Hold on to your Dreams

by Beryl Matthews

  ‘Ain’t you eating?’ Millie asked, as she collected up the crumbs from her plate. ‘The grub’s smashing. What was that orange stuff in the bread? I ain’t never had that before.’

  ‘That was salmon. Did you enjoy it?’

  Millie nodded and turned to Fred. ‘What ones did you like the best?’

  ‘All of them,’ he said, gazing longingly at the empty plates.

  Gertrude called the waitress. ‘We’ll have another pot of tea and some more cakes, please.’

  ‘Yes, Miss.’

  The waitress was about to turn away when Gertrude touched her arm. ‘Prepare two parcels of food to take away.’

  ‘At once, Miss.’

  Millie leant forward eagerly. ‘Could I have some of that salmon stuff? My mum would like that. I bet she ain’t never had anything like that before.’

  ‘Of course.’ The waitress smiled and stooped down slightly as she spoke to Millie. ‘What cake did you like the best?’

  ‘Chocolate!’

  ‘And what about the young gentleman?’

  Fred looked behind to see who the waitress was talking to, and seeing no one, turned back. ‘Blimey, I ain’t never been called that before!’

  Millie giggled. ‘And am I a young lady?’

  ‘You’re both with Miss Melrose so you must be,’ the waitress joked, giving them a sly wink. ‘Now, sir, what would you like?’

  ‘Everything.’ His smile couldn’t get any brighter.

  Watching the exchange, Gertrude decided that she must leave an extra generous tip today. A visit to the teashop was an ordinary part of her life, but for Millie and Fred it was an exciting adventure. It brought home to her how important it was not to take the good things in life for granted.

  ‘Tell me about yourself, Millie,’ she said as they worked their way through another plate of cakes. The poor little things must be starving. ‘Are you still at school?’

  Millie shook her head, and swallowed a mouthful of cake. ‘Wish I was. They chucked me out when I was thirteen. I’ve been working in a factory, but that’s closed now. I’m trying to get another job, but it ain’t easy.’

  ‘Millie’s ever so clever.’ Fred gave his friend an admiring glance. ‘You ought to see her writing. Real beautiful it is.’

  ‘That’s interesting. And what about you, Fred?’

  ‘Me? Oh I ain’t brainy like Millie, but I’m good with my hands. I like making things, and drawing of course.’

  ‘Fred made me a shelf to put my things on. It’s got pretty flowers on it. Carved it all himself.’

  Gertrude was now more than interested. ‘Would you meet me here at the same time next week and bring a sample of your work with you? I’d love to see your writing, Millie, and something you’ve made in wood, Fred.’

  They both nodded. ‘Yes, Miss.’

  ‘Don’t forget now. If you can’t make it for any reason leave a message with the bookshop owner.’

  ‘We’ll be here,’ Fred told her.

  The waitress appeared and handed the youngsters a parcel each.

  ‘Oh, thanks!’ Their eyes were wide with excitement.

  She paid the bill, and once outside said goodbye to Millie and Fred. She watched them running up the road clutching their parcels. It had been an interesting and worthwhile morning. It was only when she was on her way home that she realised she hadn’t bought a book for herself. Never mind, she’d find one next time she came.

  Later that night Gertrude couldn’t sleep as every detail of her meeting with the youngsters kept running through her mind. Fred’s declaration that everyone should have a dream wouldn’t leave her thoughts. They had a dream of living in the country, away from the hardship and squalor of the slums. But what dreams did she have?

  This took some thought as she considered what she hoped for in life. The most pressing desire was to see her brother stop gambling and start to do something useful with his life. And she would like to marry one day. But it would need to be a man of her choice – someone she loved and who loved her.

  Turning over to try and get some sleep, she pulled a face. There didn’t seem much point in having an impossible dream, but that didn’t stop Millie and Fred. They nurtured the hope that things would be better for them in the future, and she was touched by their optimism and courage. There were many who could learn from them. She wished her brother had some of their inner strength.

  Sadness swept through her as she thought about her dear brother. She would be happy to see him back to the person he used to be. That was the most important thing in her life at the moment.

  Chapter Four

  ‘Sutton’s late tonight.’ Florence stood in front of the clock on the mantelpiece. ‘Cook will be annoyed if the dinner is spoilt.’

  Edward stood up and poured himself a drink. ‘He’s only half an hour late.’

  At that moment they heard the front door open and close and Gertrude smiled at her mother. ‘Here he is.’

  When he came into the room they gasped in horror. One of his eyes was swollen shut, his top lip was split and he was clutching his side. Florence was the first to reach his side. ‘Oh my dear, what’s happened? Have you had an accident? Gertrude, ask one of the servants to go for the doctor.’

  ‘Not yet.’ Sutton walked over to his son. ‘I have made the acquaintance of some of your friends, who have persuaded me it’s time your debts were honoured.’

  All the colour drained from Edward’s face. When he tried to speak, his father thrust a sheet of paper in front of him. ‘I am told that this is the amount you owe. Is it correct?’

  Edward read it and could not look his father in the eyes. ‘Yes it is. I’m sorry—’

  ‘It is too late to be sorry! After giving me a beating to impress upon me the urgency of the matter, they have threatened to harm your sister. The full amount must be paid within a week.’

  ‘I’ll go and see them, Father—’

  ‘Don’t ever call me that again.’ Sutton spoke with quiet fury. ‘You are no longer my son. We have given you every advantage in life. I had hoped you would come into the business and take over after me, but that wasn’t good enough for you, was it? You have put your family in jeopardy and tarnished our good name.’

  ‘I’ll never gamble again. I promise.’ Edward was shaking, hardly able to stand upright.

  ‘I don’t care what you do!’ Sutton rounded on his son. ‘I’ll pay the debt in full, and that is the last thing I will ever do for you. You have an hour to pack your things and leave this house, never to set foot in it again.’ Then he turned his back on his son. ‘Go now before I give you the thrashing you deserve.’

  A cry of distress came from Florence as her son left the room. ‘Oh, Sutton, please don’t do this. What is to become of him?’

  ‘I won’t have him under this roof. He must learn to fend for himself.’ He sat down heavily, his brow wet with perspiration.

  Seeing the distress her father was in, Gertrude ran to the servants and sent one of them for the doctor, then she hurried back. She was horrified by what had just taken place, and as worried as she was for her brother, she was more concerned for her father. She hadn’t been able to catch sight of the paper, but Edward’s debt must be enormous for her father to disown his son.

  Florence was holding her husband’s hand and crying uncontrollably.

  Gertrude put her arms around her mother and reached out to touch her father’s shoulder. ‘I’ve sent for the doctor.’

  ‘Thank you, my dear. It feels as if those thugs have cracked my ribs.’

  ‘Sit very still.’ Gertrude moved to the other side of her father and wiped his face with her clean handkerchief. Then she asked gently, ‘How much does Edward owe?’

  ‘Over three thousand guineas.’

  Florence gasped, and Gertrude felt as if the floor had shifted beneath her feet. How could her brother have lost so much? Had he no thought for his family?

  ‘We can’t find that much,’ Florence whispered, hardly able to spe
ak. ‘All our money is tied up in the business.’

  ‘You must use my inheritance,’ Gertrude insisted.

  ‘No, my child. It would not even cover a fraction of the debt, but I’ll find the money, have no fear.’

  ‘I’m not afraid for myself. I expect the threat to me was to frighten you into paying the debt.’

  ‘Maybe, but I will not take that risk.’ He placed both hands across his ribs, obviously in great pain.

  ‘Where’s that doctor?’ Florence turned her whole attention to her injured husband. ‘Go and find out, Gertrude.’

  Before she could reach the door it swung open and the doctor strode in. He took one look at Sutton and turned to the maid. ‘Find me a male servant. I’ll need his help. The ladies can leave.’

  ‘I’m staying with my husband. You do not order me around in my own home!’ Florence was determined and nothing would move her.

  Gertrude spoke quietly in her father’s ear. ‘May I have your permission to see Edward before he leaves?’

  He gave a slight nod.

  ‘Thank you. I’ll see you again when the doctor’s made you comfortable.’

  As soon as she was out of the room she ran up the stairs and along the passage to her brother’s room. She burst in without knocking. Edward had his back to her and was packing a case.

  ‘Where will you go?’ Her voice trembled with emotion.

  When he turned his face was grey, anguish etched on every feature. He appeared to be incapable of speech. She reached out to touch him but he backed away. ‘Go to David. He’ll help you.’

  He shook his head and stood there, a picture of dejection. ‘How’s Father?’ he managed to say.

  ‘We don’t know yet. The doctor’s with him.’

  ‘I’m so sorry. Oh God, I’m so sorry …’ Tears tumbled down his face. ‘I’ll never gamble again for as long as I live. Somehow I’ll repay him. I swear it. Take care of Mother for me, Gertie.’

  He picked up his case and walked towards the door.

  ‘Tell me where you’re going,’ she pleaded. ‘Aunt Hanna will take you in.’

  ‘I am no longer a member of this family. And that is right, for I don’t deserve to be. Goodbye.’

  ‘Take care of yourself,’ she whispered as he closed the door behind him.

  Edward Melrose was under no illusions about the seriousness of the situation he had left his family to deal with. But no matter how bleak the outlook, he would not go to David or Hanna. He only had himself to blame. He found it unbelievable that he had allowed himself to be dragged into gambling. It had become an obsession and he hadn’t been able to stop. He must be a very weak man! His father’s words had cut him like a dagger and it had been as if a curtain had disintegrated before his eyes. He saw exactly what he had become, and that filled him with self-loathing and disgust. He hated himself. But if it took him the rest of his life, he would somehow right the terrible wrong he had done his family. Not only had he placed them in danger, but he’d also ruined them financially.

  He had been walking aimlessly for about an hour when it started to rain. He was hungry and wet, and shame weighed on him, making him stumble on the wet pavement. Stopping for a moment he saw that he was in a poorer part of town. Well, that was all right. It was where he belonged now. A notice in one of the windows offering rooms caught his attention. Without hesitation he knocked on the door and went inside. It was none too clean, but it was cheap so he took a room for the night. This would give him time to rest, because tomorrow he would have to find work, and that wasn’t going to be easy. He had no skills, but he was strong and would dig ditches if he had to.

  Stretching out on the bed he ignored his hunger, allowing his mind to drift back over the last year. When Charles Hayworth had drawn him into their exclusive circle he had been flattered. At first the stakes had been low, but they’d slowly increased, and by then he’d been in too deep to back out. If he did win, which wasn’t often, it was when there was little on the table. He could see it all now. He won when they allowed him to, and that meant they had been manipulating the games. Charles always sat opposite his brother, Howard, so they could make eye contact. He recalled the coughs, fingers moving on the table, and other subtle signals. They must be cheats to keep winning like they did, but it would be impossible to prove. No one would be brave enough to speak out against them.

  Edward clenched his hands into tight fists. He had allowed their flattery and friendly attitude to blind him to what was really happening. What a weak, pathetic man he was!

  But no more. One day he would redeem himself in the eyes of his family. And that wasn’t an idle dream. From now on it would be the focus of his life.

  Gertrude stayed in her brother’s room while the doctor carried out his examination and they moved her father into his bedroom. It was some time before her mother appeared in the doorway. Florence had aged in that short time.

  ‘Is Father all right?’

  ‘The doctor says he has cracked ribs and is badly bruised, but he will be fine after a long rest.’ Her mother gazed around the empty room, silent tears running down her cheeks. ‘I never got the chance to say goodbye. What is to become of him, Gertrude?’

  ‘I advised him to go to David or Aunt Hanna.’

  ‘I hope he does. I’m so frightened for him. I’ve begged your father to reconsider, but he won’t hear of it.’

  She put her arms around her mother, trying to comfort, but she was just as distraught. ‘I’ll find him so we can keep an eye on him.’

  ‘Thank you, my dear. I know your father has disowned him, and in the circumstances no one could blame him, but Edward is my son. I gave birth to him and cannot turn my back on him.’

  ‘I know.’ Gertrude’s eyes were brimming with tears, but she fought them back. This terrible disaster was upon them and it had to be faced. She had to be brave for both her parents’ sakes. ‘May I see Father now?’

  Florence nodded. ‘Don’t stay too long. He’s very tired.’

  Her father was propped up on a heap of pillows to keep him in a comfortable position. His eyes were closed and deep lines of pain were etched on his face. She knew the pain wasn’t only coming from his injuries. Disowning his son would have been the hardest thing he’d ever had to do. Walking to the bed, she knelt down and took his hand in hers. Not wanting to disturb him, she remained silent.

  After a while he turned his head and opened his eyes. ‘Did you know he was gambling?’ he asked.

  ‘Yes,’ she had to admit. ‘He has been asking me for money just lately, but I had no idea things were so bad. Honestly.’

  ‘You should have told me.’

  ‘I know that now, and I’m sorry.’ The tears of remorse would not stop now and they poured down her face.

  ‘Don’t cry, my dear. I’ll pay the debt. I won’t let anything happen to you.’

  ‘I am not concerned for myself. I am sad for all of us. You have been brutally attacked, Edward is lost to us, and he is now alone in the world. It is hard to bear.’

  ‘The future for us will be hard. I can’t find that kind of money without making drastic changes to our lives. I want you to promise me something.’

  ‘Anything.’

  ‘Support and comfort your mother. There are dark days ahead of us.’ His eyes closed and he gently squeezed her hand. ‘Leave me now. I must sleep, for there is much to do tomorrow.’

  She stood up. ‘I’ll help you. Just tell me what you want me to do.’

  He shook his head. ‘I don’t want you or your mother involved in this unpleasant business. I will do what has to be done. Don’t hate me for the actions I’m forced to take.’

  ‘We’d never do that,’ she said forcefully. ‘You have our support.’

  ‘Thank you. That is a comfort.’

  As she left the room, Gertrude knew their lives were about to change. Only her father knew exactly what those changes would be, but the carefree, happy life she had known was no more.

  She found her mother downst
airs in the sitting room. ‘He’s asleep now,’ she told her.

  ‘Good.’ Florence looked exhausted. ‘I want you to go and stay with Hanna for a while.’

  ‘No, Mother!’ She wasn’t going to be sent away. She would not let them face this alone. ‘Father said he will pay the debt. They won’t carry out their threat to harm me. I’m quite safe.’

  Her mother sighed deeply. ‘I wish it were that easy. Have you given any thought to how we are to raise such a large amount? I am not a fool. We are ruined. But I will not see Sutton lose the business. It has been in his family for three generations.’

  ‘I am not a fool either, Mother. Whatever is to come we can face it together. Don’t send me away. Please let me stay. I’ll be strong. I promise.’

  Florence considered her daughter for a few moments, then stood up. ‘Very well. Thank you, my dear. I wish your brother had more of your strength of character. It’s painful to realise he’s so weak. Now we should try to get some rest. Cook will bring you food if you wish.’

  ‘I couldn’t eat.’ The thought of food made Gertrude’s stomach heave.

  ‘Neither could I.’

  She watched her mother leave the room, walking as if every step were an effort. Then she whispered, ‘With such courageous parents Edward can’t be weak. He lost his way for a while. Now he must find the strength to fight back, or he will not survive.’ She prayed he had it in him to make it out there alone.

  She was distressed for the family she loved.

  Chapter Five

  The next two days were worrying, as Florence and Gertrude watched the man they loved struggle to raise the money. He was grey with pain from his injuries, but he did not shrink from the task ahead of him. In an effort to raise the money, paintings were removed from the walls and several items of furniture went. This was particularly upsetting for Florence because they had been in her family for a long time, but she watched them go and said nothing. But they were still a long way from the amount needed.