Love is Fear

by Caroline Hanson

  It was hard to maintain a killing rage for decades. Lucas knew that all too well. There always came a point where that flame of rage ran out of oxygen. Became a smolder and then nothing but black smoke.

  Jack managed to bite back his pathetic death threat. Good. Lucas was not in the mood to coddle him.

  “Yeah, cause the two of you at my back is going to make me feel safe,” Jack said, moving towards the wall.

  Lucas called him to stop. “Before you go in, take Rachel’s hand. If the magic allows you in, we do not want to get separated as we pass through the barrier.”

  Jack snorted. “What might happen if we got separated? You wouldn’t die, would you?” he said sounding hopeful.

  “I have no idea what would happen. Potentially nothing. But how do you think you would get Valerie out of here on your own? What purpose does it serve to antagonize me?”

  Jack gave Lucas a feral smile, a baring of teeth. “No purpose, it’s just cheap entertainment.” Then he held out his hand and took Rachel ’s. Both of them wearingpained expressions, attempting to convey just how much they did not care that they were touching each other.

  Childish.

  Lucas took Rachel’s other hand as Jack led them to the wall and through it. They emerged into an empty courtyard, opening their eyes to a new backdrop. There were troughs for horses and a smithy. Carts, long disused, the wood split from weathering, lay abandoned on the dirt ground.

  Plague. The thought flashed though his mind again. But even when a whole village was wiped out, there had at least been animals. There was an impressiveness to nature’s reclaiming of what man had stolen from her. Here there was nothing.

  The drawbridge was down, and they made their way forward, silently. The only sound was their footsteps, Jack ’s breathing, and their heartbeats. The keep was dark except for lit torches embedded in the walls. There was something nostalgic about a torch. The heft of it, the sense that anything might be just out of sight. Lucas breathed deep, tried to sense where Valerie was.

  Lucas let Jack take the lead, knowing the human would be the only one able to see any tricks or traps. After several moments, they came to the first room.

  Jack gasped, frozen in the doorway.

  “What do you see?” Lucas asked, staring at a boring, but grand, dining room. There was nothing here to elicit such a startled response as far as he could see.

  “You really don’t see it? The table is filled with…bodies. Corpses. And there are bones everywhere. Jesus. A whole pig carcass is there. Just… bones on a plate.”

  “This guy needs to hire a cleaning crew. Dirty dishes are one thing, but to leave it for so long that all the meat rots away? That’s some nerve,” Rachel said. She bit her lip, looking around the room and then hard at the table. “Shit. Still looks like an empty table to me.”

  “She is here,” Lucas breathed deeply and knew Valerie was somewhere in the room. Her smell— sunlight, femininity, and something sweet and delicate that was attributable solely to Empaths. He went forward, around the table, finding Valerie on the ground, unconscious. She was fully-dressed and lying on a dust-filled, decaying fur in front of an empty fireplace.

  “Jesus, Valerie!” Jack said and tried to rush past Lucas.

  No.

  He’d had enough. Lucas shoved Jack back, sent the man flying so that he landed several feet away. “You will not touch her,” he snarled and bent before Valerie, feeling his heart pound. Emotions. Still. Losing control when Jack was the only one who could see anything in this godforsaken place. He picked Valerie up, felt her warmth and the soft weight of her in his arms.

  Still alive.

  Lucas felt a burning, almost choking, feeling in his throat. The press of tears. Relief to find her whole and unharmed. A terrible distraction. “She is alive. We need to get to the roof. To the portal. If Cerdewellyn is here, that is where he will be.”

  “Give her to me,” Rachel said.

  His grip tightened, ready to say no.

  “You’re the brawn. If something comes at us, you need to be ready.”

  He felt himself nod jerkily. Not smooth but as though his bones had rusted together—a tin man.

  He held her out, watching as Rachel took Valerie from his arms. Jack stood, shaking his arm, apparently having landed on his elbow hard. Good. Maybe now he will stay out of the way.

  Chapter 39

  Jack’s arm was killing him. That fucker had barely touched him, and yet he’d almost broken something. Jack started backing out the door—he couldn’t get out of this hell hole fast enough. The bodies at the table creeped the shit out of him. They looked dead, but they weren’t. He didn’t think so, anyway. They had a light in their eyes. A weird, golden glow that made him think someone was still home in there.

  Or something.

  Not his fucking problem. They went down the hallway to a set of stairs, Jack leading the way up, Lucas a step behind and Rachel a few paces behind that, carrying Valerie effortlessly. Valerie was at Rachel’s mercy, unconscious in the vampire’s arms. It hit so many of his buttons, made it difficult to do anything but resist the urge to fight.

  His mind was dragging him into the past, to Marion. How she had picked him up, carried him down the hall, ready to keep him for her new pet. He remembered his mother’s screams as she followed them. How they had stopped when Marion snapped her neck.

  Howls pierced the air, the sound of massive feet thundering behind them.

  “Wolves. Perfect,” Lucas said in a low tone that conveyed both boredom and understatement at the same time. “Put Valerie down on the ground, back to the wall. Jack guard her—get your weapons out. Rachel, guard both of them. You are the second line of defense. I will take them first.” He drew out a huge vicious-looking sword that couldn’t have weighed less than fifty pounds.

  Show off.

  The wolf came around the corner—the hugest damned animal Jack had ever seen outside of a zoo. Lucas made short work of it, feinting one way, drawing the animal to the side and then lunging forward, his sword skewering it neatly. The wolf squealed in a high-pitched tone, then lay still on the ground.

  That was surprisingly easy, Jack thought. Then Valerie started screaming. She was awake, her eyes open wide in fear, transfixed on the sight of Lucas’ blade as it slid out of the wolf’s body.

  Chapter 40

  “No! No!” she screamed. Val knew him. The Dark Lord. Murderer. Killer. His hair was gold when it should have been black, but it was him. She could smell the blood from the Wolves Lucas had killed, smell the smoke from the fire she had leapt into. Her hands still felt like paws, her last clear memory was being something else, of fleeing him.

  He’s coming for me. He’ll kill me. He’ll never let me go.

  She leapt to her feet and ran, running as fast as she could when his hand suddenly snaked around her, jerked her backwards like a safety belt pulled tight.

  His hard chest was against her back, his breath in her ear. “Do not struggle. Do not fight. Calm down so we may leave. You must be calm.”

  She laughed hysterically. “You did this. You killed them all!” Val struggled, and he gripped her harder. He put her down, and she turned to run again. Faster, farther away so he’d never catch her. Never kill her.

  He had her within three steps, whirling her around to face him. He grabbed her chin, forcing her to look at him. “Stop. Do not scream. Relax. I will not hurt you,” he said, the words rolling over her, slamming her down and stripping her bare.

  She exhaled. Breathed deep. Again. Her body relaxed at his command, swaying forward so that he caught her up in his arms, and she laid against him heavily, enjoying the fact that he was in charge. He would take care of everything. Because he loved her. Right? He wouldn’t hurt her. Right? Why would she scream in the first place? The thought drifted away from her, only an echo now…scream…scream….

  Scream!

  Valerie began to pant. Huge breaths and sounds like little sobs coming from a primal part of her very self that
should have died out with the cavemen. She tried to shake off his will, saw him look down at her with a frown.

  Lucas cursed, knowing he would have to wipe her memory. This was not working. She was not responding to his compulsion. He had tried to be gentle, had hoped to use enough force to subdue her long enough to get them out of here. Something he could later explain and have her forgive. That is not how it works, remember? You do not ask for forgiveness. You tell. She will be the one who changes.

  He had to get Valerie out of here. Had to get her to trust him or else she would flee, run into the Werewolves and be attacked. Or alert Cer to their location. Although Cer probably knew where they were anyway. What was his reason for not attacking? For leaving Valerie for him to find? And what had he told her?

  Later.

  If there was another option, there was no time to figure it out. He had to take away whatever Cer had told her. Take it away and get her out of here before Cer could interfere. Later. After they escaped, he would talk to her, tell her why she was different from the other Empaths he had known. Why Cer was wrong to frighten her, explain that he was not the monster Cer had undoubtedly told her he was.

  He could not claim that he was here for altruistic reasons. The truth was that he had come here to get something from Cer. That goal had failed. Now he just wanted to leave.

  He could come up with something to win her favor after they were free.

  Lucas opened a random door, finding a bedroom and taking Val inside, ready to shut the door in Jack’s face. Valerie’s struggles were growing. Any moment now she would start screaming again.

  “Let me go! Let me go! You killed them all! You did! It’s a lie! You’ll kill me too, I know it. I know it!” She shrieked like a banshee, clawing at Lucas, shredding his face as he tossed her onto the bed. Lucas straddled her, grabbing Valerie’s hands and pinning them to her side.

  Jack tried to follow them into the room. But Rachel got there first, shut the door, blocking it with her body.

  “Not so fast my little ravioli,” Rachel said and instantly regretted it. Val’s screams became louder, more grating as her voice started to give out. Not the best time for whimsy.

  And then, everything was as quiet as the grave. There was a seemingly endless moment—one of those moments Rachel knew she would never forget, no matter how long she lived— Jack was so close to her, so angry, but there was a tiny scrap of trust or camaraderie between them. Choose a side, his gaze said.

  All she had to do was get out of his way, let him go in there and get killed by Lucas. And if by some miracle, Jack managed to escape, he’d what? Throw her a pity fuck? She gave him an ugly smile.

  She snapped that moment of trust like a puppy’s neck. Grabbed his shoulders and swung him back, shoving him into the wall. She pressed his hard shoulders flat against the wall, and he struggled, surprising her with the force of his response.

  “Don’t speak. Stop fighting,” she said desperately, compelling him with her gaze. Her cold fingers clamping on to his warm, rough jaw so he couldn’t speak. She locked his body against the wall with hers, pressing him tight, leaving him powerless. “Don’t move your arms,” she said. He stopped trying to push her away.

  Jack stared at her with murderous fury. Her body weighed against his, keeping him still. He kicked her hard, scraped his foot down her calf, and she hissed. “Don’t move your legs, either,” she growled and he stopped kicking her.

  “God damn it!” she said harshly and looked at Jack, two inches from her face, murder in his eyes. He had been so fucking trusting. He’d looked her in the eyes! What the hell was wrong with him? It’s Vampire Rule Number One—don’t look them in the fucking eyes. He knows better!

  Trust.

  Shattered.

  Her body was draped over his as she caged his body against the wall with her own. Even now she wanted him. When all she could feel was his misery and anger, blazing from him, hotter than the sun. His helplessness was an emotional smorgasbord. She could take it from him. Suck him dry and feed her magic. Like she’d done with Marion.

  She swayed slightly, her forehead pressing against his. The steady rise and fall of his chest pulsed through her. Each breath pressed her breasts flat to his chest. And then, every time he exhaled, the faintest gap appeared and she missed his heat and skin.

  “Don’t speak,” she commanded him again, in a thready whisper. It was very important he didn’t speak, but she couldn’t remember why. Her thumb slid over his full lips, and she was dimly aware that there was still no sound from the other side of the door.

  “Ignore them,” she said. “Focus on me.” And he did. “There is nothing wrong. You’re happy here.” Oh, Christ. I can’t do this to him. His features smoothed out, his gaze sliding down to her mouth, and his brow furrowed in confusion as she continued to touch him. She felt his body relax against hers.

  And he was growing, getting harder against her as she pressed him into the wall. “Oh fuck, I am so sorry,” she said, feeling him against her core, knowing herself empty, desperate to fix both of those things.

  Rachel bent her head to his, kissed his lips lightly. Once, then twice. His lips firmed under hers, and she could feel his mental struggle as he tried to move. Closer or away, she didn’t know. Suspected it was away. She pulled back from him, looked into his eyes.

  Another moment where there could have been trust between them. Just let him go. You can come back from this, if you let him go right now. Why? He’d never be hers. Never want her.

  And she’d never deserve him.

  “Open your mouth for my kiss,” she said instead. He licked his lips slightly, lips soft and willing, her tongue sliding into his mouth with a moan. She learned things about him in that small taste—learned his rage and misery, his unwelcome lust for her, even his self-loathing.

  It made her wet, open…vulnerable. He kissed her back, his tongue in her mouth, kissing her angrily, a harsh noise coming from his chest. She felt the vibration of it in her own and became dizzy, almost unknowing as her fingers slid down his chest, across his flat stomach to the waistband of his pants.

  No.

  He’d never forgive her.

  She pulled back and looked into his eyes to compel him. “You will be able to move soon. As soon as I have finished speaking.” Her voice trembled. She used her normal voice this time, no compulsion, extending an olive branch to him. Putting her trust in him.

  “When I release you, you are not going to attack me or Lucas. You’re not going to remember Valerie screaming and fighting Lucas. I’m going to release you from my compulsion, and you’re not going to attack. He won’t hurt her. We need to get out of here and we can’t do that with her freaking out. The Fey did something to her.”

  Rachel looked into his eyes, tried so hard to will him to understand and play along. To not fuck this up. She leaned closer, right next to his ear. “I want you to trust me. He will kill you if he figures out I didn’t wipe your mind. Don’t make me regret it.”

  She looked back at him, could see his emotions warring within him. “If I had, you wouldn’t remember Valerie screaming. Wouldn’t remember Lucas using his compulsion on her. Tell me you understand.” She released him, felt his body go rigid as it came back under his own control.

  His first impulse was to throw her away from him in disgust and hate. She could see the battle on his face. But he didn’t. His head went back, hitting the wall so hard it must have hurt. He was breathing fast, nostrils flared in anger.

  “I understand,” he said, gutturally.

  She could see him swallow. Wanted to lick the flesh at the hollow of his throat. She nodded and took a step back. “Take my hand.”

  He looked at it furiously, like touching her would contaminate him on a fundamental level. Cell-deep revulsion. But he did it. He reached out and took her hand, grabbing it hard and then relaxing, making his grip soft on hers. Holding her hand like he wanted to be with her.

  And all the while she could see the desire to kill her in
his eyes. She pulled him away from the door, stepping backwards, tugging him along as though she were about to take him to bed. They went down the hall a little to wait. She let go of his hand, but he held her fast, pulled her in closer to him.

  Her mouth went dray, knees weak, not understanding what he wanted. Why wouldn’t he let her go? He made a gesture with his head, and she knew he wanted to say something, was asking her to come closer to him again. He was inviting her deep into his personal space, so he could whisper in her ear.

  Her heart pounded.

  It was dangerous. Lucas might hear. But Jack was going to say something, his breath would be on her body, his voice quiet and intimate. She’d never hear it like this again. She couldn’t say no to that.

  Wouldn’t.

  She stepped closer and he waited patiently, relaxed against the wall, the faintest smile on his lips. His hand came up, cupping her jaw tenderly, pulling her closer so that his lips brushed her ear. She shivered, exhaled shakily. He spoke softly, and she moved closer yet, so that she felt each brush of his lips as he spoke to her. His voice snuck inside her, pierced her, left her soaked and wanting.

  Flesh, blood, him.

  Darkness.

  Sex.

  She wanted all of it from him.

  Then his words registered and she pulled back, met the rage in his gaze, absorbed the promise on his hard, unyielding features. “Touch me again, and I’ll fucking kill you,” he’d said.

  With a slow nod of understanding, she stepped back.

  Chapter 41

  The door opened and Lucas came out, Valerie walking beside him, looking up at him with a smile. Rachel’s stomach churned, adrenaline arcing through her body like lightning. She felt almost as sick with foreboding as she had the night of the Challenge. Things were going to end badly. Jack couldn’t keep his cool around Lucas. She’d acted irrationally.