Finding Family...and Forever?

by Southwick, Teresa

  “It’s complicated.”

  “No kidding.” His tone was wry.

  “My mother told me where they are and how to find them.” She took a big drink from her glass. “When I got here, the Grizzly Bear Diner was my first stop. Michelle and Alan were there and I watched them interacting with the customers and each other. They’re—” She struggled to figure out how to say they seemed like two people who were content and working at something they enjoyed. It was hard to express, when one picture was worth a thousand words. “They seemed okay. I didn’t want to change that.”

  “And you think finding out their daughter is alive would be a bad thing?”

  “What happened to them was bad.”

  “Can’t argue with you there.” But his eyes narrowed. “Still, you said nothing?”

  “There’s probably no way for you to understand, but I just couldn’t.”

  “So why didn’t you go back to California?”

  There was the burning question, and she didn’t have an answer. “I couldn’t do that, either.”

  “But you needed a job while you figure it all out.”

  It wasn’t a question, but she felt he deserved an answer, anyway. “Yes, and you wouldn’t have hired me if I’d told you all that.”

  “We’ll never know.” He finished the wine in his glass then met her gaze. “I’m going to give you a piece of advice, but keep in mind it’s worth what you paid for it.”

  “Okay.” She braced herself.

  “My parents had the kind of marriage that everyone wants but so many don’t get. They’re both gone now, but every day together they taught me what love looks like. Then my son showed me how it feels, what unconditional means. I couldn’t begin to imagine losing him. So, for what it’s worth, you should tell the Crawfords who you are.”

  “You don’t—”

  He held up his hand to stop her. “All I’m saying is that if it were me, I’d want to know.”

  “That’s easy for you to say.”

  “I know. I’m not walking in your shoes. Or theirs, either. But that’s what I think.”

  It was so easy to stand on the outside looking in and give an opinion. But Emma needed to be sure what the right thing was because once the words were said there was no going back. So the story she should have told him in the beginning was out now and it was time to save them both an awkward conversation.

  She stood. “So, I’ll just go upstairs and pack my things.”

  “Why?”

  “Because you’re going to fire me. It will be uncomfortable for you to say and humiliating for me to hear since I’ve never been dismissed from a job before. So, I’ll make this easier on both of us and just go quietly.”

  He put a hand on her arm when she started to move away. “Not so fast.”

  “But, Justin, I lied to you.”

  “Everything about your professional background was the absolute truth. There was no lie. It was more about not revealing personal details, which technically you’re not obligated to do.”

  “But you know as well as I do that puts my personal life up in the air and it’s not fair to you.”

  “What I know is that you’re terrific with Kyle and I would like you to stay. If that becomes impossible, all I ask is a decent amount of notice so that I can replace you.”

  The knot in her belly started to unravel. “That’s very generous of you.”

  “Actually, it’s selfish.”

  “You say potato, I say po-tah-to.” Emma wanted to argue with him but figured she shouldn’t look a gift horse in the mouth. “Thank you.”

  He waved the words away. “I’m just sorry you had to go through what you did. If I can help in any way, please let me know.”

  “I appreciate that very much.” More than she could even put into words.

  So, the truth was out there and it felt good to come clean to Justin. She was relieved that he knew the whole truth.

  That was sort of what she was doing to Michelle and Alan Crawford, but it felt different. She was in control of this information. It affected her, too, and everything would change if they knew she was their daughter. Before taking that step, she needed to know more about her family.

  * * *

  “The best way to get acquainted with the Crawfords is to spend time with them.”

  It was Saturday and Justin had shut off his laptop and stopped working on patient medical records in order to spend time with his son. This was Emma’s night off and usually he took Kyle to the Grizzly Bear Diner for dinner. He’d asked Emma to come along and she was less than enthusiastic about the invitation.

  He leaned back against the kitchen island and folded his arms over his chest. Studying her anxious expression, he said, “You’re scared.”

  “That’s ridiculous.” The baby crawled over and pulled himself to a standing position, using her leg for leverage. She lifted him into her arms and automatically hugged him close.

  “No one blames you for being scared.”

  Justin had been mulling over what she’d told him and as secrets went, hers wasn’t that bad. None of it was her fault. He couldn’t say the same about his past. All he wanted was to forget that he hadn’t been in love with his wife for a long time before she died, and they were planning to get a divorce when she’d been involved in a fatal car accident.

  Like Emma’s story, this was personal information that had no direct bearing on his job performance. Everyone assumed he was in mourning and it was easier not to correct that impression because he didn’t want to talk about that mistake. He would never have wished her dead, but it would be a lie to say he missed her. For reasons he didn’t understand, it was very important that Emma not know about all that ugliness. She wouldn’t like him very much and he couldn’t blame her. Hell, he didn’t much like himself.

  “Look, Justin—I’m not afraid to see my family.” She met his gaze. “Just cautious.”

  Justin wanted to help resolve the situation. It was a lousy thing for Alan and Michelle, who were good people, but he hated the bruised and betrayed look in Emma’s eyes. Also, she was right. Her situation was unstable and a difficult reunion with the family she’d just discovered could send her running back to California.

  “Caution is good. Who would know that better than a doctor. The cornerstone of the Hippocratic Oath is to do no harm. Going to their diner on Saturday night when the place is busiest would be a careful first step. They won’t even notice you, but that makes it possible to check them out from afar.” Justin decided a hint of challenge wouldn’t be a bad thing. “What else have you got to do on your night off? You don’t have a date.”

  “How do you know?” There was a saucy, sassy, rebellious expression in her eyes.

  “Because you’ve sworn off men.”

  Justin realized he was unreasonably pleased about that. He didn’t especially like the idea of her dating. She was a beautiful woman and men would notice. He’d noticed and couldn’t seem to stop. There wasn’t anything he could do to prevent her from seeing another man. She was under no obligation to tell him what she did in her free time.

  “You remembered,” she said.

  “Yeah.”

  “Too much information.” Her expression was charmingly sheepish. “Although true. And you’re right. I don’t have plans.”

  That was a relief but also made him feel guilty and he wondered what she did when she wasn’t caring for Kyle. Was she meeting people? Making friends? Putting down roots in Blackwater Lake? Part of him hoped so for his son’s sake. For himself, he didn’t need or want this attraction.

  “So you’re free.” He met her gaze. “Then there’s no reason you can’t have dinner with Kyle and me. At the diner. What can it hurt?”

  “Nothing, I guess.”

  That still wasn’t enthusia
stic, but he’d take it as a yes before she changed her mind. He looked at the baby. “Kyle, want to go for a ride?”

  The little boy’s eyes lit up and he held out his arms to Justin who took him from her. “I’ll get his jacket,” he told Emma. “Meet you at the front door in five.”

  “Okay.” She started out of the room, then stopped in the doorway and said, “I lied when I said I wasn’t scared. I am a little afraid. But it’s not a habit. The lying part. Maybe just a little defensive.”

  “We’ll keep that between you and me.” The words made her smile and he felt the familiar tug in his gut that was all about wanting to kiss her.

  Twenty minutes later, the three of them walked into the Grizzly Bear Diner. It wasn’t quite six o’clock and not too crowded yet, so they were seated right away. Violet, one of the servers, brought over a high chair and Emma pulled out a disposable antiseptic wipe from a package in the diaper bag. She started cleaning the straps and tray of the chair.

  “No offense,” she said to the waitress.

  “None taken. The other moms who come in do the same thing.” The girl was blonde, blue-eyed and probably in her late teens. She looked at the three of them. “You guys are a really beautiful family.”

  “Oh, I’m not—” Emma stopped her clarification when the girl hurried away, clearly not listening. She shrugged at Justin. “I’ll set the record straight when she comes back.”

  “She must be new. Don’t worry about it. Someone will tell her.” He settled Kyle in the chair and strapped him in before hooking on the tray, then sat in the booth across the table from her. “People in Blackwater Lake talk. You’ve been warned.”

  Emma slipped off her lightweight jacket. “Understood.”

  She looked around at the decor. There were framed bear photos on the light yellow walls and the menus reflected the same theme with items called the Mama, Papa and Baby Bear combos. In the front half of the diner there was a counter with red-plastic-covered swivel stools. Michelle and Alan Crawford stood behind it, talking to an older man and woman seated there. Justin watched Emma studying them.

  When Kyle slapped his hands on the high-chair tray, she reached into the diaper bag and pulled out a Ziploc baggie with crackers. She smiled at him and brushed the downy hair off his forehead. “Here you go, sweetie.”

  Justin realized that she was off the clock, so to speak, but she didn’t turn the nurturing off. It was just natural to her and something he found as sexy as it was appealing.

  He glanced over his shoulder to where the diner owners stood. “They’re a nice-looking couple.”

  “Who?” Emma looked away from Kyle and met his gaze.

  “Your parents.”

  “This is completely surreal. Shouldn’t I feel some connection to them?” There was conflict in her eyes, changing them from warm brown to almost black. “They seem like very nice people, but that’s nothing more than an observation. I don’t feel anything more than I would for strangers and it seems like I should since their blood is flowing through my veins.”

  “Sharing DNA doesn’t automatically create a bond. It’s the whole nature versus nurture thing. Only time can develop a relationship.” Or show a guy that there isn’t one, he thought, remembering how his own feelings for Kristina Bradley-Flint sputtered and died until he felt nothing but critical of the woman he’d married. “Kyle and I usually stop to chat with them when we come in. They’re very friendly.”

  “That’s how Michelle knew Kyle. When I ran into her at the grocery store,” Emma reminded him.

  He nodded. “They have three sons. None of them live here in Blackwater Lake.”

  “I have brothers?” There was shock and surprise in her voice.

  “Yes. All very successful in their respective careers, according to the proud parents.”

  “I never thought about having siblings.”

  “By all accounts, Michelle and Alan did a great job raising their kids. That means after losing their youngest child and going through a parent’s worst nightmare, they had the strength of character to pull it together for the sake of the children. Who all turned out to be good, productive men,” he finished gently.

  “What’s your point?” There was an edge to her voice and she blinked. “Wow. That was abrasive. But in my own defense, this is my night off. No offense.”

  “None taken.” He wanted to reach across the table and squeeze her hand, but, as he’d told her, everyone talked. “My point is that you come from good people.”

  “Like you said—that’s DNA. But they didn’t raise me.”

  Justin grabbed the menus tucked behind the salt-and-pepper holder next to the half wall separating them from the booth on the other side. He handed one to her. “What’s your point?”

  “I’m not sure. But it never crossed my mind that I might have siblings and I don’t know why.”

  “Because you didn’t know any different. You were raised an only child.”

  “And that’s her fault.”

  “Who?”

  “My mom—Ruth—the woman who stole me from them.” She pressed her lips together, frustrated with distinguishing who was who in this bizarre scenario. Her expression changed from moment to moment, reflecting her contradictory emotions. “I loved her. She was my mother. She was also the worst kind of liar. I was raised by a woman who did the most despicable thing and lived a lie, forced me to live a lie all my life.” Her eyes were bleak and anger wrapped around the words. “What does that make me?”

  “An innocent victim.”

  “Children learn what they live. Maybe that made it easier for me not to tell the whole truth.”

  “The deception isn’t yours to be responsible for.” Justin didn’t have the right words to reassure her, but every part of him rejected what she’d just said. “But I can tell you one thing.”

  “What?” She turned troubled eyes to his.

  “Whatever else she did wrong, the way she raised you wasn’t part of it. You’re an honest woman.”

  “How do you know?”

  “I could tell that keeping this to yourself took a personal toll. I can also say that you’re a good and loving woman.”

  “How can you be sure of that?”

  “The way you are with Kyle.”

  She glanced at the counter where the diner owners stood, then absently opened the menu on the dark-wood table between them. “She stole from me, too. It would have been nice to have big brothers.”

  “Why?” He handed Kyle another cracker, which the boy eagerly took.

  “When someone was mean to me, they could have beat him up.” She watched the little boy crumble the cracker then use both hands to sweep the pieces off the tray.

  “By someone, I assume you mean the two-faced scumbag?”

  “Yeah.” As he’d hoped, she smiled. “I was really in a bad place after my mother confessed then died. He and I were having problems and I thought we should take a break.”

  “Sounds reasonable.”

  “It didn’t last long, at least for me. I was lonely.” She caught the corner of her lip between her teeth. “So I stopped by his apartment and as it turned out, he wasn’t lonely at all.”

  “Another woman.”

  “Yeah. And I found out she wasn’t the only one. He’d been seeing other women the whole time we were engaged.”

  “Two-faced scumbag is too good for him.” Justin hated the idea of anyone hurting her and the words came out before he could stop them. “I could beat him up for you.”

  “Really? And what about those surgeon’s hands?” Her eyes brightened for a moment, then the expression faded. “Another big brother?”

  “Sort of.”

  Justin could handle feeling like a big brother a whole lot better than what he was feeling now, which was more like a jealous boyfrien
d. That was all kinds of trouble. He supposed it was a plus that Emma had sworn off men. As much as he wanted to kiss her, acting on it would be the fastest way to chase her off.

  So, he had to rein in his hormones, but that was easier said than done.

  Chapter Five

  “Seriously, Emma, if there’s something else you need to do on your afternoon off, I can handle buying winter clothes for Kyle.”

  “It’s your afternoon off, too.” She looked at him with the baby in his arms and couldn’t help smiling.

  Three days after dinner at the diner, Emma, Kyle and Justin were ready to walk out the door and drive to the nearest mall, which wasn’t all that close. Time was flying and September was ending and would soon give way to October. As Michelle had told her, the weather quickly turned cold in Montana. Several days before, there had been a light dusting of snow and Justin asked if she would help him buy winter clothes for the baby, since their respective afternoons off were the same.

  This was the first time he’d asked her for a favor, and the only reason she’d even considered turning him down was because of how appealing it was to spend time with him.

  “Call me crazy,” she said, “but when you mentioned shopping, I could swear you looked like a man who’d rather take a sharp stick in the eye than step foot in a mall.”

  “I didn’t think it showed.”

  “Oh, please.” She couldn’t help laughing. “Show me a guy who actually wants to shop and there’s a better than even chance that he’s gay.”

  “So given my aversion to shopping, I passed the test.”

  In so many ways, she thought, her heart beating just a little too fast. Fortunately, she didn’t say that out loud.

  “Well, I like to shop. Especially for Kyle’s clothes,” she said, brushing her palm over the boy’s chubby cheek. “And the best part is it’s your money.”

  “There’s no one I’d rather spend it on.” He looked at his son and there was a mother lode of tenderness softening the masculine angles of his handsome face. “What do you say, Kyle? Should we go bye-bye?”

  The little boy pointed a chubby finger at the front door and jabbered, “Ba.”