Hold on to your Dreams

by Beryl Matthews

  ‘Hello, Mother.’ She smiled as she sat beside her father. ‘We’re so happy you’re awake. You’ve had a long sleep.’

  ‘Sorry.’ Florence’s eyes filled with tears. ‘Silly old woman! Hurt you both.’

  ‘You mustn’t feel like that, my dear.’ Sutton brushed the hair away from her face. ‘We understand. It’s been a terrible strain for you, and you couldn’t help being ill.’

  ‘Strain for you too.’ There was anguish in Florence’s eyes now.

  ‘All that matters is you’re back with us.’ Gertrude leant forward. ‘Now you must rest and get well again. You can leave everything to us, can’t she, Father?’

  ‘Completely.’

  ‘Drink.’

  Sutton held a glass to his wife’s lips, and after taking several sips, she leant back and gave him a little push. ‘Darling, I want to talk to our daughter.’

  He stood up. ‘I’ll go and see if the doctor’s arrived.’

  When he’d left the room, Florence grasped her hand with surprising strength. ‘Take care of him.’

  ‘I will. Don’t you worry about a thing.’

  Closing her eyes, Florence fell silent as she struggled to find the words she needed. ‘Worry,’ she murmured, opening her eyes again. ‘Worry about you.’

  ‘There’s no need. I’m quite all right.’ She kept her smile in place.

  Florence shook her head slightly. Her movements seemed to be restricted. ‘No, not. If we die you have nothing – nothing!’

  ‘You mustn’t think like that!’ she exclaimed, worried by her mother’s distress. ‘Neither of you are going to die.’

  ‘Will … one day.’

  ‘Please don’t talk like this. You’re tiring yourself, and all over something that isn’t going to happen for a long, long time.’

  ‘Must say …’ She was having increasing difficulty finding the words, but determination shone in her eyes. ‘You must have husband to care for you. Not worry then …’ Florence slumped back, exhausted,

  ‘I’ll marry one day, Mother. Please don’t worry about me.’

  ‘Soon.’

  The bedroom door opened and Sutton returned with the doctor and nurse. After giving her mother’s hand a gentle squeeze, she left the room so the doctor could carry out his examination. As she waited outside she felt like crying. Her joy at seeing her mother awake had now turned to fear. Her mother was fretting about her, and if she carried on like that, another seizure was possible, and they’d been told it was unlikely she would survive another one. Somehow they had to stop her worrying.

  Leaning back against the wall she clasped her shaking hands together. This was terrible. What was she going to do? How could she get married when she didn’t even have a young man yet? And how was she going to meet someone now? They were no longer involved in the social round, and her time was completely taken up with looking after the household affairs, and helping her father with the business. And she wouldn’t have it any other way. It was unthinkable she would leave them when they both needed her so much!

  Closing her eyes, she tried to think of a way to ease her mother’s mind. Perhaps she could ask David to pretend he wanted to marry her. An engagement might be all that was needed to stop her mother from worrying about her. Then when she was completely well again they could say they’d changed their minds.

  It only took a few moments to see the flaws in that scheme, making her give an inelegant snort of disgust. They wouldn’t fool her mother. She knew them too well. They had been friends from early childhood and had great affection for each other, but it would be like marrying her brother. David’s mother had died when he’d been only four years old, and Florence had given the young boy the mother’s love he so badly needed. He was a part of their family. No, her mother would not be fooled—

  ‘Gertie.’

  She started at the sound of her father’s voice and opened her eyes. ‘What does the doctor say? Is mother going to be all right?’

  ‘It’s too early yet, but he’s pleased so far.’ Her father studied her strained expression. ‘What did she say to you, my dear?’

  For a brief moment she considered keeping this from him, but it wouldn’t be fair to do so. She’d never hidden anything from him, and this was something he should be aware of. ‘Mother was worrying about me. She wants me to get married quickly. She says she’ll stop fretting when she knows I have someone to take care of me.’

  Sutton nodded, his face lined with fatigue. ‘It would also ease my mind to know you were settled.’

  ‘Oh, please don’t think like that as well!’ She was really alarmed. ‘You and Mother mustn’t start worrying about me. We’re all going to get through this – together!’

  ‘Of course we are. We’ve never had to worry about you, and we mustn’t start now.’

  ‘No, you mustn’t! And we’ve got to convince mother of that as well. Everything’s going to be all right. We’ve still got the business, and we’ll eventually get back to where we were.’

  Her father drew in a deep breath. ‘There’s something I haven’t told you. Over the last year trade has dropped, and we’re hardly making a profit at the moment.’

  She felt as if the ground had just dropped from under her. All her hopes had been placed on the business. ‘You should have told me. I’m the one who urged you to keep it. Would it have been better if you’d sold it and started up in a smaller way somewhere else?’

  ‘I looked into that possibility, but it would be almost impossible to sell a low-profitable business at the moment. We’ve got to turn it around first, and then we might be able to do something with it.’

  ‘Does Mother know?’ she asked, refusing to show just how distressed she was with this news.

  ‘Yes. And I believe that’s what caused her collapse.’

  She nodded, understanding the situation now. ‘That’s what she meant when she said I could be left with nothing.’

  ‘That’s right, darling. Unless we can pull the business together it would just be a burden to you.’

  ‘Then we’ll make it profitable again!’ She gazed up at her father, determination showing in her eyes. He had a defeated air about him, as if his wife’s illness had taken all the fight out of him. Well, she had enough fight in her for the two of them! ‘We will do it, Father!’

  Before Sutton could say anything, the doctor came out of the bedroom. ‘Your wife is fully conscious and mentally alert, Mr Melrose. I had feared there might be some confusion when she regained consciousness, but that is not the case.’

  ‘Thank God!’ Sutton heaved a sigh of relief.

  ‘However, we must be cautious,’ the doctor warned. ‘Mrs Melrose’s condition is still grave and this rally might only be temporary. The most important thing you can do is to keep her free from worry. I’ll visit again tomorrow.’

  The moment of elation had been short, but Gertrude refused to let the doctor’s warning drag her down again. This was progress – and it would continue.

  ‘He has just asked the impossible.’ Sutton ran a hand over his face, looking haggard. ‘How the devil are we going to stop her worrying? I’ve never been able to do that in all the years we’ve been married.’

  ‘We must always be cheerful, and convince her all is going well.’

  ‘I’ve handled everything so badly.’ His mouth set in a grim line. ‘This would never have happened if I hadn’t sent Edward away. I should have made him stay and work until he dropped with exhaustion. That would have been punishment enough.’

  ‘You’ve got to stop blaming yourself.’ Her father looked as if he was at the end of his strength. ‘After what Edward did you had no choice. Wishing you could change the past will do no good. Now is the only moment we can deal with, and we must remain hopeful. We have good news today, so let us be happy.’

  ‘You’re quite right, my dear.’ He straightened up and smiled at his daughter. ‘We must do all we can to see your mother makes a full recovery. And all she must see are our smiling faces.’


  It was eleven o’clock before Gertrude went to bed. Her father was still with her mother, sitting quietly as she slept. The three of them had had tea together, and they’d told her mother amusing stories about Fred and Millie. When it had become a struggle for her to stay awake, they had stopped talking and let her drift off to sleep.

  But sleep was something she was finding impossible to do. Her mother was still gravely ill, and her father was beginning to sink under the strain. The concern for her parents was bad enough, and the worry over what had happened to Edward wasn’t helping. But the worst feeling of all was one of utter helplessness. It was as if events had a mind of their own and nothing they did helped. There seemed to be a new disaster around every corner.

  She stared into the darkness, her mind a jumble of doubts and fears. It was going to be a long night.

  Chapter Nineteen

  The men around him were in high spirits, but Edward Melrose couldn’t match their mood. This sudden turn of events had taken him by surprise, though it shouldn’t have done. He was well aware of the situation in South Africa, and once again he had misjudged things. Why the hell didn’t he think things through properly? It was becoming abundantly clear that he was lacking in common sense. His sister would never have made such a mess of her life, or that of her family. But what other choice did he have? It was the army or end up in a workhouse.

  The memory of the night his father had disowned him and turned him out was a waking nightmare. He didn’t hate his father for what he’d done. In fact, he admired him. It had taken courage, and Edward knew he’d deserved nothing less. He could still picture the anguish in his sister’s eyes, and he hadn’t had the courage to look at his mother.

  He hadn’t dared go to David to find out how they were coping. But that was probably for the best. He wasn’t sure he could handle seeing them suffer because of him. He could never go back, his father had made that very clear, so perhaps leaving England wasn’t such a bad thing to do. The shame would never leave him, and that was something he had to learn to live with – or die with. And where he was going there was a fair chance of the latter happening.

  ‘Melrose!’ The sergeant was standing by the hatchway and shouting at the top of his voice, scanning the crowded ship’s hold for his prey.

  ‘Here, sir!’ Edward had soon learnt to respond at once. His pushed his way forward.

  ‘Come with me.’

  He followed, wondering what rough job he was going to be given now. The sergeant had soon noticed Edward was not the usual rough recruit, and it had become his mission to work every vestige of a gentleman out of him. He was sure he wouldn’t be sailing out to fight the Boers so soon after joining if this man hadn’t convinced the officers Edward was needed to care for the horses.

  Sergeant Harris turned around and glared at him as they strode on to the deck. ‘You needn’t think your posh friends are going to save you, Melrose.’

  ‘No, sergeant.’ Edward wondered what on earth the man was talking about.

  The instant he stepped on deck he knew, and his step faltered. Damn! What was he doing here? And how had he found him?

  They stopped in front of Alexander Glendale and the sergeant’s surly manner disappeared. ‘I can only allow you ten minutes, sir. The ship’s preparing to get under way.’

  ‘This won’t take long. Thank you, sergeant.’

  ‘Sir.’ Harris came smartly to attention, turned on his heel and marched away.

  Alex turned his cold green eyes on Edward. ‘You really are a bloody fool, Melrose. Didn’t it occur to you that you’d be sent to fight the Boers if you joined the army?’

  The rebuke hurt because it was true. He bristled defensively. ‘And what the hell was I supposed to do? I couldn’t get a job anywhere! Why are you here?’

  ‘Your sister asked me to find you. Your mother has been frantic to know if you’re all right, and now she’s had a seizure of some kind.’

  Edward paled. ‘How bad is she?’

  ‘Very bad, I understand.’ Alex removed a sheet of paper and a pen from his jacket, and then handed them to Edward. ‘Write a quick note to your mother saying you’re doing well, and she’s not to worry. Don’t mention anything about the army or where you’re going. That will only add to her concern.’

  He did as ordered, forcing his hand to stop shaking. This news was devastating. When he’d finished, he handed it back to Alex.

  ‘Let’s hope this helps.’ He studied the man in front of him, not trying to hide his disgust. ‘Do you know what you’ve done to your family?’

  Edward wanted to shout and say he didn’t want to hear. He should walk away, but his feet wouldn’t move. This man would tell him no matter what he said. His mother was seriously ill because of him and he couldn’t even go to her. He hadn’t believed his shame and misery could get any worse, but it just had.

  Hands clenched into tight fists, Edward endured a thorough examination by Glendale, and watched him give a slight shake of his head before saying, ‘I think it better at this time that you don’t know the full details. However, I want your promise that you’ll keep in touch with me. Write whenever you can, and don’t forget David Gardener. He’s a loyal friend to you, and any news we receive will be given to your sister and mother. They will need constant reassurance that you are all right.’

  Edward was well aware the imposing man in front of him had been an officer. It was all still there – the military stance and air of authority. And he suddenly realised that Glendale was a man of deep feelings – a man who cared about others. He could be trusted. He didn’t have the faintest idea why he felt like that, but there was something about the man. ‘I promise, and may I ask a favour?’

  Alex inclined his head.

  ‘Will you watch over my family for me?’

  ‘I’m already doing that. Anything else?’

  ‘Tell David I’ll write as soon as I can.’

  At that moment the ship erupted as orders were shouted and sailors began hauling on ropes.

  The sergeant appeared. ‘Sorry, sir, you’ll have to leave. We’re about to get under way. Back to your duties, Melrose.’

  Edward was glad to get away. He didn’t know what the future held for him, or if he would ever come back to these shores, but it gave him a small measure of comfort to know that Glendale and David were there for his family. He’d never been a particularly religious man, but his view of life had changed. He would pray for his mother’s recovery, his father’s well being and his sister’s happiness. Though the hope that his father would some day forgive him was more than even the Almighty could bring about.

  ‘Thank you for allowing Melrose to see me,’ Alex said as the sergeant escorted him to the gangplank. ‘How’s he doing?’

  ‘Not bad, sir. He’s not been used to hard work, but he don’t complain, even though I give him hell. Got the makings of a good soldier, if I’m not mistaken.’

  Alex nodded. He knew this sergeant. He was tough when he needed to be, but would help any man through a difficult time if he thought he was worth the trouble.

  ‘He’s obviously been brought up as a gentleman, but never talks about himself.’ The sergeant gave Alex a sly glance. ‘Been in trouble, has he?’

  ‘Needs to prove himself,’ Alex said dismissively. ‘Can’t blame a man for that.’

  ‘No, sir. Hard way to do it though by starting at the bottom like this.’ Harris was clearly reluctant to let the matter drop. ‘Bet you wish you were coming with us, sir.’

  ‘I do miss the army,’ he said, glancing around the deck and experiencing a pang of regret that he was no longer a part of this.

  ‘And we miss you too, sir. You was a damned fine officer, and there aren’t too many of them around.’

  ‘Thank you.’ He hid a smile, knowing Harris had said differently when he’d been a serving officer. ‘Keep your eye on Melrose for me.’

  ‘Friend of yours, is he, sir?’

  ‘He comes from a family I have great respect for.’
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  ‘Right, sir. I’ll see he don’t get into trouble.’

  ‘Good man.’ Alex made his way off the ship, satisfied he might have eased Edward’s relationship with Harris somewhat.

  After leaving the ship, his first stop was at David’s offices. As soon as he walked in, Millie leapt to her feet, smiling. ‘Hello, sir, you want Mr Gardener?’

  ‘Yes please, Millie.’

  She shot through the door and could be heard calling, ‘Mr Gardener, Sir’s here to see you. Shall I make some tea?’

  David appeared immediately. ‘Come through, Alex. We will have a pot of tea, please, Millie.’

  ‘Right away.’ She sped away.

  ‘Does she do anything at normal speed?’ Alex asked, smiling in amusement.

  ‘Haven’t noticed it yet. She’s more than willing, and I don’t know what we’d do without her now. She can be left to tend the front office while we’re both out. The clients love her. I can hear them laughing when they come in. Gives the place a good atmosphere.’ David studied Alex for a while. ‘You look worried.’

  ‘We’ve got a problem. I’ve found Edward Melrose, but he’s on a ship heading for South Africa.’

  ‘What the hell’s he doing going there?’

  ‘He’s joined the army.’

  ‘Oh, damn!’ David rubbed a hand over his eyes. ‘The bloody fool! There’s a war going on out there.’

  ‘Exactly. I caught them just before they sailed and made him write a note to his mother saying he was all right.’

  ‘But not that he’s on his way to fight the Boers?’

  ‘I didn’t think it wise to mention that at the moment.’ He handed David the note.

  ‘They’re going to wonder where we got this.’ He gazed at it as if it would bite. ‘What on earth are we going to tell them?’

  They hadn’t heard Millie come in until she put the tray of tea on David’s desk. ‘You could say it came here in the post.’

  Both men looked at her in surprise, then David said, ‘But Gertie would want to see the envelope, and know where it came from.’