REM

by Valentine, J. D.

  Danny turned the television off and picked up his beer.

  Guess the world really is just going to shit.

  He sat there for some time, just letting his thoughts fester. Suddenly, the back gate slammed shut.

  "Daddy," a little girl screamed.

  A massive smile came across Danny's face. He quickly hopped up from the couch and ran to the back door opening it.

  "Hey, kiddo!" Danny yelled.

  He crouched down and wrapped his arms around Susan. Danny quickly swept her from the ground with a grunt.

  This kid is getting big.

  He spun her around as he held her above his head, making sounds like a plane, to which Susan was extremely amused.

  "Susan, Mom said we are leaving in ten," a skinny black-haired boy said from the open sliding door.

  Danny let Susan onto the floor, cocking his head as he looked at the boy. "Well, hello to you too, Lucas."

  The boy ignored Danny as he walked inside.

  Susan got on her tippy toes and covered her mouth into Danny's ear. "He is mad because he wants to spend Thanksgiving at home. Apparently, his girlfriend can't bear being apart."

  Danny laughed as he looked down at her. "Oh, that so?"

  "Well, most of it," Susan said, smiling. Her front tooth was missing, but it only added to her cuteness. "Honestly, it's all the hormones ‘cause he is going through puberty."

  A heavy laugh came from Danny as he patted her head. "Susan, you know too much."

  The girl smiled again. "That's because I take after Mom."

  Danny was about to say something, but the back gate shut.

  "Ah, Danny," a woman said.

  He looked up to find a beautiful woman standing in the doorway. Her flowing black hair gave way to light, delicate features.

  "Mar," Danny said as he stood up dusting off his pants. Susan immediately grabbed his hand. "You uh... all ready for your trip?"

  Maria looked down at Susan and then back up at Danny. "Just about. I wish we could all have dinner together, but they got out of school so late, and I had to pick up Susan from soc---"

  "Mar, it's alright," Danny said, patting Susan’s head. He looked down at her. "Hey kid, why don’t you go make sure you got everything packed? Mom and I need to talk for a bit."

  "Alright. Play nice, you two," Susan said.

  She smiled at Danny and Maria as she trotted inside.

  "We are screwed when she goes to high school. I hope you know that," Danny said.

  Maria smiled as she watched Susan run upstairs. "Oh I’ve known for a long time."

  "Hey, I ran into Kevin today."

  Maria looked back at Danny with eyes that seemed to cut right through him. "How’s he doing?"

  "Oh you know, still a wise ass, but he looks stressed with midterms coming up."

  "Yeah, I had lunch with Anna yesterday and she said that he stays up most nights studying away. The other night she woke up to him talking to himself trying to solve a problem."

  "Are all math majors that strange?" Danny said smiling.

  "The smart ones are always a little wacky," she joked.

  "Well, you are smart minus the wacky," Danny winked.

  She smiled.

  There she is.

  That same smile suddenly fell away from her as she twirled a piece of hair behind her ear. "You know, Dan, I sometimes wish we could have a fresh start."

  "I have a few favors some people owe me. We could go into witness protection."

  Maria rolled her eyes. "You know what, I mean, Dan."

  Danny's smile faded as he ran his hand through his gray speckled hair. "If I could take it all back, I would, but I am trying."

  Tears filled her eyes as she looked up at the sky for a moment. "I know, Danny. You really are putting your best foot forward here."

  "Look, things are getting better, right? I mean, the drinking is gone. The job is going well. I have my next therapy session in a couple of days. That's been really helping."

  "Yeah," Maria said as she looked Danny in the eyes again. "Dan, I talked to my brother on the phone, and he said the high school in Tahoe is looking for an English teacher."

  Danny could feel his knees start to buckle. "Mar, what is that supposed to mean?"

  "It's just a thought is all I'm saying. Maybe a little time apart would do us good."

  Little footsteps rumbled down the stairs.

  Maria wiped a tear from her face. "We will talk about this when we get back, alright?"

  A fake smile emerged from Maria's face as she greeted Susan. "Did you almost forget your Jazzy Bear?"

  Susan came running out, clutching a fuzzy black bear in her hands. She ran up to Danny and held it out to him. "I'm gonna leave Jazzy Bear to look after Daddy."

  Danny's eyes teared up as he squatted down. "Are you sure about this?"

  Susan smiled. "I don't want you to be alone."

  Danny let the bear fall into his hand as he hugged Susan.

  "Thank you, sweetie," Danny said as he held back the fury of emotions.

  When Danny looked up at Maria, he could see the pain. All the wrongs he had done and all the heartache he had caused was all there in front of him. Gleaming at him like a nightmare, but suddenly that nightmare fell away, and Maria's smile emerged with a blink.

  "Lucas, help your father with the bags," Maria called out.

  Heavy footsteps came from inside, and Lucas emerged with his scraggly long hair. Danny grabbed Susan's pink suitcase under his armpit and hefted two large suitcases in each hand. Lucas picked up what was left, which was just a military sea bag Danny had kept and given to Lucas. Susan held the door as Lucas and Danny walked out. They rounded the corner in the alleyway of the garage.

  "We gonna talk at some point in the next twenty years?" Danny asked.

  Lucas' flip flops smacked on the pavement as he ignored Danny. They walked to the small SUV that was parked in the garage. Danny could hear a hardcore metal band blasting in the kid's wireless headphones, which only made Danny more pissed. Lucas pushed past Danny with a smug grin as he rounded the corner into the garage.

  Little shit.

  Danny walked into the garage and quickly shoved the suitcases into the back next to the seabag. Lucas was about to turn away when Danny grabbed his arm, pulling the kid from his so-called "safe space".

  "Let go," Lucas said without making eye contact. He pulled one of the earbuds out. "I got nothing to say to you."

  "I don't want you to say anything to me," Danny said as he leaned in close. "I remember when I was your age. I resented my father the same as you do."

  Lucas ripped his arm from his grasp. "You don't know shit."

  "Oh yeah, I don't know shit? I can tell you what I do know." Danny leaned in closer as he towered over his son. "I know that I messed up, but I will fix this. I will make it right because I know I am nothing without you, your sister, and your mom."

  Lucas' eyes started to swell. "You did a hell of a job already, haven't you?"

  "Luca---"

  The boy pushed away from Danny. "Susan doesn't remember the monster you were, but I do. And there isn't a fucking thing you can do to make it better."

  "Lucas. I will---"

  "Save it," Lucas said as he wiped a tear from his eyes. "I don't need you in my life."

  Danny stood there for a moment.

  Why was everything so messed up?

  "Okay, kids, let's get ready to go," Maria called out from the patio.

  Danny grabbed the black bear that rested on the suitcase as he repositioned the bags. The soft thunk came from the car hatch as Danny shut it lightly. His family rounded the corner just as he stood up.

  Put on a happy face, Dan. Showtime.

  "Susan, give Daddy a hug," Danny said as he reached down, pretending to chase her.

  She screamed a little, but eventually gave in laughing.

  "Keep Jazzy safe for me," Susan said.

  Danny pulled the bear up to eye level and used the bear's head to nod ye
s. Susan laughed at the bear.

  "I love you, Suzzie," Danny said as he gave her one final hug.

  "Love you, too," Susan said as she started to cry slightly.

  Maria patted her shoulder as she looked at Dan. "Susan, why don't you get in the car and get strapped in?"

  Susan wiped the tears away from her face and gave her father one final hug, then, she grudgingly walked to the car. Lucas, on the other hand, was walking to the passenger side door.

  Danny nodded at him. "Love you, Lucas."

  The boy didn't hear anything as his headphones drowned out the world.

  Maria patted Danny's shoulder. "Dan, Lucas is just going through a lot. You know how boys are. He will come around."

  "I know. It's just tough, Mar. I can do better. I will do better."

  "Danny, I know you will." She looked at the car and leaned into Danny. "Don't get discouraged about what I said earlier. Just get yourself right."

  It took everything Danny had to keep it together. He smiled and gave Maria a gentle hug. "Please be safe. I will be waiting here when you get back."

  "Okay, Danny," Maria said. Her voice sounded constricted and frail.

  They all piled into the car. Danny stepped back watching as the car pulled out of the garage. Susan was waving in the back wildly. Danny made Jazzy Bear wave back. Maria smiled and waved. Lucas just stared straight ahead just as the SUV started to move forward. Danny wiped back a tear as he watched the vehicle turn right and disappear out of view.

  CHAPTER FIVE

  "I’M EDDY," SAID a man standing in front of a podium.

  "Hello, Eddy!" The crowd said relatively at the same time.

  Eddy looked like a well-groomed Willie Nelson with a suede sports jacket to cover his frail, aging body. He quivered his lips as he looked out from the podium. It looked as though at any moment he could pass out, but he gripped the podium fiercely ready to tell his story. In the crowd, someone began chewing popcorn next to Danny with a ferocity that nearly sounded louder than Eddy who stood at the podium.

  "Eric, would you shut up?" Danny whispered.

  "Here we go. It's about to get good," Eric said as he nudged Danny.

  The man on the podium swallowed hard before he spoke. "I had been hanging out at this local country bar. The Jack and Coke wasn't bad because it was mainly Jack and maybe a finger of Coke."

  The group seated all laughed in unison. Eric held out the bag of popcorn to Danny, who waved it away.

  The man continued after wiping his face with a rag. "I met this lady by the name of Wendy. She was a fine-looking girl who could kick back gin-tonics like it was water." Eddy smiled as he patted his sweaty forehead with a handkerchief. "Anyway, I had spent a few nights chatting with her, and it was never a bad time. This night was different, however."

  Eric started to chuckle to himself. Danny's face turned red as he tried to keep his eyes focused on Eddy.

  "We probably drank half the alcohol in that joint between the two of us. Things got out of hand real quick, and before you know it, I blacked out."

  Eric's started to crack up as people around him gave him serious looks. Danny had to bite his knuckle to keep from crying.

  "I woke up to Wendy cuddled up next to me, but something was resting on my thigh."

  Please, please God, make it stop.

  Eddy swallowed heavily now. "Turns out Wendy was actually William."

  Oh, no.

  Eric started laughing uncontrollably as he hid his face behind the bag of trembling popcorn. A few people around him rolled their eyes, and one even got up and sat somewhere else. Danny had to keep himself composed as his face turned a bright red. He heard someone call his name, drawing him back to the podium.

  Eddy was staring out into the small crowd. "Danny, is there something you wanted to say?"

  Shit.

  Danny's eyes looked around, and he noticed all the faces were honed in on him. He quickly stood as he wiped away a few tears.

  "Yes...uh...Eddy," Danny said.

  Eric's chuckles were low but still audible.

  Come on. Words, Danny.

  'Eddy, I am so happy that you could...release"

  Shit.

  Eric laughed louder now, making Dan cough as he tried to hide his laughter.

  "Forgive me, Eddy. I must have choked on a popcorn kernel or something. I am just so glad you could open yourself up to everyone here...with such ...ah... with such a heartfelt story."

  One person clapped in the crowd awkwardly.

  Eddy licked his lips before he spoke. "Well, thank you, Dan. I appreciate your support."

  Danny sank down in his chair blending in with the crowd.

  "That day I made my peace with God. Since that morning, I swore off alcohol for the rest of my life. In fact, I am now ten years sober from that day."

  The whole group all clapped as one. Even Eric, who was still pushing back tears, was clapping.

  When the cheering quieted down, Eddy retook the podium. "Now, that will wrap up our meeting. There is coffee cake in the back and pamphlets if anyone would like. Joanne will be making her special apple pie next meeting, so don't miss it. Thank you all, and God bless."

  "I am sure William had a wonderful release with Eddy," Eric whispered in Danny's ear.

  Danny couldn't help but laugh as he nudged Eric violently with his elbow. "You really are an asshole."

  "I am a dick, Etter. Assholes get screwed," Eric laughed as he stood.

  Both men gathered their things and made their way to the door. Eddy was shaking people's hands as he passed out pamphlets.

  Eric wrapped his arm around Eddy's shoulder. "You are the bravest man I've ever met, Eddy. God bless you."

  Eddy tapped Eric's hand, graciously. "Bless you, Eric. Thank you."

  Danny gave Eddy a final wave as he walked out the door with Eric behind him.

  "Come on, chief, let's get some dinner," Eric said as they walked on the sidewalk. "There is a football game playing. We can get some cokes and act like there is Jack in them."

  "As long as there are no chicks named Wendy, I'm down."

  Eric laughed. "Real mature for a man your age, Dan."

  They both made their way down the steps. Eric whistled an old Tom Petty song as Danny stuffed his hands in his pockets. They rounded the corner and walked about a block before stepping into a sports bar. Danny's eyes darted around the tables of the restaurant. It was packed for a Sunday night as people laughed and jeered.

  "Table for two," Eric said. "Oh, and as far away from the bar as possible."

  The waitress smiled as her eyes ran Eric up and down. "Right this way."

  They were seated in a round booth next to the bathroom. Danny was happy because he had a perfect view of three games from where he was sitting. He watched as everyone in the bar sipped away at their beers, wine, and mixed drinks, oblivious of the world around them. At first, when Danny became sober he had a lot of trouble meeting anyone in public. The problem was alcohol was almost everywhere you went. Avoiding the temptation would mean staying home, which wasn't helping. It was a shit sandwich without the bread, in his opinion.

  ***

  "So, do you want to talk about what's going on?" Eric asked from across the table.

  Eric's voice pulled Danny from his stupor, drawing him back to their conversation.

  "Not really," Danny replied as he set the half-filled ice tea on the stained wood table. "What good is it gonna do anyway?"

  Eric rolled his eyes at the comment. "Probably a lot actually, but look, I get it. We all hit points in our lives where things seem like the worst. Like Eddy, who woke up with a dick on his thigh."

  Danny laughed. "Eh, could be worse, I guess."

  "Look, I'm just glad you are seeing that therapist. It's honestly a great thing." Eric was about to say something, but instead, he sat back, taking a sip of water.

  Danny laid his head back. "What? Come on, spill it."

  Eric shifted in his seat as he picked at some fries on his pla
te. "You just have been out of it at work. I see you just kinda moping around."

  "You know I have been dealing with some shit, man. Maria leaving with the kids really was another heavy hit. I guess the last thing I want to be doing is being around a bunch of alcoholics telling their sob stories about dicks and bad decisions. It's depressing Eric, and I got enough negative shit going on."

  Danny's eyes searched the room as he tried to avoid eye contact with Eric. His eyes fixated on a man drinking a tall pint of beer. The shame hit Danny, and he looked back at Eric, who held a stern expression.

  Danny sighed as he pushed his empty plate to the center of the table. "I mean, is that what you wanted to hear? The woman I love and care for is slipping through my fingers." He set the glass down and leaned back in his chair. "It's bad enough that I come home to a son and wife who can't be near me, but I can't even sleep in our own bed. I've been just passing out on the couch, pretending that this is only a part-time thing. So, yeah. That's how things have been going."

  Both men sat in silence for a moment. Eric finally scratched the back of his head as he propped both elbows on the table. "Look, I didn't—"

  Danny cut him off. "I know, Eric. I appreciate you trying to help me out. It's been seventeen years that I've been married to this woman, and she feels like a total stranger."

  "I know the feeling."

  "How could you?"

  Eric smiled slightly as he took a sip from his glass. "Well, I was engaged once."

  Danny leaned in. Happy for once, the focus wasn't on him. "Seriously?"

  "Yeah, amigo. This was just before my second pump to Afghan, I had this superb inclination that I should pop the question. We had been dating since high school, and she stuck with me for three years. It felt like the proper thing to do." Eric rubbed the hair in his beard, laughing. "Anyway, she said yes, and before I knew it, we were looking at wedding venues a week before I was going to ship out. Everything was exactly how it was in the movies. High school sweethearts. She was the college girl, and I was the stoic warrior going off to defend my country. We both would dream about having that white picket fence with a golden retriever and a few kids."