Don't Ask, Don't Tell

by M. T. Pope

  “Welcome to the army.” She was a little to stuck-up and rude for my taste. I didn’t even know her name but already I didn’t like her or her pompous attitude. I turned my back to discourage any more conversation with her. Besides, I wasn’t there to make friends with females anyway: too much drama. My plan was to meet some hot guys, flirt and have fun, fall in love and settle down, the end.

  “Attention. On your feet, maggots. This picnic is over so stow your trays and line up now.”

  Everyone leaped to their feet and rushed to dispose of their trays. It was mass confusion and a little bit messy as everyone tried to balance their trays and gear as quickly as possible.

  “Shut up,” the officer yelled.

  “Who is that?” I whispered to my friend.

  “Someone you don’t want to piss off: the cadre.”

  The cadre was a little woman but she had an awfully big mouth. I didn’t have to be told twice to tread lightly. I wasn’t trying to attract that kind of attention this early in the game while I was still trying to figure things out.

  Chapter 3

  Lauren Burns

  Thanks to James, I wasn’t surprised when the cadre came into the mess hall shouting. He told me that for the first couple of hours everyone would be nice, but after we were divided into platoons things would change. He said they would typically pick out the recruit they thought was going to bail and ride their ass until they did it. The cutie sitting next to me looked like a likely candidate, so I quickly grabbed my tray, trying to get as far away from her as I could. If her simple ass was going down, she would do it without me.

  “Hey, wait up.”

  “Shush!” Shit. I knew this chick was going to be trouble the second she started bitching about her bag. I had to shut her down quickly or she was going to bring heat down on both of us.

  She mumbled under her breath, “She doesn’t have to be nasty.”

  The cadre stopped me from responding. “Shut the fuck up. I don’t do repeating myself; am I clear?”

  “Sir, yes, sir,” I shouted along with a few other recruits. I looked around to see who else had a fucking clue, because those were the folks I wanted to make friends with. However, there were at least one hundred people in the mess hall so singling out a few voices would have been next to impossible. I was going to have to play it by ear for now until I had a chance to watch more.

  “When I call your name, file into four lines.” She pointed to an area next to the wall. We were about to be separated into squads and I said a prayer that I wouldn’t get picked with a squad full of losers. My brother told me a squad was only as good as its weakest link. If one person failed, we all failed. The army was big on teams and team building. If they weren’t trying to teach us how to stay alive, they were working on our people skills.

  “Fuck,” I mumbled. God was showing His or Her sense of humor when He or She put me in the same squad with the spaz. Normally, I didn’t like to prematurely judge anyone, but my gut told me this cutie was going to be trouble and I should tread lightly with her. It wasn’t my physical attraction to her that scared me; it was almost like she was forbidden fruit. I knew boot camp would difficult enough, so I wanted to get through it as stress free as I could. If this meant I was going to have to check ol’ girl, I would.

  “What’s going on?”

  “Shut up.”

  What planet was she from that she didn’t understand a simple order? Clearly this bitch could tell this was not the time for twenty-one fucking questions. I allowed her to push me to the edge but she wasn’t dragging me over.

  “Private, do you have something you want to say?” the cadre asked.

  I felt like a giant spotlight was beaming down on me. I was busted and I was going to beat the brakes off that chick the first chance I got for causing me to get called out in formation. The cadre got right up in my face.

  “Do you have a problem with your hearing?”

  “Sir. No, sir.”

  “Then how come you didn’t keep your trap shut when I gave you a direct order? Are you stupid?”

  “Sir. No, sir.” As much as I wanted to turn around and point a finger at the real culprit, I knew better, so I sucked it up and hoped my punishment wouldn’t be so bad.

  “Obviously something is wrong with your retarded ass.”

  The silly one raised her hand. “Excuse me, sir, it wasn’t her fault. I asked her a question.”

  “Oh, so you’re hard of fucking hearing too?”

  “No ... uh.”

  She was making it worse for herself and I just wanted her to shut the hell up. The rest of the squad was totally silent as they should be, why didn’t she get a clue?

  “Drop and give me twenty,” the cadre shouted.

  I knew the drill and if my new friend didn’t, she pretended real well as she fell to the floor and performed her pushups with me. I felt like I was living through a rerun of Gomer Pyle, an oldies sitcom my father used to enjoy. I was hoping this would be the last time I took a punishment for my newfound friend because if it wasn’t, we wouldn’t be BFFs for long. When I finished my reps, I got to my feet and waited for further instructions. I was winded but believed I did the pushups in a timely manner. However, as long as I had the cadre in my face, she demanded my utmost attention. I prayed the dumbo standing next to me knew it too.

  “Get a good look at the person standing to your right. This is your battle buddy, your twin for the next ten weeks. You will eat, sleep, and shit with your battle buddy. Fall out,” the cadre yelled.

  I could barely lift my feet as we ran to the barracks. We had five minutes to change clothes, stow our gear, and form another line outside the barracks. It was like a fucking bad dream and it was only the first day. I didn’t waste time. I unpacked my clothes and placed them in the drawers next to my bunk. Even though we were given a short amount of time, I knew not to make a mess. I quickly shed my civilian clothes and donned my uniform for the first time. Despite my rocky start, I felt a sense of pride. I didn’t have time to admire myself in the mirror since I did not want to be the last person in formation. Taking one last look around my bunk, I rushed back outside.

  I wasn’t first to arrive, but I certainly wasn’t last. I was okay with that but my relief was short-lived when I realized my disastrous mistake. I was outside without my battle buddy. Where the fuck was she? I was so annoyed to have gotten stuck with her, I ignored her the entire time I was getting dressed. I ran back inside but didn’t see her anywhere and her bunk was a hot frigging mess. She’d pulled out her uniform but failed to stow the rest of her gear. Where the fuck was she? We had less than a minute to get outside. Franticly, I raced into the bathroom and found her.

  “What the fuck are you doing?” I was beyond mad, I was ready to fight.

  “What does it look like I’m doing?”

  Oh no, she didn’t get an attitude with me. I was ready to kick her ass. “I don’t know what your problem is but if I have to do another fucking pushup because of you, there’s going to be a fight up in this bitch. Now get your ass out there!”

  “You are going to stop hollering at me or you won’t have to wait for a fight.” She stood her ground but now was not the time to argue. I grabbed her arm and dragged her outside, fussing the entire way.

  “You haven’t heard hollering yet.” I pushed her in front of me and stood at attention. Her shirt was improperly buttoned and her bunk was still a mess, but we made it before the cadre came back outside. We all stood at attention and waited in the hot sun until she finally emerged from the building.

  “Every squad has one, never fucking fails.” She was walking the line with her hands behind her back. I felt tiny beads of sweat trickle down my back and I fought the urge to scratch or fidget.

  “Never fucking fails. There’s always one.” She didn’t have to call any names because I knew exactly who she was talking about.

  “Foster!”

  “Sir, yes, sir.”

  She stepped forward and I let out a
short sigh of relief when Foster addressed the cadre correctly; however, my relief didn’t last long.

  “Do you have a maid at your house?”

  Even though the question sounded all nice and innocent, I could tell right away where it was going. If Foster had a lick of sense she would deny everything and take whatever punishment was dished out to her in silence. One thing was for sure: this was not a good way to start out.

  “Sir, no, sir.”

  “Then why did you leave my bunk looking like a pig sty? Do you live with pigs, private?”

  “Sir, I ran out of time, sir.”

  I heard a hitch in Foster’s voice and I prayed she would keep it together in front of the squad.

  “Is that supposed to be acceptable to me, private? Is that your final answer?”

  “Uh, no ...” Foster’s confusion was written all over her face, and against my better judgment, I began to care about her.

  “I can’t hear you!” The cadre got so close to Foster they shared the same breath. It was intense and I was sure everybody in the squad felt it too.

  “Sir, no, sir.”

  “I thought so. Since you think we should have a maid, you and your battle buddy will be our maids for the week. How about that?” She nodded her head up and down. “Yeah, I think I like that.” The cadre smiled for the first time since meeting us. The bitch was gleaning sick pleasure out of Foster’s mistakes.

  I stepped forward. I didn’t want to do it but I didn’t see where I had a choice. “Sir, yes, sir.” If I could have whacked Foster across her windpipe and gotten away with it, I would have.

  “Glad to hear it. Schedules have been posted in the barracks. This is free choice unit. If you feel like you’ve made the wrong choice, I invite you to step forward and I will be happy to see your ass out of my unit.”

  She looked right at Foster and, by default, me. Part of me wanted to shove Foster forward and help pack her shit. It would certainly make my life easier. But the other half of me felt sorry for her. I was not going to fail and if I had to drag Foster along with me to succeed, then I would.

  Chapter 4

  Anji Foster

  I couldn’t sleep. Not only was I in an unfamiliar bed, I had nine other women in close proximity and all of them were strangers. Things didn’t go quite the way I’d planned them and I was beginning to doubt my reasoning for signing up in the first place. Compared to this joint, I was living in the lap of luxury. The only thing expected of me was Bible Study and a few household chores, but other than that it wasn’t so bad in retrospect. The hardest part of my life was church. We went to church six times a week. Every single day except Saturday. On Saturdays, I cleaned house while Daddy went to church. In hindsight, it wasn’t such a bad life.

  Lying on the uncomfortable bed confirmed my suspicious that I’d made a mistake and I was racking my brain on finding a way to fix it. By now, my father was sure to know I wasn’t coming back, but I was hopeful he would forgive me in time. I needed to find out how badly a dishonorable discharge would affect my future. Would I be able to find another job? All this and more was running through my head when I should have been sleeping. I wanted to wake my battle buddy up to ask but I had a feeling she was ready to punch me dead in the face already. Waking her up might be the only justification she needed to actually do it.

  I was homesick and heartbroken. I expected things would be different here, but I never realized how different it would be. Based on our accommodations, it was clear how little America thought about its soldiers. Our bunks were uncomfortable, we had zero privacy, and our commanders talked to us like crap. The hardest pill for me to swallow thus far was the privacy issue. I couldn’t pee in front of strangers and heaven forbid I had to take a poop. I didn’t know what I was going to do. Even if I waited until the barracks were empty, I’d still have to deal with my battle buddy since she had to be with me at all times. If I risked the punishment to be alone, my battle buddy would probably kill me in my sleep.

  Dressing in front of strangers wasn’t new to me. I struggled with it as a child in high school, and I thought I’d outgrown it. My own mother, God rest her soul, didn’t get to see me naked a day after puberty. I didn’t consider myself a prude, it just didn’t seem natural to me to walk around nude. It bothered me to see the way these women pranced around the room naked. It was downright sinful. They ran around slapping each other on the butt like children but I didn’t play that. I already knew what was going to happen the first time someone struck me on the butt. I’d be going to jail. The other thing I was having a hard time adjusting to was the bad language the women used. They cussed so much, you would’ve thought we were bunking with a bunch of men instead of women.

  I tossed again trying to get comfortable on my tiny bed with its super thin mattress. I would have thought the army would’ve spent a little more money on comfort to make sure their soldiers got a good night’s rest. But that’s just me. I wasn’t expecting a deluxe suite or anything like that but this cot was a step above sleeping on the floor. The pillow felt like two sheets folded and stuffed in a burlap sack. Back home, we had farm animals that were treated better than we were.

  “You should get some sleep. We’ve got to get up real early and we definitely don’t want to be late anymore.”

  I was surprised that Burns, my battle buddy, was even speaking to me after having to clean the bathrooms and mop the floors before we were allowed to sit down. I didn’t know if I would have spoken to her if the shoe were on the other foot. But just because we weren’t doing anything physical, it didn’t mean I was resting. My mind was very active and my thoughts were all over the place, causing me to toss and turn on my stupid mat.

  “It’s too quiet in here. I usually sleep with the radio on when I’m at home.”

  “Well you ain’t in Kansas no more, Dorothy.”

  I heard the sarcasm in her voice, even though she was whispering. Her smart remark offended me. I understood we got off on the wrong foot, but I hoped we weren’t going to spend the rest of our time together sparring with each other.

  “I’m sorry I got you in trouble.” She didn’t say anything for a few seconds so I assumed she’d fallen asleep.

  “Are you asleep?”

  “No, I’m trying to stay out of trouble.”

  We weren’t supposed to talk after lights out but we hadn’t been able to say anything all day, and I felt like I was going to bust if I didn’t talk about what I was feeling. “Sorry.” I punched my pillow again and tried to force my brain to be still so I could go to sleep.

  “Don’t think for a minute that just because the schedule says five o’clock doesn’t mean they won’t come in here earlier.”

  “Expect the unexpected, right?” For some reason it sounded ominous to me so I laughed.

  “Shut up.” An angry voice, from the other side of the room, reminded me we weren’t alone.

  I didn’t appreciate being told to shut up, but decided to keep my peace for the time being. The last thing I needed was another person who had reason to hate my guts. I rolled over a final time and silently mouthed my prayers. I asked God for patience and understanding. I also prayed the women in my barracks would find Jesus and put on some darn clothes!

  Today was payday, and as a special reward, we were allowed to go to the on-base store. Armed with a list of things the army “suggested” we get, we had our first taste of semi-freedom. I didn’t appreciate them suggesting anything for me, especially after the way we’d been treated over the past several weeks. Apparently the army believed an idle mind was the devil’s playground, because they made sure when we hit the rack we went to sleep.

  The first couple of days, we learned what sleep deprivation felt like. It seemed like they woke us up every fifteen minutes, but it was probably more like every few hours. Every time the bell tolled, we were expected to run out outside and stand in formation until we were dismissed. After the second time, I wanted to keep on my clothes but my battle buddy told me it would paint a targ
et on my back for being a smart ass. Whatever their reason for those drills, I thought they were stupid.

  “Are you going to pick something up or are you going to keep walking around in damn circles?”

  Lauren could be nice when she wanted to be but today wasn’t one of those days. She acted like she was PMSing. She’d been snapping on me all day and I was about to tell her off.

  “I’m trying to find the right stationary. You know, something unique to me.”

  “For crying out loud, it’s fucking paper. You personalize it with your words.”

  I glanced in her basket and noted that she had only purchased some notebook paper, a box of envelopes, and the other recommended items the army so thoughtfully suggested.

  “You write your letters your way, and I’ll write mine my way.” She had a good point about personalizing the pages with words but I wasn’t about to say it to her.

  “Suit yourself. You’re going to spend ten dollars for ten sheets of paper and envelopes. That’s a buck a letter. I’ll be writing for weeks on the same dime while you’ll be back here buying more stationary.”

  “Fine, I’ll get the stupid notebook paper.” I couldn’t argue with her logic, so it did make sense to stick with plain paper.

  “Don’t do me no favors. If you want to waste money be my guest.” She reached over me and grabbed the stationary I had put back on the shelf and tossed it in my basket.

  “I said I’d get the darn paper, didn’t I?”

  “Yeah, but you got a little shitty attitude, too. I ain’t trying to hear your mouth for the rest of the day because you didn’t get what you wanted.”

  “Then go away. This is free time, so be free.” I shooed her away but she wasn’t budging.

  “Haven’t you learned anything since you’ve been here? For all you know, this could be another damn test. Regardless of whether or not we’re on duty, we’re expected to be together like flies on shit.”

  “Why do you cuss so much? Can you go five minutes without cussing?”