Finding Peace

by Emilia Finn

  I was ready to chase them down and take her back, then pack our bags and move to Yemen, but then he comes waltzing back up the stairs, handsome as hell with his sexy jaw and pretty eyes, laughing with my baby and carrying breakfast treats.

  And I was an asshole.

  It’s been three days since then.

  I got a text from him that evening, simply saying, “I’m sorry. Call me when you want.”

  That was it.

  And I didn’t call him.

  Because I’m an asshole.

  I stayed hidden in our apartment, watching Frozen for the six millionth time with Evie, and pouting because I had the best sex of my damn life the night before, with possibly the best man I’d ever met in my life, a man who adores my daughter and is good to the core, and I was an asshole.

  My eyes drag up to the ringing phone on my desk, the loud trill startling me out of my pity party. It’s Tuesday again and we’re back at work; I need to work to afford to buy more breakfast treats, since the only person who’s ever bought them for me with kind intentions was treated badly and probably won’t ever want to hang out again.

  “Christina Cooper Studios.”

  “Hey, it’s Izzy.”

  I slump against my desk, dropping Christina and picking up non-professional Tina as I rest my head in my hands. “Oh, hey Iz, how are you?”

  The days are mild again, just past the bitter cold of the winter, so while inside the studio, I’m wearing a racer back black dress, leaving my shoulders partially bare and as I lean over, my long hair tickles my skin.

  “I’m good,” she answers easily. “How’ve you been?”

  I’m still an asshole. A lonely, miserable asshole. “I’m good. Just working.”

  “Busy?”

  “Yeah, I’ve got a bit on. Which is good,” I add. “Pays the rent.”

  “That is good. Listen--”

  “How’d Jack go on the weekend?” I cut her off, remembering Jack’s fight. Evie and I didn’t go because I was too scared to see Aiden, and it was pretty much guaranteed he’d be there. I’m such a coward. And a jerk, because I know Evie wanted to go. To see Jack, yes, and to see the exciting fights, but mostly to see Aiden. I scared her the other day when I got mad at him. More proof that I’m an asshole.

  “He smashed it,” she says excitedly. “Won in the first round.”

  “Really? That’s so cool.”

  “Yeah, he wasn’t screwing around,” Iz giggles. “Knocked him out, like forty seconds into it.”

  “Wow.”

  “Yeah, I think we’ll move him up to proper competition soon. We gotta get his applications in when Kit isn’t watching though,” she laughs, her happiness seeping through the phone and lifting me a little.

  I need to get out of my own head. I’m just a miserable cow.

  “Anyway,” she adds. “I was calling for a reason. We wanna do a girls night out. Let’s go out, get drunk, get stupid. I haven’t been out since I got legal.”

  “Umm, I’m not sure, Iz. You girls are my babysitters, so--”

  “But the guys will stay home. They’ll look after Evie and Bean.”

  “But--”

  “Tina,” Iz sighs. “I know something happened between you and Aiden.”

  “You do?”

  “Yeah, Jim saw him getting coffee. He ran home and told me, because he’s a bigmouth like that, then Aiden rolled in pretty soon after that.”

  “Shit.”

  “Yeah, and he was all sad and shit. So it doesn’t take a genius to figure this stuff out.”

  He was sad. Ugh, of course he was. I was horrible. “I screwed up.”

  “Funny you say that, babe, because that’s exactly what he said.”

  “He didn’t. He didn’t screw anything up. This was on me.”

  “Well, he thinks he did. But you trust him, right? In your heart you trust him. You know he’d never hurt her?”

  “Yeah, I know that.”

  “So it’ll be fine. Come out with us. All the guys will be home, and even if they decide to go out too, like a guy’s night, Jack will be home. He’s fine. Jack’s clever, and he adores the girls.”

  I close my eyes and tap my closed fist against my chin. “When?”

  “This weekend. Are you available?”

  “I guess so.” I can’t stop fidgeting and I watch Evie as she puts her puppy on the floor and covers him with her blanket. She’s putting him to bed.

  “You guess so?” Iz laughs. “Geez, girl. Don’t sound too excited.”

  “If Jack really doesn’t mind, then sure, I’ll come.”

  “Good, because we have to know what the hell happened with you and Aiden,” she squees and my smile grows.

  It was squee worthy.

  “He raced out of here like he had the po-po on his tail, then Jim sees him asshole-early in the morning with your daughter. Jim was bouncing like a girl when he came home and told me.”

  “Oh god.”

  “Ah yeah, so we need to get you drunk as hell, then you can tell us.”

  “I don’t think I should go out anymore.”

  “Too bad, it’s happening. We’ll see you this weekend. You can do our makeup.”

  “Oh sure,” I reply dryly, although I don’t actually mind at all. “I’ll do your makeup. Want me to do a boudoir shoot while I’m at it? I mean, I love working for free.”

  “Actually, yes, I want to organize a shoot. It’ll be Jim’s birthday soon and he’ll go crazy for sexy pictures.”

  “Iz, it was one thing to photograph Kit’s snatch, because I didn’t know her at the time, but I know you now, and you’ve had a baby. That poon ain’t pretty.”

  “Jimmy says it’s pretty,” she shoots back softly with a smile in her voice and I burst out laughing.

  “You’re an idiot.”

  “Jim says that too,” she laughs. “Okay, it’s on. I’m telling the others it’s on.”

  “What do Jim and Bobby say about this?”

  “Who cares?” she replies quickly, telling me they care a lot and had a lot to say about it, but the girls still got their way.

  “Sweet. Okay, it’s on then. I’ll call Jack first to make sure it’s okay, but otherwise, I’m in.”

  I need a night out being stupid. It’s exactly what I need.

  “Alright, have a good day, babe. We’ll chat later.”

  ~*~

  “Are you sure, Jack? Definitely sure?”

  “Can you stop?” he asks, lifting Evie upside down above his head and pretending to body slam her. I wince every time he does, my hand twitching as I try to apply Kit’s eye shadow, but Evie’s giggles prove she’s fine.

  “Can you stop?”

  He laughs. “Nope, she loves it. Dontcha, Evie bug? You love when we roll.”

  “Yes,” she squeals on the next downward arc.

  “She’ll be fine,” he continues, spinning Evie around in circles. “I got my girls, and we’re gonna get chocolate milk drunk. Then we’ll pass out after partying with Disney.”

  “I can’t believe how wild you are,” I reply dryly. “No wonder you’ve got nothing better to do on a Saturday night.”

  “Hey,” he frowns. “I had loads of invitations, but I picked the girls I wanted to hang with the most. I’ll always pick Evie and Bean over the other girls.” He blows raspberries into Evie’s giggling tummy and I melt a little inside. I’m fairly certain he’s telling the truth.

  We’re at Kit’s house, in her guest bathroom, but I didn’t see anyone downstairs; it’s just us girls plus Jack.

  “Where are the guys?”

  I’m saying guys, but I specifically mean Aiden. Of course. I’m on pins and needles waiting for him to walk in and look at me like I killed his goldfish.

  “They’re at mine,” Iz says, braiding her hair so there’s a cute plait framing her head, then the rest just lays flat against her back.

  I wonder if the guys were evicted to Iz and Jim’s house before the girls got dressed, because they’re all loo
king hot, and I’m positive the guys would be sniffing around and grabbing butts if they saw.

  Iz is wearing an ivory, skin tight dress, showing her milk boobies to perfection, the hem line stopping several inches above her knees and showcasing her long legs. She looks amazing.

  Tink is fussing with her hair, teasing the ends out so she looks like a slutty elf. Her eyes are big and smoky dark, her black skirt about as short as Izzy’s. She has a sparkly black tank on that leaves an inch of belly bare, then a necklace that hangs from her neck, dangling down, then wraps around the bare skin of her stomach.

  She also has silver boots on that go above her knees. She’s not showing a lot of skin, not really, but the way she is dressed definitely makes a person stop and look.

  Same with Kit, and Iz. Well, all of us, really.

  Finishing with Kit’s makeup, I study her, her long dirty blonde hair as it dangles down her back, curled slightly at the ends, the top half of her hair clipped up.

  She’s wearing black too; the sleeves stretching to her elbows, the front scoop sitting mid chest, the skirt hem sitting mid-thigh.

  Because Kit is Kit, she wouldn’t be talked out of wearing her chucks, and although I teased her, I think she looks amazing. She looks edgy, sexy, but comfortable as hell.

  I’m wearing a simple red dress, one I’ve worn to work a hundred times. I couldn’t justify buying a new outfit, and it’s not like I have a lot of spare cash floating around for new club dresses anyway.

  It has mid-thick tank straps, pushes my boobs up high and lifts my butt too. It’s made of a bandage type stretchy material, tucking me in, lifting me up, hugging me tight. It’s the best. Everything you want in a dress.

  And a man.

  I’ve paired it with sparkly black pumps, tied my hair high into a ponytail, transformed my eyes with gold tones to make my blue eyes pop, and I’ve blended my scars in a little so they’re not quite as noticeable.

  I don’t hate my scars. I don’t even dislike them. I do dislike the attention they get sometimes though, and tonight is one of the nights I don’t want to be stared at; for that reason anyway. People can stare at my ass if they want; I need a bit of a boost.

  “What are they doing tonight?” I ask, smiling at the fact the guys are going to lose their shit when they get a load of the girls.

  “Dunno,” Iz answers breezily. “They didn’t say. They just spent all week pouting.”

  “Alright,” Jack interrupts, his way of stopping us bitching about his bro’s. “You all look pretty. Go out, have fun. Don’t get into trouble. The girls are fine.”

  “We’re fine, Mommy.”

  I roll my eyes, standing from my chair and righting my dress. “Thank you, Evelyn.”

  I walk to Jack, who is half a foot taller than me even as I wear heels, and I lean forward and kiss her on her lips.

  “Good night, baby. Sleep well. Be good for Uncle Jack.”

  “I will.”

  “Uncle Jack, have fun sleeping with her stinky toddler butt on your head all night.”

  “We’ll be okay. I promise.”

  “Bean needs more milk at ele--”

  “You wrote it all down,” Jack interrupts Iz. “We’ll be fine. And Jim is still here. Just go.”

  “Alright, thanks Jack. Love you.”

  “Love you too, Sissy. Have fun.”

  “Love you, Jack.”

  “Yeah, Tink, you too,” he says, hugging her awkwardly.

  “Love you, Jack,” I add, just to be a smartass, but he grabs me anyway and hugs me to his side.

  “Love you too, Tina. She’ll be fine.”

  Holy shit, he’s a sweetheart. Besides Evie, I don’t even remember the last time someone told me they loved me. I didn’t even realize it till now.

  “Love you, Jack,” Kit says, trying her luck, but he scrunches his face in mock disgust.

  “Gross.”

  “Yeah, gross,” she laughs, grabbing her purse and stepping past him to leave.

  Surprising me, and everyone else in the room, he grabs her arm and swings her back against his chest.

  “Be safe.” He kisses her hair quickly, then he walks out of the room with Evie before she recovers.

  “Damn,” Tink says as Kit leans against the sink. “He’s changed.”

  “Yeah,” she agrees with a pink tinge to her cheeks. “He really has. I like it.”

  “Me too,” Tink agrees. “He was always a good kid, he just had a shit few years. You did a good job, Mama.”

  Kit’s head turns, studying her best friend as though she just told her she was the most beautiful woman in the world.

  “Alright,” Iz says, picking her own purse up and checking her lipstick. “Let’s go. We’re on the clock.”

  ~*~

  “Ladies.” A dark skinned man greets us, purring his words and mentally undressing us. Or at least he pretends to; he’s good at his job. “Welcome to 188. Come on in and get comfortable.”

  I can’t not stare at his electric blue eyes, or his smooth skin the perfect color of strong coffee. His naughty grin is welcoming, not haughty, just fun.

  “Thank you, Derrick.” Tink hugs him tight, greeting her co-worker. “We’re here for fun tonight. We finally got this one legal.” She points at Izzy as Iz ogles the club, slack jawed and staring as people grind against each other or throw back shots at the bar. Quite a culture shock for someone who’s never been out before.

  “Legal,” he ponders, rubbing his long fingered hands along his jaw with a wicked glint in his eyes. “First drink’s on me, babe.”

  “Oh, no--” Iz starts but he smiles and brushes her off.

  “First round for you all is on me. Have a fun night, stay safe, call out if you need anything.” He turns and leads us upstairs and into a VIP area. “I’ll set up a tab for you and I’ll have Lacey bring your first round.”

  “Thanks Derrick.” Tink bounces on her heels as we reach the landing and look around. This area is fairly full too, though not nearly as squished as downstairs.

  They have booths lining the far walls, a bar running the length just like downstairs, then tall tables and stools scattered throughout the room.

  A large group of very loud and very drunk men indicate a bachelor party in full swing.

  Fun.

  Not.

  “Let’s go over here.” Tink takes Kit’s hand in hers and drags us along to a tall table near the edge of the main floor.

  We all dump our bags on the lower shelf of the table, taking a moment to get our bearings and study the room, then our drinks arrive with a chick who barely looks old enough to work here. She has shoulder length hot pink hair, reminding me of cotton candy, but it actually looks amazing.

  “Hey y’all, these are on us. Just flag me down when you want more.”

  “Thanks, Lace.” Tink smiles, winking at the girl then passing cocktails around to each of us as Lacey leaves.

  “Cheers then.” Kit holds her drink up in the middle of the table. “To having finally found my sisters.”

  “Cheers,” we all yell.

  “To having the best family in the world.”

  “Cheers.”

  “And to Izzy,” Tink shouts. “Because she’s finally legal.”

  “Cheers!” We all drink on the last one, giggling as Izzy looks around the room nervously.

  “Ladies.” A man walks up to us, a cocky swagger to his step, his jeans way past attractive tight and firmly in too tight territory. He has a button up shirt on, a silky silver color and his buttons are definitely not all being used to their best ability. “I hear you’re in a celebratory mood. Let me buy you a drink. My friends and I--”

  “Ugh, no thanks, Bubba.” Tink places her drink back on the table and sneers at him. She nods at each of us. “Married, married, mom, gay.”

  “Outta here.” He turns on his heel quickly, rushing away from the unavailable chicks and back to his friends to pass on the bad news that we’re not all into dudes.

  “Can you stop
shouting about my sex life,” Iz says, ironically shouting to be heard over the music. “I’d rather have a drink and not have to explain to Jim later how many rats came sniffing.”

  “Which is why I just got rid of him. Relax Wizzy, this is gonna be fun.”

  “Alright, so give it up.” Kit says, looking around our group expectantly and sipping her drink. I study each face to try and figure out who she’s talking to and they all stare back at me. It takes almost a whole minute for me to realize.

  “Me?”

  “Yes, you!” Kit snaps back. “Everything. Every tiny, disgusting, sexy detail.”

  “Was it good?” Izzy asks.

  “Is he huge?” Tink brazenly asks and my jaw falls open. Is she serious? “It’s the quiet one’s you gotta watch. He’s hung, right?”

  “Tink!” I choke on my own spit, feeling my face burn bright red. I can’t tell them that.

  “Spill,” Kit begs. “Please spill. We all know he raced out past the gates late that night and we all know he was seen with Evie the next morning. Spill.”

  “I can’t.”

  “Sure you can,” Tink says flippantly. “We wanna know.”

  “You had sex though, right?” Kit asks, not giving up, like a dog at a bone. “Don’t tell us all the dirty details if you don’t wanna. But answer that.”

  I study them all a moment longer, shuffling on my heeled feet, wondering if I can make a run for it and get away before they catch me. Probably not.

  Fortifying myself, downing the rest of my drink, Izzy giggles at me when I choke as it burns its way down my throat.

  “Holy shit,” Tink says wondrously. “It was good. She’s getting drunk to tell us.”

  “Yep.”

  “Yep… yep what?”

  “Yep we had sex. Yep it was good - It was amazing. Yep he’s hung.”

  “Yes!” Tink cheers, jumping and fist pumping the air. “Now tell us all the dirty details.”

  “You said--”

  “Don’t ever believe us when we compromise like that,” she says with ‘duh’ eyes, and I realize I’m the dumbest idiot there ever was. Kit simply nods beside her.

  Shit.

  “We’d been texting--”

  “Did you send him sexy pictures?”

  “No, Casey. Be quiet if you want me to tell the story.”

  “Sorry.” She bites her lip, holding back her smartass smile and I roll my eyes.