Love is Fear

by Caroline Hanson

  Was it sad that she’d assumed he could lie well? Didn’t everyone compartmentalize their emotions while they waited for the perfect moment to strike? It was second nature for her to smile. Smile until it was too late and her victim looked at her with surprise. But Jack was too good to lie well. Too heroic. Considering who he palled around with, it was a big fucking problem.

  Lucas closed his eyes for a long moment, as though he was composing himself. “We cannot leave until Cer releases his hold on Valerie. I believe he is in the North tower, where the portal is.”

  “Why?” Jack asked, only a hint of anger in his tone.

  “Because it is the only exit available to us, and he does not wish us to leave,” Lucas said, his gaze intent on Valerie. She cast a look up at him and blushed.

  Ah, young compelled love.

  “I will go there, make him release her, and then we will leave.”

  “You want to leave us here?” Jack said, gesturing around the empty corridor.

  “No. I want to leave you in a room. Barricade the door. You will be safe. Cer will not waste his energy on you, and the Wolves cannot get through the door.”

  “I’m coming with you,” Jack said.

  “No. You will stay.” Lucas reached out, brushing the back of his hand along Val’s cheek.

  “The hell I will. I’m going.”

  Lucas dropped his hand from Val’s cheek and turned to Jack. Absorbing every detail of him, Rachel thought. Oh god. He would know she hadn’t done it. Why the fuck hadn’t she done what Lucas told her to?

  A big conversation transpired in that one look between Jack and Lucas. They sized each other up, exchanged death threats, could have talked about sports, the stare lasted so damned long. Lucas turned those pale, cold blue eyes to Rachel, and she got chills. I see you and what you’ve done, the look said.

  “Fine,” Lucas said, tonelessly. “We will return as soon as we may.”

  Jack walked out of the room and Lucas followed, closing the door behind him, the sound reminiscent of a sarcophagus lid shoved into place.

  Valerie was just standing there like a bump on a log, looking at a tapestry on the wall. She blinked and frowned. Hopefully, she’d come out of it now that Lucas was farther away. Rachel wondered if she even knew her own name, she was so whacked out.

  Dammit. Rachel would never say she knew Lucas well enough to predict his actions. No one did. But she knew with a certainty in her bones that Jack wouldn’t be coming back. And it was her fault. But if she went after them Lucas would…kill her? Stick her in a coffin like Marion? Leave her behind? She felt sick with the weight of what was to come.

  Hadn’t Lucas always planned on killing Jack? Her mistake meant that it was just going to happen a little sooner. Rachel valued her life. She had to get out of Fey. Save Molly.

  The cards were dealt, she’d pushed all her money to the center of the table, and she was still sitting there, unaware she’d just been conned, waiting for the house to throw her out. Or for Jimmy Hoffa to take her to the desert to see the sunrise. Rachel paced back and forth for a few minutes, thinking furiously.

  I’m evil. Just do what you are supposed to do. Just stay here and wait until—

  “We have to go. We have to catch them, now!” Rachel said, grabbing Val by the hand and rushing down the hallway. Val stumbled as she tried to keep up with Rachel’s breakneck pace, but Rachel couldn’t stop to help her, just tugged a little harder as they skidded around the corner.

  Chapter 42

  Jack followed Lucas down the hall— knife out. This was a special knife. Half silver, half wood. It would get the job done if given the opportunity. He didn’t doubt that it was the right decision. The Fey hated Lucas. That’s why they were here. Lucas couldn’t find his way out of a paper bag over here, so he was useless. Their chance of survival did not improve with Lucas being here. And he knew Lucas was gunning for him too. If the chance came…yeah, he’d take it.

  And then he heard them. Wolves. They came out of nowhere, barreling down the corridor, snapping and snarling as they launched themselves forward, taking Lucas to the ground. One clamped its razor-like jaws on Lucas’ thigh, blood gushing out of him as the wolf unerringly sank his canines into the femoral artery.

  Another wolf landed on Lucas’ chest, jaw locked on his arm, trying to get to the vampire’s vulnerable throat. The wolf let go of his leg, bloody spittle dripping from its mouth. The wolf bit into Lucas’ ribcage, head and shoulders thrashing from side to side as the wolf tried to gnaw through him. With a wild roar, Lucas used his free hand to attack the wolf attacking his arm. Lucas stabbed upward, deep into the wolf’s gut.

  Where the fuck did he get a blade from?

  Both wolves jumped clear of him, eyes focused on the blade—a sign of intelligence that was unnatural. Lucas pushed himself up, using the wall as leverage to get himself standing. Desperate for a more defensible position. There was a pool of blood underneath him, black blood pulsing from his leg, oozing from his side and also his arm. The wolves waited, ignoring Jack, intent only on Lucas who was pale, shaking, and breathing hard.

  If only Lucas had been weaponless, the wolves would have killed him. Jack was sure of it. Lucas raised his arm, trying to reach behind him into his scabbard to draw his sword, the better to keep the wolves at a distance, but his arm collapsed, hanging limply at his side, blood gushing out of his side from the aborted move.

  The vampire’s attention was focused solely on the wolves in front of him, his back toward Jack. This was it. Jack’s one and only chance to kill Lucas. Jack waited, felt the rush of anticipation he always felt before a kill.

  With a curse, Lucas reached up again, agonizingly slowly, groaning in pain as he tried to make contact with the sword. The wolves darted forward, attacking with snarls, claws slashing as they tried to keep Lucas from reaching his blade and getting the advantage. Lucas drew the blade, hand adjusting on the pommel, as though he couldn’t grip it as tightly as he wanted to.

  Jack pulled his gun, sighted carefully and fired, the bullet slamming into Lucas’ hand. The sword clattered to the ground, and Lucas stumbled into the wall, clutching his hand to his body instinctively. The wolves launched at him, and Lucas put his arm out, swinging wildly at one with a yell, making contact so that the wolf smashed into the opposite wall.

  The distraction cost him, the other wolf reaching Lucas before he could recover The wolf stoodon its hind legs, mouth close to the vampire’s throat. Lucas fell forward, using his weight to push the wolf backwards—and giving Jack his chance. He drew the wood and silver knife, then lunged forward, shoving the blade deep into Lucas’ side, just beneath the ribcage, angling the blade up, searching for Lucas’ black fucking heart. Lucas staggered forward, a shudder going through him as he collapsed to his knees. Jack followed him down, but Lucas turned, rolling onto the dagger and crying out as he pulled Jack over him, using Jack as a shield to protect himself from the wolf.

  Jack threw his hands outwards, trying to keep the wolf at bay, its long claws slicing into his stomach, catching on something so that the claws didn’t slide all the way through him, from one side to the other. The wolf jerked back, and Jack knew what the claw had gotten tangled on—his spine.

  It should hurt more, Jack thought as he wrapped his arms around himself, trying to keep his intestines inside his body. White, blinding pain sliced through him as Lucas shoved Jack off of him and onto the floor. A moment passed, an eternity. Then there was a yelp, a crunch.

  Silence.

  Dimly, Jack hoped it had been enough. That the attack on Lucas would prove fatal. Jack sank into the shadows and had a moment of perfect clarity. As if it was a final parting gift from God, telling him the truth of his life just before it ebbed out of him completely: He would have died for his parents. He would have died for Nate. But it felt right that, in the end, he died for Val.

  Chapter 43

  Valerie came around the corner and didn’t understand what was in front of her. Lucas sat on the ground,
covered in blood, his head in his hands, a dark pool spreading beneath him. He was pale and looked up at them sluggishly, blinking slowly. Two dead wolves lay on the ground and beyond that was…

  “Jack!”

  He was on the ground, unmoving, bloody ropes of intestine surrounding him. He needs those, she thought stupidly and rushed to him, trying to stuff them back into his stomach. His blood warmed her hands. The intestines were slick and elusive. Soft. She called his name and, when he didn’t respond, didn’t even move, she shouted. He needed to hear her. He had to answer.

  Rachel was beside her, saying something in a low hurried tone, her hands over Jack’s heart. The air was suddenly warm, like the first day of summer. His skin, blood and organs grew hot under her palms, and Val jerked away from his body, which was now suffused with a golden glow.

  “Stop! It’s too late,” Lucas called hoarsely, stumbling towards them on his hands and knees. Val looked at him, shocked. His wounds were healing, though slowly, the one on his side still a bleeding gash, his thigh dripping blood.

  Rachel didn’t look at him as she stayed leaning over Jack, her hands still on his chest. “No it isn’t. I can save him!”

  Lucas swore, kept his gaze on Valerie for a moment before turning his attention to Rachel. He spoke quickly, his accent thicker than she had ever heard it, the words running together. “He is dead. It is done. Cease now.”

  “No!” Rachel said frantically, shaking her head, “He’ll live. I can do this. It’s not over, give me a chance.”

  Valerie reached for Lucas, her hand sliding down his face, scanning his injuries. Lucas ignored her, every fiber of his being riveted on Jack.

  She put her arms around Lucas, her cheek resting in a patch of blood on his shirt. He was soft, not as hard as he was at his full strength. The impenetrable exterior gone, so weak that his flesh was almost mortal. Red lines that dripped black blood marred his face where a Werewolf had slashed at him.

  Jack might by dying but Lucas… She couldn’t look away from him, couldn’t stop touching him, needing to reassure herself that he was alright. Isn’t that kind of fucked up? Jack might be dead. Gone forever. Val knew she should care more, be worried for him. And then the thought slipped away and she looked back at Lucas, feeling compelled to touch him again.

  “To what end?” Lucas called over Valerie, angrily speaking to Rachel. She’d never heard him sound so human. So angry and impassioned. Cruel. “You think he would thank you for it? Forget what you are? You do this and you only give him the power to kill you. Do not Rachel. It is Marion’s life, and more, if you do it.”

  But even as he said the words, Val heard Jack gasp and cough. She turned, keeping her hand on Lucas’ chest, as though he might disappear at any moment. The shimmering glow was fading, and Jack lay on the ground, clothes still bloody but skin healed.

  “Why is he still unconscious?” Val asked.

  “Tell her what you’ve done,” Lucas said darkly.

  Rachel bit her lip as she slumped to the ground, her head in her hands. Her voice was muffled. “He’ll survive. But… not as a human. He’ll become a wolf. But he’ll live.” She looked up, her face pale, with that dehydrated look that she’d had before, when she’d made the wolves out of thin air. Whatever she’d done had taxed her.

  “If we are going to bind him, it has to happen before he wakes up,” Rachel said tiredly. She got to her feet, hands braced on her knees as she took deep breaths.

  Valerie felt her own breath hitch, her ears ring a little. “What? What do you mean bind him?” She had a flash of an image—a wolf and Cerdewellyn, children walking into flames. She blinked.

  Rachel was looking only at Valerie, ignoring Lucas completely. As if Val was the one with the power. “Werewolves are no better than animals. Mindless and driven by animal urges unless they are bound to another. They need a pack. Jack won’t have one. If there is no pack, he needs the emotions of someone else to restrain his beast.”

  Lucas stood, and she felt his presence behind her. She turned to see him, his facial expression so cold that Valerie knew he was furious.

  Would he have let Jack die? Was that what she’d just seen? Her heart pounded. She thought she knew the answer but wasn’t sure. Had to do this first, then she would worry about Lucas and whether or not he would have let Jack die.

  Are you stupid? He totally would have let Jack die!

  Valerie remembered her history and what she’d read, “Empaths! An Empath was bound to a Werewolf! You can bind him to me, right? How do you do it?”

  Lucas took a few steps forward, walked around Val and Jack, and stopped before Rachel. Her head went back, and she swallowed, looking up to him. He reached out a finger, gently placing it under her chin, forcing Rachel to look him square in the eyes.

  Rachel flinched, blinking through tears.

  “Take him to the room, Rachel. We will meet you there.” Val could barely hear him as he said, “I know what you love. Do you hear me? It is not Marion, and it is not him. I know of her.”

  Rachel nodded jerkily, tears coursing down her cheeks as she stumbled backwards, dropping to the ground. She scooped Jack up in her arms, turning and walking down the hall, opening a door and disappearing inside.

  Lucas turned back to Val, enveloping her in his arms. She buried her face against his chest, letting him comfort her, enjoying his solidity and strength. Had he tried to kill Jack? Had he? She knew it mattered, but it felt unimportant.

  “Why did you threaten Rachel? She was trying to help.”

  “Do not trust her. The wolves are not dead. They are healing too. Do you see them?”

  She pushed away from him and looked at the animals, saw their chests rising and falling, their wounds shrinking. One of them had its eyes open.

  “They will attack again. They are Cerdewellyn’s, and he is healing them. Listen closely to what I must tell you and then go into that room and wait for me. You cannot bind yourself to Jack, Valerie. The tie must be strong. Only the strongest Empaths could bind themselves to a wolf. You are half Empath at best and have no notion of your abilities. You cannot bind yourself to him. It would not work.”

  She pulled away from him, not touching him at all. “What do you mean, it wouldn’t work?”

  “I mean, that if the wolf was stronger than your ability, he would be no better than a feral animal. If his anchor is strong enough, he will be Jack. Perhaps a little quicker to anger. Stronger and more intense, but the urges will not rule him. He will only succumb to his instincts and change at the full moon. If he binds to you and you are not strong enough, not only could he harm you, but he’d be gone forever.”

  “What’s the other option?” she said and felt like she already knew. Her mind was screaming a warning at her that this was a bad, bad idea. She took a step back. One and then two. Distance. Like she could take a few more steps and go back in time too. How far back would she go? Before Roanoke? Before Hawaii? Before London?

  “Me,” Lucas said.

  Valerie laughed—a rattling sound. “Yeah, right. Jack bound to you. How bound would he be? You know how much he hates you. I mean, you have to know. It’s really frigging obvious. Like he’d rather stab his eyes out than have a connection with you. It would destroy him.” She looked at the ground. Saw her hands fisted, shaking, felt like she needed to sit down. No, I need to get to Jack.

  “Being bound to me does not need to affect him negatively. I am strong enough to shut down the connection. He would not feel it. The advantage is that he would not try to kill me anymore. He would be stronger and less likely to die by a vampire’s hands. As long as I live, so would he.”

  He’d be at your mercy. She shook her head, felt like her head was filled with sand. “Wait. You’re making it seem like this is not a big deal and it is. It must be.”

  Lucas looked at her as if she was naïve. I hate it when he does that.

  “There is no other option. It needs to be done immediately, or he will die from his wounds. I can leave him u
nbound, but if I do, he will be lost to you. He already hates me, nothing of that will change. Would you rather he died? Or bind to you and become feral? Aside from the physical toll it would take on you, would Jack want to live as a beast—unknowingly acting depraved? Committing the sins he's always fought against? That is your decision. He binds himself to me or he dies.”

  Valerie looked at him sharply. That sounded like a threat. “No…but there has to be another option. How do you know I can’t—”

  She heard a growling sound and turned. Two of the wolves were coming to their feet, stalking closer.

  “Go. I will follow in a moment,” Lucas said, already turning away from her as he went to finish off the wolves. Val hesitated for a moment, looking at them. They were evil. Had almost killed Lucas and Jack. Attacked them. And yet, she looked at them and felt a connection. That doesn’t matter. Jack matters.

  Val opened the door to the bedroom and saw Rachel inside, standing over Jack. Rachel’s backpack was on the bed, her hand dripping blood, Jack’s lips red with it.

  “Shut the door,” Rachel said agitatedly, throwing her a brief look. “Where is Lucas?” Rachel asked, pouring some herbs into a bowl positioned next to Jack’s head.

  “He’ll be here soon. He said the wolves were still alive.”

  Rachel stroked the back of a finger down Jack’s cheek familiarly.

  “He wouldn’t want you to touch him,” Valerie said, even as she knew now was not the time to worry about that.

  “Oh, please.” Rachel rolled her eyes. “There are bigger priorities here. For example, this Werewolf binding is a big fucking problem.”

  “Go on, tell me what you really think,” Val said sarcastically.

  “Okay. Listen, fast. Lucas wasn’t straight with you. You can totally bind yourself to Jack. He’ll be fine, you’ll be fine. Lucas just doesn’t want you to have that connection with Jack. It’s intimate. You’d spend more time with him, care for him, be drawn to him. And he would be drawn to you. You know that’s the last thing Lucas wants.”