Daughters of Delirium (Tainted Queens Book 1)

by A. M. Miller

  Markolas walked up beside Lu. “We do what we must to protect our people. Allowing someone who speaks ill of the goddess to remain living would have surely brought a curse upon us all.”

  “We’ll be leaving now,” Lu said. She didn’t want to talk about it. She didn’t want to talk about anything.

  “I hope you don’t let this little ordeal ruin your view of Zendel. I can assure you everyone else here is of the faith. She was a troubled woman. Known to offer her body for less than holy endeavors. These people are better off without her around, I can assure you, my queen.” The priest looked at the dead woman with disdain.

  Lu turned on him.

  “It was a lovely feast.” Marcella stepped up between them. Her sword sheathed against her waist, clean of the woman’s blood. “Our majesty appreciates any opportunity to dine among her people, but we simply must get back now.”

  Markolas smiled at Marcella. They exchanged their goodbyes and once he was gone from sight Marcella turned to Lu. She eyed her but Lu’s eyes were on the woman. Her body grew colder with each passing second.

  Marcella spoke with a soft voice. “It’s time to return home, your majesty.”

  Tradition demanded the tainted body be left out for at least two days. This allowed everyone to see their shame. The body also worked as a warning to those who thought to speak against the goddess. She’d seen it once before, inside of the inner city, but she hadn’t known the person then. She hadn’t been the person who ordered the execution. This wasn’t mercy; this was what they would call justice.

  “My queen?” Marcella asked.

  Lu turned and began walking towards the horses. The other’s hesitated but followed behind her. They remained silent as they saddled their horses. No one dared to say anything. She left Zendel with two bodies in her wake. One mercy. Another wrath. Both left her colder.

  28

  The Heart Queensland

  Lu was the first to make it back to the castle. She’d taken one of the back bridges to avoid unwanted eyes. They cut half a day off their trip back home. She dismounted. Her legs were sore from the long ride, but she did not slow. Domicin arrived after her. He pulled back on the reins forcing the beast to slow.

  “My queen,” Domicin called.

  “I have to change in order to meet with the council. Please take care of everything here,” Lu said without turning around. She made her way through the castle. Her shoes clicked against the tile and she tried to focus on making it to her chamber. The mental walls around her were cracking. She’d kept them up for as long as she could. Soon Lu would be buried in the rubble.

  Lu’s footsteps quickened with the desperate need to put a door between her and the rest of the world. Images of the four dead bodies danced in her head. Her mother and father’s image switched between the woman and man she’d killed. She could see them even with her eyes closed. Her eyeless parents, the eyes of her victims, they all stared at her with accusation.

  The one constant thing among the images was the sound of laughter. Although she’d never heard the laugh before, she knew instantly it belonged to Him. She fought against the urge to cover her ears.

  From the moment the crown was placed on her head she’d been surrounded by death. Her hands dripped with blood.

  You are a death curse on our land, the dead woman’s voice echoed in her ear. The woman’s words were followed by more laughter.

  The wide hall felt crowded. There were too many eyes on her now. She was unraveling right in front of them. Crumbling walls with blood seeping in between the cracks. She could feel him watching her just beyond the shadows.

  A hand touched Lu’s shoulder. She spun, grabbing hold of a wrist and slamming his body against the wall. Her forearm was pressed against his throat before she realized who it was. Ramor stared back at her. Red eyes panicked and hands wrapped around her arm.

  Lu recoiled. Ramor sucked in a gasp of air and doubled over. She could see the red mark on his neck that was sure to bruise.

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t-I’m sorry. I-” Lu continued to move back. She averted her eyes unable to look at what she’d done. Something was building inside of her. A stinging in her eyes and a tightening inside her chest.

  Ramor straightened and moved closer to Lu. “My queen?”

  Don’t call me that. Please don’t call me that.

  Lu closed her eyes. Her hand wrapped around her pendant but she found no comfort there. A hand touched hers. Lu opened her eyes. Ramor looked down at her. Any other time Lu would have been able to hide her emotions but not now. She couldn’t keep pretending to be queen when everything was falling to pieces. If she was being honest she’d lost control the moment she set foot into her parent's chamber. Foolishly, she’d thought she’d be able to handle it all, but all she’d done was prove them right.

  You’re not good enough.

  Tears swelled in her eyes. Suddenly letting go didn’t seem like a bad idea at all. All she had to do was stop fighting it. She would just let those dark emotions swallow her whole.

  Something changed in Ramor’s expression. Without saying a word he grabbed Lu’s wrist and pulled her down the hall. She stumbled when they turned the sharp corner. They came to a stop in front of a wooden door. Ramor pulled a key from his pocket and unlocked the door. He pulled Lu into the room and slammed the door behind her.

  Ramor held onto Lu’s arms again, his eyes searching hers. “Whatever happened in that village you need to get yourself under control.”

  Lu looked back at him. For a moment the stern look in his eyes reminded her of her father. She imagined the look of bitter disapproval he would have now if he could see her. Tears slipped down her face. She began to draw farther into herself. Four bodies, four dead bodies. Her fault. It was all her fault.

  “My queen.” Ramor shook her.

  The laughter in Lu’s head grew louder. “Make it stop,” she whispered. Her hands coming up to cover her ears.

  “You have to be the one to make it stop, my queen. Right now your emotions are heightened. You need to pull back. This is what happens when you suppress your emotions for too long. I watched it happen to your mother,“ Ramor said still holding her.

  “I can’t”

  “Yes, you can.”

  “No, I can’t. I can’t do any of this. I can’t be the person you need me to be. I can’t keep pretending I’m more than what I am.”

  “You are the queen.”

  “No! My mother was the queen. I am just her mistake.”

  Lu saw her mother’s face. Beautiful and distant with eyes that looked right through Lu. The real queen had known.

  Robert’s hands tightened around Lu’s shoulders. “You are queen now and that is no mistake.”

  “I killed two people today. One was a kind man who fell victim to madness because of our mistake. I chopped off his head and felt the life pour out of him.” Lu thought of how he’d seen her as a monster the moment before his death. More tears fell from her eyes. “The other was his grieving love. She blamed me. She hated me.”

  “Their deaths were necessary in order-“

  “In order to what? In order to protect the Queensland?” Lu questioned.

  “Yes, because of what you did the people of Zendel are safe.”

  “And I am a killer.”

  “And you are a killer,” Ramor agreed. Lu stared back up at him, speechless. She’d expected him to sugar coat the truth. Spin the horrific act she’d done into something sweeter.

  Ramor’s hands relaxed. “But, you’ve always known what it would mean to be queen.”

  The man that stood in front of her now seemed very different from the one she’d known before. His eyes saw right through her. She knew there would be no way to hide from the truth now.

  “I didn’t know it would feel like this.” Lu’s voice was softer now.

  Ramor’s eyes softened. “What we are- who we have to be- is never easy. We make the decisions and sacrifices no one else has to make. You were a child trained to
be a killer because that was what the Heart needed. We do it because it is our duty. Because no one else can.”

  “What if I can’t do it? What if I’m not strong enough to keep them safe?” Lu asked. Her thoughts traveled back to the madhouse and the bloody message that was left for her. Her panic began to rise again.

  “You are strong enough,” Ramor said.

  “How do you know that?”

  “Because you have to be.” His tone left little room for argument. “Now do as I say and find your inner light. You have to fight, my queen. We need you. Your people need you.”

  Lu did as Ramor told her. She closed her eyes, tears still dripping down her face, and concentrated. Weaving her way through the darkness, she tried to find her light. It was harder than it had been with the madman because this darkness belonged to her. It clung to her tighter because it was apart of her. Every insecurity and doubt she’d ever had was unleashed inside of the darkness.

  They’ll never accept you, a voice as cold as the pale dark whispered. You weren’t born to be their queen.

  “You are stronger than this,” Ramor said.

  Lu continued to push. Finally, Lu hit a wall and just like before, the light shattered through the darkness.

  The laughter and the voices stopped. She breathed in and her chest expanded. She felt lighter, the darkness fading back into its corner. Lu opened her eyes and for the first time, her mind cleared. The guilt she felt was still there but at least now it wasn’t overpowering.

  “Better?” Ramor asked.

  Lu nodded. She leaned against the wall. “It’s been awhile since I’ve been so… emotional. Not a pleasant feeling.”

  “Queen’s often tend to develop a sense of composure. Under normal circumstances, your inner light fades away the more negative emotions but not this time. I worried about you after the death of your parents. That added on to whatever happened at Zendel, was too much for you. The barrier around your emotions that your teacher trained you to use snapped. The flood of emotions is what no doubt caused you to act uncharacteristically.”

  “How do you know all of this?” Lu asked.

  “As I said, I experienced the same thing with your mother.”

  “They said she threw up.”

  Ramor smiled. “I can imagine. Your mother was a woman of many mysteries. There were sides of her very few of us ever got to see.”

  “I wouldn’t know. The only face she ever showed me was the face of the queen.”

  “She had her reasons, I’m sure.”

  “Don’t we all.”

  The tears on Lu’s cheeks were beginning to dry. She wondered what life would have been like if her mother had actually taken an interest in her. Perhaps the old queen could have prepared her for what it would have been like to rule. There were still so many questions Lu had but she would get no answers from the dead.

  “You know, my queen, there’s a touch of madness in all of us. The infection merely feeds off of it. We must be mindful of it at all times less it gets the best of us,” Ramor said.

  Lu’s light still glowed inside of her, but she could feel the other part. Her hand found it’s way to her pendant. She knew why that other part of her existed. The sin inside her soul.

  Ramor shifted against the wall, reaching into his pocket for the watch. “We have to hold another council meeting, my queen. They will be expecting to hear what happened in Zendel. It is best that they hear it from you.”

  Lu nodded. “I know. I just-“ Lu sighed. She could already imagine Lecive spinning the story to fit his needs. By the time they made it there he’d probably have the whole council convinced that she was a failure of a leader. She should go, but she wasn’t quite ready to deal with the outside world just yet. “Can we just hold it off for a little bit longer?”

  Ramor hesitated before answering. “Of course, my queen, whatever you like.”

  Lu appreciated his patience. She knew she’d have to meet with them eventually but for now, she just wanted to be left alone. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Ramor walking over. He leaned against the wall next to her. Neither said a word.

  Lu thought back to what one of the soldiers had told her when she asked where the Ace had been on the night of the attack. They’d confirmed that he’d been visiting a village. The village had claimed to not have received their monthly delivery of white roses. The queen had ordered him to discover the legitimacy of their claims. As the queen’s adviser Ramor was trusted with the responsibility for overseeing the distribution of the white rose.

  Looking back Lu saw it was ridiculous to think that he could have killed her parents. Ramor wasn’t strong enough and his influence within the queensland destabilized the moment the old queen died.

  She looked over at Ramor. He still looked unkempt and frail, but at least he’d proven to be more competent than she’d first assumed.

  But is he to be trusted?

  No, not completely. There was still something inside of her that bid Lu not to, but she wasn’t sure if that was because of him or her. She was too vulnerable around him. He knew more about the queensland than she did and she’d just shown him a part of herself no one got to see. If he wanted to he could hurt her dearly. That alone was enough to terrify Lu.

  They stayed silently leaning against the wall until someone knocked on the door. Ramor stood first. He opened the door but not wide enough for Lu to see who was on the other side. The person spoke in a voice that was too low for Lu to hear. At the end of the message, Ramor nodded and closed the door. He turned back to Lu.

  “The Prince and The Red Queen are here,” Ramor said.

  Lu pushed herself off the wall. “Now? They’re not supposed to be here yet. How? Where are they?” The panic began to rise again inside of Lu. Today wasn’t a day to be dealing with The Red Queen.

  “They’re waiting for you inside the council room.”

  29

  Tiffany crouched down so that she was eye level with the doorknob. She pulled off her earing. The gold hoops had cost her five dollars at the beauty supply. Bending the metal back she slid the pointy end into the lock. She wiggled it around and waited for the tumbler to slide into place. The last tumbler found its spot. With a click, the door opened.

  Tiffany pushed the door and stepped into the small bathroom. She searched for her friend. Raven sat in the corner on the bathroom floor. Her head rested on her knees leaving only her bright red hair visible.

  “What the hell, Rae. Didn’t you hear me banging on the door?” Tiffany asked.

  “It grew back,” Raven said without looking up.

  “What are you talking about?”

  “It keeps growing back. I cut and cut but it still grows back.”

  Tiffany noticed the pair of scissors that laid next to Raven. She bent down and picked them up. She examined them before looking back at her friend. Her fingers were bleeding. The cuts didn’t seem too deep but the sight of them was alarming.

  “God, Rae, what happened? Where are the Band-Aids?” Tiffany opened the medicine cabinet. She searched the shelf for the first aid kit, her eyes pausing for a second when she saw the prescription bottle. She looked away and grabbed the kit.

  Sitting down on the floor, Tiffany grabbed one of Raven’s hands and began to wipe the blood away. “Please tell me this is not because of your hair. I already told you it’s not that bad.”

  Raven glared at her. “You don’t understand.”

  “Girl, you're not the first person to mess up their hair. Remember freshman year when I-“

  “I didn’t do this. I didn’t dye my hair.”

  “Then who did?”

  “I don’t know.” Raven’s voice broke as she looked away from Tiffany. “I mean, maybe I did, but I don’t remember doing it.”

  Tiffany frowned. Something in Raven’s tone scared her. She still held onto Raven’s bandaged hand. “What do you mean?”

  Raven bit down on her lip unsure of what she should say. She tried to think of something that would mak
e Tiffany understand.

  “Raven?”

  Raven closed her eyes. She knew Tiffany would not stop asking until she told her the truth.

  “I keep seeing things,” Raven said finally, ”things that aren’t really there. Seeing things and hearing voices.” Raven shook her head and pulled away. “It started out with a nightmare about a girl with black hair, but then it kept getting worse. Now my hair suddenly turns red and I can’t remember how.”

  “I’m sure there’s an explanation for that”

  “Yeah, isn’t it obvious?” Raven said with a sad smile. “I’ve finally gone completely insane.”

  “Don’t joke.”

  “What joke? I’m serious, Tif. It’s the same thing that happened to my mother. One day she was fine and the next she just wasn’t.”

  Raven didn’t blame Tiffany for not understanding. She’d been the same way when the doctors diagnosed her mother. You try to tell yourself anything to avoid the truth. Raven wasn’t going to be like her mother. Denial got people hurt.

  “Raven I-“ Tiffany’s hand touched Raven again and her voice cut off. Every hair on Raven’s body stood at attention. The air around them grew warm. Her forehead burned and something inside of Raven ripped open. Darkness exploded around her. It grabbed hold of her and pulled her in.

  The darkness blocked out all light with Raven suspended in its depths. She drowned in it, not just the absence of light, but a cold dark she could feel moving all around her.

  Light poured in. At first, a gentle glow, but it grew in intensity until the light became blinding. Her eyes took time to adjust. When they finally did, she saw that she was looking at herself. Her hair was back to its normal dark brown color and a gentle smile was painted across her face.

  This version of Raven looked somehow prettier. The scar was less apparent and her brown skin glowed. Her eyes twinkled in a way they’d never twinkled before. Everything about her seemed softer and more welcoming. It made her happy but also a bit envious.

  Turning her head Raven noticed Dion was standing next to the other her. He too looked different. His muscles seemed more defined. The dimpled smile he wore made her stomach flutter. His caramel skin looked smooth and enticing. She felt heat rising to her face.