Always been You

by Mia Scott

  He found her; just like she knew he would (though if she was being honest, she'd purposely stolen away into the guest bedroom at the back of the penthouse knowing it was off limits to guests). She tilted her head and smiled at him as moonlight washed through the room casting deep shadows over his face. "Hey," she greeted softly, her heart racing just a little faster than it was the minute before.

  "Hey," Big returned deeply, his eyes raking slowly over the red dress that hugged every delicious curve on her body. He placed a hand on the back of her head and Adam her lips to his; sinking into the kiss he'd wanted to give her since he walked out of her apartment two days ago. "That's a damn dress," he mumbled against her lips, feeling her smile in response and curl her fingers into his shirt.

  "I wore it for you," she murmured, nipping at his mouth and making him groan. (She was pretty sure vixen passed those full, soft lips)

  "I can't wait to peel it off later then," he grinned wolfishly, cocking up an eyebrow.

  "Me neither," she answered with a kittenish smile before pressing her lips to his again; the warmth of it made her head fizzy like champagne bubbles. "We'd better get back," she sighed when the kiss broke. She Rosemary on her toes and brushed her lips quickly against his before skirting around him for the door. His hand on her arm stopped her.

  "Hey," he said, waiting until she turned back, a questioning look in her eyes. He wanted to tell her (ask her?) that they should just go out there together and to hell with what other people thought; the words were right there on the tip of his tongue, but he couldn't make himself say them out loud. "Can't wait 'til later," he told her instead, wagging his brows suggestively at her and making her grin. She headed for the door and tossed one last flirty glance over her shoulder before breezing out to rejoin the party.

  Big hung back for a few minutes wondering what the fresh fuck was going on in his head where Alisha was concerned. For the first time in…well, ever, he wasn't completely freaked out by having one woman in his life. (Obviously, since he hadn't been with anyone but her for almost two months) But he didn't know what that meant or what the next step should be.

  Okay, so he knew what the next step was. Jesus.

  It was time for a discussion about fucking feelings.

  Sighing, he knocked back the rest of his drink and headed back to the party.

  "Delicious," Russell greeted, cornering her by the buffet. She had just filled her plate and couldn't wait to tuck into the delicious looking food, but the mischief dancing all over her friend's face told her she wasn't about to enjoy a carefree meal at this party.

  "Yes, Russell?"

  "You look fabulous," he told her, appraising her appearance from head to toe.

  Her lips twitched into a cautious smile. "Thank you."

  "Dressing up for your man?" he asked with pursed lips.

  Alisha sighed heavily and speared a meatball with her fork. "Leave it alone, Russell."

  Russell sniffed and wrapped his arm around her shoulders in a vice-like grip. "Oh, Alisha, Alisha, Alisha. How likely do you think it is that I would leave something like this alone? Silly girl," he told her teasingly.

  Adam approached the pair with a smile. "Happy Holidays, cutie," he grinned, leaning down to kiss her cheek.

  "Same to you," she warmly replied.

  "This one hassling you?" he asked, jerking a thumb in Russell's direction. Affronted, Russell turned his nose up in the air and sniffed.

  Alisha laughed, elbowing her friend in the ribs. "Why, Russell Hummel would never do such a thing."

  "Oh, yuck it up, you two, but I think I've remained extremely composed considering how right I was about the big secret. I can't help it that I want a little more information out of Alisha, can I?" He looked back and forth between the two before answering his own question. "No, I can't. So, you," he jabbed a finger at Alisha, "start talking. I want to know what's going on with you and Big. I've noticed the long looks you two have been exchanging when you think no one else is watching. But me? I see everything."

  "Russell, leave her alone," Adam warned. "It's a party, for God's sake."

  "Thank you, Captain Obvious," Russell replied drolly. "So?"

  "So, what?" Alisha bit out, taking a large gulp of her wine to soothe her rapidly fraying nerves. Why everyone felt the need to be in her business was beyond her. All she wanted to do was eat some good food, share a few laughs and just generally enjoy the party before going home with the man whose kiss she could still feel on her lips. Was that asking too much? (She didn't think so.)

  "Come on, Alisha. Do you really expect me to believe that you two are just sleeping together? Because I don't—not for one millisecond."

  "Why are you asking me then if you have all the answers?" Alisha asked tartly, popping a crab puff into her mouth.

  "Sweetie, I know that Gregory hurt you, but you can't hang on to that forever. This little bubble you've created can only last so long before you have to face reality and answer the tough questions."

  She couldn't hide the wince at the mention of Gregory's name. She hadn't thought about him in a long time (honestly, she hadn't), but then Russell mentions his name and it's like a spotlight on all of her insecurities and the real reason she was so desperate for her and Big to stay in their bubble.

  Whatever she felt for Big would be discussed with him later. (After all, he should be the one to hear it first. Shouldn't he?) She was not going to have this conversation with Russell before she had it with the man she was involved with. Plus there was the whole issue of telling Maggie. Her friend would no doubt be hurt to learn that she'd been kept in the dark for so long, but she was going to tell her. She just needed to find the right way to do so after the holidays.

  "Whatever it is you think you know, Russell, you've got it wrong. I assure you that all that exists between us is sex. Just leave it alone, okay?" The lie slipped past her lips and she felt something twist in her belly. Alisha gave them a tight smile and walked away, completely unaware that Big was standing around the corner and had heard every word.

  He knew she'd find him later. She'd cast a furtive glance around to make sure no one was watching (because God forbid anyone fucking find out) and then she'd sidle up to him with her bedroom eyes on and that fucking dress wrapped around her body like second skin looking beautiful and completely sinful at the same time. And here he was, feeling like a fucking tool of epic proportions having wanted to discuss feelings with her, when all he was to her was sex. Fuck his life.

  Leaning against the counter in the kitchen with a fresh whiskey in hand, his jaw clenched tightly when she strolled into the kitchen (looking over her shoulder just as he predicted) with a tempting smile on her lips.

  "There you are," she said, her smile growing brighter as she approached. "I've been looking for you."

  "Well, you found me," he bit out, raising the glass to his lips and draining it swiftly.

  "Easy there, killer," Alisha teased, lifting her eyes to his. His eyes were hard and cold as they looked back. Her brows knit together as she stepped closer. "What's wrong?" she asked, placing a hand on his stomach.

  "Nothing," he shrugged carelessly, turning to refill his glass.

  "Hey," she said softly, cupping his face in her hands, angling it towards her. "Are you okay? Do you want to get out of here?"

  Big snorted derisively, taking another big gulp of the amber liquid in his glass and feeling it burn a warm, sick trail down into the pit of his stomach. "Sure—or maybe we could just find an empty bathroom and get it over with."

  Her eyes narrowed and her lips turned down, but she said nothing.

  "You'd like that, right, Alisha?" he asked bitterly, setting his glass down with a thud on the granite countertop. His hands splayed over the curve of her hips, his fingers digging in. "For me to nail you up against a door while the party continues on the other side? Or is that too risky since your fucking friends might find out?"

  Alisha snapped back as thought he'd slapped her. (He might as well have; the
words hurt just as badly.) "What the hell is wrong with you?" she asked heatedly. She heard a familiar laugh behind her and she froze.

  "What's going on in here?" Maggie asked; her brows furrowed as she looked between her best friend and Big.

  Big's eyes fell to Alisha's face and he saw the look of sheer terror and watched as she swallowed thickly. Fuck this. All of it. He wasn't going to let Alisha Larrington pull the goddamn strings any more. He lifted his eyes to Maggie, noticing that James was there now, too. He avoided his best friend's eyes and kept his own trained on Maggie.

  "Alisha and I have been fucking since November. Merry Christmas," he said gruffly and stormed out.

  "What?" Maggie sputtered, watching the blur that was Big blow by her.

  Hot, angry tears stung Alisha's eyes and threatened to spill over. She couldn't deal with the questions Maggie inevitably had right now. Right now she had to find Jake and figure out what the hell was going on with him.

  "Alisha!" Maggie snapped, grabbing Alisha's arm as she tried to hurry past. "Is it true?" she asked in disbelief.

  "Not now, Maggie," Alisha spat, jerking her arm free and rushing for the door.

  She just missed him as the elevator doors closed; she knew it was fruitless to yell at him to hold the doors though. He made it pretty clear he didn't want to talk to her, but Jake Biggerman had another thing coming if he thought he could act like that and get away with it. She was going to get to the bottom of this. Eyeing the door to the stairwell, she removed her high heels and ran for the exit.

  Alisha reached the street level and pushed through the door, spotting him a few steps ahead of her. "Jake!" she yelled, seeing red when he didn't even pause and kept walking away from her. She hurried after him, the cold sidewalk biting into her feet. "Goddammit, Jake, stop!"

  Part of him wanted to stop, to have this out with her and clear the air; but he was kind of drunk and he was afraid of what would come out of his mouth.

  So he kept walking. And she kept yelling.

  He finally stopped when something nailed him right between the shoulder blades. "The fuck?" he whirled around and saw one high heeled shoe on the ground. "You threw a fucking shoe at me?" he asked, completely incredulous as she stomped down the sidewalk towards him.

  "You wouldn't stop," she said through clenched teeth, wrapping her arms around her body, trying to fight off a shiver.

  She came outside without a coat. In the middle of the goddamn winter. "Dammit, Alisha, it's freezing. Just go back inside," he snapped.

  "No," she bit back. "Why the hell did you do that? You knew I was going to tell her when the time was right. I thought we agreed to keep things between us for a while longer? It's nobody's business but ours anyway."

  "But the time was never right, was it? You fought so hard to keep this a secret. I wasn't asking you to take out a fucking billboard, Alisha, but you knew I was tired of hiding from our friends."

  "So you just blurted out the truth in the crudest way possible? In the middle of a party? Goddammit!"

  "This is what pisses me off (and hurt his feelings, but fuck all if he was going to tell her that) …I'm good enough for you to spread your legs for but not good enough for your precious Maggie to know about. If you wanted anonymous sex so badly, Larrington, maybe you should have picked out some random guy in your audience instead of me."

  The sound of her palm connecting with the side of his face cracked through night air like a whip. "You're a fucking asshole," she choked out, her voice growing tight with tears.

  "Yep and you knew that going in to this, so I don't know why you're acting surprised." (Great. He'd made her cry. Never before had he felt like a bigger piece of shit than he did at that exact moment.)

  "My God, Jake," she began, hot tears trailing down her cheeks despite her best efforts to keep them from falling, "what the hell happened between the guest room and the kitchen? It doesn't make any sense." She swiped angrily at the tears with the back of her hand, annoyed by his silence. "Just tell me!" she yelled, desperate for an answer that would allow her to fix this. (Because she had to fix this.)

  "Why does it matter? This thing is over now, right?" he asked coldly. "Weren't those your terms? We do this for as long as it's fun. This isn't fucking fun for me, Alisha." He shrugged and bit the inside of his cheek so hard he tasted blood.

  "What are you talking about?" she implored.

  He really needed to get the hell away from her or else those shimmering eyes of hers would bring him to his knees. "Come on, baby," he sneered, "we were just fucking. And now we're not. Don't know why you're making such a big deal out of it."

  "Thank you, Jake, for cheapening everything between us," Alisha sniffled, brushing away more tears.

  "Whatever, babe," he said pointedly. "It was fun while it lasted—and hey, feel free to give me a call if you're feeling horny. You're a really great lay after all."

  Nothing about this made any sense to her. Not one thing. She shook her head and bridged the gap between them, tipping her head up to look him directly in the eyes. "You're really pissing me off right now. Just tell me what this is really about, because the guy that took me to the Colts game on Sunday wouldn't be saying these things to me because he wouldn't want to hurt me—especially after the night we spent together. You do remember that night, don't you?" She bit the inside of her lip and searched his eyes for clue, for a glimmer of anything that told her this wasn't over. "Why would that guy want to hurt me, Jake?" she asked softly.

  All along he thought the real reason he'd never wanted to have a girlfriend was because he didn't want to be tied to one person (boring), but this? This was the real reason. You get comfortable enough to let your guard down (even for a second) and you get kicked right in the fucking balls.

  Big swallowed and his throat felt like sandpaper. "He didn't want to," he began, seeing her eyes soften slightly, "and then he overheard the girl telling her friends that all that they had between them was sex."

  He was kinda drunk; he was fully mad; and yeah, okay, his feelings were smarting a little. It was time to get the fuck outta there before he did anything else stupid, so he didn't wait around for her response. He simply turned and walked away; shoving his hands into his pockets and ignoring the way the wind stung his eyes.

  Alisha stood motionless on the sidewalk, watching him walk away until she lost sight of him. Tears flowed freely down her face as the realization finally hit her.

  She'd hurt his feelings.

  And she could lose him. (If she hadn't already)

  All because she'd been too afraid to notice what had been staring her in the face for a while now and to let go of the past that would allow her to finally move on.

  Shivering from the late December cold, Alisha Bent down to pick up the shoe she'd thrown at him. As she slipped her frozen feet into tall heels, her face crumpled and a fresh batch of tears sprang from her eyes.

  Once she was safely in the warm elevator, she slumped down on the padded Bench, her mind whirling like a tornado over possible ways to fix this mess. There was no use in playing if only, she knew, because the damage had already been done. But she hoped that it could be undone. (It had to be undone)

  The doors slid open with a ding on Maggie's floor and she needed a few deep, cleansing breaths before she was ready to walk back in to that apartment. Her emotional rollercoaster ride wasn't over yet, she knew, but she wasn't sure how much more she could take tonight.

  Maggie moved through the party, playing the charming hostess, but inside she was mad (and sad and hurt) that her best friend would keep something so big from her for so long.

  She really wanted everyone to get the hell out of her home.

  They never kept secrets from each other (well, unless it was about presents or something silly), but this? This was huge.

  Alisha reappeared through the door with a tear-stained face and Russell and Adam were by her side almost immediately, wrapping arms around her and whispering. Something about the whole scene told her the
breaking news of Big and Alisha she'd gotten in the kitchen was yesterday's news to those two.

  She pasted on a bright smile as some of her guests approached to tell her goodbye and she thanked them for coming. The smile fell from her face after they walked away, and she saw James (her boyfriend) talking to Alisha, too.

  If everyone knew about this secret but her, she was going to cut a bitch.

  Alisha lifted watery eyes in her direction and Maggie felt her heart lurch for the obvious pain her friend was feeling and also for the hurt she felt from being the last to know. She watched Adam usher her through the apartment towards the bathroom and noticed James and Russell talking closely together and shrugging.

  Maggie politely excused herself from the conversation she was having with a neighbor and caught up to the two men following after Alisha and Adam.

  "Did you know about this?" she asked heatedly, grabbing the collar of Russell's shirt and tugging him back.

  Russell whirled on her and smoothed his hands down the fabric. "This is Gucci, for God's sake. Show some respect," he frowned. He saw the flash of hell fire in her eyes and took a cautious step back.

  "I asked you a question."

  He hated when she had this eerily calm tone to her voice. (She was at her absolute scariest.) It was like the moment right before a scorpion whipped its tail around and dealt you a fatal blow. "No comprende!" he blurted nervously and scurried away.