A KISS FOR A KISS

by Hunting, Helena

  Hanna smirks and I have to wonder what the conversation was like before I entered the room.

  “Like father, like son then?” I murmur in her ear.

  She barks out a laugh, and our son bumps around in her stomach before he settles again. Hanna grips my hand tightly. “Don’t make me laugh like that. I’m holding a liter of water, and I’m about ready to pee my pants.”

  “Sorry.” I kiss her cheek again. “We’re having a boy.” I understand better now how she must feel. Excitement and worry take up equal space in my head. Knowing the gender makes it more real.

  “We really are.”

  “How far along are we?” I try to remember the markers with Kimmie, but it’s been so long. “We must be out of the first trimester, right?”

  “That’s right,” the technician says. “You’re just over fourteen weeks, and the due date should be around March second.”

  “Okay.” I filter through the game schedule in my head. “I can make sure Alex is set up so I don’t have to travel with the team when we get close to your due date.”

  “I don’t expect you to do that. I know how important your job is.”

  “You and our baby are my top priority, and there’s no way I’m going to risk missing him coming into the world. But we can talk more about that later.” I’m jumping ahead, but I’d been at a game when Kimmie went into labor and I only managed to get to the hospital as Queenie was being born. I don’t want that to happen again.

  The technician leaves, and Hanna takes a trip to the bathroom while we wait for her doctor.

  The excitement over finding out that we’re having a boy is replaced by anxiety all over again when her doctor arrives to discuss the results of her blood tests.

  I take Hanna’s hand in mine as her doctor takes the seat across from us. I feel like I’m holding my breath. I’ve done plenty of reading over the past week, and I’m very aware of the potential genetic complications we might be facing.

  As soon as the introductions are done, Dr. Tumbler says, “I have some good news.”

  Hanna’s grip on my hand loosens enough that my fingers start to tingle with the renewed blood flow. “What kind of good news?”

  “The blood tests have all come back negative for abnormalities.”

  Hanna’s hand comes up to cover her mouth, and she turns her head, her cheek pressing against my arm. “Oh, that’s a relief.”

  I wrap my arm around her shoulder as she makes a squeaky sound and takes a deep breath.

  Dr. Tumbler holds out a box of tissues, and I pluck one from it and pass it to Hanna, who dabs at her eyes.

  “I know we’re not out of the woods yet, but this feels like a good step forward,” Hanna says.

  Dr. Tumbler nods. “I do think it’s advisable to do further testing in the coming weeks. We can schedule the second part of your integrated screening in a few weeks, but I’m also going to suggest additional blood tests, an amniocentesis, and tests for neural tube defects.”

  “Yes. Of course. I want to be as prepared as possible.”

  “I’d like to keep a very close eye on your blood pressure, and your sugar levels are higher than normal. Nothing concerning at this point, but something to monitor.”

  I ask the doctor as many questions as I can, wishing I could record her answers, because I’m not sure I’m taking it all in the way I’d like to. Once we’ve exhausted all the questions, we head back to reception to make follow-up appointments and set up new ones for blood tests and the next ultrasound. All of which we add to our shared calendar.

  We’re also given an envelope with pictures from the ultrasound, as well as a video, complete with heartbeat. We didn’t have these options with Queenie, and I plan to take advantage of every one of them in this technologically advanced age.

  “Are you hungry? Do you want to grab something to eat? We could get takeout and bring it back to your place if the smells in a restaurant are going to be too much.” I ask once I’ve helped her into her car and I’m behind the wheel.

  “You are honestly the most considerate, conscientious man I have ever met. Do you even have time for that? I don’t think I asked when your flight out is.”

  “Not until tomorrow morning.”

  “Oh. Well, that’s good. I didn’t realize I was going to get another night with you.” Her cheeks color with embarrassment. “I’m really sorry I passed out so early last night.”

  “That’s okay.” I give her hand a squeeze. “I’m happy to be your personal body pillow any night of the week, Hanna.”

  She laughs, the tint in her cheeks deepening. “How did that even happen?”

  “You pulled me into bed with you and wrapped yourself around me and wouldn’t let go.” I could have easily slipped out from under her, but I wasn’t particularly motivated to leave the bed. Not after the emotional conversation we had and our newly established relationship status.

  “I can’t believe I did that.” She holds up a finger. “Well, I can, because you’re a hard man to resist. But I will say, I didn’t peg you for a cuddler.”

  “Oh? And why is that?” In all honesty, I don’t think I’ve ever been much for spooning or letting someone use me as their body pillow. But in the past, I’ve always kept some walls up between the women I chose to date and me. It helped me manage my own expectations and theirs. With Hanna it’s different. I want the closeness with her.

  “Maybe I should have suspected you’d be a closet cuddler. I just figured you didn’t get where you are by being a softie, and I’ve seen how you are with the boys when they’re not pulling their weight on the ice. It’s a lot different from how you are outside of your job. And definitely different than how you are with me.” She runs her thumb over my knuckles.

  “My job is to keep my team in line and make sure they’re working together and unified. I can’t afford to be soft with them or they’ll walk all over me. Not because they’re a bunch of assholes, but because the only way you can be a successful elite athlete is by having guidance, structure, and rules.” It’s something I’ve had to learn how to balance carefully, and not let that hardass attitude seep into my personal and family life.

  “Oh, I get it. Leading a team is a big deal. And watching you and Alex together . . .” She shakes her head and rolls her eyes to the ceiling. “Let’s just say my friend Paxton and the ladies in my painting class are big fans.”

  “What do you mean they’re big fans? Of hockey? Do you want me to get you extra tickets for a few Tennessee games?”

  “I’m pretty sure those women would love that.” Her smile widens. “Some of those ladies ship you and Alex.”

  I’m sure I must look confused. “Doesn’t that mean they want us to be a couple? Or does ship mean something else? I’m too old for today’s slang. Why can’t things be rad and awesome and cool?” I can also feel my face warming.

  Hanna props her chin on her fist and her eyes glint with humor. “Sort of, they dig on your bromance.”

  “We don’t have a bromance.”

  “You’re two very attractive men who manage and coach a hockey team. When you’re on the road, you’re always together. And Alex has four kids and a wife, and you have a daughter in her twenties who is always at the games, and it’s very clear that you’re close. Women of all ages find that incredibly sexy.”

  “Wait, you think Alex is attractive?” I don’t know why I bother asking. Queenie always talks about his hot dad status.

  Hanna arches a brow. “That’s your takeaway?”

  “But not more attractive than me, right?”

  “No, Jake. I don’t find him more attractive than you. Besides, I’ve heard more than enough about Alex’s man business to know that I would not want to be in Violet’s shoes.” She motions in the general vicinity of her crotch.

  I don’t need to ask what she’s talking about. Alex had several endorsements when he was a top player, including one for prophylactics, all before he started coaching. Once, when he hosted a poker night, his wife though
t it would be funny to put the life-size cutout at the door to the garage, sort of as a welcome. I can’t unsee him holding up a box of extra-large condoms wearing only a pair of tighty-whities. I’ve heard enough semi-drunk discussions between the wives about his grower versus show-er status to believe there was no photoshopping in that ad.

  “Right. Yeah. I vote we stop talking about Alex and his junk.”

  “Are you jealous?”

  “No.” Maybe a little. “Queenie does this whole swoon thing whenever he brings the kids around and talks about ovaries exploding.” Which is an off-putting thing to think about.

  Hanna barks out a laugh. “You should see my group chat with the girls. It was full of ovaries exploding gifs during every event where the kids were present.” She puts her hand on my arm. “Don’t worry. It’ll be the same when it’s you holding little JJ.”

  “Little JJ?”

  “Jake Junior. That’s what I’m calling him until we settle on a name.”

  “I thought that was going to be his name.” I’m kidding, but apparently she doesn’t take it that way.

  “I can get on board with JJ. I’ll put it at the top of my list.”

  We make a stop at one of Hanna’s favorite cafes and pick up lunch.

  By the time we get back to her place, my phone has half a dozen new messages from Queenie asking how the ultrasound went and if we have any news. It’s followed by a range of gifs from nail biting, to the one with the elderly lady that reads it’s been eighty-four years.

  Hanna checks her own phone. She has a single message from King, asking how she’s doing.

  We spread our lunch out over the dining room table.

  “Should we see if they’re both home and we can share the news?” I ask.

  “Sure, that would be good.” Hanna tucks her hair behind her ears and then starts folding the napkins into triangles.

  “Are you okay?”

  She smiles. “A little nervous, that’s all.”

  “About King?”

  She nods and her bottom lip slides between her teeth.

  “Is there anything in particular that you’re worried about?”

  “I don’t know exactly.” She smooths the napkin out again. “I think I’m just worried about Ryan’s reaction to finding out that we’re having a boy.”

  “Why do you think the gender would matter to him?” I want to understand her thought process here.

  “I don’t think it would be conscious on his part. But having another boy…the parallels might be difficult. I know that as excited as I am for this, I also feel…some guilt, I guess? Because I can take care of this child in a way I couldn’t with Ryan. And if I’m feeling that way, then how is he feeling? And will he even recognize those feelings, and if he does, will he be able to share them with me?”

  I lean over and press a kiss to her temple. It’s becoming my default move and a way to show her affection. “Would it be better if we called them separately, so you two can talk privately?”

  She taps her lip, contemplating for a few seconds. “I don’t think so?” It’s more question than statement. “I’d rather tell them together if that’s okay with you. That way he has Queenie as a buffer, and hopefully her excitement will help him process. Then he and I can have a conversation later, after he’s had time to digest it.”

  “Okay, whatever you think is going to be best.” This is a hard line to toe; wanting to protect her and understanding there are more variables than just us and how we’re going to deal with the way this unfolds.

  I message Queenie and ask if they’re both home and if they have time for a quick call.

  Queenie FaceTimes me right away and I move my chair so both Hanna and I fit in the small screen. Hanna has this little stand she puts the phone on and adjusts it so they’re not looking into our nostrils.

  “I want to know everything! How did it go?” Queenie’s sitting in the middle of the couch, legs crossed. Her hair is pulled up into a loose ponytail and she’s wearing a shirt dotted with paint splatters. Her fingernails hold traces of pink and blue paint.

  “Good. It went well. Where’s Ryan?” Hanna asks.

  Queenie cups her hands around her mouth and shouts, “King, get your ass in the living room. Hanna and Dad are on the phone!” She turns her attention back to us and rolls her eyes. “Sorry. He literally walked in the door thirty seconds ago. You know how he is post workout. Needs to carb load like he hasn’t eaten in a month.”

  “Just give me a sec,” he calls out.

  “Did you get to hear the heartbeat? Is everything okay with the baby?”

  Hanna’s hand slips below the table and comes to rest on my leg. I turn to make sure she’s okay and Queenie sighs.

  “You two are so freaking cute I can’t even stand it.”

  King’s legs appear and the sound of a plate and cutlery hitting the table close by filters through the device. A second later, his mammoth frame fills the other half of the screen. He stretches his arm across the back of the couch. His gaze shifts between the two of us and he smiles, but it looks strained. “Everything go okay this morning?” His fingers wrap around Queenie’s shoulder and he pulls her into his side.

  “Everything went well. I’m just over fourteen weeks and due at the beginning of March,” Hanna says.

  “Oooh! A water sign baby!” Queenie claps. “This is so exciting!”

  “And the baby is healthy?” King asks.

  “Yup. The initial blood tests came back negative for abnormalities, which is a relief. There will be more tests in a few weeks, but so far so good.”

  “That’s good. And you’re healthy?” King’s thumb rubs back and forth over Queenie’s shoulder. He has yet to make eye contact with me.

  “The doctor is going to watch Hanna’s blood pressure because it’s high, but otherwise she’s doing great,” I say.

  His gaze flicks to me and then back to Hanna. “High blood pressure? Is that dangerous? Has that ever been a problem for you before?”

  Hanna shakes her head. “It’s usually right around normal. Sometimes it happens in pregnancies over forty, but I have appointments scheduled every two weeks with my doctor to keep a close eye on things.”

  “Okay. That’s good then.” His tongue slides over the chip in his front tooth. “Have you told Mom and Dad yet?”

  Hanna’s fingers flex on my thigh and she shakes her head. She smiles, but it wavers a little. “Not yet. I wanted to wait until after the ultrasound.”

  “Did you get ultrasound pictures? What about a video? Did you find out the sex? Are King and I going to have a little sister or a brother?” Queenie jokes about having a mutual half-sibling. I think it might be her way of trying to normalize this very strange situation we’ve all found ourselves in.

  King rubs at his bottom lip, possibly to hide his grimace, as he grumbles, “Queenie.”

  She pats his leg. “It’s the truth, might as well get comfortable with it.”

  King seems to pull himself together and his gaze bounces between the two of us. “Did you find out the gender?”

  “We did,” I say and stretch my arm across the back of Hanna’s chair.

  She leans into me and tips her chin up, eyes on me instead of the screen. “Do you want to tell them?”

  I can’t tell how she’s feeling. I want to take the pressure off of her and give her and me permission to be excited to share this news. “Why don’t we tell them together?”

  “On the count of three?” Her smile is full of silent gratitude.

  She counts down from three to one while I do the drumroll on the table. “We’re having a baby—”

  Hanna and I look at the screen as she says, “Boy!”

  Queenie screams her delight and King, to his credit, plasters a smile on his face and tries his best not to get elbowed in the junk by my daughter, who’s flailing around like Kermit the Frog hopped up on methamphetamines.

  “We’re going to have a baby brother, King! I’m so excited! Don’t you think Jax
is a great name for a boy? But if you don’t use it, maybe we should use it when we have our first boy.”

  “First boy?” King arches a brow.

  Queenie rolls her eyes his way. “You’ve been talking about how we’re probably going to need a bigger house, and this place has five bedrooms. For sure, we’re going to have more than one boy.” She turns her attention back to the screen. “Are we the first to know? Are you telling anyone else?”

  “Not yet. I think we want to wait a few more weeks before we do that.”

  “Okay. Your secret’s safe with us, right, King?”

  “Yup.” He makes a zipped lip gesture.

  We talk for a few more minutes, until King reminds Queenie that she has another art therapy session soon.

  It doesn’t escape my notice that when King says goodbye he doesn’t address me, and he refers to Hanna by her first name instead of “Momster.”

  I get this is hard for him, but my biggest worry is that he’s going to inadvertently cause Hanna more stress and steal her joy. I don’t want to overstep, but I think he and I need to talk this out so I know where he’s coming from and we can work on figuring out our ever-changing relationship.

  CHAPTER NINETEEN

  Stand by Me

  Hanna

  JAKE AND I spend the rest of the day organizing our schedules for the next few months. The plan is for him to fly here for ultrasounds and important doctor appointments, and for me to go to Seattle once a month, provided it remains safe for me to fly.

  He mentions the possibility of one of us moving again and makes a case for me coming to Seattle. With Ryan there for the foreseeable future and his job being there, it would make sense to consider it. But I’m not ready yet to have this serious discussion. I’m still worried about the health of the baby, and I need to ensure his safety before I think about making major life changes.

  I spend the week following Jake’s return to Seattle fretting over the upcoming family dinner on Sunday, which is when I plan to tell my parents that I’m pregnant. I skipped it last weekend and lied about why I couldn’t go since telling them I had company for the weekend would have resulted in questions I didn’t want to answer. I know my mom will support me, like she has the past two times, but she’s going to be worried about all the risks. And then there’s telling her who the father is. As if our family isn’t wonky enough.