London from My Windows

by Mary Carter

  “I’m so sorry about your lucky charm,” Ava said

  “I know. And I’m sorry about your agoraphobia.”

  “But that’s not your fault. The charm was my fault.”

  “Did you lose it on purpose?”

  “Of course not.”

  “Enough said.”

  “I want you to have the flat,” Ava said. “It’s only fair.”

  “Finally,” Hillary said. “She’s finally making sense.”

  “I’m not taking the flat,” Queenie said.

  “You don’t have a choice,” Hillary said.

  Queenie backed out from underneath the table. Ava peeked out. He faced Hillary. “What are you saying?”

  “You know what I’m saying. You’re in debt to me, Uncle. Twenty thousand pounds. And if you don’t fight for that flat then I’m going to collect.”

  Queenie gasped. “It’s okay,” Ava said. “You can have it.”

  “Sell it to me,” Hillary said. “Then everybody wins.”

  “I’ll pay you the twenty thousand pounds,” Jasper said. His voice came out of nowhere. Ava came out from underneath the table. Jasper ran up to her and pulled her into him. It felt so good to be crushed against his chest. “You came,” he said. “You came.”

  “You were funny. You were truly funny.”

  “You didn’t take offense then?”

  “No. I told you to use me.”

  He looked into her eyes. His were sparkling. “I’d never use you. Unless of course you asked me nicely.” He kissed her neck.

  “Gross,” Hillary said. “So you’re going to pay me the twenty thousand pounds, Jasper?”

  “No,” Ava said. “I won’t let you.”

  Queenie raised his hands in the air. “Ava Wilder, you only have four items left on that list. And we’re not going to let you give up.”

  “‘We’?”

  “Boys?” Franco and Georgie popped their heads out from underneath the neighboring table.

  “What are you doing?” Ava said.

  “We had to try it for ourselves,” Georgie said.

  “It kind of stinks,” Franco said. He threw his head back and laughed.

  “Your mother and her friend are behind you too,” Queenie said. “Literally. They’re standing directly behind you.” Ava whirled around. Sure enough, her mother was back. Ava hadn’t noticed her outfit before. She was back to being a cowgirl.

  “You look beautiful, Mother.” Ava meant it too. Her mother was brave, and funny.

  “This old thing?” Her mother played with the red bandana around her neck. “What would your father think?”

  “He’d be happy,” Ava said. “He’d be so happy.” She ran up and hugged her.

  “What about me?” Diana said. Ava looked over. Diana wasn’t in a turtleneck. She was wearing a low-cut sequined top.

  “Holy shit,” Ava said. “I’m going to need therapy to process this.” Diana laughed, then reached up to play with her invisible turtleneck.

  “What is this?” Hillary said. “Group therapy? She’s playing every single one of you, can’t you see that?”

  “Shut up, Hillary,” Jasper said.

  Queenie, Franco, and Georgie held hands and stepped up. Queenie spoke up. “We’re here to tell you that we’re Team Ava. We’ll stroll along the Thames with you, take a photo under the Tower—no use going up—”

  “TOURISTS,” they said together.

  “. . . we’ll ride the Tube with you, and then the London Eye. We’ll carry you, we’ll talk to you, we’ll sing to you, and we’ll put as many rubbish bags over your head as you’d like.” They stepped forward. “First thing tomorrow, Ava. We all do it all. What do you say?”

  “Tomorrow’s the deadline,” Ava said. “If I don’t get it done . . .”

  “The flat belongs to Queenie,” Hillary said.

  “You can do this, Ava,” Jasper said. “We can do this.”

  Ava spanned their faces as she sucked in her breath. Her little London family. And her American one too. “On one condition,” she said. They waited. “Fair and square. No more cheats. Once we head out tomorrow the clock starts. If I don’t get it done within the day, I’m done. This whole thing is done. And Queenie, you have to agree. If I can’t do it the flat is yours.”

  “Agreed,” he said.

  “Let’s get out of here and go for a drink,” Diana said.

  “And dancing,” Gretchen said.

  Jasper slipped his hand into Ava’s. “We’re going to have some alone time at home,” he said. Ava squeezed his hand and thought of all the ways she was going to thank him later.

  CHAPTER 37

  They arrived at the London Eye as a group, all holding hands. Ava was in the middle. Jasper was on one side of her and Queenie on the other. When they got close to the queue, Diana broke free. “I’m not riding that,” she said. “I don’t like heights.”

  “If I’m doing it, you’re doing it,” Ava said.

  “So don’t do it,” Diana said.

  “I’m seeing you in a whole new light,” Ava said. Ava was exhausted. The comedy cellar was her one outing for the week. Here it was the next day and she was already out again. She would never ride this contraption. Ever.

  “Queenie, if you get the flat will Hillary really try to take it from you?”

  “In a New York minute,” Queenie said. He looked at Ava. “Oh, honey. You’re shaking.”

  “I can’t. I appreciate all the support. I just can’t. I want to go home.” She turned to Queenie. “Appeal to Hillary. Work something out. Something that benefits you. I’m willing to sell it or let you have the flat. As long as it benefits you, and not her.”

  “Fight,” Queenie said. “We’re here. So just fight.”

  Jasper slipped his hand through hers. He leaned in and whispered, “Beverly would be so proud.”

  “If I have to watch that thing rotate once more, I’m going to hurl,” Diana said.

  They turned and started to walk away. Just then one of the staff members from the London Eye came running toward them.

  “Franco, Franco,” he said.

  “Hello, Louie,” Franco said.

  The young man blushed. “I can take her,” he said. “But we’ve got to do it now. And I can only take one more.”

  “What?” Ava said. “By myself? I can’t.”

  Georgie took over. “If you go up, you’re going to see Big Ben, Ava. The real one. You’ll also spot the Tower.”

  “And we’re on the Thames,” Franco said.

  “The Tube is out there somewhere too,” Queenie said. “We’ve already discussed it and agreed. This will count as everything.”

  Everything. “That’s cheating.”

  “We all agreed,” Queenie said. “It’s why we came here first.” He turned to the group. They all gave thumbs-up. “See? Team Ava.”

  Ava nodded. She was afraid if she opened her mouth to say anything she would hurl too. She’d make sure to aim for Hillary.

  They all walked with her to the car. Ava stepped in. Soon she was sandwiched in with tourists. Look at the ground, look at the ground, look at the ground. Breathe, breathe, breathe. She could do this. Well, she had no choice, now did she? Oh, why didn’t she have a scarf? Something soft to land on in case she passed out. At least it was a small space. That was actually somewhat comforting. Were they all staring at her? Could they see her sweating? Suddenly Jasper’s face appeared on the other side of the window.

  I love you, he mouthed.

  I love you too, she mouthed back.

  The car lurched forward and up, rotating just a few feet as the next car took the place at the bottom. Her car swung slightly.

  “Let me off, let me off,” a little girl said. All eyes turned toward the little blond girl, eyes wide, lips quivering. “Mommy, off. Off, Mommy, off.” She was American. Ava forced her eyes away from the ground and looked to the door. She looked around. Was there an emergency button? The car rotated again, and this time it kept going. The littl
e girl started to scream. An ear-piercing scream. Everyone on the car slapped their hands over their ears. Ava made her way to the little girl.

  “Can I try something?” she asked the father.

  “You can try anything,” the father said.

  Ava knelt down next to the little girl. Ava spread her hands. “Look at the lines on my hands,” she said. At first the little girl continued to cry and scream. Ava kept moving her hands just underneath the little girl’s face. Finally, the girl looked.

  “What?” she said. Ava began tracing the lines in her palms. “What are you doing?”

  “I’m drawing a picture.”

  “Of what?”

  “This is you,” Ava said. “And your favorite animal in the whole world.”

  “A dog?”

  “A dog. See? He’s right here.” The wheel kept turning, and others were eagerly looking out the window for the view. Ava kept her focus on her hands. Soon the little girl snuck a finger out, and touched Ava’s palms. She copied Ava as she traced the lines.

  “Do more,” the little girl said, placing her hands out, palms up.

  “Look at those beautiful lines on your palms.” Ava didn’t know a thing about palm reading but she was pretty sure the little girl didn’t either. “This line means that you’re very smart. This line means that you’re very brave.”

  “Am I pretty too?”

  “Very, very pretty,” Ava said.

  “I don’t like this ride,” the little girl said. “I want to go home.”

  “If you sit down here, with me, we can pretend we’re under our bed at home,” Ava said.

  The little girl sank to the floor. The ride kept rising, higher and higher. A teeny, tiny part of Ava wanted to look. They were nearly at the highest point. The best view in town. Except, of course, nothing could compare to the one from her flat.

  “Yes, see all the legs,” Ava said. “It’s like we’re hiding under our beds, watching everyone.”

  “Good,” the little girl said.

  “But I kind of want to pop my head up, just for a second, and look around. Then I’ll come back under the bed.”

  The little girl snuck her hand into Ava’s. “Me too,” she said. The father looked down and smiled at them.

  “On three,” Ava said. “One, two, three.” Ava stood, and lifted the little girl in her arms. This time, she gasped. They were practically in the clouds. London unfurled below them. Big Ben standing proud; the Thames littered with boats; tiny cars and red trolleys making their way across London Bridge; Westminster Abbey, swaths of green, the Tower of London, Buckingham Palace, and the Queen’s Guards. All of London was below her, around her, a part of her. She was doing it. She was riding the London Eye.

  The little girl reached up and touched a tear rolling down Ava’s face. “Why are you crying?”

  “Because I’ve never had a to-do list before,” Ava said. “And it feels good to check things off.”

  “You don’t have to do this, you know,” Jasper said.

  “You’re wrong,” Ava said. “I do have to.” She pulled her oyster card out of her pocket. “It’s rude not to use a gift.”

  On the way to the Tube, the car passed a group of people marching with signs. Ava caught a few as they idled in traffic.

  Proud Dyslexic

  Can You See My Autism?

  I’m Epileptic, but You Wouldn’t Know It.

  No way. Was it a sign? Several signs, ha. Life’s talking to you, Ava. You’d better listen. Every person had their own troubles on their backs. Ava wasn’t going to ruin Jasper’s life any more than any other woman on the planet. As long as he didn’t limit himself, and they were happy together, she would continue to take baby steps toward living a more normal life.

  She would introduce herself to the group. Eventually. Right now she had more pressing things on her mind. The last item on the list. The telltale signs of anxiety were there—heart beating, colored dots, sweats gathering on her brow. But she felt another feeling well up inside her. Competitive. Especially with Hillary standing at the entrance to the Tube with a stopwatch. “Are you okay?” Jasper asked. The London Underground. Lines from the map Jasper gave her once rose in her mind and began strangling her.

  “Yes,” Ava said. “I’m okay.” Do or die. This was it.

  “Bloody hell,” Jasper said.

  “What?”

  “Based on your progress, I’m going to have to come up with a whole new act.” Ava laughed, then scooted closer, and kissed him. She glanced out again and saw Vic and Deven standing with her crowd—Franco and Georgie, her mother, Diana, Queenie, and of course Hillary and her stopwatch.

  “How did they know about this?” Ava said.

  “Vic probably saw the promenade from the flat. All your fans.”

  “That stalker.” Ava looked away as she was hit with a dizzy stick. “Guess there’s no turning back now.”

  “You don’t have to do this,” he said again.

  “I do.” Before she could talk herself out of it, Ava pressed on the door handle and stepped onto the sidewalk.

  “Fifteen minutes to catch a ride,” Hillary said.

  “Screw you.”

  “Ava, Ava, Ava,” the rest chanted as she approached the entrance to the Underground. You can do this. Don’t think. Your dad is here. So is Aunt Beverly. Hand in hand, feel them? Queenie stood at the back of the crowd. Was he upset about losing the flat? He looked pale. He was gripping his left arm, as if literally trying to hold himself together.

  Ava passed them, and took the first step down to the Underground. She gripped her oyster card so hard it cut into her fingers. Let it bleed. The pain felt good. Her posse followed her, right behind, ready to catch her if she passed out.

  “Ava!” It was Vic, yelling at her from the top of the stairs. Ignore her. “Lookie here,” she said. Ava stopped. Turned. And looked. Vic was holding something up, dangling it from her fingertips. Queenie’s lucky charm.

  “Give it back,” Ava said. She tried to go up the steps. Queenie was in her way. “Move, please,” she said.

  “What are you doing? Hillary’s counting down.”

  “Vic has your lucky charm,” Ava said.

  “Let it go,” Queenie said.

  “No,” Ava said. “It’s your lucky charm.” She dodged Queenie and ran up the steps. Vic saw her, turned, and began to run. Ava chased after her.

  “Ava, Ava.” Queenie was right behind her.

  Ava didn’t stop. She kept running, trying to keep a glimpse of Vic in the crowd. She could hear Queenie behind her, his breath ragged, his heels pounding on the pavement. She never guessed he could run like that. She never guessed she could run like this either. She was gaining on Vic. She had to dodge people, and bikes, and children, and dogs, and skateboarders. She didn’t have time to think; she was all machine pumping her arms and her legs. She closed the gap enough to grab Vic’s shirt and she yanked.

  Vic flew back, almost hitting her head on the pavement. Ava caught her, then ripped the charm out of her hand. Vic was laughing hysterically.

  “That’s not funny.”

  “Your flatmate looks like he’s about to burst.”

  Ava turned. Queenie was red in the face. Gasping. He grabbed his left arm. His left arm. “Queenie!” Ava said. Queenie’s eyes bulged and he clutched his heart.

  “Queenie!” Ava screamed. Queenie fell to the ground. Heart attack. He’s having a heart attack. CPR. It’s a lifesaving skill. She dropped to her knees. She checked his head to make sure he hadn’t cracked it on the sidewalk. She didn’t see any blood. Thank God. Thank God. “Call nine-nine-nine!” she yelled.

  “Calling,” Vic said.

  Ava didn’t think; she acted. She tilted his head back and pinched his nose, and breathed into him. One, two, three, four, five. “Breathe, Queenie, breathe.” She folded her hands together in a fist and placed them over his heart. One, two, three, four, five. Back to breaths. One, two, three, four, five. Back to the chest. One, two, three, four
, five. Back to breaths. One, two—Queenie jerked. His eyes flew open. He took a breath.

  “You’re back,” Ava said. She plastered his face with kisses. Queenie tried to get up. “Stay down. The ambulance is coming.”

  “Ambulance?” he said. “Are you hurt? Did you pass out?”

  “Ava.” Ava looked up. It was Jasper. The posse was here, all gathered around.

  “She saved him,” Vic said.

  “He had a heart attack,” Ava said. “Help is on the way.”

  “Help is already here,” Jasper said, looking at Ava. “It’s already here.”

  Three Months Later

  CHAPTER 38

  Ava stood in front of her windows, watching the lights come up. London was spread out before her, like a jeweled necklace. She couldn’t wait to slip it on, dance until dawn. She would never get tired of this view. London was wonderful. And London was terrible. It was in constant flux, and turmoil, and motion. Just like the flat would be when Queenie and his cast returned. They’d already shot the first nine episodes. It had been so lonely around here without him. She couldn’t wait to have him back. Ava smiled to herself when she realized she couldn’t remember the last time she’d heard him gasp. He’d refused to accept that the flat was his. For now they were both content to be flatmates for the rest of the year. And this time Ava was going to pay half of the expenses. Nobody was pressing about the legalities of the flat except for Hillary. Jasper came up behind Ava, wrapped his arms around her, and kissed her neck.

  “Do you have to work tonight?” he said. Ava had been sketching at the club a few nights a week after the drag shows. The money was fantastic.

  She turned, and kissed him. “No,” she said. “I’m all yours.”

  “All mine. I love the sound of that.”

  “May I have this dance?” Ava said.

  “There’s no music playing,” Jasper said.

  “I can fix that.” Ava went to the record player, lifted the needle, and stepped into Jasper’s arms as the needle touched down. They began to dance. Ava stopped.

  “Are you okay?”