by Sarah Bailey
Xav gave me the once over.
“Well, for a start you’re far more attractive than that old fuck. Also far less of a prick. You wouldn’t do well in politics with your goody two shoes attitude.”
My heart thumped. It wouldn’t be the first time Xav had told me I was attractive and I’m sure it wouldn’t be the last, but it still made me feel giddy.
“I don’t know whether I should take that as a backhanded compliment or an insult.”
He wrapped an arm around my shoulder.
“Aww, E, you know I’d never insult you and mean it.”
I almost shoved him off, but he felt so warm.
“Whatever.”
His grin was far too wide.
“Now come on, you know you’re hot. You don’t need me to tell you that. You’ve got all sorts bowing at your feet dying to get a piece of this handsome specimen I see next to me.”
I scowled. I didn’t want anyone doing that. The only person I wanted was him. And her.
“I do not.”
He rolled his eyes and let go of me taking a step towards the door.
“Uh yeah, you do. I can even give you an example. Ash has a huge crush on you.”
I really wish he’d be serious. That was so far from the truth it was almost laughable.
“Yeah right. Give me a break.”
Except he didn’t look like he was joking at all. No, Xav had a serious but amused expression on his face.
“If only you opened your eyes, you’d see it.”
I rolled them instead, crossing my arms over my chest. Ash didn’t look at me in any way other than a friendly one. She made sex eyes at Quinn and Xav, not me.
“She’s with Quinn so whatever bullshit you’ve got concocted in that head of yours, just stop.”
He laughed and shook his head.
“I wouldn’t be so sure about that if I were you.”
I frowned.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
He just grinned and backed away towards the door with his hands up above his arms like he was shrugging.
“What is with you and the cryptic bullshit today?”
He disappeared from the room, giving me a wink.
“Xav, seriously, what do you mean?”
“You coming to help Quinn?” he called from the hallway.
That man really knew how to push my buttons. I stalked after him. Why were we even moving Ash’s stuff into the guest room anyway? That didn’t seem right considering she was Quinn’s girl. Nothing about anything which had happened today made any sense whatsoever.
“Quit being a dick and tell me what you meant.”
I saw him disappear up the stairs when I got into the hallway. He really wasn’t going to tell me. Why the hell did I want to know?
I knew deep down. He’d planted a seed of hope which I couldn’t afford to allow to blossom. No longer being able to deny I was heavily attracted to our new houseguest, I mentally slapped myself and strode after my irritating best friend wishing he’d never said anything about Ash and her supposed crush on me.
Chapter 9
It’s not as if I expected Rory to wrap his hand around my throat and tug me into his lap without much warning, but nothing about this scared me either. No matter what he said, he wouldn’t really hurt me. Not in the way he said he would.
His hazel eyes had almost turned black and he was staring at me with such a broken expression it tore at my soul. I hadn’t meant to push him this hard. All I’d wanted was to get an explanation for why he seemed to blow hot and cold on me all the time. Why he couldn’t just admit there was something here? Something he kept pushing away.
“Ror,” I whispered. “I’m not fragile. You won’t break me.”
“You don’t understand.”
His voice had gotten all dark, low and stern, just like last night when he’d put me in my place.
“How can I when you won’t explain?”
A small furrow appeared in his brow. We were so much closer than we’d ever been before. He had a little freckle next to his right eyebrow I’d never noticed before. His eyes were dark right now, but he had little green flecks in them circling his irises in the most intricate pattern. His dirty blonde hair was shaved close at the sides. And for the first time, I realised he had his nose pierced. I could have sworn I’d never seen him wearing a little black ring in it before.
How can someone as beautiful as him be so broken?
All I wanted was to hold him, but I didn’t move to touch him. Any wrong move could set him off and I wasn’t quite sure what would happen when he did lose all control.
“I don’t have parents.”
His words only registered with me after a full minute went by. The fact he’d even admitted it to me gave me a small sliver of hope I could bring him out of his current mood.
“No?”
He shook his head and an air of sadness settled over him.
“They died and I almost did too, but the doctors saved me. I was only three weeks old or so my medical records state.”
His grip around my neck loosened, but he didn’t let me go. My skin burnt where his hand was wrapped around my throat. I wanted more of his touch. I wanted his hands in other places. I plain wanted Rory. Everything about him. All of his darkness. All of his flaws. I didn’t care what kind of person that made me nor that I’d just had the most intense sexual experience of my life with Quinn and Xav. It didn’t negate my feelings for Rory… or Eric for that matter.
“The things I’ve seen and been through, little star… no one should see or experience those things. No one should suffer in the way I have.”
“Is that why you don’t like to feel?”
He nodded, his eyes full of sorrow and despair.
“I’m sorry for making you feel again.”
He let go of my neck only to cup my cheek and brush his thumb across it. I shuddered at his touch.
“You have nothing to be sorry for,” he whispered. “You are perfect. It’s me who’s sorry. You don’t need my shit in your life. You don’t need me.”
He was so very wrong about that. I would take his damage any day. It was preferable to not having him at all. If I wasn’t near him, a part of me would be missing. The same could be said of Quinn, Eric and Xav too. In such a short space of time, I’d become very much attached to the four best friends.
“I think I should get to decide what I don’t need in my life… and you are not one of those things.”
He gave me a very small smile. It made my heart lurch when his dimples appeared and the urge to kiss one of them burnt in my veins. I wouldn’t, but it didn’t stop me turning into his palm and closing my eyes, savouring the warmth of his skin against mine.
“Little star…”
“Don’t,” I whispered. “Let me have this… you feel so good, so… right.”
I heard him swallow, but I refused to open my eyes. This moment couldn’t pass without me savouring it. Who knew when he’d allow me such intimacies with him again. It was the small things which felt so intimate with him. The glimpses into his complicated soul. The briefest of glances. And now he’d touched me without reservation. I had to hold on to it so tight before it disappeared.
“You’re going to ruin me.”
His words forced me to open my eyes and look at him.
“No, I’m not, Ror… I’m going to make you better.”
I didn’t know how I knew it, but something deep in my soul told me I had to rescue him from himself. Show him he had nothing to be afraid of any longer. I’d set him free.
Baby steps. He just needs baby steps.
As much as I wanted to wrap myself around him, he wasn’t ready. He needed more time to get used to these new feelings I seemed to elicit from him. So reluctantly, I pulled away from his touch. Away from him. Even though it tore at me to do so. My heart felt as though it was in a vice and I wanted to be right back there with him. Close to
him with his skin against mine.
His hand dropped into his lap and disappointment flickered across his features.
Soon, Ror, so damn soon.
At some point, I’d have to tell him about this weird new relationship I’d formed with Quinn and Xav. The three of us agreed we wouldn’t mention it to Eric or Rory until we worked out what the hell was going on before we came downstairs earlier. I still hadn’t really processed what occurred in that bedroom. All I knew is it brought me closer to Quinn. And I was ready to take that next step with Xav.
It was certainly something having two men fuck me at the same time. I might want all of them, but I’d assumed any sexual contact we had would be one on one. That our relationships wouldn’t be intertwined because none of them would be comfortable with anything else. Turns out, I’d thought very, very wrong. With Xav, it hadn’t exactly come as a surprise given he’d told me he’d had threesomes before. For Quinn to not only fuck me in front of another man but tell me to suck his cock? Well, that had been the biggest shocker of all. It’d been so intimate, especially since he’d taken the last cherry I had to give, so to speak.
Everything about that experience felt right and I wouldn’t change it for the world.
I leant back and picked up the bowl of half-finished pasta and placed it in Rory’s lap.
“You should finish your lunch.”
I hauled myself up off the floor, wincing a little. Whilst the cream Quinn had put on me was helping, my skin still burnt which is why I was wearing a dress and no underwear. The friction of it was too much for me to cope with right now.
Rory looked like he was about to say something but then thought better of it. I moved away and curled up in the other armchair, careful not to aggravate my behind too much as I laid my head on the arm, my hands pressed to my face and watched him as he ate. If it made him uncomfortable, he didn’t show it. Perhaps he needed this. To have a moment of quiet between us. To just have me here without the pressure of anything else happening.
I’d give Rory anything he needed so he’d let me come closer.
So perhaps one day… he’d let me in.
Chapter 10
We walked upstairs together, Quinn ahead of me and Xav behind. I held both of their hands like this was something normal. As if we were a trio now, although I knew very well that wasn’t the case. I wasn’t sure if what we did this morning would ever happen again. Or if it had really cemented a newfound understanding between us.
We stopped outside the guest bedroom where everything had occurred. Quinn looked down at me, his eyes soft which was so unlike him.
“You have three choices, little girl. This room is yours now so you may spend the night here or you may stay with one of us.”
I looked between both of them. As much as I wanted to explore everything between me and Xav, I knew we had all the time in the world. My eyes met Quinn’s and my mind was made up in that instance.
“Can I spend it with you please, sir?”
He gave me a simple nod and a smile. So I let go of his hand and wrapped myself up in Xav’s arms. He nuzzled my hair, breathing me in.
“Tomorrow,” I whispered. “I promise.”
“You take your time, angel.”
His mouth found mine and he kissed me deeply, making my toes curl. His solid body against mine felt so good. Xav was my safety. When he let me go, he was grinning and I gave his hand one last squeeze. Then he gave Quinn a nod before walking away to his own bedroom.
I looked up at Quinn, wondering if he’d really been okay with Xav kissing me. He looked tense, but when I took his hand, the lines in his brow cleared. He led me down the hallway and through into his bedroom. I wandered into his bathroom, finding that he hadn’t moved any of my toiletries yet so my toothbrush was still here. He came in a moment later and we got ready for bed next to each other.
I wore one of his t-shirts to bed, revelling in the smell of him wrapped around me. We got in bed after he turned out the lights. Quinn pretty much dragged me against him, sprawling my body on top of his and held me, stroking my hair as he stared up at the ceiling.
“Are you okay?” I asked, unsure of what to make of his sombre mood.
“Yes and no.”
“You want to talk about it?”
A smile played across his lips.
“I never talk to anyone when I have problems… except Rory.”
I ran my fingers along his bare chest.
“I can get him for you…”
“No. I need you, little girl.”
My chest tightened.
“Me?”
“Mmm… you are the source of my troubles.”
I snorted and shoved him. His smile widened. I laid both hands under my chin and stared up at him.
“I’m serious.”
“So am I.”
I cocked my head to the side. Might as well get straight to the point.
“Should we talk about what happened earlier?”
His face fell slightly, but he didn’t shut down, which I could only take as a good sign. Reaching out, he fiddled with my hair.
“I don’t know how I feel about it.”
“Do you know how you feel about us?”
His lip twitched.
“I know I don’t want to lose you.”
Oh god, my heart can’t take this. What happened to closed off Quinn?
I had to tell myself off since this is what I asked him for. Just more of him without the walls up.
“So I want you to explain why you need… the others.”
He said need, not want. I hadn’t realised how true that was until right that second.
“You really want to know?”
“I want to understand, Ash. You realise this isn’t something anyone has ever asked me for before.”
It wasn’t something I had experience in either. I was as out of my depth as him and I guess all of us, really.
“Okay.” I looked away, unable to meet his eyes any longer. “You give me discipline and structure, something I didn’t realise I needed. Xav gives me understanding and comfort… I feel safe when I’m with him, plus he makes me laugh. I can have adult conversations with Eric. I feel if I pursue it further, he’ll challenge me in ways I’m not expecting. And Rory… I think he needs me to help him. And I want to.”
Quinn’s fingers in my hair tightened.
“Rory has been through a lot of shit. You need to be careful with him.”
I met Quinn’s eyes again. There was sadness in them, but not for me or him.
“You know what happened.”
“I’m the only one who knows everything. So you need to believe me when I tell you Rory is not a charity case for you to fix.”
It stung a little that he’d think that about me, but I realised Quinn was only protecting his best friend.
“I don’t want to fix him, Quinn. There’s a difference between that and wanting to help someone.”
He observed me for a long moment before sighing and cupping my cheek.
“He doesn’t have anyone else but me, Eric and Xav.”
“I know… he told me.”
Quinn’s eyebrow shot up.
“What exactly did he say?”
“That his parents died when he was three weeks old and he almost did too.”
His face clouded over.
“He never talks about that… You only said what he needs from you, not why you need him.”
Quinn had a point. It was harder to quantify. With Rory nothing was simple.
“I know there’s darkness in him and it calls to mine.”
“You’ll open a huge fucking can of worms if you push him too hard.”
I nodded. I was hoping I would, which was fucked up. The fact that Quinn hadn’t told me any of what I said was bullshit and I needed to get over myself when it came to the rest of them warmed my heart. Who knew whether he could be okay with all of this or not. Only time would te
ll. I’d tried to explain something I didn’t understand myself the best I could.
“Now… tell me again what draws you to me.”
He grinned and I knew that line of conversation was over. I shifted higher and pressed my forehead to his.
“I think you disciplined me enough today.”
“There must be other things besides that.”
I cupped his face with one hand.
“There are. I like how you push my boundaries. The way you take control of a situation regardless of what’s happening. And I especially like how open you’ve been with me today. I appreciate how difficult all of this is for you… and I want to thank you for trying. You have no idea how much it means to me.”
I kissed him, letting my actions show him how much I appreciated the effort he’d made with me.
“I want to take care of you, little girl,” he whispered against my mouth. “I don’t know if I can be okay with all of this, but I do know you are good for me… good for all of us. This is me fighting for you. This is me accepting I’m yours.”
Our lips clashed and his hand curled around my jaw. I shifted so I was straddling him. He groaned when I rubbed against his cock. And I knew then I couldn’t be without him. He kept me glued together even when he tore me apart. The secrets from before didn’t matter and the ones still lingering… I could deal with them later.
“I’m yours too,” I told him as I tugged down his boxers.
Quinn and I needed this time alone with each other after everything. I’d been right to choose to stay with him tonight. Tomorrow, I’d be having an experience of a very different kind with a man who made my blood pound as much as the one who was between my legs already.
And I really couldn’t wait to walk down this untrodden path with these beautiful, broken men.
Chapter 11
I really hated it when we had issues with our websites, especially when the fucking alert woke me up at six in the morning. Having managed to grab tea and toast before anyone else got up, I’d been sat in front of my laptop for god knows how fucking long working on fixing things. I was so focused on it, I barely heard my bedroom door open and close.