Renewed (Shattered #3)

by Heather D'Agostino

  ooooooooo

  When I finally came home to sleep that night, sleep was the last thing I actually got. Avery had come to stay for the weekend, and she and my brother had disappeared into the guest room as soon as I got home. She gave me some kinda line about how she would take care of Emma during the day and stay with her as much as I needed, but the night feedings and diaper changes were all me. I didn't realize how many times a baby woke up at night until then.

  Avery and Cam had swiped some of the leftover earplugs off my dresser before they’d gone to bed. As I stood here in my daughter’s room trying to get her back to sleep, I now knew why. Emma had been crying for an hour straight, and I had no idea why. I’d fed her a bottle, changed her, rocked her, and yet she was still wailing away.

  “What’s wrong pretty girl?” I cooed at her in a soft voice. She whimpered and failed her arms around. “Hmmmm? You can’t still be hungry, you had a bottle.” I stood from the rocking chair, and began to pace the room. “Do you have a belly ache?” I bounced her in my arms as we moved from one end of the room to the other. Yawning, I began patting her back. “Daddy’s so tired Baby…You gotta go back to sleep.” When I started to rub circles on her back, she finally began to settle. After a little rooting around, she yawned and closed her eyes. I sighed, "Finally!" as I continued to pace and gently pat her. I was so afraid that she'd wake back up, I was tempted to sleep in the rocking chair that had seemed to be my best friend recently.

  When I stopped beside her crib she remained sound asleep, so I attempted to lean over and place her inside. She laid motionlessly on the giant mattress as I stood and watched her. I really didn't understand why they made cribs so big. She looked like a little football lying there on this huge bed. Cam had assured that before I knew it she'd be growing out of the bed, and to enjoy it while it lasted. When he'd shown me pictures of Aaron taking his first steps I knew my baby was going to grow up faster than I wanted her too.

  Stepping back, I blew a kiss in the air and shuffled back to my room. As I climbed into my bed, I grabbed Leah’s pillow and hugged it to my chest. It still smelled like her shampoo, and at the moment seemed to be the only thing holding me together. “We were supposed to be going through this together,” I mumbled. “I need you,” I began to tear up, and all the emotions that I’d been bottling up began to rise to the surface. I’ve never been the type of guy to get emotional. I don’t cry, but lately it seems to be all I’m able to do. Knowing that Avery and Cam wouldn’t hear me, I finally let go and let the tears overtake me as I cried myself to sleep. I knew that until I had my girl back home with me I was only going to be half of the person I used to be. Leah completed me, and without her I was just broken.

  Chapter 14

  Nick

  It had been a week of the same routine every day. I'd wake up, run on the beach, take care of Emma, and then head to the hospital to see Leah. Avery had been a godsend. She'd called her mom and told her she was staying until Leah could come home. I had no idea when that would be, she still hadn't woken up, but Avery seemed to be optimistic. My brother had gone back to Pittsford for the week, but was now back here, and currently cooking breakfast.

  "So…you wanna tell me what that was all about?" I motioned to the open slider that Avery had just stormed through.

  Cam sighed and shook his head, "Sarah called me last night right when we were getting ready to…you know?"

  "What? Why?" I reached for a mug to pour myself a cup of coffee.

  “I don’t know,” he groaned. “She had a question about Aaron.” He grabbed his bowl of cereal and moved toward the table, “It’s like she knows when I‘m with Avery, and that's when she calls. Of course, I always answer because I'm worried it might be something important. But…Avery doesn't see it that way."

  I nodded without speaking as I buttered a piece of toast and joined him at the table. "Do you like Avery? Do you want a future with her?" I glared at him.

  "Yes," he gave a quick jerk of his head before stuffing a big spoonful of cereal in his mouth.

  "Then you need to talk to Sarah and tell her not to call you unless it's something important.

  "Dude…I know!" he rolled his eyes as his shoulders slumped a little further.

  "Shhh!" I narrowed my eyes. "Emma's still sleeping, and after last night I'll kill you if you wake her up."

  "Sorry," he mumbled. "We heard her. How late were you up?"

  “I stopped looking at the clock around two,” I took a bite of toast before turning to stare out the window. “I don’t know how much longer I can do this. It’s been ten days with no changes…” my voice trailed off as I watched the waves on the beach lap against the sand. It was the end of spring, and summer was right around the corner. Leah was missing the best part of living on the beach.

  "What have the doctors been saying?" Cam stood to place his bowl in the sink.

  “That I need to be patient, and these things take time,” I grumbled.

  I started to say something else, but Avery stopped me when she came stomping up the deck stairs fuming. She propped an arm on the edge of the open door and narrowed her eyes on my brother, "I need to talk to you." She was vibrating with tension and as Cam blew out a breath, I knew it was about to get ugly.

  His shoulders shook as his head bobbed before trudging toward the door. Once outside on the deck, he pulled the door closed effectively muffling their conversation. Avery’s hands snapped to her hips, as her foot began to tap vigorously on the deck. I couldn’t quite make out what they were saying, but she was angry that was certain. My brother threw his head back as he looked up at the sky taking her wrath before dropping his chin back down. Avery stepped back away from him as if she was ready to bolt, and he reached for her. I watched her narrow her eyes as he ground his jaw. I could tell by his stance that he was barely holding onto his anger. That was one thing that my brother and I shared, our temper. I’d never seen him this mad before, and as tired as I was from lack of sleep it was sort of amusing to watch these two.

  Avery's body tensed as I heard Cam bellow, "What do you want from me!" I knew that voice. The tone of it was saying that he was at the end of his rope. He was tired of the back-and-forth, and he wanted this woman to make a decision.

  "I don't know!" she screamed back. "I'm tired of her butting in," the door slid open as Avery came inside. My brother tried to follow her, but she turned on him and stabbed her finger into his chest, "She's doing this because she wants you back! I'm not sharing you!" she growled. "Tell her to butt out, or I'm going to make you choose!" she spun on her heel and stormed off down the hall leaving Cam staring at her back.

  "What was that all about?" I muttered.

  "Sarah," he huffed. "What else?"

  "I know you don't want to hear this," I paused "but she's right. Sarah has this weird attachment to you. It's like she doesn't want you, but she doesn't want anyone else to have you either. You're so focused on Aaron that I don't think you see it, but you're going to lose that one if you don't change something quick."

  “I know,” he groaned.

  ooooooooo

  When I arrived at the hospital for my daily visit, things were pretty much the same. Leah’s room was now filled with flowers. I’d gotten in the habit of bringing a bunch of them each day. I’d rotate between daisies, roses, and tulips. Avery had given me shit about not getting more of a variety, so I now had added irises to the mix. The beautiful purple of the flowers truly brightened the room, and after the week of sleepless nights anything bright was a welcome sight. Leah still laid motionless in the middle of the bed, a few machines monitoring her. The breathing tube had been removed several days ago because she was now breathing enough on her own. The only lines to her body were an IV and a heart monitor.

  “Morning Baby,” I murmured as I placed the flowers in a vase on the window sill. I grabbed the daisies that had once sat there, and tossed them. For some reason, changing out the wilted ones for fresh had become my job. “It’s a beautiful day today. I couldn�
��t help but think of you when I went for my run this morning. Summer is going to be here before you know it. We can take Emma out on the beach, and swimming in the pool…” I let my voice fade as I watched her lay there, no sign of life other than the rise and fall of her chest along with the beep of the heart monitor. I dropped down into a chair beside her, and grabbed her hand, "Please Baby, I can't do this anymore. You have to wake up." I scanned her face for any sort of reaction to my words. "Leah?" I waited and listened. "Emma needs you. She needs her mom. Please?" A single tear trickled down my cheek as I begged her to wake up. “I didn’t agree to this,” I mumbled as I dropped my head to the bed, and buried my face in the soft sheets beside our clasped hands. “I can’t do it alone. I thought I could, but I can’t. She needs a mom,” I reiterated.

  “She has one,” came a whisper.

  At first I didn't think I had heard correctly, but I lifted my head just in time to see her eyes flutter open against the bright sunlight in the room.

  "Oh my god," I gasped. "You're awake," I stood on shaky legs as I ran my hands over her body finally leaning in to press a kiss to her forehead. "Don't go anywhere," I moved to turn towards the door.

  "No," she begged "don't leave me!"

  "I need to get a doctor," I gave her what I'm sure was a confused look.

  "Just stay with me a minute, please," she tightened her grip on my hand as she tried to pull me towards the door.

  "I'm never leaving," I assured her as I leaned in and kissed her lips. "Never," I murmured against them.

  ooooooooo

  Leah

  Nothing but silence and darkness had plagued me. I had no idea how long it had been, but I could hear his voice again. It had come to me in the darkness regularly and begged me to come back. I didn’t know where I’d gone, but each day as I fought against the dark blanket that kept me hidden inside my head I silently begged him to not give up.

  Today was different though. The darkness didn't seem as strong, and I could feel him. It wasn't just sound today, but touch also. He was holding my hand and crying as he begged. The more he begged, the harder I fought. I wanted to come back, I wanted to survive…if, not for me, for him and my daughter. My daughter…was so ok? Did she make it? Was Nick crying because we lost her? As I watched the light in the distance come closer, I charged forward fighting against the dark until I burst into the light.

  “She has one,” I pushed with all my might to get my mouth to work.

  My eyes opened to an incredibly blinding light. I blinked a few times, trying to adjust.

  "Oh my god," Nick stood from his seat. "You're awake," his entire body trembled as he leaned over and pressed a kiss to my forehead. "Don't go anywhere!"

  "No! Don't leave me!" I tighten my grip on his and tugged him towards me as I begged. I'd been fighting for this moment for so long. I didn't want to wait another minute. This was our time to be together.

  "I need to get a doctor," he cocked his head to the side as he gave me a reassuring pat. His eyes crinkled around the edges, and he bit down on the inside of his cheek.

  “Just stay with me a minute, please?” I tried again. I didn’t want any doctors poking or prodding me right now. I’d had enough doctors over the last several months to last me a lifetime.

  “I’m never leaving," he leaned over and pressed a kiss to my lips as he settled himself on the bed beside me.

  I nodded as he pulled away before I glanced down at my belly. It was still swollen slightly from where my baby had been, but was slowly shrinking. I was sore where the doctors had performed a C-section, but other than that I just felt really tired. I took a deep breath before turning my head to look at Nick and ask him, "Is she ok?"

  He didn't answer at first, and I slowly began to panic until he smiled softly at me, "She's perfect…just like her mom."

  Tears sprang to my eyes as the last eight months of worry leaked from my body. We'd finally made it. She was ok, and so was I. "Where is she?" I craned my neck thinking that I must have overlooked something.

  “At home with Avery,” Nick smiled. His eyes were ringed with dark circles and red. I don't know if it was from anxiety, lack of sleep, or a combination of both.

  "How long have I been out of it?" I shifted on the bed and winced in pain.

  "Almost two weeks," Nick sighed and yawned at the same time.

  "When can I see her?" I grimaced again, and that put Nick into action.

  “Please let me get a doctor. I'm not going anywhere, but we need to let them know that you're awake."

  I nodded as I groaned and grabbed my middle. It felt like my insides had been pulled out, rearranged, and then stuff back in. Nick slipped out the door and reemerged [G5] within seconds with a nurse right behind him.

  “How are you feeling?" the nurse came over and began checking my vitals.

  "Ok, I guess…a little pain," I winced when she pressed on my belly.

  “I can get you something for that,” she nodded and moved back towards the door.

  "Will it make me sleep?" I asked as anxiety began to pelt me. "I don't want anything that's going to make me sleep."

  "It might, but you're out of the woods now. You'll be fine," she smiled at me as she disappeared out into the hall.

  I then turned towards Nick, "Go get my baby…please? I want to see her."

  “Are you going to be ok here for a little while if I leave?” he looked worried. It was almost like he feared that if he left, he might return and find that I'd gone back to the darkness.

  "Please?" I begged. "I want to hold her," I pleaded. "I'll be fine. I promise."

  "All right," he conceded. "I'll be back in an hour." He kissed me once more before he turned toward the door. "I love you," he called as he stepped out into the hallway.[G6]

  "I love you too," I called to the door as it closed behind him.

  ooooooooo

  Nick

  This day couldn’t get any better. As I drove along the streets of Wilmington heading back to my house I realize my prayers were being answered. Leah was awake, and I was getting ready to introduce her to our daughter. Pure joy and elation filled the cab of my truck as I pulled into the driveway and bounced out. I skipped up the steps, and threw open the door to a scene I could have gone my entire life without seeing. My brother was bare ass on the couch with Avery moaning underneath him.

  "Shit!" Cam yelled as he scrambled to cover Avery and himself.

  "What the fuck are you doing?" I returned.

  "Making up," Avery giggled from somewhere out of my line of vision.

  "On my couch?" I growled. "You owe me a new couch brother!" I turned and stormed down the hall to Emma's room. When I returned moments later with her in my arms, they were dressed and grinning at one another.

  "Sorry about that," Cam muttered as he raked his fingers through his hair. "Where are you going?"

  I grinned back at them, the scene I'd just witnessed already pushed to the back of my mind, "the hospital. She's awake."

  "What?" they both laughed.

  "I'm taking my daughter to meet her mommy," I chuckled. "You two should have waited a little longer and you could have had the house to yourselves. No more fucking on my furniture," I narrowed my eyes at them. With that, I turned and made my way outside. "Did you hear that?" I glanced down at my daughter. "We're going to see Mommy!" Emma's eyes blinked up at me. I'm sure in her little mind she probably thought I was crazy, and at the moment I probably was, but everything was finally right in the world, at least for the moment.

  Chapter 15

  Leah

  Once Nick had left, the nurse had reappeared with a syringe filled with something. I assumed it was pain medication since she’d told me she’d give me something to ease my discomfort. After she had squeezed it into my IV, she checked my vitals once again, and told me to buzz her if I needed anything.

  Now I sat staring out the window of my room taking in the city around me. It was a beautiful day, and I couldn’t wait to get out of this place and home wh
ere I could venture outside. Nick would be back soon with our daughter, and I had plans to ask him to push for my release. Just thinking about seeing Emma for the first time had me twisted into all kinds of knots. It was thrilling and scary as hell at the same time. What if she preferred Nick over me? She'd had time to bond with her father while I was out of it. The fact that I didn't know what kind of reaction she'd give me had me nervously fidgeting in bed.

  "Knock, knock," came a quiet voice bringing me out of my daydreaming.

  I turned to see Nick shuffling through the door holding a baby carrier. It was a sight to behold. My man, all six foot two of him and his muscled form, was grinning down at the tiny bundle strapped inside. He darted his eyes in my direction as he made his way over. I pushed myself to a sitting position as I shifted eagerly on the bed. I wanted to hold my baby more than anything.

  Nick placed the carrier on the floor and crouched beside it, “Emma?” he began loosening the straps, “there’s someone I want you to meet.” He picked her up and cradled her to his chest like he’d been doing it for years. Tears welled in my eyes as I watched this man, my man, hold our daughter. I thought back to the day I told him I was pregnant. He’d told me then that he wasn’t ready for this, that fatherhood scared the shit out of him, that he couldn’t do it. Now as I watched him so lovingly hold Emma, it was all I could do to keep myself from falling apart.

  “Here,” he reached to prop the pillows around me for support. “I fed her a little while ago, so she should be happy right now.” He leaned forward to pass the pink bundle to me. When I felt the weight of my baby settle in my arms, the little bit of sanity I was holding on to flew out the window.

  “Hi,” I sobbed. “I’m your mommy,” I tipped my chin down and placed a kiss to her tiny forehead. Emma blinked her eyes at me as she stared, taking me in. I'm sure she thought I was nuts. I mean, here I was bawling my eyes out, and she had no idea why. She'd never met me, and we hadn't had a chance to bond yet.