Love is Fear

by Caroline Hanson

  Pure, blinding panic had made him believe her. Otherwise, he would not have given in. I did not want to say no. Because she and her blood were the only things in all the world that were left for him to want.

  How would he keep saying ‘no’ to her when all he wanted, with every dead fiber of his being, was to say ‘yes? ’ When he was deep inside her body, her breasts flush to his, her tongue in his mouth, how would he say no?

  What if you harm her? Kill the Golden Goose in your lust? He imagined drinking her dry, feeling her blood pound through him until he felt like every pore would explode from the pressure. For years, he had only to think of it, and it had made him hard as stone.

  And now. Now that he knew her, now that he had tasted one measly drop of her rare blood, he felt—

  He heard a shout in the forest. Jack. Calling for Valerie. Lucas swore and, using his preternatural speed, raced to find her.

  Chapter 23

  One moment Jack was scanning the trees looking for Val and the next Lucas was in front of him. That cold fucker looked like he’d just come from the pub, he was so smooth and unruffled.

  “Where is she?” Lucas asked in that bored tone.

  Jack looked the other man up and down. Had an almost impossible urge to shoot him, but he couldn’t. He’d see Lucas dead but he’d only get one chance to do it and by god he wasn’t going to fuck it up. But that didn’t mean he’d pretend to like him. “If I knew where the fuck she was, why would I call her?” Jack snarled.

  Lucas didn’t change expression, his gaze scanning the area briefly before returning to Jack, so much time having passed that Jack was about ready to move away and go searching deeper into the woods when Lucas finally spoke in that same dispassionate way, “Well then, where the fuck did you lose her?” he said, mimicking Jack ’s words. The peculiar delivery of the words, as though he’d never said fuck before, took Jack aback.

  How could Valerie feel anything for this monster? Let alone want to sleep with him? Jack felt like he was as hetero as they came, but he could understand that certain men had an appeal, but this guy was so…wrong.

  Lucas cut into his thoughts, “We are in a Fey forest. She could be in grave danger. Tell me what happened. Now.”

  Jack felt a chill down his spine at Lucas’ killing look. “I thought she was on a bathroom break. So you’ve decided the Fey are alive? What changed?”

  “Answer the question or I will force it from you. I want her unharmed.” Lucas called for Rachel and she instantly appeared beside him, slightly out of breath.

  “Where is Valerie?”

  Rachel grimaced and bit her lip worriedly. “She donated blood for the spell. I cut myself and it made her squeamish so she backed out of the circle. I had a vision, and when I came to, she was just gone.”

  Lucas frowned and stared hard at Rachel, “Are the Fey alive then?”

  “They were. But the spell didn’t work, the portal didn’t open. Cerdewellyn was there and he took everyone, all the colonists and the Fey, some wolves, even a witch into the Fey dimension.”

  Jack watched as Lucas turned around in a circle, scanning all directions for her. “If we do not find her in five minutes we must assume she has been taken. You will do a spell and open a portal. Go get what you will need and return—”

  Rachel and Lucas suddenly turned, looking in the same direction like a hound spotting its prey. A moment later Jack heard a branch snap. Then Valerie came through the trees and Jack felt his heart squeeze in relief.

  He went forward, wrapping her in his arms for a brief moment, felt her body go rigid as she tried to pull away from him.

  “Where did you go?” Lucas asked, the words a hard slap.

  “Nowhere. I just wandered around a little. I don’t like the sight of blood.

  “You will not do that again. You cannot leave the group. No, I amend that, you cannot leave my side.”

  A look of disgust crossed Val’s face. “You’re the one who chickened out at the sight of blood first. Mr. One-drop-will-turn-me-into-a-crazed-killer.”

  “They called for you. Why did you not respond?” Lucas asked, suddenly next to her. He put a hand on her face, cupping it gently and then pulled her to her, hugging her. He was warm and strong and she felt lust spiral through her again.

  I just walked away! I didn’t go anywhere. I’ve been right over there the whole time,” she said, talking into his sweater. He moved back a ways and kissed her gently on the lips—a promise of what was to come. She could almost forget that Jack and Rachel were there, she wanted him so much.

  He frowned and said to Rachel. “What did you see?”

  “The Fey were here. They tried to open up their realm and it didn’t work. Their witch believed it was because the Fey had changed Queens. So they went into the portal and—for whatever reason, they’ve never come out.

  “Who was the witch?”

  “Nantanya? Heard of her. But she wasn’t my blood line so I’m not sure what exactly she would have done. I’d have to research it.”

  “So they are trapped?” Lucas asked.

  Rachel shrugged. “I don’t know. What do you want to do? Try to open the portal, see if anyone is still around over there? Maybe they want to be hidden. Truthfully, I’d give up. What’s the point?”

  Lucas stared at Valerie in a serious way. Looking from her head, travelling down her body to her feet. His face was grim. “I do not know. I want time to think about it. I had not expected this sort of problem. Honestly, I had assumed they were gone.”

  “Then why are we looking for them?” Val asked. “Why bring us here and not follow through in finding them? You never wanted to find them, did you?” Val guessed. Then what did he want? Not a person. What’s left? He had commented about their stuff being underwater. She’d thought he was just being a little macabre. Maybe not.

  There was that Fey ring he had planned on wearing to the ball. The I-want-to-shred-you-and-make-hot-monkey-love-with-you ring. “Is that it? It’s an object you want?”

  Rachel piped in, “The Fey use glamour and illusion. Their magic is from the earth and based in life. It’s not compatible with vampires. Plus most of their magic is gone, right? Marion had a few Fey trinkets and would talk about the things they’d once made. But that was centuries ago, I thought the power of their stuff had diminished—what with the extinction and all.” She looked at Lucas like from a certain angle he had two heads.

  Lucas ignored them both. Stared hard at Valerie like she had the answer. Was the answer. He looked the same, she knew there was no visible sign of his feelings, but he was coming for her now, she could feel it.

  “We will meet you later and discuss it,” Lucas said over his shoulder and then he wrapped his arm around her, standing stiff and proud, like he didn’t want to touch her at all and took her away from the forest, transporting them back to his room.

  The moment they were in his bedroom she took a step back. “What’s the deal? What do you want with the Fey?”

  He ignored her, seemed calm but she could feel the intensity in him. And right along with it, like the two emotions fuelled each other, was lust.

  His hands were on her instantly as he unbuttoned her coat and threw it to the corner of the room. And then he pulled her shirt up, making her lift her arms so she didn’t get tangled in her clothing. Val squeaked in protest.

  “What are you doing?” she asked.

  “Have you forgotten so soon? That is an unacceptable oversight on my part.” And then his shirt was gone. He slipped off his shoes and his hands came back to her skirt, lingered at the buttons along the waistband.

  He was breathing faster, his brow furrowed in a frown, lips slightly parted. And then he shook his head, mumbling to her or him she didn’t know which. “No, I like this. Keep the skirt on. The skirt and the boots.”

  Val waited in a moment of overwhelming lust and suspense as she stood before him. She looked at his scarred hands, his beautiful fingers, and everything fell away. Even the impending doom an
d her distrust of him as she was consumed with lust. She always wanted him.

  He entered a room and she was stunned, like one of those animals that gets clubbed over the head and then doesn’t protest as it’s dragged off to become dinner. But now, seeing him as befuddled by desire for her as she was for him? It wasn’t just arousing, she felt like she was drowning in want.

  His hands were under her skirt and she felt her underwear tear again as he ripped the seams of it, pulling it off. Cool air hit her flesh, her skirt raised in the back as his hands palmed, then kneaded her ass.

  His head descended, kissing her, demanding she open her mouth for his kiss. Her lips parted and his tongue was instantly in her mouth, kissing her, tasting her and she couldn’t help but moan. She felt him take another breath, like he was devouring her passion. As if he had to take something from her since he wouldn’t be taking her blood.

  She walked backwards towards the bed and he followed, crowding close, a noise like a growl coming from his lips as he kissed her jaw and then the area behind her ear. He was almost frantic, his heavy hand hiking up her skirt as soon as her back hit the mattress. His fingers were on her, between her legs, his touch surprisingly gentle considering that he was almost trembling with… something.

  “If I could kill him, I would. If I thought I could do it without losing you, I would wipe him from the earth. You are mine, Valerie. Do you understand that? I will not share you, will not allow you to go back to him, there will never be anyone else,” he said, commanding her.

  Lucas slipped down her body, urging her to open her legs, then settling between her thighs, spreading open her soft flesh to his hungry gaze. And then he kissed her, open mouthed, as though he could make her obey him, wipe Jack from her mind and body with his touch.

  She was instantly arching under him, grinding closer, felt his hands move to her hips as he pulled her infinitesimally closer. Held her how he wanted her. Her hands fisted in his hair, pulling him closer, her thighs locking on his head. And then she was coming, long and hard, with a cry.

  Waves of pleasure rippled through her, she was still coming when he was suddenly on top of her, his hand lifting her thigh, opening her as he sank into her in one powerful thrust. The power of it, the pleasure of him stretching her wide stole her breath. He was so large that if she hadn’t been aroused and made to spend first, it would have hurt. Instead it was just right, almost profound.

  He pounded inside of her, thrusting in hard, fast strokes, claiming her. “Tell me, Valerie. Tell me you are mine,” he said in a harsh whisper.

  She looked into his eyes, shocked to see the emotion there. It wasn’t love. It wasn’t human or pretty but it was an emotion and he was drowning in it. She could see it in the set of his mouth, feel it in the possessive grip he had on her and the way he kept her close even as he ruthlessly sought his own release in the depths of her body.

  “My name. You will call my name as you come. Do you understand me?” His hand slipped between their bodies, his fingers rubbing her, stroking her again. She almost told him she wouldn’t be able to, that it was too soon after the last climax to come again, but then she felt it building within her.

  She closed her eyes and met him thrust for thrust, hands on his shoulders, nails embedded in his back. He hissed in pleasure, thrust faster and she felt the orgasm winding tight within her like a wave pulling back from the shore.

  “Say it, my Valkyrie.” She opened her eyes, almost as if he’d compelled her to look again, to keep that connection between them. She could see the slightest flecks of green in his pale blue eyes and she tried to see deep inside of him, past the surface.

  Maybe she was searching for more than was there. More than there ever was to him. The man he might have once been. The man who had been a husband and a father. Who had loved fiercely and walked in the daylight.

  “Lucas, Lucas,” she said quietly, over and over again like a promise. His forehead dipped to hers and he kissed her, like he was taking the taste of his name on her lips into himself.

  She came, even more intensely than the time before. Sharper, a sensation closer to the sweetest torture. She felt him come, his loss of momentum, the halt of his indrawn breath as his body froze over hers, the heavy pulsing of his cock as he came deep inside her.

  Moments passed and he kissed her again, slowly, maybe a kiss as close to love as she would ever get from him—possessive and jealous instead of kindness and love.

  And the sadness of that threatened to overwhelm her. That she wouldn’t be able to see him as the monster he was from now on. A tiny part of her would always see him as what she wanted more than anything else in the world and something that she could never have.

  She felt him shift, ready to move off of her but she wrapped her legs tighter around his waist, her arms hard around his neck. “No, stay.”

  “I am not too heavy?” he said, looking down at her with a slight smile.

  Yes, you’re much too heavy. “No.”

  Lucas shifted very slightly to the side so he could see her body, touch her softly from her breast to her hip. She touched him back. Leisurely, like they had all the time in the world and nothing else mattered. It was just the two of them and they could stay that way forever and he’d never let her go.

  And for now it was enough. It had to be.

  Chapter 24

  Val was back in the meadow holding a fist full of flowers, enjoying the sun on her face. A deep voice spoke from behind her. She whirled to face him, so surprised she made a small yipping noise.

  “What are you doing here?” Lucas asked.

  “You’re in my dream. What are you doing here?”

  He reached for her hand, frowning. His gaze stuck on the flowers she held. “Where did you get these?”

  The wind rose, making her long, gray dress snap. His fingers were slightly rough as he tried to uncurl her hand from the stems.

  “No,” Val said and took a step back, clutching the bouquet to her chest.

  “Do you know where you are?” he asked her.

  “No. Where am I?”

  “This is the land of the Fey.”

  “It’s beautiful. It’s like ours but…more. Eloquent, huh?” She smiled.

  Lucas didn’t smile. If anything, his expression became even more grim. “Valerie. Why are you dreaming of this place?”

  “It’s just a meadow. We could be anywhere.” But even as she spoke, she knew he was right. He’d said it was the land of the Fey, and she’d felt it shiver down her spine like a hot breath on her back. A resonance that poured through her.

  He closed his eyes. “I ask you again. Where did the flowers come from? What is the purpose of them?”

  “I’ve been gathering them,” she said, aware that her explanation sounded peculiar.

  “To what end?” he said louder and gripped her by the arms, bending his legs so that he could peer into her eyes.

  She shook her head.

  “Give them to me.”

  “No,” she said, the response instant, her body awash in fear. Like he was a murderer trying to take away her child. She clutched the flowers tight. Tried to step back. Suspected she was moments away from panicking.

  She could see him thinking. “Just hand them to me. I will give them back. I will not harm them.”

  She shook her head. “Let go of me. If you want them, let me go,” she said, hearing the protectiveness in her tone.

  He released her and she took a step back. Val had the urge to run away from him. “I can’t give them to you,” she whispered.

  He hesitated, like he was dealing with a crazy person holding a gun. “All right.” His gaze flashed down to her hand then back up. “I will not touch them. Put them down on the ground instead. Just for a moment.”

  “Why?” Her heart pounded just thinking about it.

  Val bent down, ready to lay the flowers on the ground, but stopped. She didn’t want to. No, it was worse. She couldn’t. “I don’t want to let him go.”

  His ja
w hardened. “Who?” Lucas asked softly.

  “Who what?”

  “Whom do you not want to let go?”

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  “This is more than a dream. Put the flowers down, Valerie.” The way he said it made her think he was running out of patience.

  “I can’t.”

  He bent down, kneeling, then reached into his Jacket pocket and withdrew a knife. Val backed away with a gasp. Lucas rolled up his sleeve then dragged the blade across his arm lightly, a faint line of blood appearing. Then he picked some grass and rubbed it onto the wound. He made a noise as though it hurt.

  “What the hell are you doing?” she asked.

  “I want to see if the wound is there when we awake.”

  “This is a dream. That’s not possible.”

  “We shall see.”

  His head tilted to the side. “You must give them to me, my Valkyrie, or I will take them from you.”

  Lucas doesn’t belong here.

  She turned and ran, which was stupid. She couldn’t outrun a one-legged vampire, let alone the King of them all. But her heart kept pounding, telling her to leave him behind.

  It seemed like she ran for hours, tirelessly, without the barest stumble. Finally, she stopped and turned around, almost expecting him to say ‘boo’ and scare the crap out of her. But she was alone. Lucas was gone.

  She was on top of a hill, the long grass waving against her legs with a gentle shushing noise, a slight rustle of leaves in the trees, and, beyond that, nothing. The silence drew her attention because it was so unusual, so different than what she was used to.

  A huge pond was in front of her. Lily pads dotted the surface, and it had a certain Pride and Prejudice quality to it, like Mr. Darcy might swim out at any moment.

  She wanted to go into the water.

  Val walked forward, undoing the laces of her dress as she moved. Wait. Laces? She looked down and noticed her peculiar outfit. Like she was going to a Henry VIII costume party after this.