Flutter

by Amanda Hocking

  “Yeah, why?”

  “Let’s go to the zoo tomorrow,” I suggested. “They have sharks down in the aquarium so we don’t have to worry about the sun. It won’t be super exciting, but it’d be nice to get out of the house for awhile.”

  “Yeah, sure. That sounds good,” he smiled at me.

  His smile was so wonderful, and I felt this painful tug inside of me. I walked up behind him and wrapped my arms around his chest, resting my head on his back between his shoulders blades, and hugged him. I just wanted to be close to him.

  “What’s that for?” He stopped with his tie and put his arms over mine, and he sounded a little concerned. “Are you okay?”

  “Yeah, I’m fine. I just miss you, that’s all.” I did miss him, a lot, and I had a bit of guilt thrown on top, but he couldn’t know about that. “I feel like we haven’t spent any time together lately.”

  “We just watched an entire season of Futurama together last night,” Jack laughed, and I could hear it vibrating through his back. Delighted shivers ran through me, and I squeezed him tighter to me. He loosened my arms and turned so he could face me. “But I guess I can never really spend enough time with you.”

  He kissed me softly, and my heart swelled happily. Of course, I couldn’t completely enjoy the moment, because I couldn’t help but think about Peter’s kiss, and how different it felt. Jack must’ve felt it because he pulled away and looked at me, his blue eyes filled with worry.

  “Are you sure you’re okay?”

  “Yeah, I’m fine.” I lowered my eyes. “I’m just a little shaken up from today.”

  “You’ll get the hang of it. It just takes time,” he assured me. His concern made me feel even guiltier, so I walked back away from him and sat on the bed. The distance helped some.

  “How come Milo got the hang of it so quickly?” I asked.

  “It just depends on the person, I guess,” Jack shrugged and turned back to the mirror. “It took me way, way longer than it took him, but I’m a slower learner, apparently.”

  Jack kept practicing his knots, and while he eventually managed something that looked semi-professional, he never got it down the way he would’ve liked. I sat on the bed, watching Shark Week and chatting with him, but the night seemed to end too quickly. I was not ready for him to go when he started yawning, but he’d insist he’d see me very soon.

  Even though I’d just eaten, I made sure to eat again before I went to bed. If I was going to spend the afternoon around people, I wanted to be prepared. I was really excited about going to the zoo, so I woke up early and got ready. Jack came up to check on me just as I pulled on my shoes.

  “Ready?” Jack grinned at me.

  “Always. Are you sure you are?” I eyed up his outfit, which was his standard uniform. Shorts, two-toned neon Converse, and a Boba Fett tee shirt.

  “What’s wrong with this?” He glanced down at his clothes.

  “Nothing, except it’s the end of October, and it’s like fifty degrees and we’re going to be outside. Plus, the sun is out.” I had chosen jeans, a long sleeve shirt, and a fashionable scarf that I had looped around my neck. Even though we enjoyed the cold, people didn’t, and we were supposed to look like people.

  “I’ll be fine, and it’s not that cold,” he shrugged. “Come on. Let’s go. I wanna see the otters before it gets too dark.”

  The sun wouldn’t be out for much longer, but I couldn’t stand being in it for that long anyhow. If we were going to the zoo, there were a few animals that Jack wanted to see while we had the chance. He was telling me about how he refused to compromise on the prairie dogs as we went down the stairs, but then I saw Peter and completely tuned out.

  - 21 –

  It might seem pretty weird that I lived in the same house as Peter, directly across the hall, but I had managed to avoid him since we kissed. The reason for that is that I hadn’t left Jack’s room. I didn’t want to see Peter, and that was part of my logic behind the zoo trip.

  Unfortunately, when we descended the steps into the living room, Peter happened to be standing right there. He wasn’t looking at us, but my initial reaction was to panic anyway.

  “Something wrong?” Jack asked.

  “No, I’m fine,” I shook my head and hurriedly pushed my feelings away.

  Ezra hung a new giant flat screen TV on the wall, and Peter and Bobby supervised in some way. I’m not sure what was wrong with the old flat screen, although I would lean towards nothing. Peter stood a few feet back from where Ezra held the TV up, and Bobby was sprawled out on the couch, popping some of the bubble-wrap that had come with the new television. The cardboard box was on the floor by his feet, along with the “old” TV.

  “What’s going on?” I asked, even though I didn’t really want to say anything. I wanted to rush out of the room before Peter had a chance to look at me or Jack, but that would seem odd.

  “Ezra bought a new TV,” Bobby answered, watching as Ezra handled a TV that would be too big and too heavy for any one man to deal with alone.

  “Is it straight?” Ezra held onto the bottom of it and took a step back to look at it. “It better be since I have all the wires hooked up already.”

  “Yeah, it’s straight,” Peter said, and just hearing his voice made my pulse change.

  “What was wrong with the old TV?” I asked to distract myself.

  “Nothing.” Ezra stepped back further into the room so he could admire his handy work. “Jack and I just went to Best Buy this morning, and this TV is way better than the last one.”

  “You went to Best Buy?” I cocked an eyebrow at Jack. “How early did you get up?”

  “Early enough,” Jack shrugged. “Ezra was going to the store and asked if I wanted to come with, and like I would pass up a trip to Best Buy?”

  “I don’t see how this TV is any different than the one we had before,” Peter said, echoing my thoughts. “It isn’t even bigger, is it?”

  “It’s not about being bigger!” Jack walked away from me, closer to the TV so he could explain all the merits of it. His lingo instantly got technical, which was silly since Peter probably knew less about technology than I did. Ezra and Jack were the ones who were obsessed with all things new and electric.

  “It just looks like a television to me,” Peter said when Jack finished explaining how awesome it was.

  Jack scoffed loudly, and this time, even Ezra defended his purchase. At that point, they were mostly talking to themselves, and Peter looked back at me. Just briefly, and I looked away almost instantly, but his eyes still caught me. It shouldn’t even be possible for eyes to be that green, and I shouldn’t be thinking about how stunningly attractive they were.

  At least he played it cool better than me. If Jack and Ezra weren’t so damn excited about their new gadget, I’m sure they would’ve noticed how frazzled I acted. When I looked away from Peter, he went over to them to pretend to be interested in it.

  Bobby sat in the chair, swinging his feet over the edge, and he looked more entertained by the bubble wrap than he did the TV. Milo was missing, which was strange, because he loved this kind of thing. He should be in here gushing all over the TV too.

  “Where’s Milo?” I asked Bobby, since nobody else would listen to me unless I used the words “HD” or “plasma.”

  “Helping Mae with the laundry,” Bobby said and popped another bubble.

  I was tempted to steal the bubble wrap from him, but I had my chance to escape, so I took it. Jack wouldn’t be ready to go for at least another ten or fifteen minutes, and I’d rather spend that time waiting somewhere Peter wasn’t. At least Jack was too distracted to notice me slipping away.

  Down the hall, between the den and the main bathroom was the laundry room, filled with two sets of super powered washers and dryers. Seven people lived in the house, and that amounted to a lot of laundry. I tried to do mine and Jack’s, but Mae somehow always got to it before I did. She was magic that way. The laundry room had several racks with hangers.


  Most of Jack’s overflow clothes ended up down here, hanging on racks. His suits were in plastic bags, all neatly pressed, and they stayed down here to keep them from getting smooshed and wrinkled in our closet. The room was filled with the clean scent of clothes, but I could still smell us on them, especially Jack. No matter how many times they were washed, clothes managed to maintain some of their owner’s smell.

  On one wall were the machines themselves, one set dark blue, and the other a weird orange. Apparently, the days of ordinary white machines were gone. Milo sat on one of the washing machines, watching as Mae pulled towels out of the dryer and folded them. I’m sure he offered to help, but she refused. She thought it was her duty to do everything for us.

  Milo was dressed and looked good, except he’d painted his toenails, and I blamed Bobby for that. Mae, on the other hand, still wore her pajamas, and I hadn’t seen in her in real clothes in days. Her hair was up, but it was more of a rat’s nest than a bun.

  “How’s it going?” I asked, trying for casual instead of concerned. When I walked in the room, Milo gave me a wary look, and Mae barely glanced back at me.

  “I’m going to have to buy new towels,” Mae said. The usual warmth of her British accent sounded stogy and commandeering, but that was better than sobbing. “You leave the towels in your room for so long they smell of mildew, and I just can’t get it out.”

  “Sorry. I’m working on it,” I said. Jack and I were the messiest ones in the house, unless Bobby turned out to be inordinately dirty.

  “I didn’t say it was your fault.” Mae was nearly snapping at me, and she folded towels in an angry huff.

  I’m pretty sure Mae loves doing laundry. I’ve seen her folding and washing things, and it’s like meditation for her. That was not how she did laundry today.

  “Bobby and I always make sure to take our towels down,” Milo told her, and I glared him.

  “Why is Bobby doing his laundry here, anyway?” I asked, and I realized I had missed very crucial facts about him. “Doesn’t he have like an apartment or a job or something?”

  “He’s in art school and lives in a dorm,” Milo answered, matching my glare.

  “Of course he is.” When I thought about it, Bobby really had art student written all over him. “So, does he ever go to school or anything? Why is here all the time?”

  “He goes when he feels like it,” Milo said. “And staying here is better than staying at a dorm, and I want him here.”

  “Our house has always been open to anyone who needs it.” Mae sounded irritated by that as she folded a towel. “Anyone that’s ever needed a place, be they vampire or not, has always had a place. You wouldn’t believe how many people have stayed with us over the years. Ezra has always had an open door policy. To anyone.

  “Literally, anyone,” she went on. She put the folded towel in the basket and just leaned on it for a minute, as if she was too suddenly too weary to go on. “Except for my family. Except for what matters to me.”

  “Mae, you know that’s not what it’s about,” Milo said gently. He tried to put his hand on her shoulder, but she snapped back into motion and pulled a towel out of the dryer. “And you have us here. Don’t forget that. We’re your family, too.”

  “You know that I adore you, but…” She held a towel to her chest and trailed off.

  “Have you made a decision yet?” I asked carefully. “About what you’re going to do?” As far as I knew, she still had her heart set on turning her great-granddaughter, and Ezra hadn’t changed his either.

  “No.” Mae closed her eyes and shook her head. “Maybe. I don’t know.” She rubbed her forehead and smiled sadly at Milo. “I mean, if I left, you could all handle doing your laundry, couldn’t you?”

  “We don’t want you to stay because of laundry,” Milo said, looking appalled. “You’re the heart of the family. I don’t know what would happen if you went away.”

  “I know that, love.” She touched his leg gently. She went back to folding laundry, but more like the normal way she did. “I have time to think. There’s still time.”

  “Alice!” Jack called from down the hall. “Alice? Where are you? Are you ready?”

  “I should go.” I nodded back to the door. “We’re going to the zoo today.”

  “Have fun,” Milo gave me a half-wave, but his focus was still on Mae. She chewed her lip and didn’t even notice me leaving.

  Back in the living room, Ezra was making Peter watch that Planet Earth documentary because of how amazing it looked on the new TV. Jack came over to me and took my hand. As he said his goodbyes to the guys, Peter gave me a weird look, and I hurried Jack along. I wasn’t sure how well I could hide my emotions from Jack.

  Maybe I’d have to talk to Milo about all of this. He’d be really disappointed in me, but he’d help me out, assuming there was a way to help me out.

  We got to the zoo in time for Jack to see the otters and the prairie dogs, and he was overly excited about both of them. We spent a long time in the nocturnal exhibit with the bats, and Jack had way too much fun. As usual, his happiness was contagious, and I was having a great time.

  The best thing about the zoo was that most of the people there were children, and children didn’t react to us the way adults do. Some people still stared at us, and a small cluster of people followed us closer than was polite, but it was nothing that I couldn’t shake off. Jack didn’t even notice it at all.

  The highlight of the trip was the dolphin show. Jack made sure we sat right down in the front row, so when they jumped out or came to the edge, we got splashed. Afterwards, we went down to the lower level so we could see them in the aquarium. I stood next to the glass, watching them swim as if they were dancing with each other.

  “You know, I swam with dolphins once,” Jack said casually. “Mae had always wanted to do it, so the two of us went down to Florida, and we spent all day in the ocean. It was this thing we paid for, so it wasn’t like we randomly found wild dolphins or anything. But it was super awesome. We asked Peter to come with, but he said no, because dolphins are just big fish, and there’s nothing exciting about swimming with fish.”

  “Dolphins are mammals!” A little girl was standing next to me, her face pressed up to the glass, but she sounded completely offended when Jack called dolphins “fish.”

  “Yeah, I know,” Jack grinned at her. “My brother thinks they’re fish.”

  “Your brother is an idiot,” the little girl said.

  “He sure is,” Jack laughed.

  The girl’s mother just noticed her talking to us, and she apologized profusely as she dragged her daughter away, all the while managing to ogle Jack as she did.

  “So you and Mae swam with dolphins?” I asked, walking away from the tank and changing the subject from Peter. Even in jest, I was uncomfortable with Jack saying anything about him.

  “Yeah, it was a really spectacular trip. We should go again,” Jack suggested. We wandered around the aquarium, and he had his hands shoved in his pockets as I admired the seahorses. “Milo would love it, and I know Mae would be up to going. We have to go during the day, and the sun gets pretty hard on you, but if you eat a lot and just crash the whole next day, you should be okay.”

  “That would be really awesome.” I couldn’t imagine anything cooler than swimming with dolphins, but the thought of Mae made me less enthusiastic. “But do you think Mae would really go?”

  “Yeah, why wouldn’t she?” Jack asked, but then it dawned on him what I meant. “Oh. Well... when this is all over, I’m sure she’ll want to go.”

  “You really think so?” I raised an eyebrow. “Because, from the way Ezra makes it sound, there is no happy ending to all of this. She’s gonna be miserable.”

  “I know,” he sighed.

  In the center of the aquarium, there was a shallow pool full of stingrays and sharks that people could pet, and Jack stopped at it. He reached in the tank to touch them, but he wasn’t that into it. I’m sure he actually adored that kind of
thing, but I had him worrying about Mae now too.

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to bring the entire day down,” I said.

  “No, you’re fine,” he said, taking his hand out of the water. “Were you talking to her today before we left?” I nodded. “How is she doing?”

  “Not so great,” I admitted. “But at least she hasn’t made a decision yet.”

  “You mean she’s still considering doing it?” Jack looked at me with wide eyes and his skin paled a little. “I thought that after Ezra gave her that ultimatum, she’d just kinda get over it. I mean, not quickly or anything, but I thought that’s where she’d be headed.”

  “You didn’t see her when she fought with Ezra.” I thought about how she had literally been on her knees begging him. “For her, I don’t think there is any getting over this. Ever. Either she loses Ezra, or she loses a child.”

  “I know Daisy means a lot to her, but she’s not really her child.” Jack chewed the inside of his cheek. “She didn’t give birth to her or raise her or even speak to her. I understand that there’s a connection, but I don’t get why she’s willing to sacrifice everything for it.”

  “I don’t completely get it either, but then again, I’ve never been a mother,” I said. “And that’s really all Mae has ever been.” I took Jack’s hand in mine. “But you don’t think she’ll actually do it, do you? Or even if she does, her and Ezra won’t really split up over this? Will they?”

  “I honestly don’t know,” he sighed resignedly. “Once I would’ve said that nothing could break them up, but the longer I live, the more I realize that nothing lasts forever.” Realizing the implications of what he said, he smiled at me and looped his arm around my shoulders.

  “Except for you and me. We’re in this ‘til the end, baby.” He kissed the top of my head, and I leaned onto his shoulder, and I really, really hoped he was right.