Haeven

by S. M. Bowles

  “Oh, God!” I suddenly remembered Herrik’s warning. I had nearly forgotten but the memory forced itself to the surface of my mind.

  All my happy thoughts faded just like the sun as it dropped lower and lower in the sky above me.

  “I can’t leave!” my mind cried out in sudden awareness.

  I was just as trapped by freedom as I was by Herrik and his people. I could never leave.

  “But I can’t live like this either,” I told myself and my mind clung to the notion with a tenacity that was augmented by every other thought that followed.

  All the horrible things that had happened to me from the moment I met Daemon to where I found myself standing at that particular instant replayed in my mind. Then I realized there was only one way to truly escape. That incredible loneliness I had felt in the shower swept over me again. I stood up and I closed my eyes.

  “Emily! Emily! No! Don’t!” Herrik’s voice echoed across the field.

  I involuntarily shook at the sound and lost my footing. I didn’t fall though. Instead I felt myself being tackled and found myself tumbling across the field crushed against Herrik’s chest.

  When we stopped rolling and I realized what had happened I cursed him over and over again while I struggled to free myself.

  All the emotions I had been keeping so carefully bottled up began to spill out. “Let me go! I don’t belong here! You’re all monsters! Let me go!” I was filled with determination to achieve the fate I had decided for myself.

  Then suddenly my mind was not my own; I couldn’t control my thoughts or actions. Everything went limp and lifeless. My eyes closed and I felt Herrik lift me up and begin walking towards the elevator. There was a strange lucidity to everything that occurred after that. I was conscious and aware of what was happening but completely immobilized and unable to react to any of it.

  I felt Herrik lips against my temple as he carried me, “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “This is my fault. I should have known you weren’t well. I should have known what a poor substitute this is for the life you were meant to have.”

  The elevator brought us down to his apartment. Artur and Avery, Carah and Penny were all gathered in Herrik’s living room.

  Penny gasped and covered her mouth when she saw us, “Is she…?”

  “Where was she?” Artur questioned.

  “Get out. All of you.”

  “We looked everywhere!” Carah insisted. “None of us could find any sense of her anywhere.”

  “GET OUT!”

  Avery, Carah and Penny visibly cowed as they all looked to Artur who nodded, “Bar the doors,” he said to Carah and Avery. Then he approached Herrik where he was standing with me still in his arms, “Let me urge you to think carefully before you do anything you might regret.”

  “Leave!” Herrik insisted.

  When they were all gone and Herrik was certain we were alone he brought me to his bedroom and carefully arranged me beneath the covers of his bed. He began pacing back and forth back and forth. He stopped once or twice and stared in complete confusion at me. Soon afterwards he seemed to come to some decision. He drew a chair up beside the bed and after wrapping his fingers in mine he laid the palm of his free hand across my forehead.

  Herrik carefully examined everything that had led up to that moment. Every horrific, restless night, every unfinished meal, the fear, the unwelcome, my lessons; even the dread that I had exposed his cover-up to Carah and the anxiety I felt for himself and the others that were each involved.

  “Oh, Emily,” he squeezed my fingers when it was over and he had seen enough. “What have I done? I am the one who should be begging you for forgiveness not the other way around.” He bent his lips to my ear, “Come with me,” he whispered.

  The world fell away.

  I seemed to wake up, my eyes fluttered and I yawned and stretched. Herrik was the first thing I saw. He was standing to the right of a fireplace with a roaring blaze crackling in its grate. He was facing towards me but his head was bowed while he stared in consternation at the floor. I sat up and looked around the room trying to recall where I was and how I had gotten there. There was a luscious, sheepskin throw wrapped loosely around me and I ran my fingers over the soft fibers as I urged it down around my waist.

  Other than the sizzle and pop from the fire it was utterly quiet and peaceful. My eyes fell on one of the windows. The curtains were drawn back and I could see that it was snowing outside which added to the hush of the cabin we were apparently in.

  “Herrik,” I softly called when I realized he hadn’t noticed that I was awake.

  He raised his head and smiled, a generous, loving yet sad and apologetic smile. “Yes Emily?”

  “Where are we?”

  His face brightened, “Just away…away from it all,” he moved towards me and took a seat on the couch beside me. He gathered up my feet and tucked my legs over his. “I brought you here to rest. You need to rest and leave all your worries behind.”

  “Mmm, rest,” I grinned at the suggestion and laid my head back down.

  Herrik leaned over and pulled the blanket back up to my chin. “Yes, rest,” he whispered.

  I freed one of my hands from beneath the folds of the blanket which he knowingly took and soothingly caressed until my breathing relaxed and my heart slowed and my mind drifted off into a deep, deep sleep.

  I don’t know how long I slept for or whether or not Herrik was with me the whole time I was resting but he was thankfully there when I woke. It seemed late and I panicked just before I opened my eyes believing I was in my apartment and had overslept and that Artur was expecting me. I threw the covers back and nearly leapt from the bed.

  “Ssh. No. Emily, no,” Herrik gently placed his hands on my shoulders and looking into my eyes told me to take it easy, “Relax,” he said, “there is no where you need to be.”

  It all slowly came back to me and I fretfully tried to kick myself away from him. His face fell and I felt Herrik take hold of me again the way he had when I was trying to get away from him above the canyon.

  “Please calm down Emily. Please don’t make me do this,” his voice cracked.

  “Why? Why should I? You hate me! You all hate me!”

  “Is that really what you think?”

  “I…I…no,” I mumbled. I didn’t believe it at all. I couldn’t keep myself from thinking it though. Herrik’s expression softened and the smile he gave me was oddly comforting. He seemed to understand what I was feeling, what I had been feeling. I knew he was trying to help me and I instinctively relaxed my guard.

  “That’s right,” he nodded. “I do want to help you. You know we don’t hate you, Emily. You know you only feel that way because you think you deserve to be hated by us. That you have betrayed me and Artur and Penny and Avery…and your family.”

  I gasped. He was absolutely right. That was my biggest regret of all the things that I had done. Putting my family at risk was the one weighing most heavily on me.

  “You don’t have to worry about them, Emily. I promise you. No harm will ever come to your family as long as you are safe here with us. They are as constant in my thoughts just as they are in yours. We have people in all walks of life here and I have made sure that someone is always watching over them. Some they call friends and neighbors, others delivery men or women, the police, teachers. There is never a given moment in any day that I don’t know they are safe.”

  “You’ve done that. For me?”

  “Yes,” Herrik assured me in both word and thought.

  The relief this news brought washed over me and when Herrik saw the tension slip away he released his hold on me. I threw myself around his neck.

  “I’m sorry. I’m sorry for all the mistakes I’ve made.”

  “I’m sorry, too,” his voice was muffled by my hair. “I gave you my word that I would help you and it seems that I have more than neglected my promise.”

  I was confused by the statement.

  “Why didn’t you tell me, or Pen
ny or anyone how troubled you were?”

  “I…I…”

  “You haven’t been able to sleep or eat, your days are filled with fear and your nights plagued by ghosts and demons. You should have come to me…I wish you had come to me,” Herrik pried himself loose and sat down beside me. “Do you have any idea why you’ve been so distraught? Surely you must have realized that there was something quite unnatural about the way you’ve been feeling.”

  I shook my head.

  “No, of course not,” Herrik bit his lip and sighed. He laid his hand over my heart and cocked his head as though he was listening to some surreptitious story it was telling. “It was too much…too much for someone so young. There was still so much life in you,” he closed his eyes, “and it fought so valiantly…your life - it still fights. Daemon’s blood should have killed you…should have crushed that last little ember that it fought so hard to destroy.”

  “What are you saying? Am I dying? Will I be like you someday?”

  “No…no…but Daemon’s blood…it’s still there…it couldn’t…it can’t take your life but it can encourage you to take your own. Don’t you see…that’s what it’s done…what it’s doing?”

  “OH!” my eyes went wide with understanding. It all made some strange supernatural sense. “How…?”

  Herrik knew what I was going to ask, “I can only think of one way, Emily.”

  “You need to take it from me…Daemon’s blood.”

  “I’m not sure if it’s possible…but, yes, I believe it may be the only way.”

  I sat with my hands folded in my lap contemplating what Herrik was suggesting. I looked up and studied his expression. He seemed nervous; not at all the confident, imposing man I had grown to think of him as but I trusted him.

  “OK,” I said and closed my eyes in expectation.

  Herrik laughed out loud. It surprised me and smiling I opened my eyes, “What?”

  “Not now, Emily. Not like this!”

  I shrugged, “Then how?”

  “Here,” he clasped my hand in his, “let’s get you something to eat first and then we’ll talk.”

  I wasn’t sure whether I was hungry or not and worried that whatever Herrik happened to have readily available wouldn’t be anything worth eating anyway.

  “Aww, don’t think like that. I have plenty of good things to eat.”

  I hopped off the bed and let Herrik lead me to the kitchen. He went straight to the fridge and after peeking in glanced back to where I was standing, “Breakfast, lunch or dinner?”

  “Oh, what time is it?”

  “Does it matter?”

  I had to think about it but, “No, I guess not,” I smiled. “Breakfast.”

  “Eggs? Pancakes? Maybe something continental – a muffin or scone and some fruit?”

  “Pancakes,” I raised my eyebrows hopefully, “chocolate chip?”

  “Ah, now you’re talking.”

  Herrik began lining things up on the counter. He was very enthusiastic about the endeavor and talked animatedly during the entire process. I offered to help but the most he would let me do is pour a glass of juice for myself.

  “Why…” I started to ask.

  “Do I have so much food?”

  “Yes,” it seemed very odd to me under the circumstances.

  “Well, I do entertain from time to time, not just my own people but yours, too. And…” he started heating the skillet he was planning to use, “I like to cook…I like to smell food cooking…I like it when my apartment smells like…like home.”

  He was surprising me. I would never have guessed how easy-going and down-to-earth Herrik could be if I wasn’t actually witnessing it for myself.

  “Thank you!” he said.

  “Um…”

  “Oh, sorry, I forgot myself for a minute there. I didn’t mean to…you’re so open when you’re happy. That and I’ve been worried about you. We all have and I…well…I’ve stayed with you in case you needed me. Is that better?”

  Some of the brightness, some of the vivacity seemed to leave me and everything I saw around me. The calmness I felt just a moment ago was lost and my heart started to race and panic. I felt sick to my stomach.

  I shook my head nervously, “No…no it’s not better…”

  “Hmm, how about now?”

  Everything softened and the queasiness I felt was swept away. I sighed.

  “Maybe we had better wait until after you’ve had something to eat and are feeling a little stronger. In the meantime I’ll try to be a little less intrusive and a little more subtle,” he flashed a bright smile and handed me a plate.

  He started piling food on it – some sausages, fresh fruit and the pancakes which he artfully dusted with powdered sugar and topped with a dollop of whipped cream.

  “Do you think it would be alright to have some coffee?” I asked full of hope.

  “I thought you’d never ask! Here,” he helped me carry my breakfast to the table and pulled a chair out, “I’ll make your coffee and be right back. Don’t wait for me – I want to see half that plate cleared when I get back!”

  I dutifully took up my fork and knife and got to work. By the time he returned there were only a few scraps of pancake left which I carefully gathered onto my fork and popped into my mouth. “Those were the best pancakes I’ve ever had! Where did you learn how to cook like that?”

  “My dad mostly. When he was young and putting himself through college he worked as a short-order cook at the local diner. My whole family cooked though. My parents both worked so once we were old enough we took turns making dinner for the family. Even if it was just beans and franks each of us had to put something together.”

  “Eww! Beans and franks!”

  “Or franks and beans if you prefer,” Herrik chuckled. “I really enjoyed it though, cooking, and put a lot of effort into it when it was my night to make dinner.”

  “Penny cooks a lot.”

  “Do you help her?”

  “Sometimes…but mostly, no. I’ve been so busy lately.”

  “Well, we’ll see what we can do to change that. I’ll talk with Artur and Avery to make sure that you have some time to yourself…” I sipped my coffee and watched his face expectantly wondering what he was having so much trouble saying just then. “I’ve thought a great deal about what I can do to help you, Emily. There are the little things with Penny and Avery and Artur…this…problem, though, with how you’ve been feeling…if I can’t…if it doesn’t work.”

  “Oh, it has to work! I know it will work!” I thought about how well I had slept, the peace and serenity I was feeling, how much I enjoyed breakfast for the first time since I had arrived at the compound.

  “Those are superficial improvements…temporary, lasting only as long as you are here with me.”

  “Then I’ll stay here with you,” I thought but didn’t dare say out loud.

  Herrik shook his head, “I…I’m sure if you really considered it you would understand all the reasons why that could never happen.”

  “I know,” I whispered.

  “I will do my best,” Herrik assured me with a smile. “Are you done with your coffee?”

  “Yes,” I nodded.

  Herrik and I gathered my dirtied dishes and brought them to the sink. Afterwards he turned to me and took my hand, “Are you ready?”

  “Yes,” my voice came out soft and nervous.

  Herrik brought me to the living room and we sat down cross-legged and opposite one another on the floor in front of the fireplace. “I need you to relax, Emily. Look at the fire, don’t look anywhere else. I will go slowly and if you get too scared or it is too painful for you just let me know and I will stop.”

  I took a deep breath. Herrik reached for my hand and brought my wrist to his lips. He gently pierced my skin and I involuntarily gasped. The pain quickly subsided and it was replaced by the pressure of the draught he was taking from the open wound. It was such a strange, erotic sensation.

  Usually when you are
hurt or wounded the pain is centralized in that one particular location. This was different, I could feel Herrik drawing from the punctures but not only that I could feel the blood rushing from the all the farthest reaches of my body. It was racing through me and seemed eager, determined to leave me and join with him.

  It both frightened and elated me. I wanted to beg him to stop but I was too mesmerized by the sensation coupled with the rhythmic beating of our hearts echoing softly together in the background. They seemed to be in perfect unison and I wondered if it was his matching mine or the other way around. Just when I thought I might fall faint my wrist began to throb and it snapped me back to my senses.

  “Herrik. Herrik, please. You’re hurting me.”

  He stood up abruptly releasing me as he did, “Oh, God! I’m sorry!” he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. His eyes were wild with grief as he bent over me and helped me up, “I’m sorry, Emily, so sorry. I was being so careful,” he sobbed into the back of my hair as he held me close.

  “It’s OK,” I mumbled. “I’m OK.”

  Herrik stepped back and tenderly inspected me. He ran his fingers over the livid wound on my wrist then nipped his fingertip and smoothed a few drops of his blood over the punctures. It was cold, so cold, where he touched me but then a slow warmth crept across my wrist and as the heat spread and intensified the wounds started working themselves closed and a moment later there was no trace of what Herrik had done to me.

  I smiled and thought to myself how nice it would be if he could heal my heart and my head so easily. Herrik smiled back and I briefly wondered if he had somehow heard me.

  Afterwards he gently took my chin and turned my face so he could look in my eyes. Herrik was radiating with vitality; he seemed vastly different than he had a few moments ago. It was hard to look at him, shameful it seemed, to see him so…so…transcendent and otherworldly. I felt weak and frail as he searched for some indication as to whether or not he had succeeded in purging enough of Daemon’s blood for me to feel any relief from the anguish that had been plaguing me.

  I felt him withdrawing. His soft, comforting presence that had helped me rest so well and banished all the fear and worry that had been tormenting my every waking moment slipped away.