Renewed (Shattered #3)

by Heather D'Agostino

“Don’t cry Baby,” Nick soothed beside me. He wrapped his arm around my shoulders as he lowered himself to the bed to sit beside me. “She’s fine, you’re fine, and we’re going to be fine."

  "I know," I sniffed "but it's just…" I trailed off as I looked back down at her.

  Nick only nodded as he squeezed me tighter. "She's tough like her mom," he smirked. "I never had any doubt that she'd wouldn't be ok."

  I bobbed my head, "So how have you been feeding her?"

  Nick smirked before he chuckled, “Uh…with a bottle?”

  After the question had slipped from my lips, I realized how stupid it really was. I had wanted to breastfeed and hadn't looked at supplementing. After me being out of it for so long, I didn't think about what Nick would have had to do.

  "That was stupid," I sighed. "Sorry."

  "Don't be," he leaned over and kissed my temple. "We've been great. Emma loves her room, and Avery and Cam have been helping out a lot."

  I hugged my daughter closer. She'd now fallen asleep in my arms, and looked so peaceful. "She's so beautiful," I cooed as I watched her tiny chest rise and fall deep in sleep.

  "Yeah…when she's asleep, she is," Nick yawned as he took a deep breath.

  "Has it been that bad?" I turned to stare at him. I knew he wouldn't lie to me if I looked him in the eye.

  "Let's see," he paused. "I think over the last week I've gotten on average four hours of sleep a night. She doesn't like to sleep at night. I think Avery is letting her sleep too much during the day."

  "I'm so sorry," I began to tear up again. "If I'd been there this wouldn't be happening."

  "This is not your fault," Nick gripped my chin. "Some babies don't sleep well, at least that's what I've read." Nick's face flamed red. It was the first time I'd ever seen him blush.

  “What do mean, read? Have you been reading my books?” I giggled and then winced as the movement sent a shooting pain through my middle.

  “Maybe a little,” he shrugged. “I had to learn from somewhere." He shifted on the bed to face me, "I love you, but you need to rest. The doctors told me if things go well that you can go home tomorrow."

  “Really?” I smiled at him before directing my gaze back down to Emma.

  "Yeah, really," he chuckled. "Here," he reached for Emma, but I pulled away.

  "Just a few more minutes?" I begged. "I've hardly gotten any time with her."

  "I think once she keeps you up all night, you might be singing a different tune," he grinned. "Why don't you let her sleep beside you? I'll stay in that chair and watch her to make sure she's ok."

  "You'd do that for me even though you're exhausted?" I pushed the button to lower the bed.

  "I love you," he cupped my cheek. "I'd do anything for you. Can't you see that? I'd die for you Leah!" he pressed a kiss to my mouth as he cupped the back of my head. "Rest now," he touched his forehead to mine. "I'll be right here when you wake up."

  "I love you too," I murmured as I laid back and snuggled Emma beside me. She yawned and stretched before settling back into sleep. Today was definitely one of those perfect days. I had those dearest to me within arm’s reach.

  ooooooooo

  When morning came the next day, I was up and ready. The idea of leaving the hospital, and finally going home to be with my baby had me bouncing on the edge of the bed. The doctor had been by to sign my release papers, and given me care instructions for my wound. I still had three more days before I was to go to her office to have the staples removed. Nick was supposed to be by to pick me up in an hour. Avery was going to watch Emma for us so he could concentrate on helping me. All I needed now was a nurse. I still had the damn IV in my hand, and as I sat there staring at I was getting more and more aggravated. It bothered me. The tape made my skin itch, and I had a nice bruise where it pierced my skin. I'd asked thirty minutes ago to have someone come take it out. I wanted to get dressed, and I couldn't with all the tubing.

  When a nurse breezed in, I smiled in relief. Finally! It was about time. She went to work unhooking everything, and removed the catheter. I quickly finished dressing, and began to shuffle around the room making sure I had everything packed up that was mine. I'd been brought in such a rush that I wasn't sure what Nick had brought with him to the hospital. Forgetting something was not an option, I didn't want to have to come back here for a long time.

  "Morning," Nick's voice came from behind me causing me to jump.

  I spun around and smiled at him, "Good morning is right."

  "I left the car idling at the curb. Are you ready?" he moved closer and grabbed the bag that was sitting on a chair in the corner.

  “I think so,” I shrugged. “Did you leave anything in here that I don't know about?"

  “Nope,” he shook his head. “Hang tight. I’ll tell the nurse we’re ready. They’ve got to wheel you down. Hospital policy and all,” he chuckled when I scowled at him. “Hey, I’m just as anxious to get you out of here as you are."

  When he disappeared out the door, I began to pace nervously around the room. It seemed to take forever for someone to arrive with a wheelchair, but when they did I practically jumped into it.

  The orderly laughed, "You ready to get out of here ma'am?"

  "Yes! Go!" I pointed to Nick's back as we made our way to the elevator. "I don't want to be here any longer than I have to."

  ooooooooo

  After a short drive, I finally saw the beach house appear in the distance. It was like a beacon on the shore blinking and signaling that we were almost home. I turned toward Nick and noticed he was chewing on the inside of his cheek. "You ok?" I placed my hand on his thigh and squeezed gently.

  He nodded and blinked a few time before answering me, “Yeah. It’s just…” he paused and swallowed, “I didn’t think I'd get this."

  “I’m sorry,” I whispered. “I know I’ve put you through a lot over the past year. You have to know, I never wanted things to happen like they did. I never wanted to leave you.”

  He sighed as he pulled the truck into the driveway, "I know, but you have no idea how scared I was. When I felt you crumple in my arms, and then you apologized to me," he growled. "It was like you'd given up. You have to fight for us, Leah. Every. Damn. Day. You have…" he trailed off as he put the truck in park and stared out the windshield, not moving.

  “I will,” I promised. “I’ll never stop,” I leaned in and pressed a kiss to his cheek as he squeezed his eyes shut like I’d burned him. "I promise, Nick," I murmured.

  Before I could pull back, he jerked his head to the side and pressed his lips to mine. I opened willingly and immediately. It had been so long, and I needed it as much as he did. A pained groan tore out of him as he gripped the back of my neck, holding me in place. My arms flew up to grasp his shoulder as I pressed myself impossibly closer. “Nick,” I panted as sucked in air between kisses. “I love you so much.” He didn’t give me a chance to continue as his tongue swept across my lower lip before plunging into the dark recesses of my mouth. It was as if he was desperate for reassurance. A reassurance that I was here, and not leaving. His free hand left the steering wheel, and snaked around my lower back tugging me impossibly closer as I leaned into his chest. I knew this couldn’t go where we both wanted it to. The doctor had given us strict instructions to wait six weeks. I think the fact that we couldn’t be together was what made this little make-out session so much better.

  “Nick,” I panted again as I ran my hands down his back before curling my fingers around and under the edge of his t-shirt caressing the taught skin of his belly. I felt the muscles quiver, and a moan slip out.

  “I’ve missed you so much,” he mumbled as his mouth moved from my lips to my neck. "I don't know how I ever promised you I would move on," he now moved up the slender column heading toward my ear.

  As I leaned even closer, now practically in his lap, my hands began to drift up to his chest. I turned my head so I could place a kiss to the underside of his jaw before I asked, "Can we go in? I want to see my ba
by."

  Nick chuckled, "Yeah, I was wondering when that would come up." He pulled back and grinned at me, "I was warned that I'd come in second place from now on."

  "Never!" I shook my head. "You and Emma are on level playing fields."

  “We’ll see,” he reached for the door handle to step out of the truck. Once he turned, he reached for my hand to help me down. Before I could head for steps to the house, he turned and pressed my back into the side of the truck. "I know we just got home, and I'm sure there are things that need to happen before we can do this, but…" he glanced at the house and then back at me. "Marry me!"

  "What?" I sputtered. "We're already engaged. What are you talking about?"

  “Next month. It’ll be summer. We can do it on the beach just like we planned. We’ll call your dad, Avery, and Cam,” he shrugged. “We don’t need anything big. I don’t want to wait any longer. Please Leah?” His eyes held so much hope. I knew things between us had changed. How could they not after everything we'd been through? "I've realized over the past two weeks how fragile life really is. I want to make us a real family. I want you as my wife."

  "We are a family," my eyes widen. I don't know why I was making excuses. I guess he'd just caught me off guard.

  "I want to make it official. I love you. I love Emma. I want tell the world how lucky I am. I want the next time we make love to be as husband and wife," he smirked. "We've got six weeks to pull it together," he winked at me.

  I sucked my upper lip into my mouth and nibbled it as I looked up through my lashes at his pleading face. "Ok," I whispered. "Six weeks," I gave a quick nod. "Now," I pushed against his shoulder "I want to go in and see my daughter, so move."

  “Yes Ma’am!” he lifted his arm as he saluted me.

  I giggled as I headed for the steps and attempted to climb them as fast as possible. Nick, Emma, and I were finally here, a place I never thought I’d get to. I was home.

  Chapter 16

  Leah

  After taking turns getting up with Emma all night, I was exhausted. Nick was right, she wasn’t sleeping well at all. I wasn’t sure how I was going to make it and not have a total meltdown. We’d been home for a week now, and I still didn’t have a routine.

  Nick was now back at work, and I was left to care for Emma alone. I knew that was how it was supposed to be, but it was still hard. Mrs. Southerland, Avery’s mom, answered questions for me via phone calls, but I still felt like I was always doing something wrong. Without my mom or Nick’s help, I wasn't sure I could hold it together much longer. I can't tell you how many times I have sat in the rocking chair in Emma's room and cried right along with her. I'm sure we're a sight. Me, trying to console her as tears stream down my cheeks, and her trying to communicate with me what she needs that I can't understand. Nick's assured me that all of this is completely normal. Something called ‘the Baby Blues.' I'm not sure how much of that I believe, I just know that if my mom were here she'd know exactly what to do or say to me.

  When I finally got Emma back to sleep this morning, I made my way into the kitchen. I knew I needed coffee and breakfast. I hadn't really been eating very well since I'd been home. I grabbed a mug and bowl out of the cabinet, poured myself some coffee and cereal before going over to the fridge. In my sleep deprived state, I reached in the fridge and grabbed the jug of orange juice. Not even thinking about what I was doing, I tipped it up over my bowl of cereal and filled the bowl. I grabbed a spoon and shuffled over to the kitchen table. Once seated, I proceeded to shovel a spoonful of my breakfast into my mouth. The minute the OJ and Cornflakes hit my tongue I almost gagged. "Uggg," I grumbled to myself. "That's disgusting!" When I glanced down to see what I had done, I let my head crash down onto the table. I was so tired that I was now incapable of making cereal. Tears began to well in my eyes, and I sniffed to hold them back. I’d been crying a lot lately, a lot more than I ever thought I could. I stood and stomped over to the sink, angry at myself but not really understanding why. I tossed the bowl in and listen to it clatter. After I’d done this, I paused. I hadn't thought about the fact that I had a sleeping baby in the other room and this might wake her. I'd always had the house to myself, and adjusting to not being the only one home had proven difficult.

  "What was that all about?" came a voice from behind me, a voice that seemed to set the waterworks off once again.

  I whirled around on my heel to see an exhausted version of my fiancée. "Nick?" my lower lip began to tremble as I wrapped my arms around myself in a defensive pose. "I can't do anything right."

  “What?” he dropped the stack of folders her was carrying and rushed over to stand in front of me. He grasped both my shoulders, and tugged me flush with his chest, “You’re a great mom. These things take time. We’ll get there.” He held me as we stood there. Me silently crying, and him trying to comfort me the best way he knew how. “What brought this on?” he pulled back to look into my tear stained eyes.

  "I'm so tired," I sobbed. "I tried to fix breakfast, and I can't."

  “Huh?” his forehead wrinkled as he scanned the kitchen taking in the mess I'd made. "Where's the milk?"

  "I used juice," I whined.

  Nick chuckled, “Baby, its just cereal. We can get more."

  “No, no it’s not. Emma was up all night. I couldn’t figure what was wrong,” I let my head drop to his shoulder once again. "I tried everything. I was afraid to bring her to our bed. What if I rolled over on her? I'm so tired I can barely function. What if I fall asleep in the rocking chair, and drop her?" by this point I was crying so hard that I was beginning to hiccup. "She's…just…a baby."

  “Hey,” he tipped my chin up so he could see my face. "You're doing great. We're still learning. It'll get easier with time," he pressed a kiss to my lips. "I promise. Do you want me to stay home this afternoon and help you? I was planning on just staying for lunch, but I'll call and have my assistant run afternoon practice if you want me to stay."

  "Really?" I sniffed.

  "Yeah, really," he nodded.

  “But…I don’t want to mess up work for you,” I turned away from his gaze.

  "No, it's ok. I can't do this every day, but one time isn't a big deal," he smiled softly.

  “Thanks,” I mumbled. "I love you."

  “Let’s go lay down. Emma should sleep a little while longer, and it sounds like you need a nap," he wrapped his arms around my shoulders and began leading me toward our bedroom.

  “Ok,” I sighed as I leaned into him feeling a huge weight being lifted just by knowing he was there for me.

  ooooooooo

  I don’t know how long I slept. It felt like only minutes had passed since I’d climbed back into bed and snuggled up with Nick. When I woke up though, bright sun was streaming through the window indicating that it was afternoon. I stretched and rolled to the side searching for Nick. Instead of the warm body I was hoping to find, I was met with rumpled sheets, and an empty pillow. I frowned before glancing at the alarm clock. Three o’clock shone back at me in bright red. I blinked a few times to make sure I’d seen it right. There was no way that it was really three o’clock. Emma never slept that long.

  As I sprung into a sitting position, my heart began to beat wildly. Something had to be wrong. I jumped out of bed, and rounded the corner so fast I almost tripped over the edge of the carpet. I rushed down the hall to Emma's room and skidded to a stop by her crib. Empty! It was empty. In my frazzled state I had yet to put together that both she and Nick were missing, so what did I do? Well, I bent down and looked on the floor around her crib. I have no idea why, or what made me think that she could have actually gotten out, but I did. As the panic clawed at my insides I paused. Laughing was coming from the family room. Nick's laughing. I scrambled to my feet and shuffled in the direction of the sound.

  When I rounded the corner of the family room, I gasped. There they both were. Emma was lying on her back in the center of a blanket on the floor. Nick was hovering over her and plying kisses to her belly and
neck. Each time he leaned over she would grin at him as she anticipated what he was going to do. When he would pull back, he’d laugh and she’d grin bigger.

  For the millionth time today tears sprung in my eyes. I swiped at them as I made my way over to where they were and slowly eased down on the couch.

  “Hey,” Nick smiled up at me. “I thought I’d let you sleep.”

  "Thanks," I sniffed as another tear trickled down.

  "Whoa, don't cry," he soothed as he reached over and squeezed my knee.

  "These are happy tears," I sobbed as I wiped at my eyes again.

  "She really likes this," Nick turned his gaze back to Emma as he began kissing her neck again. Her arms began to fail around and just when he went to pull back, she managed to grab a handful of hair.

  "Owe! Leah, a little help please," he grimaced when I giggled. "It's not funny."

  I slid down to the floor beside them, and made quick work of prying her tiny fist open to release the soft strands. "She just likes your hair like I do," I shrugged as I looked from Nick back to Emma. "Isn't that right?" I turned my gaze on her.

  Emma only smiled as her arms started moving again. When I went to climb back on the couch, a small frown began to form on her tiny mouth, and the happy expression she'd been boasting slowly began to fade.

  "She wants you to stay," Nick looked over at me. "She's a momma's girl."

  "I don't know about that," I rolled my eyes at him. "She seemed pretty happy with you."

  "No, she settles for me, but if she had a choice she'd spend all her time with you. Here," he began to stand. "I'll fix us something to eat. You play with her."

  “Ok,” I slowly switched places with Nick and began doing the same thing he was doing with the kisses. He was right, she did like me better. The smiles she gave Nick were bright, but the ones she gave me were beaming. She was definitely a momma’s girl.

  While I continued to play with Emma on the floor, Nick stood at the counter making us sandwiches. I had a hard time looking away at times. He was a sight to behold. [G7] [G8] Since he’d agreed to stay home for the afternoon, and taken a nap with me, he’d changed into a pair of athletic shorts. He’d removed his shirt, and had yet to put it back on. Now, as he stood there in only his shorts as he fixed us a late lunch/ early dinner, whatever you wanted to call it, I couldn’t help admiring him. I don’t know what was going on with my hormones, but one minute I was crying and the next I was wanted to claw his clothes off.