Going in Deep

by Carly Phillips

  “No.” He slid his hand behind her neck and pulled her close so her forehead touched his. “But I want the chance to convince you.”

  * * *

  Julian didn’t know where the words came from. He hadn’t planned to ask Kendall for anything, but he meant them with every fiber of his being. He wanted a second chance, something he had no right to request any more than he had the right to kiss her.

  But he did, capturing her mouth with his. She jolted in surprise but immediately relaxed into him. Heart pounding, he took in every nuance, her soft, warm lips, lingering familiar scent, and unique taste that electrified his body. But he held back, being deliberately gentle, so unlike their frenetic couplings in the past, but that special connection hadn’t changed.

  He licked her lower lip, and she leaned in closer, ignoring the squirming dog. He slid his tongue over hers, causing sparks to fly between them. He tasted her, devoured her, but it wasn’t enough. He wrapped his hand around her ponytail and tugged, tilting her head, giving him better access to the deep recesses of her mouth.

  Kissing her was like coming home, like everything bad in his life hadn’t happened, and he lost himself in the moment. Until a bark disrupted them and brought her back to reality.

  She jerked back, startled, petting Steve’s head. “I don’t even know what to say, but that shouldn’t have happened.” Her hands shook as she trailed them over the dog’s back. “I’ll get a cab from here.” She pulled at the handle of the door, seeking to get out, but it was locked.

  “Let me drive you home.” He didn’t want her stranded here, even though they were in a perfectly good neighborhood.

  “You need to let me go, Julian.”

  He swallowed hard, and, respecting her wishes, he hit the unlock button. She yanked open the door, climbed out, and put Steve gently on the passenger seat. She touched him one last time before meeting Julian’s gaze. “Bye,” she whispered. She straightened and slammed the door shut.

  He closed his eyes, smarting from her words. They hurt. But he didn’t blame her for being scared. He did, however, know what existed between them, what that kiss had reignited.

  He watched as she hailed a cab, waiting until she was safely inside one before pulling back onto the street.

  He glanced at Steve, who met his gaze and yawned. “Yeah, I know. I didn’t want her to leave, either.” But after that kiss, he had hope. She’d run, but she would think. And that’s all he could ask for.

  * * *

  As soon as Kendall got home, she took Waffles for a long walk. Not only did her dog need the exercise, she needed to think, and she had to do it alone.

  Kendall couldn’t tell her sister about seeing Julian. Lexie wouldn’t understand. She was protective of Kendall, for good reason. Even if Kendall felt she could now make her own positive decisions, no matter what they might be, her twin needed time to learn the same thing.

  This was when Kendall found life the hardest. Not having a close friend to go to and discuss girl things—because Lexie was her person. And Kendall, during her many mood phases, had driven everyone else away. She was just starting to rebuild her life with people like Josie. One step, one person at a time.

  She swallowed hard. She would have to work through her feelings both on her own and with her therapist. And boy, did she have feelings. That kiss had ignited a firestorm of emotions inside her. Ones she’d thought she’d buried when she stopped letting herself think about Julian.

  He’d been so gentle, so tender. So unlike the man he’d been when they were together before. Oh, the chemistry was just as potent now, but there was an emotional element that was fresh and new. Kendall hadn’t been capable of digging that deep into herself then. She was now, and she sensed all of the emotion Julian had poured into that one kiss. There was a caring she couldn’t deny. No matter how much her rational self wanted to. Watching him with Steve, the sweetness he’d shown the dog had affected her, too.

  And his apology. I’m sorry was easy to say. Meaning it was something else entirely, and he’d obviously given his behavior real thought. He seemed to own his mistakes.

  But hadn’t she believed him before?

  He’d swept into her life like a storm, flirting with her at the gym, complimenting her, finding all they had in common, and yeah, sweeping her off her feet. Of course, she’d been on a high at the time, all too amenable to his charms.

  She paused when Waffles stopped to do his business, cleaning up after him and tossing the bag into the nearest trash before heading back home.

  Julian wanted a second chance, and damn him, he’d begun making inroads, chipping away at her hurt and anger. She knew what it was like to make mistakes, to need someone else to see beyond the past and accept her apology. How could she offer him anything less than what she’d received herself? From Lexie. From Kade.

  But along with that acceptance came the belief that maybe he really had changed. And if so, if he was a different man, then she couldn’t help but wonder if things between them could be different this time. Because the hard truth was she hadn’t stopped wanting him. Their searing kiss had proven that. But beyond the physical yearning to be close to him was an emotional pull, too.

  Waffles rushed ahead, and she tugged on the leash, slowing him down. She wasn’t quite ready to let Julian go for good, and that scared her because she didn’t know if she could trust her instincts… or him.

  * * *

  The next day, Kendall was dragging from lack of sleep. She knew she had thoughts of Julian to blame, but she pushed herself to perk up and show up at work on time. She let herself inside, a Starbucks coffee in either hand.

  “You look exhausted,” Josie said as soon as Kendall walked in the door.

  “I’m beat. But there’s caffeine to help make it easier. I brought you a cup.” She placed the grande on the desk where Josie sat.

  “Thank you. I think I love you,” she said, taking a long sip.

  Kendall laughed. “I wasn’t going to make it without some.” She lived on vanilla chais. She tossed her bag onto her desk and settled into her chair.

  “Sorry I had to leave early yesterday. What did I miss?” Josie asked.

  Only everything, Kendall thought wryly. “Julian had a problem with Steve last night.” She went on to explain how she’d gone to his place and accompanied him to the vet. “I know it’s not standard protocol for us to join them for a vet visit after adoption, but he sounded so distraught.”

  “And it was Steve. And you’re invested. I know,” Josie said, meeting her gaze. “Is he okay?”

  Kendall nodded. “He was dehydrated. They gave him sub-q fluids and a bland diet and medicine. I don’t know how he was overnight or this morning.” She was curious, but she hesitated to call and renew contact.

  “I can check in… unless you want to do it?” Josie asked. “I mean, you did step up last night and help. And didn’t you say you two knew each other?”

  Kendall wanted to confide in Josie, but how much did she tell her? They were friends, but they weren’t so close that she knew about Kendall’s past. She’d been hesitant to give her the full rundown, not wanting to lose her job because she’d provided reasons for her boss to distrust her. Or not want to be her friend. Kendall had reason to be cautious.

  “We have history,” she admitted about Julian.

  “Romantic history?” Josie asked, a grin on her face. “Because that was some thick tension between you two the other day.”

  “Mmm hmm.”

  Josie rolled her eyes, at the same time treating her to a knowing grin. “And that’s all I’m going to get, obviously.”

  “It’s really complicated, and I have to decide what to do about it.” And that, Kendall thought, was an understatement.

  “Would it help if I did the check-in?”

  Kendall shook her head, knowing this was something she needed to do herself. “No. Thanks. I can handle it.” And him.

  She hoped.

  “Okay, I’m off to check out the kenn
els, then. Man the fort up here.”

  “Will do.” Kendall waited until Josie walked out before picking up her cell and calling Julian.

  He answered on the first ring. “Hey there,” he said, sounding happy to hear from her, his voice, deep and rumbly this morning, causing a shiver to ripple over her skin.

  “Morning. How was Steve last night?” she asked before he could wonder about her reasons for calling.

  “I couldn’t take the whining. He sounded so damned pathetic, so I scooped him up and put him in my bed. Again. Slept like a baby all night.”

  Lucky dog. She bit her tongue to keep the words from spilling out.

  “And this morning, he ate up the canned food, which smells like shit, by the way, and he seems more like himself. Except for the lump on his back from the water. Makes him look like the Hunchback of Notre Dame. Other than that, all’s well here.”

  She exhaled a relieved breath. “I’m glad to hear it.” Now, she needed to hang up. Get off the phone before—

  “So I was thinking,” he went on, oblivious to her thoughts. “I feel bad for Steve. He’s in a new place and has no friends.”

  She shook her head and laughed, an unwilling smile lifting the corners of her mouth. “He has you. I’m sure he’ll survive.”

  “Well, I don’t know about that. The poor guy’s coming from a shelter with lots of dogs, you know? So I was thinking, what if we introduced him to your dog?”

  “Wait. What?”

  “Waffles. Isn’t that her name?”

  “Yes, but—”

  “Every guy needs a good girl in his life.”

  God, now he was being cute and sweet. “Julian—”

  “Not to mention, I need to find a good dog park, and I’m sure you take Waffles to one, right?”

  “Yes. Near my apartment.” She gripped the phone tighter in her hand.

  “So what if we met up there this weekend?”

  Her head was spinning at the speed of this conversation. She wondered if he was doing it on purpose, keeping her off-balance so she wouldn’t hang up the phone or dismiss him out of hand.

  “You want to meet at the dog park. This weekend.”

  “I figure Steve will be one hundred percent well by then.”

  She swallowed hard. This wasn’t about the dogs, not entirely. She knew that, but in making the invitation more about their pets, he was taking the pressure off. One friend showing another friend, a new dog owner, the ropes. Yes, that was her story and she was sticking to it.

  She could meet him at the dog park during a busy time, and they wouldn’t be alone. It would be low-key.

  “Kendall, are you still there?” he asked.

  She shook her head, forcing herself to focus on the conversation and not the thoughts circling around in her head. “Okay, if it’s good weather, I could do it on Saturday,” she heard herself saying before she’d actually decided it was safe for her to see him again. She’d also have a therapy appointment in between to shore up her defenses.

  “Great! Text me the address and the time that works, and I’ll meet you there. Steve said to say thanks. He’s in the market for a girlfriend,” he said, laughing.

  She couldn’t help but smile. This, too, was a new side to Julian. Easy, carefree, not intense. “Sounds good,” she murmured.

  “It’s a date,” he said, and before she could correct him, he said good-bye and disconnected the call.

  Chapter Four

  Kendall was invited to dinner with Lexie, Kade, and his business partner, Derek West, and his wife, Cassie. Even Lucas Monroe and his wife, Maxie, were here, Lucas’s parents at home with the couple’s new baby girl, Sarah.

  The fact that Lucas’s parents had accepted him and Maxie as a couple was big news, as Maxie had once been married to Lucas’s asshole brother, who’d manipulated them to keep the couple apart since they were young. Kendall took heart from their success and hoped her family would someday be as generous—if things with Julian went further.

  The restaurant was an upscale French bistro with a Parisian feel, bold flowers peeking out of the corners, the atmosphere quiet and surprisingly welcoming.

  She knew it had taken the pull of the billionaires to get them a table, and she looked forward to trying a new place. She looked forward to tasting the three-Michelin-star food prepared by the world-renowned chef, the highest amount of stars given. Even if she wasn’t sure what to choose and decided to copy what her sister ordered, just to be safe.

  Kendall wore a burgundy fitted dress with bone pumps, while Lexie chose a navy dress, Maxie a winter-white one, and Cassie a pretty floral. The men wore suits, which was unusual for them as they did enjoy their denim, Kendall thought wryly. Like Julian, none of the guys came from super wealthy backgrounds. Everyone was self-made, and they remained true to who they were to begin with.

  Derek ordered wine and even Kade gave up his usual Macallen scotch that he drank in a very… Kade-like way, to join everyone with a glass of wine. The waiter poured, and Derek tested, red, and now they had their glasses full.

  Kendall could take a sip or two if she wanted, but she didn’t love wine enough to bother, and Maxie was breastfeeding, so she’d bypassed the alcohol, too.

  They placed their orders, and they could finally talk to each other without being interrupted by a waiter with specials, requesting drink orders, or taking their dinner choices.

  “How are things going at Storms Consolidated?” Lexie asked Cassie, who had taken over her family media business when, after a lot of complications, angst, and drama, Derek bought the company and put her in charge.

  Derek laced his fingers through hers and placed their joined hands on top of the table. “She’s making major changes.”

  Kendall knew that Cassie had wanted to bring the company into the modern world, something her father had failed at doing, and focus more on online subscribers and technology.

  “And the article she wrote about me, much as I hated being the center of attention, really turned things around for Take a Byte,” he said of the online magazine Cassie ran. “Advertisers are impressed, and she has other subjects booked for upcoming months,” he added with obvious pride.

  “You’re too sweet,” Cassie murmured, her gaze lovingly on Derek. “I’m trying hard to make it work,” she said to the rest of the table.

  He kissed the back of her hand, the moment suddenly intimate. But when Kendall looked at her sister, Kade was gazing at her the same way. And Lucas and Maxie were busy both looking at her cell phone.

  Kendall shifted uncomfortably in her seat, feeling like the odd man out in a mix of loving couples. She knew they weren’t trying to make her uncomfortable on purpose. They were all good people who had supported her when they could have turned their backs, who’d taken her in as a friend, and who she genuinely liked.

  Yet as she looked around, she’d never felt more alone.

  It wasn’t their fault. Each person was a part of a couple. She wasn’t. They were friends through their significant others. Kendall came to them through her sister. For a while, that had been enough, but now she needed more of her own life and plans.

  Like Julian? the devil on her shoulder asked.

  “So, Kendall, are you seeing anyone?” Cassie asked hopefully, breaking into her traitorous, unwanted thoughts.

  The women were always suggesting different men for her to date in an attempt to be helpful. Kendall appreciated the effort but had wanted to move forward on her own time. When she knew she was over Julian completely and ready to try again.

  Now he was back. And she couldn’t tell anyone at this table. Not even about something as innocent as a trip to the dog park. Because Julian had, in one way or another, stabbed all of these men in the back.

  Kendall pasted a happy smile on her face. “No, nobody new,” she said.

  “Well, we just hired this new reporter and he’s hot.” Cassie fanned her hand in front of her face.

  “Oh, Kendall? What do you think? Are you up for a blind
date?” Lexie asked, nudging her with her arm.

  “You have to get back in the saddle sometime,” Kade said, ever-not-so-helpfully.

  Typical man.

  “Not right now,” Kendall said. “But I’ll be sure to let you know when I’m ready.”

  “Okay,” Maxie said, sounding disappointed.

  “Is it good to get way from the little one?” Derek asked Maxie and Lucas, changing the subject. “Or are you dying to get home?”

  “She’s only checked her phone every two seconds for a text from my mother,” Lucas said lovingly.

  “Like you’re any different? You keep asking me if I’ve heard anything!” Maxie said with a laugh.

  And from there, they were on to conversation about babies. Kendall shifted in her seat.

  As far as she was concerned, tomorrow couldn’t get here fast enough, something the people at this table would be horrified to find out about.

  * * *

  Kendall overdressed for the dog park, all the while annoyed with herself for caring what she looked like to meet Julian. But the last two times she’d seen him, she’d been at her grungy worst, and pride demanded she pull herself together today and make a good impression.

  She sifted through her closet, changing more than once. Ultimately she chose a pair of tight jeans that accentuated her curves, a light pink top with open shoulders, and a pair of black slip-on ballet flats. She brushed her hair, keeping it down and flowing over her shoulders, and dusted on a light amount of makeup.

  She and her therapist had talked in preparation for today’s date. True to form, the doctor hadn’t offered an opinion either way on what to do about Julian and his reappearance in her life. She had, however, thrown questions at Kendall for her to think about. Things like, did she trust her instincts lately? Yes, yes she did. More and more, in fact.

  Did she think people could change? A loaded question, since Kendall obviously knew she had. But she was on medication, she’d reminded her doctor. But all that did was stabilize what was already inside Kendall.

  What did Kendall think was inside Julian? A good man? A bad one? And did she want to find out?