Hold on to your Dreams

by Beryl Matthews

  Millie screwed up her face in concentration. ‘I don’t like keeping things from Miss, so you could perhaps tell her the truth. She could tell her mother the letter came here and I opened it and threw the envelope away. Didn’t know it was important because I don’t read anything.’

  ‘Do you think Gertie should be told, Alex? And what about Sutton?’

  ‘Hmm, I think they should both be told, and let them decide when Mrs Melrose is well enough to be told the truth.’

  ‘Yes, that would seem the best thing to do,’ he agreed, glancing at Millie. ‘Thank you for the suggestion, but it wouldn’t be right to blame you for something you haven’t done.’

  ‘That’s all right, Mr Gardener. Mrs Melrose has to get better first. She can’t take no more bad news. You’ll be able to tell her the truth when she’s feeling stronger. Now, you drink your tea before it gets cold.’ She smiled broadly at Alex. ‘Them biscuits are lovely.’

  When she left the office, Alex shook his head. ‘That girl has an abundance of good sense. Just imagine what she could have achieved with a proper education.’

  David poured their tea and handed Alex a cup. ‘Fred’s the same. Thank goodness Gertie found them and we’ve been able to give them a chance in life. Any news of little May?’

  ‘The doctor’s operating soon, and he’s hopeful, but only time will tell if she will walk properly again. I’m going to collect her and her mother when I leave here. We’re going to the Melrose workshops to see if they can make her a special chair with wheels on. She’s going to need something like that for a while.’

  ‘Let’s hope she makes a complete recovery, otherwise the poor little devil isn’t going to have much of a life, is she?’ David picked up the note again, looking doubtful. ‘Gertie asked you to find Edward, and you’ve done that, so do you think you ought to be the one to tell her about this?’

  ‘I’ll do it if you wish.’

  ‘Thanks. Let’s pray Edward doesn’t get himself killed out there.’

  ‘Exactly! Now, while I’m here show me what cargoes you’ve managed to get for my new ship.’

  Chapter Twenty

  The sound of a child’s laughter made Gertrude glance up sharply. Through the office window she could see a group of people around her father, including Fred, who was talking animatedly to a small girl being held by a tall man. Even from this distance he was easily recognisable, and she couldn’t believe her eyes. What on earth was Alexander Glendale doing carrying a child? Fascinated, she couldn’t take her eyes off the scene.

  They were obviously discussing the merits of several small chairs, and her father was sketching on a pad. The little girl was put in one of them and all the men crouched down, deep in discussion. A poorly dressed woman was standing behind the chair and resting her hands on the little girl’s shoulders.

  After a while, Mr Glendale picked up the child again, and left with the woman. Fred waved happily until they disappeared from sight.

  She was bursting with curiosity and was pleased to see her father heading for the office. ‘What was that all about?’ she asked as soon as he came in.

  ‘We’ve been asked to make a chair with wheels on for the little girl. She has difficulty walking and is being treated by Alexander’s physician. He’s going to operate on her soon, and then she won’t be able to walk at all for a while.’ Sutton was already busy making a detailed drawing.

  She frowned. ‘The service of an eminent physician will be expensive, surely.’

  ‘Very, but without expert help she will always be disabled. I understand from the child’s mother that Alexander is paying for the treatment and the chair.’

  ‘That’s more than generous of him,’ was all she could think of to say.

  ‘He’s a generous man. Fred told me he’s taking an interest in all the children in their street. He’s very good with them, and visits regularly to check they are all right.’

  ‘Well! That’s a side of him I never knew existed.’

  ‘You’ve never bothered to look closely, have you my dear?’

  She shook her head. ‘I’ll need to revise my opinion of him. After I’ve had time to digest this.’

  ‘I would say that’s long overdue,’ her father murmured, head bent over his work.

  Accepting the rebuke, she stared into space, eyes closed as she focussed on the first time she had ever seen Alexander Glendale. He had walked into the room and every eye turned towards him. His strong character had overwhelmed her, and instinct told her this was not a man to get close to. He gave the impression of being completely unapproachable – a man of authority who would expect to be obeyed without question. When he’d declared his interest in her she’d been frightened. Her family were close, openly showing affection for each other, but there didn’t seem to be anything gentle or loving about this imposing man. But she’d just seen him handle the little girl with tenderness, talking to her and smiling. That smile had transformed him. And the fact that he was taking an interest in children from the slums showed there must be a different man under his stern exterior. Had she been too hasty in her assessment of him – too harsh? Had she misjudged him so badly? She really thought she had!

  ‘What are you doing here, my dear?’

  Her father’s voice broke her thoughts. ‘Aunt Hanna’s with mother, so I thought I’d collect some of the paperwork to deal with at home.’

  ‘Would you send out the payment reminders as well?’

  ‘Yes, of course.’ She gathered up everything she needed. ‘This will give me something to do. But I have an errand to run before I can start on it.’

  ‘I know how busy you are, so do the work when you can.’ He smiled affectionately at her. ‘I don’t know what I’d do without you.’

  ‘Have you found him?’ Hope flared in Gertrude when she saw who was waiting for her when she arrived home two hours later.

  Alexander was studying her intently, a deep frown of concern furrowing his brow. ‘Please sit down.’

  She waved her hands impatiently, very aware of the tone of command in his voice. ‘If you have news, please tell me.’

  ‘I have seen your brother and he gave me this note for your mother.’

  She took it from him, turning it over and over in her hands. ‘Mother needs to see him. Where is he? Did you tell him how ill she is?’

  ‘I told him. Sit down.’ Alexander stepped forward, making her sink into the chair behind her. She was close to collapse. ‘Read the note.’

  With trembling hands she rested the paper on the arm of the chair before it was steady enough to read. The note was disappointingly short. ‘All this says is that he’s all right. What good is that? Tell me where he is and I’ll drag him here if I have to.’

  ‘That isn’t possible, I’m sorry to say. He’s joined the army and is on a ship bound for South Africa.’

  Every trace of colour drained from her face, and she whispered, ‘Oh no!’

  Stooping down in front of her, he handed her a pristine handkerchief so she could wipe the moisture from her eyes. ‘The ship was ready to sail when I arrived. I only managed to see your brother because I knew the sergeant. That short note was all we had time for.’

  She took the handkerchief and dabbed her eyes, then twisted the fine cotton into a ball as she fought for composure. This was devastating news. It embarrasse her to appear so distressed in front of him, but she was so very tired of trying to be brave. She wasn’t brave at all. What was she going to do now?

  ‘May I offer some advice?’ he suggested, as he stood up again.

  ‘Yes, please.’

  ‘Give your mother the note, but tell her you still don’t know where he is.’

  She nodded. ‘I’ll have to lie because I certainly can’t tell her he’s on his way to fight the Boers. That will make her frantic with worry.’ She gazed up at him. ‘What shall I tell father? He ought to know.’

  ‘I agree. Would you like me to talk to him?’

  ‘Oh, would you?’ Her voice trembled.r />
  ‘I’ll go to the workshop when I leave here.’

  ‘Thank you.’ She stood up, holding on to the back of the chair for support. ‘Forgive me, I haven’t offered you any refreshments.’

  ‘There’s no need.’ He moved towards her. ‘You’re exhausted. You must rest.’

  Something inside her snapped. ‘Rest? How can I rest? Father is working and worrying himself into an early grave. The business I believed to be sound is struggling to make a profit. My fool of a brother could get himself killed in a war, and my mother is dangerously ill. She’s regained consciousness, but her recovery is being hampered by worry. Not only is she fretting about Edward, but she’s afraid I’m going to be left with nothing. I don’t care! I just want her to get well, and for her and father to be happy again. Nothing else—’

  Alexander’s frown deepened, then he took hold of her arms and made her sit down again. With two strides he’d reached the drinks table and poured a brandy. Handing it to her, he said, in a tone of voice only a fool would disobey, ‘Drink this.’

  The strong liquid made her cough and she couldn’t take more than a sip. Her show of weakness made her ashamed. ‘I’m sorry. I’m embarrassing you.’

  ‘Stop apologising, Gertrude!’

  That made her bristle with indignation. She wouldn’t be spoken to in that tone of voice! She might be down, but she still had some fight in her. Forcing her legs to remain steady, she stood to face him. ‘I was trying to be polite. And just because you own us doesn’t mean you can order me around. Thank you for bringing me news of my brother, and the offer to tell my father, but on reflection I believe it will be better if I break the news to him.’

  ‘Don’t be stubborn. You’re clearly in no fit state to shoulder this burden alone.’

  ‘I am perfectly capable! The news about Edward has been upsetting, and for a moment I was confused. But I’m all right now. I’ll do whatever has to be done for my family. Somehow I’ll stop mother worrying about us.’

  He hesitated for a moment, then said, ‘There’s one way you can ease your parents’ difficulties and concerns.’

  ‘Oh?’ Despite her anger, she was ready to listen.

  ‘Marry me and I’ll give you the house as a wedding gift. I—’

  ‘How dare you!’ she exploded. He was trying to buy her. That hurt so much she clutched her sides, feeling physical pain. She’d begun to think about him in a more kindly way, and then he does this to her. It was cruel. Her first assessment of him had obviously been the correct one.

  ‘Let me finish.’

  ‘I am not for sale, Mr Glendale.’ She lifted her head in defiance. ‘And the fact you think I am is insulting!’

  He didn’t have a chance to reply because the door opened and Hanna swept in. ‘Stop shouting, Gertie. What’s going on here?’

  ‘Mr Glendale is leaving, Aunt.’ Then she turned on her heel and stormed out of the room.

  Fifteen minutes later there was a firm tap on her bedroom door. She knew who it was. ‘Come in.’

  Her aunt sat next to her on the bed. ‘He wants to apologise for upsetting you.’

  ‘No!’

  ‘Don’t be so damned stubborn, Gertie. I don’t know what went on between you down there, but he’s gone to a lot of trouble to trace Edward, at your request. At least have the decency to thank him for that, and listen to his apology.’

  ‘I’ve already thanked him.’ She stared at the note still clutched in her hand. ‘He told you Edward’s joined the army then?’

  ‘Yes, the bloody fool. Why the blazes didn’t he come to me? But we’ll discuss this later. Put aside your wounded pride and listen to Alex’s apology.’

  ‘He hurt me.’

  ‘He knows that, and believe me, that’s the last thing he would want to do.’

  ‘You always talk about him as if you know him well.’

  ‘My husband was acquainted with the Glendales. I’ve known Alex since he was ten years old.’

  She gave her aunt a startled look. ‘I didn’t know that.’

  ‘There’s a great deal you don’t know about me. I never talk about those years. They are best forgotten, but I will tell you a little about Alex. His great grandfather came from Scotland. He was a shrewd man and soon began to build up the family fortune. Each male has carried on the business. When Alex’s father, and then his mother and sister died so tragically, he was left with no choice but to resign his commission in the army and return home. He has inherited the sharp business mind, and although I know it was the last thing he wanted to do, he left the life he loved and came back to deal with the family affairs. He’s a strong man, which is a blessing or he would not have survived such devastating losses, but that doesn’t mean he is without feelings. He’s still trying to pull his shattered life together. He understands only too well what our family is going through, and that is why he has spent time helping us.’ Hanna stood up. ‘You’re an intelligent girl, but you should have grown out of this habit of making hasty judgements about people and situations, and I’m going to be very cross if you don’t start acting your age. You’re a woman now, Gertie, not some silly child who throws tantrums every time someone upsets her.’

  She flinched at the merited rebuke, and nodded.

  ‘Good.’ Hanna opened the door. ‘Show him how gracious you can be.’

  Chapter Twenty-One

  At least Gertrude had allowed him to apologise, but he hadn’t been prepared to do more than that. He’d upset her, and for that he was very sorry, but she had reacted so quickly to his suggestion that he hadn’t had time to tell her why he was making the proposal. When she’d said she would do whatever she had to for her family, he had spoken without thinking. He swore under his breath. As if she wasn’t suffering enough, he’d caused her more distress. He would never forget the pain in her eyes as she’d accused him of trying to buy her, and to be truthful, that’s exactly how it had sounded. But if she’d only continued to listen he’d have been about to tell her how he felt. He should have done that first, of course, but he hadn’t. The trouble with him was he was used to giving orders, and he had appeared abrupt in his handling of a sensitive girl. Much too late to recognise that now; the damage had been done.

  Still muttering curses, Alex walked. He didn’t know where, or care, oblivious to the cold drizzle. Hadn’t he told himself repeatedly that Gertrude was not for him? Had he listened? No, he damned well hadn’t. The dream of winning her had persisted. Well, he’d better conquer that desire. Now!

  ‘You’re getting wet, sir.’

  He started, unaware his carriage was following him slowly. He hadn’t even heard the clip of the horse’s hooves on the road. Without saying a word he climbed in, settled in the plush seats and closed his eyes. When the horse began to canter, he sat up and opened his eyes again.

  What was done couldn’t be changed, though he would give anything to be able to take back those hasty words. He’d ruined whatever slim chance he might have had with her, but that would not change his desire to help them. The loss of his own family had made him more aware of the suffering of others. He couldn’t change the world, but he could help a few people along the way.

  His own life needed to be put into order as well, and he’d spent enough time on something that could never be. He’d done all he could for the Melrose family at the moment, and now it was time to retreat.

  ‘Where to, sir?’ the driver called.

  ‘Home.’ Home, he thought bitterly. Once it had been, but now it was just a huge, empty shell. He would make sure May was all right and then go to his Hampshire estate. The peace there would help him sort things out in his mind. It was time to lay some ghosts. He should have done it months ago.

  The carriage stopped and he got out. ‘I won’t need you again today, Dickson.’

  His butler was waiting at the door, shaking his head in disapproval as he removed his master’s wet coat. ‘Mr Shawbridge is waiting to see you, sir. Shall I tell him you are unavailable?’

  The
last thing he wanted at the moment was a visitor, but he’d better see Michael. ‘No, I’ll see him. Where have you put him?’

  ‘In the library, sir.’

  Alex entered the room and walked straight to the drinks table, as Michael leapt to his feet. After pouring two large brandies, Alex sat down. ‘Please sit down. What can I do for you, Michael?’

  Before speaking, his visitor took a large gulp of the brandy. ‘I thought you’d like to hear the news. The Hayworth brothers have been expelled from the club for cheating. There’s one hell of a row going on.’

  Michael was clearly ill at ease and he hoped the damned fool hadn’t also been caught. ‘And have they also connected you with them?’

  ‘No!’ he declared in alarm. ‘You know, don’t you?’

  Alex nodded.

  ‘Oh God! Now I understand your warning to me, and I thank you. I’ve been an idiot, but I’ll never get involved in anything like that again.’

  ‘You’d be wise to choose your friends more carefully.’

  ‘I never took any of the money.’ Michael gulped down the last of his drink. ‘It just seemed like a bit of fun, but that’s no excuse, is it?’

  ‘No, it isn’t. People have been hurt, and that is unacceptable.’ Alex refilled the glasses, well pleased with the news, but still concerned for Michael. He was sure the young man didn’t mean to do anything dishonest, but he was so easily led, and the brothers were very persuasive. ‘Will they implicate you?’

  ‘Unlikely. Their reputations are ruined, and no one will believe anything they say again. They left for France this afternoon, and it will be a long time before they can return. The people they cheated are clamouring for their money back. They won’t get it, though.’

  ‘Not a chance.’

  ‘Er …’ Michael turned his glass round and round in his hands. ‘I’m moving to Suffolk, Alex. I’ve met a girl, Frances Handley, and we’re to have a Christmas wedding.’