I was the sexiest woman in the world.

  Without pause, he started working on the lower half of my body running the ribbon down one leg and up the other kissing, licking, and getting so very close but never quite touching where I wanted him the most. I began to shudder with need.

  “Enough.” I grabbed his hand and stopped him. He turned his head, his smoldering eyes connecting with mine. I wasn’t going to last much longer and I wanted to have my chance to touch him, too. I peered at him between my lashes. “My turn to play.” My voice was rough.

  He pressed one more light kiss right on my hip bone, and then switched places with me, straightening the pillows, and folding his hands behind his head. Eyes gleaming, he grinned at me as if he was the one in charge.

  “Comfortable?” I asked.

  He nodded.

  “Not for long,” I promised and took a surreptitious peek at the impressive length of him.

  Copying his technique wherever the ribbon landed I sucked, licked, and tasted, every single glorious male inch of him without shyness because this was Bry and I loved him. He was so incredibly sexy, the salty flavor of his skin giving me a bigger buzz than alcohol ever could. I discovered that I loved teasing and working him into a frenzy just as much as he had seemed to enjoy doing with me.

  Making love with Bryan was so much more than I had ever imagined it would be. He was passionate and playful, and yet so very tender. His body and its contrasts fascinated me. He was hard where I was soft. His chest was wide and smooth, his pecs defined, and his abdomen was a row of concrete ridges.

  When I paused to lick the hard flat coins of his nipples, he moaned my name and grabbed the back of my head. Leaning back, it was me this time who breathlessly ordered him to open his eyes.

  Grey green eyes glittering with heat, he gazed back at me through thick eyelashes. I gave him a na
ughty grin before strategically opening my hand and letting the ribbon drop, the length coiling right around the steely tip of him.

  “Enough, imp,” he growled, grabbed me, and flipped me over onto my back. “Playtime’s over.” He kneeled between my legs and brought our bodies together in one smooth masterful motion that felt so good I hummed low in my throat.

  Once we were connected and he began to move, the buildup was so quick that it was only moments before we spiraled out of control and climaxed together.

  “Wakeup, Lacey,” Like being doused with ice water, War’s voice washed the memory away.

  I opened my eyes, feeling disoriented.

  “You were moaning in your sleep, babe.” War’s brown eyes were dancing as he smiled. “Remembering the two times earlier, huh?”

  My cheeks flushed.

  “Bryan, dude,” Dizzy complained. “Pay attention, man. You’re getting us killed.”

  “You’re embarrassing me.” I pushed against War’s solid chest, the pressure of my fingers creasing the soft material of his powder blue tee. The close quarters and lack of privacy were clearly getting to me. “Let me out.”

  “Come on, babe.” He tried to kiss my cheek, but I ducked away.

  “War,” I warned.

  “Oh, alright. I’m sorry, babe. It’s just I’m so glad you’re back in my life, and I had a good time with you today. What’s wrong with that?”

  “Nothing,” I mumbled. I shouldn’t be this upset, wouldn’t be this upset if I hadn’t been dreaming in vivid detail about what it had been like with Bryan. It made what I had with War seem almost tawdry by comparison. “I’m sorry, too. I guess I’m just stressed out about Atlanta. Let me out so I can work on my wardrobe.”

  Once alone in the back of the bus, I was able to catch my breath and regain my equilibrium. I placed the outfit I planned to wear for Atlanta on the bed. Low hip hugger jeans with a little flare at the knee, a cool silver peace symbol belt, and then the lacy long sleeved midriff baring top that was really a lingerie piece. That was the part I needed to fix. In its present condition, it was completely see though.