Finding Family...and Forever?

by Southwick, Teresa

  The background check hadn’t turned up a significant other, although that didn’t mean there wasn’t one. He didn’t like the idea of Emma being in love, but that had nothing to do with Kyle and everything to do with a feeling he’d had little experience with.

  Jealousy. He wasn’t proud of it, but there was no denying the truth.

  Maybe he’d ask a few questions, after all. “So what did you think of Blackwater Lake’s premier grocery store?”

  The expression on her face turned wry. “It’s the only grocery store. And it seemed fine.”

  “Kyle wasn’t a problem?”

  “Not at all.” She cut a rigatoni and speared half with her fork but didn’t eat it. “How was your day?”

  This question had come up every night since she’d taken over from Sylvia, but this time it smacked of changing the subject. There was no subtle way to push harder, so he decided to back off. But he couldn’t resist giving her a taste of her own medicine.

  “My day was fine,” he said.

  “I’m glad.”

  After that, they made small talk while he finished dinner. She ate very little, mostly pushing her food around the plate. When Kyle got grouchy and restless, she jumped at the chance to take him upstairs for a bath.

  “I’ll clean up the kitchen,” he said.

  “No, leave it for me.”

  Emma scooped Kyle out of the high chair and held him against her, oblivious to the red sauce and smashed peas that got all over her shirt. He couldn’t help comparing her to the baby’s mother, who wouldn’t touch her own child if he was less than immaculate.

  “You do enough,” he insisted. “I don’t mind squaring things away here.”

  She looked as if she wanted to protest but nodded and carried Kyle out of the kitchen and upstairs.

  Justin stowed the leftovers, rinsed plates and utensils then scrubbed the pots. The busywork occupied his hands, but his mind raced. He thought about the employees at the clinic, body language and bad mood indicating when someone was dealing with a personal problem. It never occurred to him to get involved, but none of the clinic staff lived under his roof and cared for the child he loved more than anything in the world.

  He heard sounds from upstairs—splashing, laughter and baby chatter. There was clinic paperwork to do, but he suddenly felt as if he were on the outside looking in. After drying his hands, he went upstairs and found the two of them in the bathroom where water was draining out of the tub.

  Emma covered her front with a thick terry-cloth towel then lifted the baby out of the tub and wrapped him up. She carried him to the nursery then diapered him as quickly as possible. All the red-and-green smears were gone, although she still sported them on her clothes. But Kyle was now a clean boy with neatly combed hair.

  “That was quick,” Justin said.

  “He’s tired.” With quick efficiency, she put the baby in a small, soft blue one-piece sleeper and picked him up. Then she headed for the glider chair in the corner beside the crib. “It was a busy day. You can see the signs when he’s had it and is ready to go to sleep.”

  “I’ll rock him tonight. You take a break.”

  “That’s not necessary—”

  “I insist. Kyle had a busy day, which means yours was even more tiring. Just take some time and relax.”

  She tilted her head and studied him. “Are you sure?”

  “Positive.”

  “Okay.” She walked over and started to hand the baby to Justin, but he let out a wail and clung to her, curling against her with his face buried in her neck. “I’m sorry. Do you want to just grab him?”

  “No.” He moved close and put his hand on the small back. “It’s okay, buddy. I know you’re tired.”

  And his son wasn’t the only one. That was as good an explanation as any for his own intense reaction to the warmth of Emma’s skin, the scent of her that twisted his senses into a knot of need. The only good thing was that it pushed jealousy out of the number-one position.

  “Kyle?” Emma crooned softly. “Daddy’s here. Don’t you want some man time with him?”

  As if he understood, the baby lifted his head and held out his arms. Justin took him and said, “That’s my guy. We’re just going to sit in the glider and have a little chat. I’ll tell you a story. I get the feeling that reading would be a bad idea tonight.”

  “I think you’re right about that.” Emma headed for the door. “You’re sure you don’t mind?”

  “Yeah, I’m sure. I don’t do this enough.”

  The baby clinging to her was proof. On the one hand, he was glad Kyle had bonded with her so completely. The flip side of that was that Justin didn’t have the same connection. It was good to have a reminder that he needed to spend more quality time with his son.

  Just before walking out of the room, Emma stopped. “Justin?”

  “Hmm?” He sat in the chair and settled the baby to his chest, then met her gaze.

  “Would you mind if I borrowed your computer in the office? My laptop is acting squirrelly.”

  “Of course.” He smiled and started the chair gliding back and forth. Almost instantly Kyle relaxed into him. “And, for the record, squirrelly is not an official technological term.”

  The corners of her full lips turned up. “And there’s a good reason for that. I don’t speak fluent tech.”

  “Ah.”

  “Thanks.”

  Her words were light and teasing but didn’t match the expression on her face. It could only be described as tense, distracted. Before he could study her more, she was gone.

  He rubbed his hand over his son’s back and moved slowly, lulling him to sleep. “What’s going on with your nanny, Kyle? You obviously are attached to her and I’m glad about that, but there’s something up with her. The good news is that she’s not very good at hiding her feelings.”

  In a matter of minutes, his baby boy was sound asleep. He waited a little longer, moving gently to make sure before putting him down in the crib. A short time later, that was accomplished without a peep, and Justin covered him with a baby blanket, then softly kissed the tiny forehead.

  “I love you, buddy.” For a few moments he stood over his son, watching the rhythmic rise and fall of the little chest, savoring the peace of knowing his child was safe and happy.

  He picked up the baby monitor and soundlessly left the room, going downstairs. Emma was nowhere in sight and he remembered she was using his home computer. After pouring himself a cup of coffee, he walked down the hall and into his office. Emma’s back was to him as she looked at the computer monitor and he moved closer to the desk.

  On the screen in big, bold letters was a newspaper headline that read, “KIDNAPPED! BABY GIRL DISAPPEARS. STOLEN FROM A BLACKWATER LAKE FAMILY.”

  The date on the article was about twenty-eight years before, and Emma was completely engrossed in reading the information. She hadn’t heard him approach and never looked up.

  This appeared to be a private thing, but Justin didn’t give a flying fig if he was overstepping. She had some explaining to do and it was going to happen now.

  “Interesting stuff,” he said.

  She jumped, then pressed her hand to her chest and swiveled the chair around to look at him. “Good gracious. You startled me.”

  “Startling pretty well describes it. And I’m talking about what you’re reading on the computer.” The look on her face told him that she was hiding something. “What’s going on, Emma?”

  “If you want to look for another nanny, I completely understand. And that would probably be best since I lied to you.”

  Uh-oh. Just a while ago he’d thought that if she had a flaw he couldn’t see it. Well, she’d just pointed one out and it was a beaut. What could possibly be so bad that Emma felt she had to keep it from him? If she’d bro
ken the law, it would have turned up in her background check. Her record was spotless yet she’d just admitted she’d been less than honest.

  Could a woman as sweet as Emma seemed to be have something in her past that was worse than his own guilty secret? No one knew how he’d really felt about the wife who died and that wasn’t information he wanted to share. A problem for another day. Finding a new nanny wasn’t what he wanted and he hoped her lie turned out to be a fib about the weight on her driver’s license.

  But he wasn’t whistling now.

  Chapter Four

  “What lie? I can’t imagine you’ve done anything that bad.”

  “Justin, I...” Emma didn’t know what to say to him, how to soften what had happened to her. Then she figured there was no point in carefully picking words. Saying it straight out was the only way. “I didn’t tell you the whole truth when you asked why I picked Blackwater Lake for my vacation.”

  “So, you didn’t read a book set in Montana?”

  His expression was serious, but she would swear the question was meant to lighten the mood. It seemed empathetic somehow, as if he understood or at least wanted to. But he couldn’t until she explained and then she would have to accept the consequences, whatever they might be.

  She realized she was sitting behind his desk and stood, rounding it to stand in front of him. She met his gaze and forced herself not to look away. “I came here to meet my biological parents.”

  “So your secret is that you were adopted?”

  “Not exactly.”

  He looked at the computer monitor where the newspaper headline from the past screamed out. The incident was years old, but not to her. It was fresh and painful, complicated and confusing.

  His eyes moved over the words of the article and the expression in them said he’d skimmed the contents and was making guesses. “What exactly?”

  Emma’s legs were trembling and she desperately wanted to rest a hip against the desk but wouldn’t show weakness. This was the mess she’d made by not being completely up front with him in the beginning. It was honesty time and she’d do that standing up straight.

  “I was kidnapped as a baby and raised by the woman who took me.”

  Shock and anger hardened his face. “And you never knew she wasn’t your mother?”

  “Not until recently. When she was diagnosed with cancer, the disease progressed very quickly. Just before she died, she confessed the truth and told me where I came from, where to find my biological family. They live here in Blackwater Lake.”

  He rested a hand on the back of one of the chairs in front of the desk. “How did she explain turning up with a baby? Not being pregnant? Weren’t there questions?”

  “I don’t know. I was a baby.” She shrugged. “My dad—the man I thought was my dad—died when I was a kid. She, my mother—” Emma shook her head. “She’s not my mother, but it’s hard for me to think of her any other way. What she did was wrong—”

  “Yeah.”

  “But I never knew her as anything other than loving and kind. She was Mom to me.” Emma looked away for a moment and shook her head. “I was too little to remember anything else. She was a single mom when they met and if my dad knew what she’d done and was complicit in the whole thing, he never did or said anything that made me question my family. I don’t know how she explained everything. And at the end she was very weak.” She shrugged helplessly. “I didn’t know any different. They were my parents. She was my mother and there was never any reason to question it.”

  Justin dragged his fingers through his hair then met her gaze. “Would you like a glass of wine?”

  She’d love one, but she never had alcohol when there was a child in her care. It might be his way of subtly preparing her to be let go. “Unless this is your way of firing me, I’m on the job and I don’t drink when I am.”

  “Emma...” He moved closer and looked down as if he wanted to touch her. It was a disappointment when he didn’t.

  The yearning to burrow against him for comfort was a different kind of problem and she couldn’t deal with it right now. She studied his expression, tried to guess what he was thinking. “Justin, for all you know, I could be making this up.”

  “But you’re not.”

  “How do you know? I deceived you once.”

  “Withholding information isn’t deception. The personal facts were yours to do with as you saw fit. And the thing is, I’m mostly a good judge of people. I was only really wrong once.” There was a grim look in his eyes. “I don’t think you’re a good enough actress to not be telling the truth about this.”

  She was relieved that he believed her, but it still didn’t mean he wanted to keep her as his son’s nanny. “Don’t be nice to me. I need to know where I stand.”

  He ignored that. “Kyle is asleep. One glass of wine won’t be a problem if he needs anything. And I’m here.”

  Yes, he was. She was always aware of him when he was in the house. She shook her head. “I really shouldn’t.”

  “You’re shaking. It will help.”

  Emma looked at her trembling hands and realized he was right. She stuck them in her jeans pockets. “That sounds good. Are you sure you don’t mind?”

  “Consider it doctor’s orders.”

  He held out his hand and she put hers in it, then let him lead her from the office into the kitchen. She missed the warmth and strength of his touch when he sat her at the table and moved away. But after taking advantage of his trust, this was more consideration than she deserved. While he was busy assembling glasses and opening a bottle, she stared out the window. The patio and rear yard were illuminated by perimeter lights, but darkness and shadows hid the incredible view of the lake and the mountains beyond it.

  Emma felt as if she was finally moving out of the shadows that had swirled around her for months. Whatever Justin decided about her employment she would have to live with because the decision to keep this to herself had been hers alone. But for right now it was an enormous relief to talk about everything.

  He set a glass of white wine in front of her, then sat down at a right angle. “I hope you like chardonnay.”

  “Right now you could give me balsamic vinegar and I’m not sure I could taste the difference.”

  “It must have been a shock to find out what happened to you.”

  “Shock is such a bland word to describe how I felt. It was so surreal, something that happens to other people, not to me.”

  “The fact is, we’re all ‘other’ people. The news is full of ordinary human beings who have gone through extraordinary things. It’s how one copes and moves on that matters. What did your friends say?” he asked.

  “I haven’t told them.”

  He was just taking a drink of wine and slowly lowered the glass. “No one knows?”

  “My fiancé. And now you.”

  Again his surprise showed. “Really?”

  “Yes. It didn’t work out. No need for you to worry that I’ll go back to him and leave you without someone to care for Kyle.” She saw more questions in his eyes, but didn’t feel like getting into it. “If it’s all right with you, I’d rather not talk about him.”

  “Okay.” He nodded. “But you didn’t tell your other friends about this? Why?”

  Emma knew what he was really asking was why she hadn’t said anything to people she knew better than him. After sipping her wine, she said, “Mom died shortly after telling me, so there was a funeral to plan and it wasn’t something I wanted to bring up then. A decent length of time passed and I didn’t know how to start that conversation. It seemed wrong to say, You know my mother who died? She actually wasn’t my mother. She stole me from another family.”

  “Why did she tell you?”

  “I guess because confession is good for the soul. She wanted to clear he
r conscience before she died.”

  “Why didn’t you come to see your biological family sooner?”

  “A lot of reasons.” Emma drank more wine as she gathered her thoughts, trying to figure out how to make him understand. “I was grieving the woman who’d loved and raised me. A woman I’d loved because she was good to me. Not only that, I had a job. I’d signed a contract and there was a child to take care of. And I was engaged to be married. As the days went by, I figured I’d come to terms with everything and let it go.”

  “What changed?”

  “I found out my fiancé was cheating on me. He was one more trusted person in my life who was lying. I guess it hit a nerve.”

  “No kidding.”

  “And I’ve sworn off men.” She almost smiled. “It was more than just being hurt. I’d recently learned my whole life was a lie and to find out he was a two-faced scumbag made me question who I am. I needed to find some truth.”

  “So you came to Blackwater Lake.”

  “Yes. My biological parents own the Grizzly Bear Diner.”

  “Michelle and Alan Crawford.” He nodded slowly as the information sank in. “So you’ve met your family.”

  Emma chose her words carefully. “I’ve seen them.”

  “They must have been over the moon to find out their missing daughter is alive and well.”

  “I don’t know how they’d feel about that.”

  His eyes narrowed. “You haven’t told them?”

  “Until today, I hadn’t even talked to them.” She took a deep breath. “I ran into Michelle Crawford at the grocery store.”

  “So that’s why you’ve been preoccupied.” Justin’s gray eyes darkened with questions. “How did it go?”

  “She’s very nice. Friendly. And she’d looked sad when Kyle chattered nonstop in his sweet baby way. The encounter shook me. I couldn’t get it out of my mind. I needed to see the newspaper accounts of the kidnapping again.”

  “But she still doesn’t know?” When Emma shook her head, he said, “I’m sure you had your reasons for not telling them who you are.”